Feeling like there is no hope
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Keffinger22
Posts: 100 Member
So a year ago I got on MFP excited to lose weight but instead I gained 30lbs. since last summer. I am 5'6 and weighed 189 last summer and now I weigh 215lbs. I completely own that I have not been honest with myself and giving it 100%. I don't track every day and when it comes down to it I don't eat healthy at all.
I have this mentallity that when I eat healthy for 2 days I get excited and decide I can handle one fast food meal and then next thing I know I eat fast food for two weeks straight (lunch and dinner). This cycle is never ending. In the past year I have been joined to 3 different gyms telling myself this time it will be different and then I end up wasting money because I never go.
Yesterday I bought 86 dollars in healthy groceries, packed a healthy lunch and brought it to work and even though it was right there in the fridge, I left work to pick up McDonalds. I probably eat McDs every day if not twice a day. I just can't seem to stop.
It's like I mentally rebel against eating healthier and I don't know why. After I eat it I hate myself for it and call myself names in my head etc. I am so uncomfortable in my clothes, they are so tight now but I don't have enough money to buy bigger clothes. I can barely go up the stairs in my home without being winded and sweating a ton. I am so upset with myself which makes it much more easier in my head to say one more fast food meal isn't going to make a difference and the cycle is back on.
Is anyone else like this? How do I get off this cycle?
I have this mentallity that when I eat healthy for 2 days I get excited and decide I can handle one fast food meal and then next thing I know I eat fast food for two weeks straight (lunch and dinner). This cycle is never ending. In the past year I have been joined to 3 different gyms telling myself this time it will be different and then I end up wasting money because I never go.
Yesterday I bought 86 dollars in healthy groceries, packed a healthy lunch and brought it to work and even though it was right there in the fridge, I left work to pick up McDonalds. I probably eat McDs every day if not twice a day. I just can't seem to stop.
It's like I mentally rebel against eating healthier and I don't know why. After I eat it I hate myself for it and call myself names in my head etc. I am so uncomfortable in my clothes, they are so tight now but I don't have enough money to buy bigger clothes. I can barely go up the stairs in my home without being winded and sweating a ton. I am so upset with myself which makes it much more easier in my head to say one more fast food meal isn't going to make a difference and the cycle is back on.
Is anyone else like this? How do I get off this cycle?
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Replies
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Make the food that you are craving, just make it healthier. Get lean chopped meat and make your own burgers. Bake your own fries.
Do you exercise? Having a circle of friends with the same mindset helps a lot. Do you have a Weight Watchers nearby or do you read fitness magazines? It all helps.0 -
I treat my relationship with food like an addiction. Like any addiction, the first step is to assume full responsibility for what you do and why you do it.0
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I don't really understand what you're going through ( for instance, I would have to be half dead from starvation to go to McD's) but the fact that you know what the problem is will be a great help. You just have to WANT to. You have the groceries, you know you don't feel well the way you are, but nobody can force you to make the change for the better, you have to rustle up some willpower and self control and just STOP ALREADY with the crappy fast food. If you want it badly enough, you'll do it. Log EVERYTHING, set a realistic calorie goal ( not 1200 or under), keep moving as much as you can.0
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DO NOT BUY LARGER CLOTHES! You can do this. I suggest you set small goals for yourself. You say you are eating fastfood twice a day. So week 1 cut it to once a day and replace the other with a healthy home cooked meal. Week 2, cut out the second and replace it with something healthy. Week 3, start walking or some other type of low impact exercise. Once you start feeling and looking better, the motivation will come. Make the next trip to the clothing store to buy a smaller size. Good luck!0
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I feel for you. I was at the exact same place before. I would constantly sabotage myself and then feel guilty and hate myself afterwards. I've been at this for about a month now, and I'm not sure what happened, but something changed. I think I'm just trying harder at everything this time. I'm not hating myself when I want to have a bag of chips - I just log it. Or if we go out to eat or eat fast food for dinner, while it's not very often, I don't stress a whole lot. If I haven't eaten out in a while, I have what I want. If I have, then I try to have one of the healthier options.
You need to get to the point where you're tired of hating yourself. It's not fair to you. Believe me, I still have my days where I break down and wonder why I am putting myself through the stress of doing this when I'm hardly seeing any results. I have those days at least once a week (haha now that I think about it, probably more than that). My last one was last Friday, and I sat at my desk at work and cried. But, I had to think about what I have done so far: I stopped drinking sugary soda (and only have one diet soda a day). I have lost some weight, and while it doesn't seem like a whole lot when I have so much to lose, almost 10 pounds is pretty damn great. I think I have just decided that I deserve a chance to not be fat and to be happy.
Feel free to friend me. I'm not super encouraging or knowledgeable, but I'll do my best!
