New to MFP but not new to yo-yoing - my story....

Here I am - another year shot in the rear. I am so ashamed and not feeling all that great about myself today - so why not introduce myself to hundreds of strangers? Great idea!

Hi, my name is allief and I am fat!!! (insert audience reply of "Hi Allie" here)

Well, I am a weightloss surgery failure at this point. I had lap-band surgery a couple of years ago and am currently heavier than I was the day I went under the knife. I became very bulimic from it and vomited at pretty much every meal. I had the liquid removed a little at a time and no matter what I did - I was still planning my lunches around how much time I would have to throw-up before my next meeting at work. It was awful. I started WW for the 970th time in January this year and since having my band totally drained in the fall last year and falling off of the WW bandwagon, I have gained 47 lbs. How the hell does that happen you ask? Poor choices and lifestyle is all I can say. I have considered having my band refilled, but I am scared to death that a) Due to scar tissue it will be very painful or b) I will end up right where I was last year - wasting money on food that was going to come right back out no matter how well I chewed or how healthy the items were. (I did give it the "old college try" for over a year, so please don't tell me that I didn't. My dr was the one who suggested I have it drained as I was in a dangerous pattern that was getting worse and worse.) Like most overweight people, I KNOW what I need to do. I just don't do it. We all KNOW. I mean, how many of us in life can say "Really? McDonald's isn't healthy? I am so shocked!" I just don't know how to find the motivation to actually DO IT. Sad really. I am always the funny girl who jokes about being fat or the first one to cut myself down, but the truth is it kills me everyday to even get dressed. My dress clothes for work are all extremely tight and I am just unhappy with myself on a daily basis.

I am hoping to find some sort of lifestyle change and motivation here that I haven't had in the past. I am hoping to find a way to change myself in a way that I can stick to (not have to spend money on meetings that I hate or stop attending!) by not following one specific style of food or plan (WW or Slimfast etc...) but to incorporate what I read here, with my own lifestyle repairs. I am also looking into adding exercise back into my life as a regular thing that is PART of my life, not something I have to FORCE myself to do or don't have time for most days.

<<<<Cossing my fat fingers once again!>>>>