I need.. help.. I think.

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deemar54
deemar54 Posts: 61 Member
in Motivation and Support
Alright, it's been a really wild and crazy month. I got married on 6/14/2013, just a little over a month ago. The entire week before my wedding I pretty much didn't eat because I am literally not hungry under crazy amounts of stress. After our wedding, we went on a three day quick honeymoon and things were supposed to get back to normal. Only.. they didn't. Shortly after our return, my grandma went into the hospital...this was supposed to be another routine thing. She was in and out of the hospital a LOT because of kidney failure, congestive heart failure, copd, diabetes.. you name it, it got her at one point or another, but she always bounced back. On June 28th my grandma went into hospice care and it was supposed to be just for rehab. She went quickly downhill and it became very obvious on the 30th that she wasn't bouncing back from this one. I spent the entire week in the hospice care center holding her hand, getting her drinks of water and ice chips, and telling her how much I loved her. My grandma meant the world to me. She did so much for me that I can't even put it into words. She went into the next world on 7/5, and I spent the next week at her funeral and calling hours and trying to absorb some sense of normalcy into my life for my husband and three year old. The gym and healthy eating went to the wayside. I didn't have time to prep or exercise or really do anything other than work a little (I took almost two weeks off. I am an emergency services dispatcher in a small city.) Anyway, now that life is supposed to REALLY return to normal, I can't do it. I have no motivation to clean my house, work, to prep food, or really go to the gym, and I don't know why. Over the last month I have managed to maintain my 35 lb loss, and I am terrified of going back to my old habits simply because they were easier. I know what will happen if I do, and I can't go back to that. I don't WANT to go back to that. However on the other hand, I almost cant bring myself to pick back up... I literally want to eat ALL the time, which is a sharp contrast from normal for me. I just need help, or something. I don't honestly even know what I need.

Replies

  • MorningWhispers
    MorningWhispers Posts: 182
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    I'm very sorry for your loss.

    It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stress right now - newly married and loss of loved one within a short period from each other.

    Maybe instead of beating yourself up because you aren't motivated to "pick back up", maybe take a break for a little bit. Maybe tell yourself you will just eat healthy as best you can through the summer and pick back up on the dieting after Labor Day.
  • dsjsmom23
    dsjsmom23 Posts: 234 Member
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    Im so sorry for your loss. I'm an emotional eater too, so I really dont have any advice. I just wanted to tell you i'm sorry for all that you are going through.
    I had a tragedy to deal with in April. I turned to food as always. I finally had to talk myself out of it. Eating wasn't going to bring my loved one back.
    I still struggled, and I didn't lose any weight for 3 full months. I know it was because of the stress of dealing with the death.
    Just last week, I finally seemed to get back on track. I am finally losing weight again.

    All I can really tell you, is be kind to yourself. You have suffered a loss, and there are no rules to grieving.
  • Hopelessone
    Hopelessone Posts: 270 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss, sending you and your family hugs and prayers.
  • olyabe
    olyabe Posts: 36
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    Just allow yourself at least 3 months of maintenance level calorie consumption... don't beat yourself up for not losing, just try not to gain until you are motivated to be losing weight again. It's probably better for future maintenance to sit on a plateau anyways - helps adjust your set point.

    Sorry about your loss, and congrats on your wedding!!
  • realme56
    realme56 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    You are in situational depression which is perfectly normal after a loss. If it lasts for over 5-6 months consider seeing a therapist but give yourself time.

    Get sleep, benedryl is a handy otc med at 50-75mg max.
    Spend time with your baby, do something with him/her that honors your Gran or that she did with you
    Talk to your husband, tell him new things about your Gran
    Plan a simple activity daily and do it for you.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    My condolences to you and your family.

