wish hed' keep his comments to himself

cjd1029
cjd1029 Posts: 20
in Motivation and Support
i got married a year ago and was the perfect UK size 12, after the wedding i binged a lot and am now a size 14- 16.

the last month or so i have been really good with eating properly and doing regular exercise and lost around 9lb since i have been tracking and probably more in total as didn't start tracking my weight for a few weeks.

my hubbie doesn't seem happy with my progress and thinks i should be losing the weight quicker. I am happy losing 1-2lbs a week as i think i will keep it off this way, he keeps on comparing to when i lost a lot of weight after having my daughter and didn't really eat much plus breast feeding which gave me a dramatic weight loss.

I know it annoys him that i cant fit my wedding rings on, which is due to weight gain but also getting them stuck on a door handle and having to have them cut off, but his comments really get me down. I feel that I'm doing really well and i just feel horrible after he puts me down.

Is any one else in the same boat, should i be losing more weight quicker than i am??
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Replies

  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    Hows his weight?

    One or two punds a week is very good
  • blibby33
    blibby33 Posts: 53
    Losing weight at 1-2 pounds is the best way to make it a lifelong journey and not just a crash diet. Losing it slowly you will be able to keep it off and not gain it back, because if you were losing it more quickly you would more than likely gain the weight back. Good luck on your journey and you are doing it the right way.
  • princesstoadstool82
    princesstoadstool82 Posts: 371 Member
    nope thats average, tell him to shut the hell up..

    your doing great.. dont let anyone tell you any different..
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
    More than 1-2 lbs/week is not recommended for safe and sustainable weight loss. Your hubbie is wrong; don't try to lose faster. Doing so will likely lead to unhealthy habits and may do damage to your body.
  • suzieqcookie
    suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
    (((hugs))) i'm so sorry your husband is like that.. I had the opposite problem, despite gaining almost 100 lbs, my now ex husband did everything he could to sabotage my diet and that sucked too. Hang in there.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    nope thats average, tell him to shut the hell up..

    your doing great.. dont let anyone tell you any different..

    this!

    ignore him!
  • auntididi
    auntididi Posts: 1
    Mie's just the opposite. If I start to lose weight, he thinks I have a boyfriend. Why can't they just accept us the way we are? If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, not anyone else or you won't keep it off.
    does he want you thin to be healthy or just so he can brag about his trophy wife?
  • _EndGame_
    _EndGame_ Posts: 770 Member
    He expects you to lose the weight quicker?

    He should be as supportive as he could possibly be. Urging you to lose it quick makes it sounds like he has a problem with your weight. Plus, it's not healthy to rush weight loss.

    You should tell him to "keep his comments to himself"

    There is nothing worse than non supportive friends and family.
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
    I think sometimes people lose the filter between their brain and their mouth. Your body is going to change over the years, he's going to have to accept that in the long run.

    You're doing a great job! Have you sat him down and explained how he's making you feel?

    You're doing this the right way for sustainable change, don't forget it!! :)
  • cjd1029
    cjd1029 Posts: 20
    He likes me to be slim, I always have been even after having children. Think i was just in a bad place after the wedding which caused me to binge, but with out the purging i would have done when younger.

    He says it annoys him more that my wedding rings are too small, which i totally get, but i don't just want to lose weight i want to try and get fitter as well.
  • drojen
    drojen Posts: 203 Member
    nope thats average, tell him to shut the hell up

    This, although I'd be even more blunt and use even stronger words. Rapid weight loss is not healthy. This is your journey and your body. What he thinks is irrelevant. Tell him to take his comments and shove them.......
  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
    HIs comments are unacceptable.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    Wow. So you're making the effort to lose weight, but not doing it quick enough? How selfish of you! :huh:

    Tell him 1-2lb a week is the healthy rate to lose weight, and would he rather you sacrificed your health to lose it quicker to make him happy?
  • _EndGame_
    _EndGame_ Posts: 770 Member
    He likes me to be slim, I always have been even after having children. Think i was just in a bad place after the wedding which caused me to binge, but with out the purging i would have done when younger.

    He says it annoys him more that my wedding rings are too small, which i totally get, but i don't just want to lose weight i want to try and get fitter as well.

    You're doing just fine.

    Ignore what he says, and you do what you gotta do.

    Once you achieve your goal weight, just remind him that his low blows didn't help.
  • NHUK
    NHUK Posts: 37 Member
    When you set up the weight loss planner on the site here, the highest weekly weight loss target you can set is 2lbs - there is a reason for this as many people already pointed out. Controlled loss is a much better regime - just be sure you are doing it for you, and not for him.
  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 942 Member
    You're doing well...at least with respect to weight loss.
  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
    Mie's just the opposite. If I start to lose weight, he thinks I have a boyfriend. Why can't they just accept us the way we are? If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, not anyone else or you won't keep it off.

