Lost in YOUR success...
SemperAnticus1643
Posts: 703 Member
Little long so here is your warning:
My husband made this statement to me a few nights ago. He is afraid he is going to get lost in my success. I am a staff accountant at a CPA firm. I have a bachelor's degree in accounting from a good university here in Oklahoma. My husband doesn't even have a high school diploma. How did I end up with him? I fell in love with the person he is. He's a hard worker and a good man for the most part. He has his quirks but who doesn't. Last year I started taking classes at my alma mater in order to acquire credits to sit for the CPA exam. The closer I get to accomplishing what I set out to do the harder he makes it on me. I have two children from a previous relationship. Earlier this year he decided he was tired of paying for me and my children's activities and my shopping or my whatever. He acted like he wasn't getting a dime out of the relationship and working so hard to bring money into our home. So he split the finances. We are now living what I feel to be like roommates. Here's my half, there is yours, the rest goes into our individual accounts. Money is super tight for me because daycare isn't cheap for 2 kids, they play on competitive sports teams and they grow like weeds plus my classes come right in the middle of my work day so I'm losing hours at work. Yes, I could take a night class but this would interfere with my children's events. I'm trying not to disturb their lives too much and I enjoy watching them play.
At this point, I lack 10 credit hours to sit for the CPA exam. That's 4 classes, 2 in the fall and 2 in the spring. WOO HOO!! My husband didn't even want me to go back to school because he feared I would meet someone at the university and leave him. Didn't happen. Now he's afraid that once I become this "hot shot CPA" and doubling my income that I will no longer need him and I will leave him. Lost in my success...isn't he supposed to be happy for me? Isn't he supposed to be my biggest supporter? Shouldn't he see that I'm not just doing this for me but for my entire family as well. I'm not the only one benefiting from this. It just bothers me and hurts me that he would think so little of me when I married the man when he was working part time at the dollar store making minimum wage.
Has anyone ever treated you like this? Have you ever felt left behind?
My most favorite quote is by Marianne Williamson and it goes like this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
So now what? That's how I feel.
My husband made this statement to me a few nights ago. He is afraid he is going to get lost in my success. I am a staff accountant at a CPA firm. I have a bachelor's degree in accounting from a good university here in Oklahoma. My husband doesn't even have a high school diploma. How did I end up with him? I fell in love with the person he is. He's a hard worker and a good man for the most part. He has his quirks but who doesn't. Last year I started taking classes at my alma mater in order to acquire credits to sit for the CPA exam. The closer I get to accomplishing what I set out to do the harder he makes it on me. I have two children from a previous relationship. Earlier this year he decided he was tired of paying for me and my children's activities and my shopping or my whatever. He acted like he wasn't getting a dime out of the relationship and working so hard to bring money into our home. So he split the finances. We are now living what I feel to be like roommates. Here's my half, there is yours, the rest goes into our individual accounts. Money is super tight for me because daycare isn't cheap for 2 kids, they play on competitive sports teams and they grow like weeds plus my classes come right in the middle of my work day so I'm losing hours at work. Yes, I could take a night class but this would interfere with my children's events. I'm trying not to disturb their lives too much and I enjoy watching them play.
At this point, I lack 10 credit hours to sit for the CPA exam. That's 4 classes, 2 in the fall and 2 in the spring. WOO HOO!! My husband didn't even want me to go back to school because he feared I would meet someone at the university and leave him. Didn't happen. Now he's afraid that once I become this "hot shot CPA" and doubling my income that I will no longer need him and I will leave him. Lost in my success...isn't he supposed to be happy for me? Isn't he supposed to be my biggest supporter? Shouldn't he see that I'm not just doing this for me but for my entire family as well. I'm not the only one benefiting from this. It just bothers me and hurts me that he would think so little of me when I married the man when he was working part time at the dollar store making minimum wage.
Has anyone ever treated you like this? Have you ever felt left behind?
My most favorite quote is by Marianne Williamson and it goes like this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
So now what? That's how I feel.
