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Help. Self Recovering from Anorexia

1thessalonians516
1thessalonians516 Posts: 4 Member
edited January 30 in Food and Nutrition
First I want to thank anyone who is reading this and is willing to answer my questions!
I'm 5'1 and I started my journey about two years ago. I was 138 pounds and I wanted to lose weight. My weight was really heavy for my tiny frame and it looked pretty bad.. I was stress eating and binging (no purging) for a couple years due to personal life events and grief, thats why I gained so much in the first place. I am a perfectionist and once I "realized" that my weight was keeping me of "success" I started running and eating very healthy. This was great and I started to loose weight the healthy way! But I took things too far. One day I was sick and only had a few things to eat and I weighed myself. This was a HUGE mistake. I saw that I lost 2 pounds and thought to myself "well hey, if I eat like this everyday I can lose weight fast." So I did. Every day since November 2012 (maybe around there not sure) I started living off of 800 calories. I lost so much weight I was forbidden to run and do any cardio exercise. I always told myself I would start eating again once I got to a certain weight but everytime I lost I was addicted to the new high I would feel seeing those numbers drop. But the - Not Running Thing -made everything worse because I lost a lot muscle from not running which translated to more weight on the scale. But during this whole illness I was in denial that I had anorexia. I had a huge fear of gaining, anxiety when I had to eat out, scheduling food meals and thinking about food 24/7, hiding my weight from my mom, wouldnt let anyone cook for me, had safe food and fear foods (fear food like avocado and olives, so sad) and becoming withdrawn from my social life. It wasn't until a month ago when I saw a picture that my mom accidentally took of me from my back that I realized I had a problem. I didn't look glamorous like the girls in Vogue, NO. I looked like an eight year old BOY. I looked.. gross. Just GROSS. It was like the whole universe came together and something just clicked inside of me. And Im so glad it did because that week I was eating 600-700 calories a day and my weight was 90 pounds. I am a believer of Jesus Christ and I started to lean on my faith for support. Which I will tell you it has been SOOO incredibly easy compared to what I have read with girls and their relapses. I guess its because I have a solid hope. Anyways. I have been bumping up my calories slowly and now up to 1000- 1200 give or take a few. Some days have been a lot more but never fewer then 1000. I've been doing this for about (or a little less then) a month now while doing moderate strength exercises to gain muscle and more mass rather then skinny flab. I have already gained 5 pounds. The Ana part of my head is slightly freaked and disappointed I have decided to embrace it happily (its hard sometimes.....) And I've been shaking off the urges to start restrict again. ITS HARD MAN.
But my questions is, should I have really been gaining weight at that few of calories? I was prepared to up my calories more and more because I thought that few of calories wouldn't have really effect my weight but obviously it is. It seems that it wont even stop or level out. What should I do? And why am I gaining so fast?

Also you should know that now, sorry TMI, I am very constipated and things like probiotics, juicing veggies, and stool softeners (NOT laxatives) aren't really helping. So any suggestions for that too? Is that normal?

Also I've been drinking a lot of water throughout the day to help and that just makes me feel even more bloated... Why all the bloating? I feel heavy and huge.

Also with the emotions I've been dealing with I've been keeping a journal and I feel like that really helps. Plus reading my Bible more! Seriously.. I couldn't have done this without the Lord.

Annnnd I've been eating out! (Woohoo) I'm just done being a slave to Ana and a prisoner of my own mind. I want to actually enjoy life. Christ has set me free.:flowerforyou:

