I am feeling so disgusted

yellowmirror · July 2013

Ok, I'll try to keep this short.. I need to lose a good amount of weight. I'm 5'4" and I weigh 204. I am in my 40's. Some years ago I lost weight with diet and exercise and did very well. Got myself down to 140. I kept my calories in the correct range for 90 days straight, I ate what I wanted within my allowed range. I exercised 5 days a week for 1/2 hr and did the occasional walk around the neighborhood (a mile or so).

That was about 10 years ago and I maintained that for a good while. But here I am now.. peri menopausal. FAT as ever.. never weighed this much! I am disgusted with myself, I will do well eating/exercising for a week or X amount of days then overeat- I am not hungry when I eat.. I don't know if what I do constitutes a "binge". I do not throw up, I do not use laxatives.. I just swear at myself the next few days when the scale goes up a few lbs. Then I tell myself to STOP and get right back on track and it's a crazy, sick vicious cycle.. I will lose again, I will feel GREAT, I will start to see a difference in the way my jeans fit, I will feel really good about myself, and BAM.. I will overeat again... I will tell myself "NO" quite literally out loud and pour a BIG glass of ice water (which I love!), and I will drink it down.. I will tell myself that Ill eat green beans (another fav) and I will eat the entire can, then 2 then 3.. not bad we're talking 180 calories in 3 cans! But I can't stop there even though I am FULL.

Nothing seems to trigger it. It's not necessarily junk food .. it could be cereal, bread, even watermelon.. silly I know but I would eat the entire watermelon. It's coffee where I will have just too much with too much creamer. It could be junk, but that's usually not the case, I have got control with those things.. I am not deprived because if I crave something I will eat it and keep it in my calorie range.. so what is my problem? Anyone??

camrrt · July 2013

sounds a little me- I can stay on track for a while then completely blow it. I bam mine on working nite shift- I can control my food then home that's another story. No time to exercise when working because then I will not get enough sleep.
The best I can say is take it one day at a time. I would l iike to go out and walk but gee its like 100 degrees outside so its too hot to walk.
I spend money on fruit that I really like and looks nice but I am normally too cheap so spend money on it. I made a deal if I spend a little bit more on nice looking fruit and I eat it its a plus for my health!!!
Life is a journey and I am not done yet- I do want to be around for a log time- healthy.
Putting down in words is hard to admit-but feels like I am not alone and makes it more real if I write it
good luck and stop beating your self up Don't let yourself to it to you- You are a person and we all make mistakes.
Jjust some of us it takes longer to pick ourswelves up and keep going-

goldfinger88 · July 2013

Your problem is too big for the members of this board to address with any degree of authority. But on the surface, it sounds like you need to see a nutritionist and perhaps psychological counselor to see if you have an eating problem.

But from my layman's point of view, you might want to ditch the bread and most bad carbs and all processed (boxed and packaged foods) and eat only organic meats and veggies and fruits. Eat natural foods that are not processed. Eat as much of those foods as you want. But stay away from processed foods. They are toxic and dangerous and will make you fat and unhealthy.

Exercise doesn't really burn many calories. So it's not the critical part of weight loss. It IS critical to your health, however. You should move all you can. It does not have to be formal exercise. Just move about - briskly as possible.

It sounds like you're sabotaging yourself. That's why you might need the assistance of one or two professionals. Frankly, your life depends on it. You are setting yourself up for major health problems.

My best to you. I know you're suffering. Take action now. Don't let this take hold. BUT, do not beat yourself up either. That won't help.

brenn24179 · July 2013

try chewing gum or brushing your teeth, maybe you wont go back for more. I am down to 157, was 208 and can relate. I wanted choc chip cookies tonight but I said I can have them tomorrow in my calorie range, seem to be ok since I get them tomorrow, such discipline. I also have to freeze what I don't eat or feed them to hubby or I will just keep eating like you. Have a plan.

mmouse90 · July 2013

I have done the eating thing even though I was not hungry. I had to ask myself was a I really hungry or was I trying to eat for other reasons. I also made it where I take my lunch and snacks with me to work and that is my limit, I am not allowed to eat anything else so it forces me to really question if I am hungry or not. My office is really bad about having bad food around all of the time and I let everyone know that it was off limits to me as I was trying to eat better.

daytondunn · July 2013

We have similar #s. I'm 37 and as of last week before I started up MyFitnessPal again, I was 198.

