Eating disorders ..

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43932452
43932452 Posts: 7,246 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm so sad I eliminated a friend because I found she
seems to have an eating disorder. I looked through
her FL .. lots more were on it. I hope this post won't be
a target of negative responses but what do all of you
do if someone is on your FL and they are harming
themselves? I really just felt uncomfortable & sad ..

Replies

  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,630 Member
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    What was it she was doing that you think she had an ED?
  • msliu7911
    msliu7911 Posts: 639 Member
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    Don't feel bad for deleting them. To be quite honest, for many of these people who have the ED, there is nothing you can do to change their mind or help them- especially if they're not already reaching out for help. Some have made up their mind that starvation is the way to go for them (sadly) and you will see that many of their friends are the same way. Some of them get very offended if you try to comment that they eat way too little and they need to seek help.

    So, unless the person was reaching out to your for help (in which you probably should then direct them to professional help), I wouldn't feel bad.

    Besides, think about the people on here who might be recovering from an ED or are very vulnerable... they don't need that kind of exposure anyway.

    Just my thoughts.
  • freebirdxx7
    freebirdxx7 Posts: 6
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    I don't know, but this sort of reminds me of the time when I was a junior in high school and my two best friends refused to talk to me because they were mad I was hurting myself with my eating disorder. All I know is that what they did just made everything that much worse, made me feel that much more scared, confused, and hurt.

    Obviously that was a different situation - these people were my two best friends in real life, not friends on a website, so their actions definitely cut that much more.

    If you're going to unfriend somebody because you feel they are unhealthy, the only question I'd ask is what your motivation is for doing so. If you feel that their unhealthy behavior is going to negatively impact your own health, the only sensible thing to do would be to delete them.

    If, however, you believe that unfriending somebody is going to in any way, shape, or form, help them cope with their eating disorder or help them get over their eating disorder, it's not going to work. If your motivation is to help your friend, the best thing you could do would be to send them a personal message with your concerns. The worst that could happen is that person knowing there is somebody who cares.

    Of course, ultimately you have to put your own health first.
  • TabbiToo
    TabbiToo Posts: 19 Member
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    I'm so sad I eliminated a friend because I found she
    seems to have an eating disorder. I looked through
    her FL .. lots more were on it. I hope this post won't be
    a target of negative responses but what do all of you
    do if someone is on your FL and they are harming
    themselves? I really just felt uncomfortable & sad ..

    I am not sure eliminating her will help her. Today is a tough day for me...I am sitting her in tears because I have been pushing myself to eat more the past two weeks and have gotten my calories up to 1200 to 1400 a day and feel sick doing so. I am on this site for support for just what you are talking about. I was anorexic from the age of 2 o 25 and thought I was doing better until I joined this site and realized what I thought was a good day of eating 700 to 900 calories were still days I was starving my body. So 20 years has gone by and I am still really not recovered like I thought. It kinda hit me hard realizing that what I thought was progress was really not much progress at all.
    I have a only a few friends on this site and all were kind enough to ask me to join them as a friend when I was posting about how many calories I should eat daily based on what exercises I did. When someone has an eating disorder it helps to have friends that are honest and helpful with comments that tell them they need to eat. If you see that her food logs are harmful. It will not hurt you to post that she needs to eat more and remind her that starving herself will only cause her to maintain her current weight and over the long haul she will end up gaining excessive weight and doing damage to her organs. Sometimes it just takes one person to say the right thing and it helps start the seed that change needs to happen. You can feel sad, but you can also help her if she wants the help. Just me thoughts on this topic. @ Di less than one or two meals a day and eating really low calories under 1200 a day is a big sign one might have an eating disorder. I can eat 700 calories a day and not lose weight because I have messed up my metabolism so bad. It is very hard to come back from years of bad habits.
  • 43932452
    43932452 Posts: 7,246 Member
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    1) Nothing in commentary did she listen to by me. I never went off about it either.
    .. she stuck to her friends that seem to be the same mindset. Many with puking over
    toilet pics and skin/bone profiles which was alarming. I do know what the signs of
    anorexia are ..

    2) I'm not here to tell her what she doesn't want to hear, as another reply had mentioned. I'm
    the best support I can be tho my abilities for my friends who want to lose to look great and be
    their healthiest. They are the judge of when tho stop but if it is painfully obvious I can't beparty
    of it either.

    3) In my youth I was heavily into drama/dance in school and even wanted to be a model, for
    awhile, it was all that mattered to me .. I spent some
    time doing the behaviours in which would waste a person. I hate admitting it but I did and had friendswho did
    as well but they kept at it and no words anyone could tell them would stop them. It is up to the person
    with the problem Just as fast fwd many years and bam, I'm ↑316#s no one could make me or talk me
    into turning it around. I had to want it for ME. Which thankfully, I did!

    With all this said, I'm sorry to those who suffer this condition and hope she, the mentioned, will
    turn her situation around .. before she really hurts herself.
  • Gee_24
    Gee_24 Posts: 359 Member
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    I have suffered from anorexic habits in the past and know that reading things on here have helped me more than ever to realise what people have been telling me for years. You can eat and lose! Infact I am losing faster this time and still fitting in cakes and my favourite meals.

    If this girl has been on the path to destruction for so long and its become frustrating ( assuming you dont know each other or have for long in RL ) and you feel like you have nothing left to give (advice wise) then I can see where your coming from.