    No wonder you're feeling like you're feeling - you've had a very emotional and stressful time. Take it slowly, there us no " supposed to be" deadline.
  • skashi1
    skashi1 Posts: 8 Member
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    Wow...I'm so sorry for your loss. I think its safe to say that all of us here at some point are or were emotional eaters. I certainly am as well. But feeding your soul is also as important if not much more important. My best advice would be is to not beat yourself up, try to eat as best as you can and if you can connect with others and the things that nurtures your soul till it heals somewhat to a level that you can function like you used to, that might be the best. At this point you just need to love yourself and do the things that make you happy...be it just take the time to read a book or do something small that used to bring you pleasure outside of food.
    My grandfather had a stroke 6 weeks after my family and I went to visit him, he soon deteriorated and passed away. I kept expecting him to get better and well he didn't. I was also devastated but I bought a necklace at this shop that totally reminded me of him and I carry it around my neck everywhere and it brings me a lot of comfort. Maybe find having a small token will help you as well.
  • lessofme43
    lessofme43 Posts: 139 Member
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    I am sorry for your loss too. I went through a very difficult loss & depression exactly a year ago. I cried for 2 months straight and if anyone was ever close to completely 'losing it' I knew I was. I wasn't even thinking about my weight or physical health at that time, my spiritual & emotional health needed to be front & center. I can tell you that my faith in God is the only thing that got me through that horrible time, and I came to know Him in such a more intimate way and I know first-hand He has a way of turning something earth-shattering into something that is a door to something better in store. Allow yourself to grieve, just hang onto that thread of hope that life will settle in to a new normal eventually, and then you will likely feel ready to take on new challenges too. Saying a prayer for you...
  • krisjohnson121
    krisjohnson121 Posts: 87 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I think that right now you will do best taking some small steps. I have found that exercise can be a great stress reliever - I say just do it and see if it helps!

    And while food may temporarily soothe your loss, why not try to think of things that may truly help. Do you have any hobbies to occupy your time?
  • AllTheCoolUsernamesAreTaken2
    AllTheCoolUsernamesAreTaken2 Posts: 13
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    My grandmother and cousin died this year and that was hard. It sounds like you were a great comfort to her in her last days, I'm sure it made her happy. Maybe working out just a tiny bit would be good because it can make you feel like you are still on track. Best of luck, and very sorry
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
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    So sorry for your loss.

    I think that what you are experiencing is completely natural. You are mourning. It is okay to mourn.

    Try not to push yourself so much right now. Wait until you are truly ready to focus your energy on this. Take care of YOU right now. Hang in there.
  • marilynx
    marilynx Posts: 128 Member
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    Wow, I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. I agree with what the other posters are saying,
    . I think you need to give yourself a break from weight loss right now. It sounds like maintaining is going to be hard enough as it is. I'm a very emotional eater, so I know how hard it is to be going through something and feeling like life is spiraling out of control, so you eat. It helps you feel better. If I were you I wouldn't even worry about trying to lose weight right now. I would just try to focus on maintaining what you've done so far for as long as you need to. You can pick up where you left off when your ready. Allow yourself to feel the hurt and come to terms with it. Food will only act as a mask.
  • mjpskwally
    mjpskwally Posts: 6
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    So sorry for your loss! I also find comfort in food. When my cousin passed from cancer 2 1/2 years ago my weight shot up quickly.

    I have become an evangelist for Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). It has helped me tremendously in controlling my emotional states. Google NLP and read up on it. There are also man introductory books on NLP. If you want to delve deeper into it find NLP coaches and work groups in your area. I've found a great NLP community through meetup.com.

    Best wishes.
  • deemar54
    deemar54 Posts: 61 Member
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    Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words. You all have allowed me to formulate a game plan.. I'm still going to log my food, and attempt to maintain what I have already lost... and get to the gym when my schedule allows. I'm not going to stress out about it, and just do what I can so I can take some time to get ME back in order. You guys have given me hope that this doesn't mean I have to gain all that weight back, but I do understand I need to take some time for me. Thank you! :heart: :heart:

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