Save My Life

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CrystalsJourneyBegins
CrystalsJourneyBegins Posts: 1
in Introduce Yourself
I realize that telling you my excuss for letting myself get over 400 pounds at 21 years old is potentially annoying, and pointless, but maybe the reason I've never been able to move forward, is because if my past... If I need to let it out before I can make progress towards my weight loss goal I'm willing to do so.
Growing up I had a mentally ill mother; a disease called agoraphobia stapled her to life indoors. As a young child I was forced to do all the cleaning and grocery shopping. My mother never taught me the importaince of eating right or exercise, and happily showered me in fatty foods. (Sometimes I think that she did it so that I would become obese, like her). I don't know what it was inside my mother that made her this way. I was not allowed to have friends over at our home, and I was rarely allowed to play outside, thus resulting in me becoming accustomed to a very seditary, and depressing lifestyle.
When my mother passed away in 2008 I was only 15 years old, because of my mothers disease she had no close friends or family, and thus noone to are for me. I was thrust into foster care. A series of group homes with other teenage girls like me. Unlike my previous home, eating was very strict here. We were allowed only a set amount of food, for meals only. It seemed I could never fill my stomach completely. When I did get free run of my meals I did indulge, a lot. By the time I was 18 end able to take care of myself I was about 350 lbs. I became very active at that time, being a full time nanny of a 2 year old. Somehow, without even noticing I lost over a hundred pounds in just 8 months! I was on no diet or exercise plan to speak of.

About a year and a half ago I entered a relationship with the man of my dreams (we are engaged to be married!) he has always been there for me and found me attractive always. Unfortunately, because of his deep love for me he finds it impossible not to spoil me. He always brings me a little treat.. I've cream here, cookies there. It adds up. In moments of strength I have told him that it's not okay, and that he has to stop spoiling me,
But he never can for very long.

This brings me to today, toppling at 425 lbs. barely able to dress myself. Desperate for a turn around, wanting so badly to save my life. I have no idea where to start, but I know it's time.

Replies

  • emmamartin650
    emmamartin650 Posts: 12 Member
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    We all have things in our past that make us sad. Let's try and let these things go and move forward. Good luck!
  • KayaVice
    KayaVice Posts: 24 Member
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    You sound like you have the motivation, now you just need to come up with a game plan. For me, I had to go with changing my diet and getting an at-home exercise DVD set as I'm at home with kids so leaving the house to exercise isn't possible. Right now I'm using Hip Hop Abs by Shaun T and just finished Rockin' Body by Shaun T. There's many programs out there if you want to do the at-home thing. I lost 7 # and 2 inches off my waist doing Rockin' Body for 4 weeks!

    Follow the guidelines that the USDA has set for proper eating if you need help in that regard. The food counter here REALLY helps you to see what you're putting into your body. Just remember that you may be slow to obtain weight loss, but slow is more healthy.

    Don't know if you have a facebook account, but I am following a woman that at her heaviest was 320 # and she's down to somewhere like 270 #. https://www.facebook.com/CoachTulin?hc_location=stream. She's an absolute inspiration to me.

    I'm sorry that your mom conditioned you to your present state, and that your fiancé is sorta encouraging the unhealthy eating. My husband brings me junk and it's bitter sweet. It's yummy, but it's not helping me to lose weight. It's okay to treat yourself to fatty/sweet stuff as long as it's not something you're doing every day, or every meal. Just make your overall choices healthy. Feel free to add me. I wish you all the best of luck in your weight loss journey, and if you have any questions or need encouragement, just message me.
  • colinhillenbrand
    colinhillenbrand Posts: 4
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    Oh come on, forget your past and move forward! It might be hard but I know for sure at the end you will be the most happiest person in the world. I haven't lost much weight yet, but I'm sure I will succeed. My friend did, he said it will be difficult sometimes, but he's a great example. I won't disappoint him.
  • JessicaPasieka
    JessicaPasieka Posts: 149 Member
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    There are plenty of other ways your boyfriend can spoil you rather than showering you with fatty/sugary foods. And you need to tell him that and make it very clear if you want to succeed. It's going to take will power and determination. Enough with the excuses. My boyfriend knows not to bring any of that crap home for me, ever. He treats me in different ways. Like taking me to a movie or buying me a new dress.
  • hm9589
    hm9589 Posts: 10 Member
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    Hello. Im new too, Im an agrophobic sociaphobe and know how hard it can get sometimes especially when you have rely on people been able to supply you with fresh food. Luckily I have a support family who have helped. May today be the beginning of a healthy happy you. Good luck :)
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
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    Oh honey, I am so sorry for your childhood, but I am so happy for the guy your found! He sounds like a good one. I have been where you are at! I know I weighed well over 400 at one point. I could barely walk. I just got on here and started logging every single thing I ate. I won't pretend it was easy. The first week I just fantasized about food, non-stop. I was hungry. But it got better with each day. Now, I have to force myself to eat. You can do it. One step at a time. Just get started! I like to always plan out a menu first and stick to it. Leave nothing up to chance at first. It is so easy to fall off when you are starving (or you feel like it) and not prepared. Feel free to FR. I Have been there!!
  • Ftw37
    Ftw37 Posts: 386 Member
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    You can do it. I had my epiphany at 419 pounds. This far, no further. I know you can do it!
  • ckess617
    ckess617 Posts: 69
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    To share a story like that so openly to a bunch of strangers on MFP is very humbling, and I am so glad I read your story. I think it's a first step for you for finally taking control of your life and becoming the person you've always wanted to be. It sounds like you certainly have overcome so much already. As far as your fiancee, where treats once used to fill a void, they are doing nothing now but making you bigger, and unable to do things for yourself - in so doing, you are sacrificing your independence for being dependent on people to dress you and take care of you. If he really loves you, tell him that those kinds of treats are not what you need anymore. Treats don't have to come in the form of food. It can be a piece of exercise equipment, a gym membership, whatever that will make you feel good without filling your tummy. It can be in the form of doing things as a couple - working out together, cooking good, wholesome food together, etc.