    SO MUCH THIS!

    I have gotten /such/ rations of **** for dropping weight and actually taking care of myself it should be in a sitcom - only it's not funny in the least as I YET AGAIN have to tell my wife why I'm doing all of this. She's an anti-motivator as I've dropped 53 lbs and increased my overall fitness an order of magnitude.

    It's really gotten to the point where I either "yes dear" her into silence or just flat-out tell her she has no idea what she's talking about to get her to stop.

    Gems include: You're losing weight too fast (1-2 lbs a week), You're losing too much (at 25 lbs overfat), Protein is bad for you (In's at ~140g a day AND my bloodwork shows no kidney or liver issues), Weight lifting is bad for you (demonstrably false) and the best You spend too much time in the gym (I have a weight lifting space at HOME I use for three hours a week).
  • johnrossmckay
    johnrossmckay Posts: 66 Member
    Don't let him get to you. You need to be doing this for yourself. Don't react when he goes off. Stick to your plan. If I am forced to react to things like that I usually try to remain outwardly emotionless and say "interesting" and then go about my business. The message is that I have heard the input, am considering it, but will not be caving in to pressure. You are absolutely doing the right thing.
  • SpleenThief
    SpleenThief Posts: 293 Member
    A pound or two per week is just right

    When you told him his comments bother you, how does he respond?
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Sounds like you're doing it right.

    Tell him to shut his pile hole and that him being overcritical is just making it harder for you. You need his support, not him telling you you aren't meeting his weight loss standards.
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
    I would explain to him that slow, steady weight loss will make you look good naked too. :smokin:
  • labeachgirl
    labeachgirl Posts: 158 Member
    At the rate he's going, he should just be happy if you're willing to put the rings back on once you've lost the weight. :huh:

    Do what's healthy and will keep the weight off for good, which is the slow and steady route.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    ouch youre trying and he's not encouraging you to be healthy. What happened to for better or worse? What would happen if you had to go on steroids and gained a ton of weight? If his daughter becomes heavy will he make mean comments to her?

    I dont know this could spell troubles down the road for your marriage.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I hope he's a really great guy in other ways because this completely sucks! If you've told him to keep quiet and let you do the work, and he won't, you might try parroting. Whenever he makes a comment, always give him the same reply; whatever you want to say.
    Examples:
    "I got this."
    "Thanks for your input, now go away."
    "lalalalala; I don't have to listen to this" (while covering ears)

    Whatever works for you. They usually get tired of this and leave you alone.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    I'm assuming that last time you lost weight quickly you gained it back again? Is that what he wants? A yo-yo dieter? Or does he want you to get thin and healthy the right way and be able to maintain a weight loss? Maybe you should show him some of the responses you get :flowerforyou:
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
    You could always say you don't feel pretty enough to have sex.

    This seems to work for some women, but on a more serious note- you just had a baby! That's amazing and wonderful and are still breast feeding- focus on the little one, you'll get back to your old weight healthily.
  • cherryd69
    cherryd69 Posts: 340
    He likes me to be slim, I always have been even after having children. Think i was just in a bad place after the wedding which caused me to binge, but with out the purging i would have done when younger.

    He says it annoys him more that my wedding rings are too small, which i totally get, but i don't just want to lose weight i want to try and get fitter as well.

    1) get the rings re-sized
    2) tell him to shut it, your doing it at your pace.. not his.

    2lbs a week weight loss is great work :) keep it up
  • AbigailsLuvie
    AbigailsLuvie Posts: 1
    Dear one, losing weight is hard, but doing it without the encouragement of the one most dear to you makes it even that much harder! So, for now, rely on your inner joy over your accomplishments and the cheers from your fellow sojourners on mfp. Your hubby will come around...for now just keep assuring him that you are doing the best you can. Please don't allow his negativity to foil your health keep-the-weight-off plan.
  • retirehappy
    retirehappy Posts: 3,519 Member
    me to binge, but with out the purging i would have done when younger.l.

    That is Bulimia, a nasty disease. If you have pulled yourself out of that cycle you are a strong woman. Stand up to him.

    Tell him his attitude towards healthy weight loss is annoying you.
    Does he expect you to purge to loose faster? That is a serious health problem. Women who purge have high risk of cancer of the esophagus and stomach, both very dangerous forms of cancer.

    Does he want you to see your kids grow up? Then he should just shut up and let you learn to be the fit, healthy, and beautiful woman you are meant to be.
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,585 Member
    At the rate he's going, he should just be happy if you're willing to put the rings back on once you've lost the weight. :huh:
    Well said!

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