My Weight Gain Story

sarahsweightlossjourney
sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
in Introduce Yourself
My name is Sarah. Im 5'8 and 232 lbs. Ive started my weightloss journey this year and so far have lost about 10 lbs. When i was younger I was abused and neglected by my parents. They would withhold food from me, eat in front of me, ban snacks and only allow eating at certain times, wouldn't send me to school with a lunch, they would also get my brother snacks/lunch for school and rub it in my face. When i did have something to eat or sneak something my mother would make fun of me, judge me and yell at me. When I became a teenager and met my new boyfriend (current Fiance) he started taking me out for meals a lot of fast food. I started to gain weight and became a healthy weight (I was always underweight growing up). My parents started to call me fat and make fun of me for gaining weight. I moved out of there house when I was 17 and got an apt. with my boyfriend. I didnt know to much about cooking or healthy eating so we just started eating a lot of take out. I started to eat as much as him and started gaining more and more weight. Im a house wife and when he would go to work I would "sneak" food. I still felt the same as I did when i lived at my parents, scared to eat and scared that there wouldn't be any food. I also stopped exercising and started staying in alone most of the time and gaining even more weight. I was very embarrassed of how i looked so i had no motivation to do anything, I just wanted to hide. Now Ive started with the app and have started exercising. Ive made a lot of improvements and am very proud of myself. Im still struggling a bit with eating at night, staying away from fast food, eating smaller portions, not competing with my Fiance when it comes to food/large portions, pushing myself to exercise along at home, also i think my biggest problem is eating when im lonely during the day/night. When im lonely I keep going back to the kitchen to get more even if i know its wrong or shouldnt be eating it. Its like im out of control. Any advice? Im not losing weight at the pace I would like to and would love to leave ALL my bad habits behind and get back to being my self and healthy.

Replies

  • jennontheroad
    jennontheroad Posts: 142 Member
    it's hard not to overeat when you;re around the house. can you get out of the house for a few hours at a time? or, when you feel like snacking just go out for a nice long walk.
    you ll find that tracking your food on here will definately help with cutting on the mindless snacking.

    also, I am sorry about your past, your parents were clearly abusive. if you are able I would try to find some counselling or support groups. it will probably take a lifetime to get over the damage they caused you but you are not alone.
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    I dont like going out on my own because I have social anxiety. I guess I should try to push my self more often. I havent been able to get a decent counselor the free ones are a mess and the ones you pay for are really expensive and if i was going to do counselling it would be taking a very long time to go threw everything thats ever happened to me and all my issues which would cost a lot of money.
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
    Writing a journal is free. I have been doing this since October and I think it has helped me a lot. I have been in therapy and honestly I feel like I am not really talking about the issues that I need to. I haven't had a therapist yet that was able to get me to go in that direction either. It's a lot harder to evade the truth when you are talking to yourself.

    I don't have exactly the same issues as you i.e. being abused the same way. My parents didn't withhold food in an outright abusive way, but my dad would buy expensive things for his hunting and fishing hobbies even when there was very little food in the house. As a result my 4 siblings and I became malnourished and we were put into foster care. They really didn't get much better when we were returned to them, but my mom became super aggressive about not letting my dad have grocery money so most the time we didn't go hungry after that.

    I think it's ok to take it somewhat slowly by making a positive change and getting used to that. For example you have started exercising this is great. Maybe you can start swapping out some calorie dense nutrient light foods for more nutrient dense foods. I started doing this about 6 months before I joined MFP and now what I eat is barely recognizable from what it was back in October.

