Would like some advice

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BreytonJay
BreytonJay Posts: 86 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, my husband has been struggling to find a job lately. He was recently honorably discharged from the military and has been searching for a few months now. I admit it is rather stressful, but we are doing okay because I do hold a full-time job. However, today I came home and he told me he had an idea about a kind of free-lancing, I guess, job. Background info, we are very carefree, sarcastic people and constantly pick on each other for silly things. That being said when he told me his idea I in all sincerity thought he was joking. I yelled(in a playful way) that absolutely not and he needs to go out and find a real job. Well, evidently this finding a job thing has really stressed him out more than I knew and he was visibly hurt by what I said. When I finally saw that it was not a joke I apologized profusely and he accepted it, but I still feel awful for what I said. Anyhow, I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas of something I could do to make it up to him. Or should I just let it go and remember that it is a sensitive topic in the future?

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  • bettacheckyoself
    bettacheckyoself Posts: 570
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    I would express interest in the freelance job to show him that you are taking him seriously. Ask him a few questions and help him do some research on whatever type of freelance job it is. Your actions will show him that you care. Complement and encourage his skills, this will build his confidence.

    But being honest is important. If you feel that this isn't something that will work out, I think you should let him know your concerns.

    Hope that helps a bit.


    And if all else fails, just put out....


    jk
  • BreytonJay
    BreytonJay Posts: 86 Member
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    Thank you so much for your response. I will definitely keep these tips in mind. And as for the last part, that's gonna happen regardless. lol
  • simplyciera
    simplyciera Posts: 168 Member
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    Anyhow, I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas of something I could do to make it up to him. Or should I just let it go and remember that it is a sensitive topic in the future?

    Make it up to him: sex
    Let it go/remember: definitely remember that he's sensitive about it. No man wants to be emasculated or unintentionally disrespected. He, like many men, connect their ability to provide with their manhood. If you diminish or joke about his ability to provide, you could be making him feel 'small' as a person and as a man.

    My suggestion: make him feel like a man, support him, love him and ASK what he needs. A simple, "how can i help you" while massaging his shoulders and pampering him to alleviate stress could definitely make him feel secure. Or atleast when my man is stressed, that's what I do....

    ETA: and I agree with the other poster to help him research and ask questions about what his freelance idea was. That will def make him feel supported.
  • Tony_Brewski
    Tony_Brewski Posts: 1,376 Member
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    He's prior service. Now that he's out it's like a part of him has been removed. He's going to feel lost for a long while just be as supportive as you can be for him. If he's into hunting or fishing get him out there to enjoy that. The best way you can make it up to him ever is to simply say "sorry" and "I will listen and hear you out, let's talk about this and see what we come up with"

    Prior service myself.

    This "Bang his brains out" is a quick fix. Don't buy into it. You want to make it up to him listen to him... support him.
  • BreytonJay
    BreytonJay Posts: 86 Member
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    Thank you so much everyone. Your responses have been invaluable and I greatly appreciate it. And thank you Duc78 for giving me a little insight to what he might be feeling right now. I never really thought of it that way. I guess because I am still enlisted that I can't really understand what it's like to be forced to move on, so thank you. I'll definitely sit down with him and figure out what I can do to help.
  • bernied262
    bernied262 Posts: 882 Member
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    He's prior service. Now that he's out it's like a part of him has been removed. He's going to feel lost for a long while just be as supportive as you can be for him. If he's into hunting or fishing get him out there to enjoy that. The best way you can make it up to him ever is to simply say "sorry" and "I will listen and hear you out, let's talk about this and see what we come up with"

    Prior service myself.

    This "Bang his brains out" is a quick fix. Don't buy into it. You want to make it up to him listen to him... support him.

    Great advice.

    As a couple, remind him that you together, are a team. Listen to his idea about free-lancing, talk it through and see where it goes, help him be the person he wants to be. I have never been part of the service, but from what i understand, coming out of it is a major adjustment, he is going to need your support.
  • fatasfatass69
    fatasfatass69 Posts: 18
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    All of the tumblr-esqe gender roles should not be real nonsense aside;

    One of the main purposes of being male is providing for your family. I'm not saying you've done anything bad or anything, but you should really take into account that this guy pretty much has two main things in his life: his family and his means of supporting his family, and one of those is completely gone with no hope in sight.

    This can be the MOST stressful thing any person has to go through, and it can be so much more stressful to a man with a family.

    Just keep that in mind and support him. Going to school with the post 9-11 gi bill wouldn't be a bad thing, but I'm sure you guys have considered that already.
  • BreytonJay
    BreytonJay Posts: 86 Member
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    Thank you all so much. I have always supported my husband in everything he does. And it was never my intent to make him feel like he isn't supporting his family. I don't know, maybe it was the way he presented his idea for thsi temp freelancing job or the thought that popped in my head when he said it, I don't know, I just honestly thought he was joking! But thank you all for your words of encouragement and great advice. It is much appreciated. And yes, he will be getting his Post 9/11 GI bill starting this fall semester, and that will most definitely take some of the stress off and hopefully readjust his focus. :) Thank you again!
  • griff7809
    griff7809 Posts: 611 Member
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    He's prior service. Now that he's out it's like a part of him has been removed. He's going to feel lost for a long while just be as supportive as you can be for him. If he's into hunting or fishing get him out there to enjoy that. The best way you can make it up to him ever is to simply say "sorry" and "I will listen and hear you out, let's talk about this and see what we come up with"

    Prior service myself.

    This "Bang his brains out" is a quick fix. Don't buy into it. You want to make it up to him listen to him... support him.

    ^^^^This^^^^

    I have some tips for him with regards to finding a job but I don't want to insult his or your intelligence. Send me a message if are interested.

    Basically, some websites and services for veterans looking for work.

    -Griff
  • mustang289
    mustang289 Posts: 299 Member
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    Or should I just let it go and remember that it is a sensitive topic in the future?

    This.

    Or ask him once. "I'd feel better if there was a way I could help you and support what you are trying to do. Any ideas on what you think would be helpful?"

    If he says yes, that's wonderful for you.
    If he says no, LISTEN TO HIM.
    My son-in-law and I joke and talk about this frequently. It really pisses him off when our daughter gets into one of her "Are you okay?" moods. He will be innocently working quietly at his desk and she will ask him "Are you okay? You seem kind of quiet today." or "Are you mad", "Is something bothering you". Because of course the thing most guys really want to talk about is their feelings on an everyday basis.

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