feeling super alone...

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2

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  • Darkefairie
    Darkefairie Posts: 12 Member
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    wow! thats just awful! but if he really loves you he would be there supporting and helping you feel happy about yourself! i dont really have friends around to talk to about how i am doing but my husband is brilliant. i know how lucky i am! you can do this without him! the people on here are so friendly and supportive! i already seem to be gaining a lovely bunch of really supportive friends here!
  • Gabrielm80
    Gabrielm80 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    He Sounds insecure to me. Which could of been hell down the line. The where have you been, calling you a hundred times when your with friends, getting jealous of men who don't even exist. It sucks but it was probably for the best. Your young its hard to know that the future brings, but I seem enough of these to know he needs to grow some before he is worth it. the good thing is you don't have to baby sit him until he does. Your doing this for good reasons to be healthier, so keep it up, gain new friends, and work on you. I hope that help atleast alittle
  • cath14967
    cath14967 Posts: 27
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    If you are looking for friends and support you have come to the right place. MFP is full of great people who will stick with you thorugh thick and thin.
    So PROUD of you. You are such a strong person. Bring up kids isnt easy trust me I know. Time to look to the future.
    Go You!!
  • SteviMcEwan
    SteviMcEwan Posts: 79
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    I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. But, as previous folk have mentioned - you clearly deserve better. I am happy to support you :) Feel free to add me.
  • LordBear
    LordBear Posts: 239 Member
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    if thats all it took..then he didnt deserve you in the first place.. congratz on your current losses..the weight and the well... he was extra weight as well..lol.. healthy diet and exercise will have a change on your mood, atittude, and the way you feel for the better. personally i would suggest find a good martial arts school... great exercise, great sport, and great for self defense. not to mention ranking up through what ever martial arts you choose will continue you to give you positive feed back.
  • EdTheGinge
    EdTheGinge Posts: 1,616 Member
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    I can kind of relate, in so much that I split up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago (only been took together 1year). I lost 5stone and ever since she has been insecure and constantly saying how I could do much better, find fitter girls etc etc and in the end it got too much amongst other things and I felt it was time to go.

    It had been me and her for a year so I had lost touch with a lot of my friends and due to lack of transport this made it even more difficult. Since then I have found myself bored, alone and even though I'm making the effort I'm not really getting anywhere.

    However, with all that said things will get better and you will be stronger for this. Chin up and keep on rocking on.
  • jjscholar
    jjscholar Posts: 413 Member
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    Ms. aldaroya, you have taken the first steps in changing your life for the better...

    I would say that as long as you can reach out, you are never alone...
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
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    Change can be a scary thing. While I'm a bit disappointed that your boyfriend dumped you for you trying to get fit, I'm glad you are trying to get yourself healthy. Perhaps a bit of time away from each other is a blessing in disguise. Maybe being away from you will make him realize how much you were in his life, and how much he ultimately needs you.

    I don't have a lot of off-the-internet friends either, but I have lots of people on the net that have my back! It would be nice to have friends in person, but hey, I'll take whatever friends I can get.

    I just joined this website tonight, and by the looks of it, everyone is very nice and supportive. Doesn't look like you'd have any problem making friends on here.

    Feel free to add me if you like and I wish you all the best in your weight loss journey!


    Welcome to MFP :)
  • Evilmuffin666
    Evilmuffin666 Posts: 132 Member
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    Anyone who dumps another Person and uses the reasoning of weight loss or weight gain for that matter, is not worth it in the Long run. Do what you Need to do for yourself, and that is all that matters. You will find someone who accepts you for YOU and not the size you are. You go Girl!!!!!!!!!
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
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    I started working on myself. my boyfriend felt i would leave him if i got thin. I guess he beat me to the punch so three years of our lives done. Why???because i just wanted to be a healthy ,active ,pretty person,mother ,girlfriend i just wanted to give the best of me to all the people I love...I dont drink much or eat out anymore sooooo I have no friends well that I see anyway


    #1 - You did not waste three years of your life. Boyfriends come and go, when you find the right person for you, you will know and it will be forever. I am sure you had good times during this relationship and those are what you need to remember as you move on through life.

    #2 - If he was willing to give up on your relationship because you wanted to get into shape for yourself (the best reason there is) then it certainly s not you with the problem, it is him. He obviously suffered from an inferiority complex of some kind and I would think he was simply trying to hold you back to his standard and you are obviously better than that. No person who truly loves you would ever hold you back from success.

    #3 - You have already achieved one of your goals because you are a beautiful lady already, welcome to the journey to become the other goals you have of being in shape and healthy.

    #4 - As far as being a good girlfriend and mother?? You probably already are a good mother from the way it sounds, one day you will meet a man who deserves you and will stand behind you when you seek self improvement. Never allow anyone to hold you back to feel you don't deserve a better life.
  • KoolKiwi69
    KoolKiwi69 Posts: 2
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    I totally agree. you Deserve someone with less baggage. Keep on keeping on. Sounds like you are doing a great job!

    It is a lonely job taking care of us.... after all if we don't do it..... no one else will! keep strong and stay the course.