    You got this. Just don't let little set backs discourage you. Come here to vent instead if that happens.
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    I already write in my journal but some times have a hard time sitting down and doing it. I write randomly so its not in any order. I also find that I have a hard time getting out my feelings the way I want to. Can you give me some ideas of the foods i should be switching? Thanks
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    Lost 26 lbs so far!!!
  • rem1p
    rem1p Posts: 3
    Hi all, I'm Remi from Barcelona - I'm 172 LBS and have been wanting to get down to 158 for year, and was never able to do it. Let's see if this works!
    Add me and let's get motivated ! :)
  • mothib79
    mothib79 Posts: 23 Member
    Hi, Your story is so sad, I am so sorry to hear what your parents put you thru. I also use to "sneak" food due to being called fat by my father and then my stepfather so I can relate to that. I still feel I have to "sneak" sometimes when I want to eat something bad just so I won't be judged.
    What are you doing to lose weight? If you need advice the best is just try to keep busy and you might have those days that you feel down or your pass might push you to food but just remember that you are better than that and either reach for fruits and veggies or go workout then your brain will shift when you get upset or angry it won't crave the bad foods anymore. Does your fiance support you in your weight loss?
  • brighteyes1967
    brighteyes1967 Posts: 23
    Well done you have taken the first steps, you have spoken about all that went on when you were young, sorry your parents treated you that way, I'm sure you will get the help you require from this site,people are lovely, good luck on your journey
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I dont like going out on my own because I have social anxiety. I guess I should try to push my self more often. I havent been able to get a decent counselor the free ones are a mess and the ones you pay for are really expensive and if i was going to do counselling it would be taking a very long time to go threw everything thats ever happened to me and all my issues which would cost a lot of money.
    hi and major hugs. it is very sad to read about all the abuse you've been through.

    Counseling doesn't necessarily have to take a long time - you may think that you have a lot of issues but I have a feeling that there is a lot of things in your life that are connected and once you get started with therapy you will see a lot of things falling into place.

    With that kind of abusive background you really *need* therapy, it's not something you can afford to do without. Look around - there may be therapists who are willing to work with you on a sliding scale, sometimes local universities offer free or less expensive counseling. there are ways to get help.
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    to mothib79
    Hey thanks for your reply. Being made to feel ashamed for something your doing is awful and its hard to look at it differently ever again. but we all deserve treats no matter our size.
    what i did to loose the weight ive lost so far is mainly portion control following my calories for the day even tho i do go over some (im a work in progress) i exercise up until i month ago most days a week but i now have a pretty bad leg/knee injury and cant do much right now. I also cut things like iced tea, made changes at fast food like grilled chicken always and no sides.
    Just recently my Fiance decided to start MFP and im so proud of him hes doing great and even before he supported me. why wouldnt he want me to look better/be healthier lol It has been hard with the injury tho dealing with everything but ive lowered my calories and am continuing to lose weight.
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    brighteyes196 thanks! MFP has been the best thing ive done for myself in a long time.
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    MyJourney1960

    Hey thanks i didnt mean for my story to be so sad i just really wanted to explain what lead me to have such bad eating habits. im not to sure how i feel about counseling at the moment i still kinda feel like maybe im not worth it or theres not much of a point to tell my story. maybe one day soon ill change my mind. thanks for the advice tho ill remember it for when i need it.
  • dewdrop
    dewdrop Posts: 1,715 Member
    Lost 26 lbs so far!!!

    Wow, excellent! See? It works!

    Have confidence in yourself! You are a wonderful person and you can do this! Be happy to have found someone that loves you (really nice ring :wink:) and explain to him how important this it to you and how much you need his support. Switch slowly (no radical moves) to healthier cooking, involve him in some sports (you can go for long walks together - great opportunity to talk about various things). Be happy with every pound lost (this boosts your self-confidence!) and stay focused if you happen to reach a plateau. Picture yourself at the healthy weight :wink:. And hey, some people out there might judge you, some might be rude, but don't miss out on the opportunity of meeting some really nice people by hiding inside your house. Find outdoor activities that you enjoy and move your butt out of the 4 walls! :tongue:

    I am confident that you can make it! :flowerforyou:
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    MyJourney1960

    Hey thanks i didnt mean for my story to be so sad i just really wanted to explain what lead me to have such bad eating habits. im not to sure how i feel about counseling at the moment i still kinda feel like maybe im not worth it or theres not much of a point to tell my story. maybe one day soon ill change my mind. thanks for the advice tho ill remember it for when i need it.
    Sarah - listen to me. you ARE worth it. you are an amazing beautiful woman who has had much hardships in your life. I wish I could stand in front of you right now and tell you these things. You did not deserve to be hurt by your family. nobody does.I do hope you will reach out get help, before you embark on your marriage. Maybe it will help you to take control back, to give yourself the freedom to have a healthy life.
  • dewdrop
    dewdrop Posts: 1,715 Member
    P.S. Soon, you'll be posting "My Weight Loss Story". Can't wait for it! :wink:
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    Yup just posted my first success story. Managed to lose just over 40 lbs last year.

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