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I have never eaten healthy, just like you I always thought what's the big deal, one more ice cream, one more McD's - what's it gonna hurt, that was until I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with heart disease and cholesterol through the roof. I know what foods are good for me and what ones are bad for me. I found this site to calculate the calorie counts of foods and the exercise I chose which is to walk, seems like a wonderful way to track progress . I pray you don't have to go through what now I am facing for not really thinking about food in the way that I should have. I have a very good doctor who is monitoring my weight and foods I am selecting in hopes that we can bring down my cholesterol, hopefully it is not too late please wish me luck. I am 5'5" tall and weigh 178lbs.0
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I agree with thebitSlinger
U have to want to make the change, it's your motivation and determination that will see you through.
I kept off the ice cream, cakes, cream buns....it was hard but I kept saying- it's not forever. And it's true, u an still eat what u like just keep it within your calorie goal. But u have to work for the body u want....and with hard work, the results will be worthwhile.
If u want it enough u will make it happen, believe in that 0 -
the bottom line is you are making choices here. Human beings will do what it takes to get pleasure and avoid pain, so you need to examine your motivation. What's the payoff to going to McDonald's twice a day? What's the payoff to becoming a size 8? Which one means more to you? Make a list Pros and Cons of being heavy; Pros and Cons of being lighter. Be honest with yourself. Maybe it comes down to convenience, and you need to plan better. Maybe being lighter scares you, so you're self sabotaging. You know the answer. It's in you. You're beautiful by the way, so that's covered, but feeling unhealthy and out of control sucks.0
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This is what I do.Make the food that you are craving, just make it healthier. Get lean chopped meat and make your own burgers. Bake your own fries.
Do you exercise? Having a circle of friends with the same mindset helps a lot. Do you have a Weight Watchers nearby or do you read fitness magazines? It all helps.
My foods that I love, I just make them healthier. I love protein, so I get fresh fish.
Desert? The best, nicest fruit I can find, or I make a smoothie.
Want a large lunch? I make a HUGE power salad with lower calorie dressing.
I need a snack, low calorie crackers with a teaspoon of either peanut butter/ jelly or hummus/ dries tomatoes on it.
I eat what I love but in controlled amounts. I trained myself to eat less this way.
Some times now I have a hard time getting up to 1230 calories. I'm less hungry because
My food choices are nutritionally dense.
I feel 100% better!
It also comes down to having made a choice: eat crap and feel lousy about myself and physically,
Or gain self respect and head toward looking and feeling better, and taking control of my self and life.
I had to decide.0 -
My advice and the way I do it, is to talk yourself out of that one meal. I used to stop every day on my way home from work and get a sausage biscuit with a hash brown. I started with talking myself out of stopping the first day, told myself just go home, if you go home today, tomorrow you can stop and get one. I literally had this conversation in my head each and every day till eventually I could leave work and not feel drawn to stop and grab it. I do still have that urge on some days. I honestly deal with it one meal at time. I will tell you this after accomplishing a month of not stopping, losing weight, eating healthier. I feel so much better. I gave up the snack machine at work much the same way. I don't go near that thing:) I pack healthy foods and keep busy. Feel free to add me, we can support each other::)0
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I completely understand how you feel. I was doing pretty much the same thing. Then I decided to kick start my weight loss by doing a cabbage soup 7 day diet. To be honest, I quit after 5 days (sick of the soup) however I learned that I was not as hungry as I thought I'd be because I could eat all the fruit and veggies I wanted. Then I learned that eating complex carb/fat/sugar laden foods actually cause you to crave more of them. And cutting them out for a short period of time made it easier to avoid them. I've only been on here for a short period of time but I hope to keep eating healthy for the rest of my life. Which doesn't mean I don't let myself have some of those foods sometimes but I try to counter it with healthier choices overall. I figure baby steps are better than sitting on the couch pigging out! 0
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I also agree 100% with thebitSlinger and I do know to some extent what you are going through, I continually sabotage myself and have to start over all the time. The fact that you can voice this and be honest with the fact that you sabotage yourself is a first step. The next question is why. Are you afraid of failing so you set yourself up to fail right off? I'm still trying to answer that myself. I know when I drop even just 10 pounds I feel so much better, and so I give myself some leeway and bam, there I am again 15 lbs heavier and miserable, having to start over with an additional 5 lbs to lose. Plus I hate having to be monitored, even if it's just me doing the monitoring so I rebel, but I am determined to win and I feel like you are feeling the same way. Figure out why you keep sabotaging yourself and work on that as well as talking yourself out of eating poorly. It has to do with self esteem, I know that all too well. Good luck, hang in there, it's not easy, but I know it's worth it and so are you.0
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Sounds like you are afraid of what you might be able to achieve, so you just sabotage yourself from the start....