    PS. Great work!
    Cheers
    From New Zealand
    I'm sorry you're going through this, but he clearly didn't deserve you. I wish I had some advice to make everything better but all I've got is keep working on you. Do it for yourself.
  • BigAl_82
    BigAl_82 Posts: 8
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    Obviously lots of great comments on hear to show you that you have support :-). All I would add is a quote I like to apply to my own life, which is along the lines of:

    When bad things happen to us, 20% of the outcome is driven by the event, and 80% is driven by how we react to the event.

    In essence, although rubbish stuff happens, the way you deal with is will dictate how you come out the other side. You're doing the right thing by focusing on yourself and wanting to get healthy! If someone ends a relationship because their partner wants to be healthy then I would question whether you would want to be with that person anyway. Surely in a relationship you should both want the other to be happy, healthy and enjoying life!

    Good luck with your weight loss. I'll add you to my friend list :-)
  • Dixiechick93
    Dixiechick93 Posts: 18
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    Girl, he does NOT deserve you. I'm SOOO sorry that you are going through that. You just keep your beautiful smile on and keep doing what you're doing. Your happiness is the most important thing. You're going to find a much better man who will support you no matter what. I am in desperate need of support myself, so feel free to message me if you want to keep each other motivated! :)
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
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    I just joined this website tonight, and by the looks of it, everyone is very nice and supportive. Doesn't look like you'd have any problem making friends on here.

    It is true that most people here are very nice, but a few are flamethrowers. If you run across one, chalk it up to a bad day, too much testosterone, or female hormones. I hope both of you find the kindness and support that I've found here. Good luck.
  • nyrina4life
    nyrina4life Posts: 196 Member
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    I started working on myself. my boyfriend felt i would leave him if i got thin. I guess he beat me to the punch so three years of our lives done. Why???because i just wanted to be a healthy ,active ,pretty person,mother ,girlfriend i just wanted to give the best of me to all the people I love...I dont drink much or eat out anymore sooooo I have no friends well that I see anyway

    Sorry to hear your boyfriend decided to drop the relationship over the idea of 'change'. I know it hurts, but look at it in a different light. You are bettering yourself, you are becoming healthy, and you will meet someone who will be supportive, and there for you. I know most of us are just online, but you could make friends on here to be with you. Lots of good people who will encourage you, and who you can in turn encourage and cheer for!
  • GGDaddy
    GGDaddy Posts: 289 Member
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    I just thought bettering myself would bring me closer to the ppl in my life but i couldnt have been more wrong its so weird like being punished for doing good. I guess the positve is I now know who is really there and cares and who dosent.

    This. You will meet two types of people in this world: (1) people who are secure about themselves, and will want good things for you because they are genuinely happy for you, and (2) people who are not secure, and can only feel better about themselves making makig you feel bad.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak with someone from group 2. But you keep focusing on *good* things for yourself and your kids, and I promise it will *attract* people from group 1, which is kind of who you want to be with anyway!

    Good luck for more great things after the pain has passed (and it *will* pass). The course that you have put yourself on will bring those great things ahead!
  • ylor89
    ylor89 Posts: 105 Member
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    I learned one of the most important lessons in life from my Economics class in college... SUNK COSTS DON'T COUNT! :wink:

    The example my professor gave was this... A student of his approached him and said she was in an abusive relationship and didn't know what to do. She had been with her partner for five years and felt like she had invested so much time and energy into this relationship that she didn't want to leave. But at the same time, her partner was abusive and she was miserable. So my professor said, "Sunk costs don't count. Yes, you've invested five years of your life in this relationship. But you're not happy and chances are if you stayed in this relationship, you'd continue to be miserable and depressed. You can't take back the last five years. That's what we call your 'sunk costs.' It's already happened. We can't change that. But you can change today and tomorrow. So don't let yesterday determine how happy you are today because you can't change yesterday."

    Sunk costs don't count. Don't let what happened yesterday determine your today and tomorrow. :wink:

    P.S. You can do it! If you're feeling lonely, pick up a new hobby or join a local exercise group (like running or Zumba!). I'm always more motivated to get out and exercise when I'm doing it with other people.
  • wcugirl04
    wcugirl04 Posts: 26 Member
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    Good for you for doing it for you!! Im so sorry that things worked out that way, but I can tell you firsthand, it is so important for you to be healthy for you....it took many a very long time to realize that. I was always so focused on the rest of my family and what they needed. My doctor told me that I needed to focus on my health a little more,, and I really took that to heart. I want to be the best mother and wife I can be, and for that to be possible, I have to focus on my health. There is no shame in it! This website has really helped me, and there are great ppl on here!! Feel free to add me!!
  • phw426
    phw426 Posts: 92 Member
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    Don't think of the relationship as 3 years wasted...3 years learning maybe. He did not leave because of you...he left because of himself and this was a cop out. You have your whole life ahead of you and as hard as it may seem right now...you will be a happier person in the long run...good luck and stick with it...
  • sami6207
    sami6207 Posts: 2
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    You dont need the negativity in your life. You are better off. And as for the friends, your fitness journey will help you meet people im sure!

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