I started reading Chris Powell's new book and his suggestion is to start with a promise or two to yourself. AND KEEP IT. Don't make a promise you know you're NOT going to keep. Mine was to drink 2 18oz cups of water a day, EVERY DAY. Drinking enough liquids period has always been tough for me, whether it be water, tea, milk, juice, even soda.... So, that was my promise. I've done good the past two weeks so far. Most of the time I'll drink 3 cups, one day I even got in 4! For me, that's huge. Then I started his carb cycling and have done okay with it too....

So, maybe just start with a promise to yourself? Another mind thing that has helped me a couple times is something like "Falling isn't Failing." We're all going to fall now and then, but it doesn't mean you fail. We fall, we get up. If I gave up, heck, I'd be twice my size.

Good luck and keep going!

yellowmirror · July 2013

Thank you everyone all really great and helpful advice!!

aljeca · July 2013

sounds like what i have read about binge eating disorder, obv I'm no doctor BUT can give you this advice given to people with BED which is... keep a written food journal with you, and don't just record what you eat, but also what time it is & how you are feeling while eating it. This is rooted in cognitive behavioural therapy and can help you start to see patterns that lead to the overeating. yes 3 cans of beans is still relatively low cal but... i'm guessing still considered a binge since it's more than most people would eat in one sitting. Also for binge eating disorder you have to experience a loss of control while eating - you can't stop eating until you feel sick or actually are sick. Anyway. if you really feel it's a problem for you I would try that. Don't bother writing down the cals (since you're already doing that on here I presume) just how you feel about what you're eating and how you feel in general at that time (happy, sad, anxious etc) Hope this helps

lsegatti · July 2013

Are you familiar with Dr Christine Northrup book called the "wisdom of menopause?" It was truly my go to read when I was getting through those 5 to 6 years. I followed her ideas and the one thing that I did and still use now ( just turned 60 this week!), I still use the progest cream twice a day. From my perspective it is truly the one thing that promotes new bone growth, it is not a hormone but made from wild yams. It kept at bay any hot flashes, "foggy headed" thinking, restless sleep, muscle aches and probably other little things that I was not really paying attention to at that time. I still to this day use it because of the new bone growth it promotes, I still ask each of my medical providers is it OK to still use and the answer is yes.

In addition at that time I took some other vitamins and things like flaxseed oil with oil of rosemary (for skin), the women's blend. I think the brand was barlean's.

So while you are looking at the food consumption, read her book and see if your behaviors might not have some basis and cause in other issues.

Keep going....you will find the answer if you truly seek one!

meeper123 · July 2013

If you eat a lot of low nutritional food it can actually make you stay hungery your body might need something you arent giving it perhaps see a doc

DebbieLyn63 · July 2013

I struggled with an 'all or nothing' mentality for many years. I would do fine for a few days, then eat something I wasn't supposed to, and too much of it, then beat myself up about it and think, well I have blown it now, might as well eat everything I have been missing, and start over tomorrow.
But tomorrow never seemed to make it here. I finally stopped 'dieting' because it wasn't working, and only made me frustrated and more down on myself.

Take a step back and look at what has happened in your life over the past several years. Have you suffered any losses from death or children growing up and moving away, or loss of a job/career? I found myself more vulnerable to excesses when I was grieving over losses in my life. Trying to fill the void with food or shopping, etc.
I also ate out of avoidance quite often. I could waste time preparing and eating food so I didn't have time to clean out that closet I had been needing to do for so long. Or I had too many things to deal with at once, and became overwhelmed at where to start, so I could delay having to make those decisions by just having lunch. Again. ;-)

I agree with another poster, that you might benefit from some counseling before it gets too out of hand.

The main thing is to not beat yourself up to the point of feeling worthless. You ARE worth more than the way you are treating yourself physically and mentally.
Sounds like you had it under control for several years, so you can find your way back again. Don't give up on yourself!

dalgal26 · July 2013

I always have to be mindful of my portions.... I can overdo it very easily . I keep my phone with me at all meals and log each item before I finish. It really helps me to stay focused!

Wishing you great success in your journey to a HEALTHIER you! :flowerforyou:

I am feeling so disgusted

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