My mind is fighting its self I need someone to talk to!

StArBeLLa87
StArBeLLa87 Posts: 1,582 Member
in Motivation and Support
Has anyone struggled with your heart wanting to live but something in your mind telling you to die if so isn't it scary I feel like every day is a constant battle for me and it hurts so so bad I know I have so much to live for but why is there something in my brain telling me I'm worthless I mean I have someone that loves me so so much and supports me I just don't understand it's almost like I have a angel on one side and a devil on the other! My birthday is in 20 days ill be 26 and I want to live but its like things happen to trigger this voice in my head I just recently got baker acted the 4th time every time my goes in this trance I constantly try to think of ways to harm myself and it hurts to the normal eye when people see me they would say im a amazing sweet beautiful and intelligent women but I've been beaten down in so many ways it just simply hurts! I'm 15lbs to 20lbs to my goal weight and about to start school in fall have a nice home And all I'm just am so so so lost! :sad:

Replies

  • PunkinSpice79
    PunkinSpice79 Posts: 309 Member
    I'm sorry for what you are going through. Are you seeing a therapist or counselor? Are you being medicated until you can work through things?
  • lolo641
    lolo641 Posts: 33 Member
    I too am sorry for what you are going through.
    Sorry I can't offer to much advice, but I think talking
    to a Dr. would be good, maybe it"s a chemical imbalance
    or your body is lacking something??
    Do you excersise??
    I know when I feel down , and I excersise it helps tremendously....
    I sincerely hope you find the help you need !!!!!!!
    Life is beautiful , (as you have stated )
    And is worth it !!!!
  • 9jenn9
    9jenn9 Posts: 309 Member
    Please see a professional asap. My heart goes out to you. Hang on till you can call a therapist or dr. In the meantime, if you need it: http://www.suicidehotlines.com/ Wish I could do more!
  • Sandy3313
    Sandy3313 Posts: 140 Member
    I am sooooo sorry you are going through this....Like everyone else has said PLEASE see someone who can and will help you....It doesn't make you a lesser person to see a professional DOCTOR!!!!! You took the first step on here for help.....please go the extra mile and seek a professional....your life is worth everything! Please...my heart is broken for you!!! May the Good Lord watch over you in your trouble time!!! If I can help if you just need a friend please add me...God Bless sweetie!
  • shaxmath
    shaxmath Posts: 37 Member
    From all the progress you've made towards your weight loss journey, I can tell you're a very strong lady & most definitely can come out of any battle fighting & winning. Seriously consider a counselor or professional therapist or doctor to help you fight your way out of this because you really deserve more happiness & less sorrow. It doesn't matter how many times you fall in life, what matters is that you, beautiful lady, have gotten up every single time & come out of it all a winner. People on here & outside love you so don't let yourself be beaten up by some dark thoughts. Seek a counselor out, it's their job to help you. And no, you don't deserve to die. There are many more people out there, criminals & the like, who deserve to die before you do so keep listening to the one side of your mind that says you're bright & amazing & have got a wonderful life. Talk to your family, stay surrounded at all times & fight your way out of this!! You'll win this!!
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
    I hate when my mind doesn't talk back.

    But,

    :flowerforyou:
  • Salt_Sand_Sun
    Salt_Sand_Sun Posts: 415 Member
    I know you want support - I get that..... but a bunch of strangers sitting behind a computer screen is not the right avenue to seek advise and guidance. Please find professional help sooner than later...... You need to vent, you need to let out what is inside.

    I'm so very sorry you feel that way - I can only imagine. But know you are worth something - not only to yourself but I'm sure to many family and friends.

    *deep breath* seek counseling!!
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    The person you need to be talking to is a licensed therapist, not a bunch of yahoos on the internet. No one here is qualified to give you psychological advice. PLEASE go get real help before something bad happens.
    :(

    Good luck.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    Had to look up Baker Act. It seems there are folks who recognize your challenges, and so you need to seriously start utlitizing professional assistance.

    I never wanted to harm myself, but a traumatic childhood made me very prone to depression. It wasn't until my late 20's that I sought help. After my first marriage flamed out, I was again seeking help. This time medication AND talk therapy.

    I am happy to tell you that I am 10 years medication and depression free. I still have rough spells, but they do not control my life any more. So, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to work up enough energy to get to a professional and get the right therapy (long term - not 72 hour crap) and take back control of your life!!
  • griffith5150
    griffith5150 Posts: 123
    I understand where you are coming from, I am to dealing with depression and general anxiety disorder myself. I say talk to a therapist to get help, I was able to get the help I need with medication and prescribed workouts, there still days where I feel down but I know with the support of my Dr, family and friends that I can overcome those bad days.

    One thing I always to try to remember on those bad days, you aren't alone you have people who love you.
  • IsabellaGiano
    IsabellaGiano Posts: 158 Member
    Has anyone struggled with your heart wanting to live but something in your mind telling you to die if so isn't it scary I feel like every day is a constant battle for me and it hurts so so bad I know I have so much to live for but why is there something in my brain telling me I'm worthless I mean I have someone that loves me so so much and supports me I just don't understand it's almost like I have a angel on one side and a devil on the other! My birthday is in 20 days ill be 26 and I want to live but its like things happen to trigger this voice in my head I just recently got baker acted the 4th time every time my goes in this trance I constantly try to think of ways to harm myself and it hurts to the normal eye when people see me they would say im a amazing sweet beautiful and intelligent women but I've been beaten down in so many ways it just simply hurts! I'm 15lbs to 20lbs to my goal weight and about to start school in fall have a nice home And all I'm just am so so so lost! :sad:

    Been there, done that.

    You are "lucky" that a part of you still cry to live, and that you can see there is something wrong.

    You need help. You are strong, sure, but this is like an illness. An illness of the brain. And illness need doctors.
    nobody will tell you to cure a broken leg by being "strong". This is the same

    I had to take medicines for a while. I was ashamed at the beginning. But they helped me, oh if they helped!
    They don't resolve the situation. It's not a trick.
    Medicines will help you to let the part of you that want to live to be heard more than the part that want to hurt yourself.
    While you fight that part. With help.
    Medicines will help you to feel less hard to live. While you focus what is that makes you feel so.

    Let be helped.
    Don't be ashamed.

    kisses.
  • sleevies311
    sleevies311 Posts: 7 Member
    It sounds like you are going through an extremely rough time, and I'm so sorry for that. If at all possible, you really should seek help. There is NOTHING wrong with seeing a therapist or getting advice from a professional, and there's a good chance that many of your friends or acquaintances have sought help in the past without you even knowing about it. However, I'm going to give you my two cents worth anyway.

    If focusing on all the good things in your life that you have to live for doesn't seem to work, why not focus on all the people who would have given ANYTHING for more time on this earth, but didn't get it. Think about all those who's journeys have been cut short against their will because of sicknesses or accidents. They didn't get to choose to live, but you DO. And if anyone close to you has ever passed away, think about how insulting it would be to that person's memory for you to throw away the precious gift that was given to you but was wrenched away from them.

    I know it can be so hard to keep going sometimes, but you just have to keep in mind that THIS LIFE that you're living right now is the only one that you can be certain to ever have. You need to find a reason to WANT to live, or you'll never be happy. I really hope that things start to look up for you. Good luck!

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