feeling super alone...

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Replies

  • KoolKiwi69
    KoolKiwi69 Posts: 2
    I totally agree. you Deserve someone with less baggage. Keep on keeping on. Sounds like you are doing a great job!

    It is a lonely job taking care of us.... after all if we don't do it..... no one else will! keep strong and stay the course.

    PS. Great work!
    Cheers
    From New Zealand
    I'm sorry you're going through this, but he clearly didn't deserve you. I wish I had some advice to make everything better but all I've got is keep working on you. Do it for yourself.
  • BigAl_82
    BigAl_82 Posts: 8
    Obviously lots of great comments on hear to show you that you have support :-). All I would add is a quote I like to apply to my own life, which is along the lines of:

    When bad things happen to us, 20% of the outcome is driven by the event, and 80% is driven by how we react to the event.

    In essence, although rubbish stuff happens, the way you deal with is will dictate how you come out the other side. You're doing the right thing by focusing on yourself and wanting to get healthy! If someone ends a relationship because their partner wants to be healthy then I would question whether you would want to be with that person anyway. Surely in a relationship you should both want the other to be happy, healthy and enjoying life!

    Good luck with your weight loss. I'll add you to my friend list :-)
  • Dixiechick93
    Dixiechick93 Posts: 18
    Girl, he does NOT deserve you. I'm SOOO sorry that you are going through that. You just keep your beautiful smile on and keep doing what you're doing. Your happiness is the most important thing. You're going to find a much better man who will support you no matter what. I am in desperate need of support myself, so feel free to message me if you want to keep each other motivated! :)
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member

    I just joined this website tonight, and by the looks of it, everyone is very nice and supportive. Doesn't look like you'd have any problem making friends on here.

    It is true that most people here are very nice, but a few are flamethrowers. If you run across one, chalk it up to a bad day, too much testosterone, or female hormones. I hope both of you find the kindness and support that I've found here. Good luck.
  • nyrina4life
    nyrina4life Posts: 196 Member
    I started working on myself. my boyfriend felt i would leave him if i got thin. I guess he beat me to the punch so three years of our lives done. Why???because i just wanted to be a healthy ,active ,pretty person,mother ,girlfriend i just wanted to give the best of me to all the people I love...I dont drink much or eat out anymore sooooo I have no friends well that I see anyway

    Sorry to hear your boyfriend decided to drop the relationship over the idea of 'change'. I know it hurts, but look at it in a different light. You are bettering yourself, you are becoming healthy, and you will meet someone who will be supportive, and there for you. I know most of us are just online, but you could make friends on here to be with you. Lots of good people who will encourage you, and who you can in turn encourage and cheer for!
  • GGDaddy
    GGDaddy Posts: 289 Member
    I just thought bettering myself would bring me closer to the ppl in my life but i couldnt have been more wrong its so weird like being punished for doing good. I guess the positve is I now know who is really there and cares and who dosent.

    This. You will meet two types of people in this world: (1) people who are secure about themselves, and will want good things for you because they are genuinely happy for you, and (2) people who are not secure, and can only feel better about themselves making makig you feel bad.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak with someone from group 2. But you keep focusing on *good* things for yourself and your kids, and I promise it will *attract* people from group 1, which is kind of who you want to be with anyway!

    Good luck for more great things after the pain has passed (and it *will* pass). The course that you have put yourself on will bring those great things ahead!
  • ylor89
    ylor89 Posts: 105 Member
    I learned one of the most important lessons in life from my Economics class in college... SUNK COSTS DON'T COUNT! :wink:

    The example my professor gave was this... A student of his approached him and said she was in an abusive relationship and didn't know what to do. She had been with her partner for five years and felt like she had invested so much time and energy into this relationship that she didn't want to leave. But at the same time, her partner was abusive and she was miserable. So my professor said, "Sunk costs don't count. Yes, you've invested five years of your life in this relationship. But you're not happy and chances are if you stayed in this relationship, you'd continue to be miserable and depressed. You can't take back the last five years. That's what we call your 'sunk costs.' It's already happened. We can't change that. But you can change today and tomorrow. So don't let yesterday determine how happy you are today because you can't change yesterday."

    Sunk costs don't count. Don't let what happened yesterday determine your today and tomorrow. :wink:

    P.S. You can do it! If you're feeling lonely, pick up a new hobby or join a local exercise group (like running or Zumba!). I'm always more motivated to get out and exercise when I'm doing it with other people.
  • wcugirl04
    wcugirl04 Posts: 26 Member
    Good for you for doing it for you!! Im so sorry that things worked out that way, but I can tell you firsthand, it is so important for you to be healthy for you....it took many a very long time to realize that. I was always so focused on the rest of my family and what they needed. My doctor told me that I needed to focus on my health a little more,, and I really took that to heart. I want to be the best mother and wife I can be, and for that to be possible, I have to focus on my health. There is no shame in it! This website has really helped me, and there are great ppl on here!! Feel free to add me!!
  • phw426
    phw426 Posts: 92 Member
    Don't think of the relationship as 3 years wasted...3 years learning maybe. He did not leave because of you...he left because of himself and this was a cop out. You have your whole life ahead of you and as hard as it may seem right now...you will be a happier person in the long run...good luck and stick with it...
  • sami6207
    sami6207 Posts: 2
    You dont need the negativity in your life. You are better off. And as for the friends, your fitness journey will help you meet people im sure!
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    Obviously your ex had more insecurities than he could handle and that's why he left. It hurts now but you'll get over him and find someone who is worthy of you. You have to work on yourself first. If those around you can't handle the changes then that's their problem, not yours!
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
    If he was insecure enough in your relationship, and not willing to work to make things better in that aspect, then there would have likely been something else down the line that caused it. While relationships are important, you are the most important person to you.
    Even in a relationship you both should be whole happy people, better and stronger together, but able to be your own person. Go be your better person, you deserve it for you.
  • Annxoj
    Annxoj Posts: 15 Member
    I can definitely understand why you feel so alone and I get it 100% but sometimes you just have to make decisions that are best for you.. Sometimes in a relationship we tend to forget about ourselves and become so caught in our day to day work to home then chores and cooking or whatever it may be and by the times we get a chance to look down....... WOW 30 pounds heavier or 50 But the bright side is your one of the strong ones who have decided to better their life and you have done so much so far and I must say wow and CONGRATS it isn't as easy as people make it look to lose wieght and have a hectic schedule I can only imagine being a mom as well how difficult it can get but again congrats and your doing absolutely wonderful keep up the good work and I hope to be achieving as much as you have (I have no excuses lol no kids)

    And as a little message .. losing someone in a relationship can be hard but if he wasn't willing to stand by you to make a decision to be a healthier you which is for the better in the long term as well as just feeling "attractive" and having a rocking body.. Then your better off doing it all on your own !!! YOU ARE AMAZING Don't worry about it you have your kiddos who will always be there through thick and thin ! Goodluck :)
    :wink:
  • Buff2022
    Buff2022 Posts: 373 Member
    Must be in the water! I just broke up with mine too. Because I figured out he was playing me. Many think I am crazy for wanting to stay friends with him. But he is going through something that I do believe in my heart he needs to know there are people out there that care and love him. It is going to take me a moment to get to a place where I don't think of how he did me wrong.

    I will say that breaking up is hard and it sucks. But I know that if I keep moving towards the better me, it will make it easier.

    I remember my EX husband asking the doctor when I was pregnant is she going to get much bigger than this. I was about 5 months along. The doctor was like she better..she has a baby in there. Needless to say we all know why he is my EX now.

    Take care of you. Enjoy those little boys because they do grow up before you know it. It will be okay and you will have to figure out if you want him back if he comes back. If not move on..you will be surprised as your confidence grows who will pick up on it.
  • WannabeStressFree
    WannabeStressFree Posts: 340 Member
    I learned one of the most important lessons in life from my Economics class in college... SUNK COSTS DON'T COUNT! :wink:

    The example my professor gave was this... A student of his approached him and said she was in an abusive relationship and didn't know what to do. She had been with her partner for five years and felt like she had invested so much time and energy into this relationship that she didn't want to leave. But at the same time, her partner was abusive and she was miserable. So my professor said, "Sunk costs don't count. Yes, you've invested five years of your life in this relationship. But you're not happy and chances are if you stayed in this relationship, you'd continue to be miserable and depressed. You can't take back the last five years. That's what we call your 'sunk costs.' It's already happened. We can't change that. But you can change today and tomorrow. So don't let yesterday determine how happy you are today because you can't change yesterday."

    Sunk costs don't count. Don't let what happened yesterday determine your today and tomorrow. :wink:

    P.S. You can do it! If you're feeling lonely, pick up a new hobby or join a local exercise group (like running or Zumba!). I'm always more motivated to get out and exercise when I'm doing it with other people.

    brilliant! change is hard but worth it! A life lesson worth learning!
    Good luck with your change, we all have been there. Not easy but worth it!
  • Thokiz
    Thokiz Posts: 55 Member
    Something I've realized:

    Loneliness tends to creep in late at night, after the kids have gone to bed & everything is quite. It only lasts for a couple of hours, occasionally interfering with my sleep.

    The Misery I had from being in a bad relationship tended to occupy my every waking thought, overall family happiness & health.


    Life's not Great, but I'll take Good over Misrable any day. :)
  • TheExquisiteAuren
    TheExquisiteAuren Posts: 32
    I'm sorry :( It's always the hardest when it's someone we care about holding us back. Add me if you want, I like hearing from new people and I'm more than willing to be a member of your support group!
  • SarLem81
    SarLem81 Posts: 115 Member
    I'm sorry he left you. That's the dumbest reason for him to leave, but the simple fact that he did says more about him than it does about you. Just keep pushing through! I'm sure your children will appreciate it in the long run (if they don't already), and you'll find yourself a man who isn't too insecure to handle a strong woman who knows how to take care of her kids AND herself.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    Husband has seen me skinner and fatter and rinse repeat, rinse repeat.. over and over.

    Please talk to anyone here if you need to. I'm here for you too.. talk anytime.

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