Are You Being Watched...By Strangers?

No matter where you go, you are being watched. Sometimes, it is just a casual glance; other times, a person might actually follow you with their eyes. That can be creepy and make you wonder, "What are you looking at?"..."What are you thinking about me?"..."Are you judging me?"..."Do you think that I am fat, lazy or just plain ugly?"

In the past, I would imagine what these looks meant. I assumed that I was being judged for my appearance, my size or something negative. I just knew that behind those looks were words like, "That is one fat lady!"...""She must never stop eating." When I finally ended up in a wheelchair, because my knees could not longer support my weight, the looks spoke new words like, "So fat that she can't even walk anymore."..."Two guesses why you are in the wheelchair, Fatso." Yes, I knew what those looks were all about.

I have lost 62 pounds in the past 8 months, and I still get those looks. They make me uncomfortable, and I still can't help but imagine what words go along with those looks...but NOT TODAY.

I had been swimming my laps in the pool. My hour had come to an end, and I was breast stroking toward the steps with the handrails that make it possible for 'people like me' to exit the pool. There was a man in the shallow end, holding onto the edge of the pool with his hands and floating his legs out in front of him. He had been there for a while. I assumed that he had been watching me; and now, he was only a couple feet away and looking right at me. I rather hoped that he would just get his legs out of my away, and not say anything. No such luck.

He stood up to let me pass; but only allowed me to reach the steps and the handrail, before he spoke. "How long were you swimming today?" I turned to look at him. There was no smile of greeting, just a serious face and a serious question.

My first thought was, "What are you...the pool police? Is there a time limit on using the pool now?" I censored my immediate thoughts and carefully considered my response, because I didn't want to start something with my hubbie nearby. Ed would end up trying to defend me, if I got into an argument with this nosy man. So, I just gave a quick answer, "One hour."

That's when the man turned on the biggest smile. "Aren't you the lady who was struggling to swim 20 laps last month?" When I said yes, the now beaming man said, "I knew you could do it! You were so determined. Now, look at you. You don't even count laps anymore. You just swim for the whole hour."

What a surprise. Now, I could proudly tell my 'new admirer' that I had swam for 90 minutes on Saturday. I was so pleased, when I got out of the pool and into my wheelchair. That man had been WATCHING ME. He had been cheering me on. :happy:

As Ed was wheeling my chair toward the pool gate, a lady stopped us. She smiled at me and said, "I don't know how you do it. I could never swim that long. You have so much...Ahh...so much..." She was struggling for the word that she wanted. I wanted to insert 'determination', after what the man had said. Then, the woman found the word that she wanted, "Ahh...STAMINA. You're amazing. I just don't know how you do it."

Yep. Today, there were people watching me...strangers who are now my new friends. They weren't thinking that I was FAT or LAZY or PROBABLY EAT LIKE A PIG...or any of those other words that I would have imagined in their minds. They were watching me with admiration for what I was doing today. Yes. They were judging me, and they decided that I was a WINNER.

Maybe, I need to stop putting bad thoughts into other people unspoken looks. Some folks might actually be admirers and future friends.