Marital issues while striving to be healthy

melissarforlife
melissarforlife Posts: 47 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi guys. I have been married for 21 years and I'm dealing with a proud 51 man who is just angry. I am a Christian too, which is the saddest part, but honestly I think we all deal with marriage issues, no matter what we believe.
I know its pride, and I feel his anger. But on MY side, how do I handle this. I get depressed, which can kill a day of energy.
Anyone else deal with this? And I'm looking for additional work in the summer, and nothing is out there! (I work at a school)
Thanks, and appreciate ANY input! :)

Replies

  • kkpellicano
    kkpellicano Posts: 8
    If you know it's his pride, then remind him of the things he does that make you proud of him. Sometimes when people are prideful and angry, it's helpful to remember that there are many, many positive things that encourage pride, so even if you fall short in one area, you can make up for it in other areas.

    As for yourself, engage your own pride. Find something that makes you feel very proud of yourself, commit to taking a walk every day or trying new vegetables or whatever will help you to reach your goal. Also find goals that have nothing to do with your weight, go to your church and volunteer to clean once a week or pull weeds for them, or read stories at the library for kids - whatever you enjoy. It might turn into a paying job, but it will make you feel better about life even if it doesn't.

    Reward good behavior (his and yours) and work to overlook bad behavior.
    Good Luck
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    I've noticed the more I find stuff to praise him about, the more his willing to do. Not to trivialize it, but it's like Pavlov's dogs....they hear the bell and come running for the treat. I used to ask him for help, and he chastised me saying that when I asked, I wanted him to drop everything he was doing and come that second. (I said, 'Well, YEAH!!") He wanted 15 minutes to finish what he was doing (computer programming, usually). I told him that was fine, but to realize the list of stuff I wanted him to do would only get longer. LOL

    Really - anything you can praise him on the better. Even if it's taking out the trash. He may not realize that (even though that's his job) you appreciate his efforts. Even yesterday....I came home and started picking up the living room, and started asking my daughters to help put stuff away. He came down to start helping too because he hard me say "thanks" to one of my daughters. Just goes to show how powerful showing someone you appreciate their efforts goes. On the days when he's in a better mood, let him know that you noticed his mood was better, and you really like that.

    My husband and I have really worked hard over the years to find things people do right. I remember needing to do that with my daughter for a while. Every night when I'd put her to bed, I'd tell her 3 things she did awesome that day. It definitely takes practice to look for things to be positive about than things that get you down. The more positive things become, the better.
  • kate1103
    kate1103 Posts: 23 Member
    I've only been married for one year, so I don't exactly have the wisdom that comes with time, but it sounds like you might have to take the initiative here. You can treat him well even if he's not reciprocating, etc. Hopefully eventually he will!! Sorry to hear it's not going great right now :(
  • mommy3457
    mommy3457 Posts: 361 Member
    I am a Christian and married as well. I know it may be hard, but just continue to love him. Pray God works on his heart. I will pray for you and him too. No one is perfect so we are all in the same boat on this one. The book, Love and Respect, is a great book to read on this subject. It talks about the "crazy cycle."
  • Teardrop81
    Teardrop81 Posts: 132 Member
    I am a Christian and married as well. I know it may be hard, but just continue to love him. Pray God works on his heart. I will pray for you and him too. No one is perfect so we are all in the same boat on this one. The book, Love and Respect, is a great book to read on this subject. It talks about the "crazy cycle."

    Ditto. The Power of a Praying Wife is also a great book. Also, seek counseling. I'm a licensed counselor and I know first-hand the issues that couples deal with because I'm married AND because of my profession. If he won't go with you, go by yourself. And last but not least, exercise. Things can become 100 times easier to deal with after a good hard sweat. Exercise has shown to be a very effective anti-depressant! :smile:
  • MattKnight66
    MattKnight66 Posts: 15
    I am a little confused...
    Is your concern with marital issues while trying to live a healthy lifestyle or are the marital issues because of your effort's to live healthy.

    If it's the first one I can see it being a problem as dealing with marital issues can take up a lot of time and make it difficult to put much focus on your health.

    If he is angry because of your new healthy lifestyle.. Well, that is really a "him" problem and not a "you" problem. If this is the case it's a little sad how often I read about spouses not being on board when their partners are trying to make a healthy lifestyle change. It's sad to see.

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