My first venting...

TNTPete
TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
edited September 19 in Health and Weight Loss
Okay, so I don't usually post new threads but I am hopeful someone can hear me vent and say, okay -- you can get through this.

My ex has decided to move my two girls (long story - he is the custodial parent, I was stationed on a remote tour when he filed/etc) to the opposite side of the US of A while I am deployed - go figure. He has not one mentioned updating the parenting plan or visitation requirements, etc. I can't afford to send two girls back and forth across the states every year multiple times- not with prices right now!! Anyway, so, I feel it is really unfair and I am so tired of this... I feel like quitting the miltary, getting a house right next to his and forcing him to deal with the situation. I just got stationed next to the girls 2 yrs ago and now he is moving them. I know this is a very condensed story but... I am sooo frustrated, so upset, and I feel alone.
Side notes - Yes, I am remarried with an adorable little girl and I do pay child support all of it so quitting is not really an option.
We divorced over 7 yrs ago but, he likes to stay in control as always, hmmm probably one reason why we didn't workout.

I know - this too shall pass. But... does it?

Replies

  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    Okay, so I don't usually post new threads but I am hopeful someone can hear me vent and say, okay -- you can get through this.

    My ex has decided to move my two girls (long story - he is the custodial parent, I was stationed on a remote tour when he filed/etc) to the opposite side of the US of A while I am deployed - go figure. He has not one mentioned updating the parenting plan or visitation requirements, etc. I can't afford to send two girls back and forth across the states every year multiple times- not with prices right now!! Anyway, so, I feel it is really unfair and I am so tired of this... I feel like quitting the miltary, getting a house right next to his and forcing him to deal with the situation. I just got stationed next to the girls 2 yrs ago and now he is moving them. I know this is a very condensed story but... I am sooo frustrated, so upset, and I feel alone.
    Side notes - Yes, I am remarried with an adorable little girl and I do pay child support all of it so quitting is not really an option.
    We divorced over 7 yrs ago but, he likes to stay in control as always, hmmm probably one reason why we didn't workout.

    I know - this too shall pass. But... does it?
  • SoupNazi
    SoupNazi Posts: 4,229 Member
    First of all...wow! You have been through some nightmare, huh? A mother without her children....that must be the most horrible feeling one can imagine!

    I cannot imagine how you must feel, though. Being separated from my son for more than a day makes me sob and feel immense seperation.

    While I do not have any good advice for you (only you know what is best) as far as your situation..I can pray for you. I most definitely will do that. My heart breaks for you and I can only imagine how you feel. So...here's my prayer and best wishes that you will stay strong and face this situation head on.

    Only YOU can make your life what it is.

    Good luck TNTPete.
    Much love coming your way!
    :heart:
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
    This too shall pass!
    If you can't fight it, find some positives to it. There are so many options to stay in touch with your girls. Even good old fashioned snail mail (send some certified, so he can't say it never got there!)
    I would think that there would have to be some sort of prior notice, requirement of consent though. But I am not an attorney.
    Stay strong, and thanks for doing everything that you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • Kimlane70
    Kimlane70 Posts: 117
    first of all i feel for you and the situation your in. when your girls get older and can decide for themselves and a judge will listen to them, then you should fight for custody or whatever you want when that time comes. me and my brother and sister all stood before a judge when i was 12 or so (i was the oldest) and he asked us who we wanted to live with. we were living with our dad at the time and we missed our mom and said we wanted to live with her, and that's what happened. kids should not be put in that position, but my parents did not communicate and still refuse to to this very day. sad really. until then just do everything in your power to let your girls know how much you love them. KIM
  • CyclingDiva
    CyclingDiva Posts: 492 Member
    I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I can totally relate to the child custody thing. I was fortunate that my ex and I vowed to stay next to one another until the kids are out of high school. My new husband was in the military when we first got together, but he never had to leave..now he's retired!
    What you should do is take him back to court and get things in order to were it will benefit you and your kids. The judge may of made a ruling once upon a time, but trust me things can change if you put a up a little fight..... It can be done!
    My 15 yr old went to go live with her father 2 wks ago. It sucks, but I figure she is right across town so it's not like I won't see her. She's just being a brat right now and yah know, the grass is greener on the other side.
    She failed 8th grade this year, lied to us on may occasions, cut tutoring to hang out with her friends and I was coming down to hard on her because I punished, took things away and grounded her. So now she is over there and as a reward for not passing 8th grade and all the other stuff, that her dad called, my fault. They've been let her spend ever night with her friends, hang out at the mall all day and they just bought her a cell phone today...isn't that nice! :angry: There is no accountability what so ever!
    Ok this is becoming my venting session... Sorry! :ohwell:
    I hope things work out for you, but my advice...TAKE HIM BACK TO COURT!!! You have every right to!
    Kelly!
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    ...and we missed our mom and said we wanted to live with her, and that's what happened. kids should not be put in that position, but my parents did not communicate and still refuse to to this very day. sad really. until then just do everything in your power to let your girls know how much you love them. KIM