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Here's my take. He feels that you are undercutting his masculinity by overreaching him in his ability to provide. Men have it drilled into our heads that the number one job we have is to be able to be a provider. You're doing better than he is and moving into a world he doesn't have access to. He's afraid of losing you to it and he's afraid it makes him less of a man that this is the case. He's lashing out because it's easier to make this your fault than to admit that he's having a hard time playing a supporting role. The petty moves with your kids is a way of justifying to himself that you need him. You struggle when he removes his help, proving to himself that he's not useless and punishing you for making him feel less.
I don't expect that this is going to get better unless you can sit down with him and discuss this as adults. He needs to know that you are hurt and that your sucess doesn't threaten your life, but you have to be careful not to put him in a position where he feels attacked. If this comes off too accusatory (why don't you help with the kids? why don't you helpme out financially?), he'll get defensive and nothing will get resolved. It might be worthwhile to try and get a professional involved. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to better yourself, but you need to get him on board with it or he will be left behind, just as he fears.0 -
Sometimes when you don't like yourself, you find it foreign or absurd that someone else could. It sounds to me like he can't understand that you love HIM, not what he provides. You seem like you don't care who the "breadwinner" is in your relationship, but for a lot of men, it's a huge hit to the ego that you don't "need" him. Your success, it sounds like, is making him feel inadequate, which is why he worries you'll find someone else at uni and ditch him.
I doubt it's you he thinks little of, but himself, and that's why he so fears losing you - he won't be able to find someone like you to fill the spot you would have left behind. It sounds like he thinks quite highly of you, because he fears losing you to someone who's 'better' than he is, ie, every time he sees you off to class, he sees a possibility of someone else noticing how awesome you are, and that you and this other awesome person will go off and be awesome together and leave him behind. And, that he dreads that day because he might not have ever 'deserved' you in the first place.
Has he considered going back to school, himself? Perhaps if he were to go to school and be able to 'better' himself he wouldn't worry so much about not deserving you.0 -
Sometimes when you don't like yourself, you find it foreign or absurd that someone else could. It sounds to me like he can't understand that you love HIM, not what he provides. You seem like you don't care who the "breadwinner" is in your relationship, but for a lot of men, it's a huge hit to the ego that you don't "need" him. Your success, it sounds like, is making him feel inadequate, which is why he worries you'll find someone else at uni and ditch him.
I doubt it's you he thinks little of, but himself, and that's why he so fears losing you - he won't be able to find someone like you to fill the spot you would have left behind. It sounds like he thinks quite highly of you, because he fears losing you to someone who's 'better' than he is, ie, every time he sees you off to class, he sees a possibility of someone else noticing how awesome you are, and that you and this other awesome person will go off and be awesome together and leave him behind. And, that he dreads that day because he might not have ever 'deserved' you in the first place.
Has he considered going back to school, himself? Perhaps if he were to go to school and be able to 'better' himself he wouldn't worry so much about not deserving you.
He comes up with excuses not to go. He has a GED prep book on his night stand and hasn't cracked it open in months. The local library has GED classes that he won't go to because they are at night.0 -
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I could talk a lot about this biblically, and if you would like to hear about it, I'm here to share. But know that you're not at fault here and that all you can do is love him and hope that he loves you in the same way. It takes two to tango. A relationship is not about splitting the finances and being greedy. There should be a budget that you both agree on and follow and however the money gets there (whomever provides it) shouldn't be the issue (at least in this case). For instance, say you do shop excessively, and he doesn't enjoy that. All it takes is the two of you sitting down and compromising on a budget that works for your family. I hope that you are able to sit down with him and talk about it civilly!! Sending good vibes your way!
And congrats on the CPA!!! I'm currently a student myself and I am barely able to take care of myself, much less children. Kudos to you. You're a much stronger person than I could ever imagine being.0 -
He comes up with excuses not to go. He has a GED prep book on his night stand and hasn't cracked it open in months. The local library has GED classes that he won't go to because they are at night.
Does he have an idea of where he'd like to go with an education? Perhaps he feels it would be pointless because he doesn't have clear direction. If he doesn't, taking a few aptitude tests may help him find a concrete goal to work towards. Maybe you could offer to help him study, encourage him to study with you, or have a little family sit-down study hour before or after dinner where the tv goes off, cell phones are in a different room and everyone sits down and hits the books together in the same room, or something to turn it from it feeling for him like "yet another thing he's not doing" into an activity to do with the family, break it down into sections, and set a goal date for him to apply for the exams. That might help him take it from a vague thing he feels he can't do into small, achievable, yet challenging steps that will bring him to his goal.