Replies

  • DancingMoosie
    DancingMoosie Posts: 8,619 Member
    You should probably speak to a doctor. You are doing really well, and have addressed the eating disorder, but you need to see a doctor about the possible damage you may have done to your body in the process. Whenever you increase your calories, you may see an increase on the scale at first, but it should even out. The problems you are having with bloating and constipation can come from your body not being used to processing that much food at once. You may need a doctor to help in that area, as well. You may also benefit from a nutritionist. Your church may also offer counseling, which can be really helpful, just to talk through all of your feelings. Good luck:)
  • whatascene
    whatascene Posts: 119 Member
    First of all, thank you for sharing your story. I think it is normal for you to gain that weight even on that few calories. When a person starves themselves, the weight tends not to stay off unless that person continues to starve themselves. They mess up their metabolism. I would suggest being patient and continuing to raise your calories at least past 1200 calories to be healthy. After being so small, it's natural your body wants to gain weight because it's trying to be healthy again. I think you should be aware of that bloaty feeling when you drink water. Yes, water naturally makes you feel that way when you drink a lot, but it works through your system. It might be psychological since your eating disorder. Just keep an eye on things like, water is good for you, keep drinking. You actually burn 200 calories a day from drinking 8 glasses of water. It'd good for your body!!!
  • LovinDaNewLiz14
    LovinDaNewLiz14 Posts: 217 Member
    First and foremost I want to applaud you for sharing your story. I know it was hard, and no matter what people say your a very strong and brave person:)

    The weight your gaining is normal when upping calories. Just your body way of saying thank you for fueling me, and give me what I NEED to function correctly. Once your body gets use to it I am sure you will begin to loose. Just stick with it, and do not let it get the best of it...It in a few weeks things will change:) As far as the bloating maybe the foods your eating are high in sodium or something else that is causing your body to do so....I get like that sometime just down water, and pay attention to what you eat that may be causing this...

    I could be wrong, but speak with your doctor and let him know what you just mention to use his advice, suggestions will be helpful and help you in recovering and doing what is best for you body:)
  • LeviLeDoux
    LeviLeDoux Posts: 151 Member
    Congratulations on your road to recovery!
    Firstly, you are gaining quickly because your body has been in starvation mode for so long and your body is holding on to every bit of nutrition you put into it. Don't freak out, as it WILL even out as your metabolism returns to normal.
    I would suggest calculating the calories you need to maintain your goal weight and try to eventually meet and sustain that goal.
    Secondly, constipation is normal as well. Try to eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies as they can help with this. :flowerforyou:
  • 1thessalonians516
    1thessalonians516 Posts: 4 Member
    Thank you, you guys, I mean I'm a stranger yet you are all so willing to help!! All the advice and support is really helping! Just taking it one step at a time:) I'm enjoying seeing my booty come back..:p
  • AbbeyDove
    AbbeyDove Posts: 317 Member
    I'm so glad you have your faith to help you! Here's a link to an article about a mom refeeding her daughter. I learned a lot about the illness from it. I wish you good, good luck as you complete your recovery:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/26/magazine/26anorexia.html?pagewanted=all
  • 1thessalonians516
    1thessalonians516 Posts: 4 Member
    Thanks for all the help! I have another question though. Usually everyday I'm very energetic especially with the higher intake but today oh my gosh, I just want to lay here..
    I'm exhausted!!! I can't explain it or why. The past week I would crash at 6 too.
    Is that normal? And I'm extremely moody.. It's nothing too extreme but sometimes I just feel like withdrawing and being alone out of no where. Plus I get really irritated. It's weird.
  • QuilterInVA
    QuilterInVA Posts: 672 Member
    That is what I was experiencing when I was diagnosed with depression. You really need to get a thorough check up and see if you have damaged your body and perhaps need some medication for depression.
  • lblert
    lblert Posts: 55
    I have been in recovery for over 4 years from anorexia. Constipation is super common, especially when you are increasing your food intake. I did my weight gain period at a residential treatment center. Almost everyone took regular doses of Miralax or Citrucel at mealtimes. They are bulking agents and don't cause physical dependence like laxatives.

    As for weight gain, every time you up your calories, you might gain a little weight. But your body gets used to it and you'll either drop a little or maintain within a few days. Then you up your calories a little more and repeat the process. It's a gradual process. My calories were upped every 3 or 4 days over approximately 6 weeks for weight restoration.
  • peanutbutterrunna
    peanutbutterrunna Posts: 106
    Make an account. You're welcome: http://www.youreatopia.com/
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