    I never wanted to have to get the kids involved and am trying everything to not do so. We just want to update the parenting plan to include more time in the summer to offset the lack of time during the year.. a little help with travel because it is getting really pricy and some time webcam! He won't allow it right now. So, I hope that it doesn't come to the girls having to do anything - I would love to see him step up and behave like an adult instead of avoiding us. (I found out they were moving through my daughter.. go fig) Thank you for your encouragement. :ohwell:
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    Much love coming your way!
    :heart:

    Thank you so much
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    This too shall pass!
    If you can't fight it, find some positives to it. There are so many options to stay in touch with your girls. Even good old fashioned snail mail (send some certified, so he can't say it never got there!)
    I would think that there would have to be some sort of prior notice, requirement of consent though. But I am not an attorney.
    Stay strong, and thanks for doing everything that you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :heart: :flowerforyou:

    Supposed to be a letter of consent, guess he is going to leave without one...
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    ...TAKE HIM BACK TO COURT!!! You have every right to!
    Kelly!

    I just may have to do that.. just don't like the tension it puts on the kids. We were finally at a point where he was acting normal, etc. Anyway... guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
  • shorerider
    shorerider Posts: 3,817 Member
    I'm sorry this is going on in your life. I know that military life is tough enough on its own without this kind of added stress. You are doing a great job in staying in the military and trying to provide for all of your children that way--I commend you!

    I don't know the law on these things but it does seem vastly unfair. I hope something works out for you in this--hang in there!
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    I think revisiting a judge might be just what this situation ordered. What a jerk.

    Prayers and love incoming for you TNT. :heart:
  • CyclingDiva
    CyclingDiva Posts: 492 Member
    ...TAKE HIM BACK TO COURT!!! You have every right to!
    Kelly!

    I just may have to do that.. just don't like the tension it puts on the kids. We were finally at a point where he was acting normal, etc. Anyway... guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do.


    I have always kept my kids out of the court issues until they got older, but I try and keep it as less stressful as possible for them...they don't need that! There are issues the kids father and I keep between us.
    So you are absolutely right about that, but on the other hand, think of how they will feel not being able to see their mother either! That has to be upsetting and stressful! It's not right for him to do this without your consent. You need to stick up for yours and yours kids rights!
    Don't let him get away with this!!!!
  • Quenofcrazzy
    Quenofcrazzy Posts: 358
    If I were you I would go file in court to have him ordered to stay where you are currently stationed. Thats where he chose to live and you had to jump through hoops to be able to be stationed there to be near your children.

    Also, for visits, you should have them for holidays and the summer and he should have to pay for half the flight. If you can't afford to get the girls to you, maybe you can go to them??

    Someone wise..many years ago had the order set so that my ex and I can not move out of our state with the child. The child is now 15..and we all still live in this town with no other family even in the state. We have made it so that our son doesn't have to travel to get to see the other parent.

    Good Luck..and fight for your kids!!
  • maureen4949
    maureen4949 Posts: 14
    I have to agree with, go back to court. I don't know the laws in your State and many times it can be a part of the custody that the parents stay in the same location. It would seem you have an advantage of keeping the kids nearby since you are millitary and just cannot get up and move to accomodate an X. BTW, how old are the girls? They may be asked how they feel about the situation. Good luck to you and please consider going back to court..
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    I have to agree with, go back to court. I don't know the laws in your State and many times it can be a part of the custody that the parents stay in the same location. It would seem you have an advantage of keeping the kids nearby since you are millitary and just cannot get up and move to accomodate an X. BTW, how old are the girls? They may be asked how they feel about the situation. Good luck to you and please consider going back to court..

    thank you so much. I am trying to do my best at this time I was told by legal counsel I can't do anything being deployed. So, it will have to wait until I get back but when I do I will do whatever I can.
    Thank you again for your encouragement.
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