Feeling super discouraged! :(

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eris1981
eris1981 Posts: 58 Member
in Motivation and Support
Since this is the motivation and support message board, I hope it's an OK place to kind of vent and whine and hopefully get the advice and encouragement I need! A little over a year ago, I first joined MFP. Over the course of several months I lost over 60 pounds. Since January, through a chaotic combination of events including a big change (a wanted change but still huge) in my school and work schedules and moving in with my dad after he had a stroke, I've regained all but 15 of those pounds. My dad has lost a lot of weight that he didn't need to lose and it's a struggle to get him to eat anything so I end up cooking things like AuGratin potatoes and hamburger steaks for him. It's really, really difficult to cook and eat my healthy food when I'm cooking things like that for him. I'm generally unhappy with life lately, and that unhappiness makes it even harder to avoid binge eating. I work out some, but since I'm home with my dad 95% of the time and generally have to get my rest on his schedule, my workouts are at home. For whatever reason, my dad finds it interesting to watch me and that makes me uncomfortable so I cut them short. My father is 72 years old and has had a lot of personality changes from his strokes so I feel that limits my options in dealing with things like altering his diet to be more compatible with mine or stopping him from watching me work out, so I don't know what to do. Any tips or encouragement are very welcome.

Replies

  • CherylP67
    CherylP67 Posts: 772 Member
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    That's tough. I want to say, that I have a lot of respect for you for taking care of your dad, does anyone else share the load? It sounds like you are experiencing caregiver fatigue. I know that you know that you need to make time for yourself, but it sounds like that's nearly impossible.

    I don't know what to tell you, but I do know that if you are able to get back into a losing pattern with your weight that you will feel empowered and in control.

    You can do this!
  • MyzGina
    MyzGina Posts: 32 Member
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    Slowly change into healthy eating. He's 72. I don't think he needs steak and potatoes any way.

    And as far as watching u work out. Maybe in his mind he's working out with u. Maybe try and give him some work out movements. I'm not sure how much mobility he has but if any work with that. Plus watch is probably his way of saying he's proud of you also. Does he smile while watch? What is his expressions.
  • harleygroomer
    harleygroomer Posts: 373 Member
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    I would supplement your fathers food with nutrition shakes. My mother in law live with us and she gets them every turn she makes. You also don't have to make fattening foods for your father to eat,, ..balanced food is just as good and filling, sometimes their taste buds change and they prefer one taste over another. BUT that said--think of this as a life style change and not a diet. You can eat all that stuff too----just not as much. Get a scale and good measuring cups and portion all your food if you have too. You can do this, just stand back and look at the whole picture, you'll find your way.
  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
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    It is awesome that you are taking care of your parent. It is not an easy task and it is hard to move out of your child status into a caregiver status. Look on the net and find some support groups for people taking care of their parent. There are some out there and it will help a lot to share with people in the same boat. They may also know resources for you that we don't.

    Foodwise eat healthier. He may have lost too much weight but help him regain in a healthy manner. Use whole fat milk for him and put butter or margarine on his vegetables. Add sugar to whatever cereal or fruits he eats and make sure he has some sources of high fat foods like peanut butter. The ensure was also a great tip. giving him one of those shakes a couple of times a day will help.

    Best of luck to you.
  • TimeWillTell2
    TimeWillTell2 Posts: 126 Member
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    It sounds like you have a very heavy burden taking care of your father. I highly respect you for taking it on. However, you need to have a break too. It's not helping you or him by compromising your health. Can someone come in for a couple of hours a few times a week? I would try to arrange it just to give you the workout time. And then have a mini work-out if he likes to watch you. Also, cook meals ahead of time for him of things he likes to it and freeze portions just for him. You can reheat his food while eating something more healthy for yourself. I would slowly change his diet to incorporate more healthy options. Supplementing his diet with protein shakes would be helpful for you and him as well.

    Please know that you need to take care of yourself. It's not selfish to care for your own well being, it is necessary. I hope this helps and I will pray for your family.
  • JessicaRobin67
    JessicaRobin67 Posts: 275 Member
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    I commend you on helping your dad...that's awesome. I know how that it is...it is very tiring at times and overwhelming. I wanted to share an option for you if you have it in your state or if your dad qualifies... in home care. Someone comes in (a case worker comes in and evaluates how many days and how many hours he would get on his disabilities)... if so, they can come in and help with the housework, cooking, etc. Also...there is (if qualifies) respite hours... set aside for family who take care of a loved one 24/7 to get out of the house and take "me time"... maybe this is an option or not for you. This is my job... I go into homes and help the elderly and I love it!
  • CindaWhite
    CindaWhite Posts: 104 Member
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    It sounds like you have a very heavy burden taking care of your father. I highly respect you for taking it on. However, you need to have a break too. It's not helping you or him by compromising your health. Can someone come in for a couple of hours a few times a week? I would try to arrange it just to give you the workout time. And then have a mini work-out if he likes to watch you. Also, cook meals ahead of time for him of things he likes to it and freeze portions just for him. You can reheat his food while eating something more healthy for yourself. I would slowly change his diet to incorporate more healthy options. Supplementing his diet with protein shakes would be helpful for you and him as well.

    Please know that you need to take care of yourself. It's not selfish to care for your own well being, it is necessary. I hope this helps and I will pray for your family.

    This! Especially the part about needing to take care of you. I have a close lady friend who has the same situation in reverse. She is in her 70's taking care of a disabled son. She has a care taker (nurse) in for 3 hours 3 days a week. This allows her to take care of Grocery shopping, Dr. appointments and other errands. She makes it a point to get a little "me time" every day. It will make a huge difference in your burden.

    I will be praying for you!
  • TheFinalThird
    TheFinalThird Posts: 315 Member
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    I have recently been in a similar (but not identical) situation to where you are now. Lost 95 pounds in 6 months (this past July to January) only to gain 39 of them back. Was primary source of family support to my 64 year old sister who died in April after a difficult and painful battle with bladder cancer. Then got wrapped up in handling her estate as administrator. All while my father-in-law has been in the ICU since March 4th on a ventilator with either temporary or permanent brain injury after "routine" abdominal surgery. My wife and I have been the primary source of family support for her mother. All of this has put unimaginable strain on our family. Just this past week, I have turned things around and re-lost 6 of the pounds that I had gained back. I can only offer you my prayers, words of support and these suggestions: (1) find someone else to help share your load in taking care of your father. Whether family member, friend, paid personnel or social service agency, there MUST be someone out there who can give you time and space to help you heal. Check the American Heart Association website and your local chapter of the AHA. They might have a list of resources to help caregivers of those who have suffered from cardiovascular disease. Remember that even though he is the one who had the stroke, YOU have been through a trauma too, seeing him, adjusting to his needs, and caring for them. Give yourself time and space to grieve his and your situation. (2) Recognize that by taking care of you, you ARE taking care of him. You can't be there for him if you are sick, tired, or run down from weight, diet or otherwise. (3) Find a support group for YOU to find people in similar situations to talk to, whether online or locally. It really does help. (4) Recognize that while things are temporarily tough, they will get better, one way or the other. It is only when you have a sense of hope for the future that you will feel like taking care of yourself and be in a physical situation where you can enjoy that future. I hope this helps. I wish you and him the best of luck and prayers for healing.

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