Give yourself a chance!0 -
I can understand your temptation and your acknowledging your feelings is the first step. And, as long as you are still alive, there is always hope :flowerforyou: I don't have the greatest willpower either and work in a medical clinic where practically every dr and nurse have candy/chocolate on their desks. I keep telling myself the taste of that stuff is just short and fleeting but the results on my body take so long to change when I eat that way. I know there may be those who say it's horrible but if you have to do fast food, I have found that the triple berry salad at Wendy's with the grilled chicken is good. Just take your car off that McDonalds autopilot.0
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For me, being at all successful has everything to do with having a plan. A plan for the food I allow myself to eat. A DETAILED plan for my fitness endeavors. Plan Plan Plan! My fitness calendar currently is at least partially filled through the end of Oct (big race I'm training for) and totally full for Jul/Aug/Sep. . plus I have Nov & Dec roughly mapped out.
When I don't have a plan for succeeding, I will invariably rely on habit. Which is doing nothing and eatig crap.
Even when I decided I was done with drinking diet soda. . .i had a plan and bought what I needed in order to be able to stay off it. (Iced tea and a little Mio for my water). I've been 3.5 months without a single diet soda!!
Make a plan. . .a detailed plan. Then do everything you can to stick to it. Don't just imagine the plan. Write it down. Use a calendar. Be determined!!0 -
My advice and the way I do it, is to talk yourself out of that one meal. I used to stop every day on my way home from work and get a sausage biscuit with a hash brown. I started with talking myself out of stopping the first day, told myself just go home, if you go home today, tomorrow you can stop and get one. I literally had this conversation in my head each and every day till eventually I could leave work and not feel drawn to stop and grab it. I do still have that urge on some days. I honestly deal with it one meal at time. I will tell you this after accomplishing a month of not stopping, losing weight, eating healthier. I feel so much better. I gave up the snack machine at work much the same way. I don't go near that thing:) I pack healthy foods and keep busy. Feel free to add me, we can support each other::)
^^This. I used to feel compelled to stop. Like I felt I was not even in control of my car. I'd say, "Drive past it. Drive past it..." and then I'd pull in. The ONLY way I stopped and broke the cycle was to A) take a different route home. For real, I drove 10 miles out of my way on back roads to avoid any of the fast food resturants more than once, and
when I knew I'd be going by, working next door, or couldn't avoid it, I would talk myself out of just this one meal. I'd tell myself that I could stop next time without guilt if I skipped it this one time. It boils down to one minute at a time..... You can overcome this. I agree that you have to want it. You have to have a better reason to avoid it than you do to stop. Find that reason and tape a picture of it to your steering wheel, wallet, cell phone. Whatever it takes. If you can start by getting a grip on avoiding the fast food you will slowly start to miss it less and less. I don't believe making a healthier version would have ever worked for me. I didn't want the burger I made at home, or the fried chicken I made at home -- I wanted Taco Bell and KFC and McD and all the rest.
I have faith that you can do this. Worry about one thing at a time. You need to worry about NOT stopping at that McD just this one time. Then next time you worry about it just that one time. Good luck!0 -
Find an accountability partner. A friend or family member, someone who you know will NOT judge you. Then text or call them when you have a craving for junk. Have them tell you all the reasons not to eat it- you want your clothes to fit etc. When I started my sister and I did this for each other and it really helped. After a couple weeks I needed her help less and less because I started seeing results which is the best motivation. You can do it! Don't give up! Will there bt days when you don't eat right? Yes. When those days happen don't give up! Don't give up!! I've lost 51 lbs and it's all because I didn't give up.0
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Consistently tracking your food and exercise is a critical step.0
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OP, when you say you bought "healthy food", what do you mean? Are these foods you enjoy? Or foods you don't particularly like but think you should eat because they are healthy.
It sounds like you have some psychological issues to overcome, but now that you acknowledge them, deal with them. Stop rebelling against food and health. That makes no sense.
Eat foods that you like. If you want a hamburger then have a hamburger. But you'll find that you can a bigger hamburger at home for less calories and less money than you can buy at McD. If you want pasta, have pasta. Just make it yourself. Use less pasta and more sauce. Use quality ingredients and substitute lower calorie ingredients when can (reduced fat cheese, leaner meats, etc.) and use less pasta and more sauce. Check the internet or MFP Recipe forum for lower calorie recipes.
Don't feel like you have eat nothing but bland food. Salads and steamed food are wonderful, if you enjoy them. If not, eat something you like. Allow room for treats occasionally. Set reasonable goals that don't have you starving or craving things you've cut out.0 -
Here are a few steps...drive PAST McD's. Doing it once will give you strength. After all, who is stronger, you or McD's? Replace "Have to" with "Want to." Simple. You WANT to lose weight, you really don't HAVE to. By seeing weight loss as a desire rather than a command, you won't have to rebel, or worse, call yourself names. Life is hard on us anyway, we shouldn't make it harder. Love yourself first by driving past McDs or taking a different route.0
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