It sounds like he's feeling alienated, so the inclusion of you and the kids into the mix might help him feel included.
I'm going back to school, myself, and I know it's scary. On the other hand, it's never too late.
Best of luck 0 -
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I could talk a lot about this biblically, and if you would like to hear about it, I'm here to share. But know that you're not at fault here and that all you can do is love him and hope that he loves you in the same way. It takes two to tango. A relationship is not about splitting the finances and being greedy. There should be a budget that you both agree on and follow and however the money gets there (whomever provides it) shouldn't be the issue (at least in this case). For instance, say you do shop excessively, and he doesn't enjoy that. All it takes is the two of you sitting down and compromising on a budget that works for your family. I hope that you are able to sit down with him and talk about it civilly!! Sending good vibes your way!
And congrats on the CPA!!! I'm currently a student myself and I am barely able to take care of myself, much less children. Kudos to you. You're a much stronger person than I could ever imagine being.
haha, my "excessive" shopping consists of buying my clothes at Goodwill and spending $25 on 4 outfits. His tie clip costs more than that. He's not one to save money. I have spent many breaths trying to put money into a savings account. He never listened. He just informed me that because I wasn't spending his money, he is now able to save over a $1000 in the 2 months that we have had split finances. Good for him though. I am actually getting pretty crappy about the whole situation and am starting to get a bit distant from him because of what he's doing and feeling bitter.0 -
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My most favorite quote is by Marianne Williamson and it goes like this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This is one of my ABSOLUTE FAVES!!!!
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He comes up with excuses not to go. He has a GED prep book on his night stand and hasn't cracked it open in months. The local library has GED classes that he won't go to because they are at night.
Does he have an idea of where he'd like to go with an education? Perhaps he feels it would be pointless because he doesn't have clear direction. If he doesn't, taking a few aptitude tests may help him find a concrete goal to work towards. Maybe you could offer to help him study, encourage him to study with you, or have a little family sit-down study hour before or after dinner where the tv goes off, cell phones are in a different room and everyone sits down and hits the books together in the same room, or something to turn it from it feeling for him like "yet another thing he's not doing" into an activity to do with the family, break it down into sections, and set a goal date for him to apply for the exams. That might help him take it from a vague thing he feels he can't do into small, achievable, yet challenging steps that will bring him to his goal.
It sounds like he's feeling alienated, so the inclusion of you and the kids into the mix might help him feel included.
I'm going back to school, myself, and I know it's scary. On the other hand, it's never too late.
Best of luck
He wants to go back to school to get a degree in business management. He is currently the manager of a loan office. And he won't study with us. He feels he needs to go to a class in case he doesn't understand something. I think he's all talk and no action.0 -
My most favorite quote is by Marianne Williamson and it goes like this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This is one of my ABSOLUTE FAVES!!!!
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
That's the part that stands out to me the most. I truly believe that. My best friend tells me that I make her want to go back to school and finish her degree. I give her hope that it can happen. Right now she is living through me and celebrating with me in my victories. Why can't my husband do that?!0 -
Hi Dadams,
Us guys are fundamentally flawed, but having said that, we're also easy to understand. Obviously your Husband's insecurity centres around your qualifications, your study and where this all may take you. It's challenging to his ego and sense of self worth and Yesss he's Very scared of losing you. Sadly he's doing himself no favours as his behaviour would no doubt be interpreted by you as definitely unsexy, uncaring, unsupportive and love just isn't in the same equation.
It Is fixable, 'if' he wants it to be, but he needs to find some personal growth in there for himself and to be honest he needs to 'man up' and that's not always easy for a guy to admit, let alone do. His present actions of splitting income and making you suffer is downright childish and hurtful to you and the relationship you both share.
I'll share with you a phrase my Beloved uses on me whenever we have a disagreement that cuts a little too deep. Marion always looks straight at me and says "Trev what are you looking to achieve here"? Honestly it leaves me nowhere to go and it points out we both want the same, a happy united loving relationship. I have to admit, it's 'normally' me that's got it wrong, so I man up and we both end up Very Happy again.