    I know I've my fair share of people bang their heads against the wall when it comes to me.

    I hope she recovers. Regardless of all of the useful information and true anorexia sufferer can not see what is right in front of them. Such a shame.
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
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    I'm so sad I eliminated a friend because I found she
    seems to have an eating disorder. I looked through
    her FL .. lots more were on it. I hope this post won't be
    a target of negative responses but what do all of you
    do if someone is on your FL and they are harming
    themselves? I really just felt uncomfortable & sad ..

    You report them to the moderators. If you don't feel comfortable with that, please save my username and email me any time you see people like that. I will report them for you. The mods know me at this point, as i regularly send them lists of "pro-eating disorder" profiles (people who encourage each other to starve or binge and purge and other such things because they believe eating disorders are a "lifestyle choice"). PLEASE feel free to contact me.
  • quiltlovinlisa
    quiltlovinlisa Posts: 1,710 Member
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    I spoke up and said that 600-700 calories a day was too little and I was worried. She deleted me.

    *shrug*
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
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    As someone in recovery from an eating disorder, I'm friends with several others in recovery and a few who very obviously aren't. I understand that. I've been there. I let them know they can PM me if they need to talk about why they feel so compelled to treat their bodies that way (it's NEVER about being skinny) - I don't try to play counselor, but once trust has been built up I feel better about recommending they see one. I try to set a healthy example for them. I just don't look at their diaries, and if their posts are too triggering I end up deleting them. If you don't know much about eating disorders or how to provide support, it's best to just not get involved - neither of you will get anything beneficial out of that friendship, so deleting that person is perfectly fine. If you do comment on diaries that are too low, always be kind - there's a reason that girl is doing that so herself, and it's usually a pretty ugly one.
  • 43932452
    43932452 Posts: 7,246 Member
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    I spoke up and said that 600-700 calories a day was too little and I was worried. She deleted me.

    *shrug*

    This girl had about 6 days and counting like that. I honestly didn't go further back.
    But she mentioned the skin that was loose from her mega amount lost. She is young
    so I asked if it was rapid .. she neglected to answer. that was also a flag because
    a younger persons skin can snap back better particularly if the weight was lost in
    a timely manner rather than quickly.

    I admit I get a high from losing on the scale but liking how I see myself and feel are
    the deciding factors. It is tough for girls today, really ever but theses days it's harder.
    Competing with Photoshop magazines has to be hard mentally for young women
    today .. it's tough enough in us older ones.
  • 43932452
    43932452 Posts: 7,246 Member
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    I'm so sad I eliminated a friend because I found she
    seems to have an eating disorder. I looked through
    her FL .. lots more were on it. I hope this post won't be
    a target of negative responses but what do all of you
    do if someone is on your FL and they are harming
    themselves? I really just felt uncomfortable & sad ..

    You report them to the moderators. If you don't feel comfortable with that, please save my username and email me any time you see people like that. I will report them for you. The mods know me at this point, as i regularly send them lists of "pro-eating disorder" profiles (people who encourage each other to starve or binge and purge and other such things because they believe eating disorders are a "lifestyle choice"). PLEASE feel free to contact me.

    I'll keep that in mind. Thank you.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I delete people for the same thing I don't offer counseling advice here...nor do I want to be responsible for it...so I can totally relate...if it were someone close or family that would be different but over the internet..no can do. I have a lot of my own issues to tend with day to day. Same goes for anyone that I feel cheating or lying they get a delete as well.
  • LuckyMunky
    LuckyMunky Posts: 200 Member
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    I've had to remove a few people for the same reason. It's not that I'm against having people with ED on my list, I'm NOT, but when they begin to support ED in others is where I draw the line. I do not want to see ANY pro-ana propaganda on my news feed. I watched my mother starve herself for years, I don't need to see a bunch of young girls doing the same (some of which have lied about their age to use this website) unless they are open to change.
  • healthyformeanMona
    healthyformeanMona Posts: 143 Member
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    bump
  • hzliiz
    hzliiz Posts: 166 Member
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    First I think everyone needs to be able to create a space here that ultimately helps with one's own goals and journey. Your FL is yours to manage as you need and want to. As for ED, I personally don't delete folks over that but 1) I had an ED in the past and I want to show by example that it's possible to recover, to eat, and still be fit and slim and 2) I have enough time and distance from the illness that I do not become triggered by others' ED behavior and thinking. I don't reinforce unhealthy behavior or argue about it. I'm open about my past in my profile and hope that people can see that along with my diary showing that I eat, and who knows maybe that will spark someone who is struggling to consider that maybe there can be another way. But no it in no way makes you a bad person to choose not to watch self-destructive behavior.

    *edited b/c my own grammar horrifies me sometimes
  • shadus
    shadus Posts: 424 Member
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    I wouldn't tolerate someone glorifying it, I'd report it to the admins.
  • Janice2Shakira
    Janice2Shakira Posts: 257
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    I wouldn't tolerate someone glorifying it, I'd report it to the admins.

    ^this
  • 43932452
    43932452 Posts: 7,246 Member
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    I delete people for the same thing I don't offer counseling advice here...nor do I want to be responsible for it...so I can totally relate...if it were someone close or family that would be different but over the internet..no can do. I have a lot of my own issues to tend with day to day. Same goes for anyone that I feel cheating or lying they get a delete as well.

    Thank you .. very well put. That's what I mean as well.

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