    As Cricket said, you have the motivation, and now you need a game plan.

    You have the motivation - you know what you want. It's time for you to get some inner strength and just start moving! Please feel free to message me if you need any encouragement or advice!

    Best of luck to you!!
  • amraf1024
    amraf1024 Posts: 74
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    Sometimes letting out your past helps us move forward! Take a big breath and start moving forward again...if we never confront our past our history can repeat itself...

    I have the same type of husband but I sat him down n told him while I lovvvvveeee all the treats you bring me I love my life with you more so as much as I hate it the sweets have to stop for a whiile and one day can come back but not at this rate...now I get little surprises like a flower or a trinket or my personal favorite skinny cow ice creams...yummy low cal! He understood why and where I was coming from. He knew it wasn't due to not likening it it was due to loving him more n wanting to be with him!

    Good luck! Feel free to add me!
  • lucypeaks
    lucypeaks Posts: 96 Member
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    You can do this, all you need is that picture of how you want to look at the front of your mind on a daily basis. For me, looking at photo's of me at my biggest is what keeps me going and every few pounds you lose will motivate you further, but you have to stick at it. You'll probably see results pretty fast as you have quite a lot to lose so that will be a big incentive for you. Buying clothes in smaller sizes is a great feeling and reaching a healthy weight is a true achievement...Feel free to add me as a friend and best of luck!
    ps... explain to your partner that if he truly loves you, which i am sure he does, and wants to support you then perhaps he could stop bringing bad foods home for the time being, just until you're steadily controlling your eating habits :)
  • elleloch
    elleloch Posts: 739 Member
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    Be honest with him. Tell him you know he gives you treats/gifts because he loves you but that you know he can find other ways to show how he loves you without setting you back.

    You've got a good place to start - right here on MFP. Add me if you want; I love to encourage my friends and am always willing to share recipes, etc with anyone. You've got a long road ahead of you but starting is the hardest part. Even those people who are always fit are always on a journey and we all have lots we can learn from each other.

    Start small, making a change or two every week - things you can stick to. And remember to never, ever give up. NEVER!! Because you can do it!
  • kellijauch
    kellijauch Posts: 379 Member
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    The main thing to focus on is that you want to get better. That is a great start. You have a good resource here with MFP.

    Here's something to try: can your man can bring you treats that are not food? How about flowers, or jewelry, or little trinkets?
  • anniegail1961
    anniegail1961 Posts: 116
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    My Dear Sweetheart: Welcome Aboard!
    I read your story fully and you were sabbataged from day 1--BUT THAT'S HISTORY!!!
    I know what it's like to be a parent's caretaker-You have no identity except in your performance to others.
    You were denied a chilhood, and I'm sorry for that!
    You have to stay focussed on what you want for yourself.
    Health, Confidence, Self Respect, Self-Love and to discover who you really are.
    You sound like a wonderful young woman who wants to change her life?
    Question: Are you willing to go to any lengths to do it?
    Because it sounds like you are easily influenced by your boyfriend-and his desire to have an obese girlfriend.
    Don't you ever question him buying you fattening treats when he knows how much you claim you want to change your health?
    You mentioned that he loves you so much that he can't help himself-Yes he can!
    He could buy you fruit and Veggies...
    Why isn't he taking you out walking or biking or something physical instead of tempting you with your drug?
    And we both know food is/can be a drug!
    As I said earlier "Are you willing to go to any lengths to aquire health and fitness?
    Or are you still being a pushover for Love?
    I hope you will think about my questions and do some real soul searching about yourself.
    You have never given yourself permission to just find out who Chrystal really is.
    Don't you think it's time?
    Imagine going your whole life and being on your deathbed, and realizing you threw your whole life away over FOODand FEAR!
    You are here now!
    There is a whole support system behind you if you really want it!
    Best Regards!

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