I met my wife when I was a Paramedic, so I came from my own professional background. My wife Marion is a Financial Planner and Mortgage Broker with her own company, who took on a man's world (at the time) and beat them. Very well regarded in her field, she's spoken as guest speaker to major banks conferences etc. Marion was mixing with some of the elite in financial circles and had more than a few business dinners with these rich, powerful men and I struggled with that back in the early days. So I had to grow myself, I had to find confidence in my own self worth and I had to extend Trust as well as Love.
It obviously worked and I retired from paramedicine when we married and I then joined my wife in her company (we were living in separate States prior to Marriage). Over the years I've adapted to my new role (back room stuff), and I'm acutely aware that my Beloved brings home the much bigger wage and in the sphere of Financial Services the intel belongs to Marion.
So did it all shake my tree? You bet it did, would be the honest truth, and I could see some guys around me didn't have respect for what I had to offer in my new role. However over the years, I've become hardened to what others may or may not think (guys think too much on this stuff).
What I focus on now, is Us as a Couple and Us as a Couple are bloody Amazing and an Incredibly Strong team. We make it work, because we want it to work, I Love my Marion, she Loves me, that's ALL that matters.
So how do you resolve it, it's easy you Talk and Talk and Talk some More and Always with Extreme Honesty, I wish you both well.0 -
I truly believe our upbringing has a lot to do with what is going on. I was raised by a single, military man. I grew up fast being an only child. I also grew up in a very non-emotional environment. I have heard my dad tell me he loves me probably twice in my entire life. I have heard him say he was proud of me once and he was talking to someone else. Does that bother me, no. I see it from him. The things he does, our relationship, everything...I know. It's understood. Our heart to heart talks are either about sports or my children. My life was VERY stable. You could also say that I was brought up with the understanding that I had two strikes against me: (1) I am a woman (2) I'm Native American. In Oklahoma, I'm second class. So I was taught from an early age to excel in everything. Don't let anything get in my way. Break any and all barriers in my way and set the path for my own children. I was taught to be strong, independent and able to stand on my own.
My husband was raised until he was around 10 by a drug addict and alcoholic mother. She gave him to her mother and he was physically abused by his grandfather. He's very emotional. I say he's worse than women. lol His ex's cheated on him so he has trust and insecurity issues. He's been abandoned. He's got some real issues.
I think I'm just too calloused. I tried to listen to his needs but he seems to need more and more. It's never good enough. It's taking it's toll on me. I'm getting bitter from the whole situation and spiteful. I'm getting to the point that I'm looking forward to the future so that I can say, "oh, I got just as much as you do and then some. Oh, you need my help now? Ha! Should have thought about that before you started this crap with me years ago when I was trying to do better for us." lol It's wrong, I know but dang it!!0 -
your situation sounds like mine, ive just finished my cert in fitness and my partner was not happy for me at all, he think that if i do this i will find someone hotter or better i reckon whatever" i now stay at home and look after our 1 yr old i can not work because he reckons its not the right time !!! so when it comes to money i have nothing
and he likes reminding me i have nothing and that he pays for everything, You know one day ill show him !!! i do love this man but can not workout how he funstions and what he wants out me sometimes. I hope your situation gets better:) 0 -
Wow. Just wow.
I hope this gets resolved because it sounds like you both aren't happy for varying reasons.
Well done on the study & moving forward. Being independent is a great thing, at least you know if you were to part ways you can stand on your own two feet (not like some people who feel they need a significant other to function in the world).
I hope it all turns out for you :flowerforyou:0 -
It's clearly bothering him that you're the "bread winner" so they say. He feels inadequate, and unable to support his family leadign to very low self-esteem. My suggestion would not be to quit what you're doing, but instead encourage him to do things to better himself. You could start by encouraging him to get his GED then get him into a community college so he can start earning more. Unfortunately if his attitude doesn't change your marriage will have to end. It's not good for you to be in a relationship with your significant other constantly cutting you down and you don't want you children to see that either.0
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I think I'm just too calloused. I tried to listen to his needs but he seems to need more and more. It's never good enough. It's taking it's toll on me. I'm getting bitter from the whole situation and spiteful. I'm getting to the point that I'm looking forward to the future so that I can say, "oh, I got just as much as you do and then some. Oh, you need my help now? Ha! Should have thought about that before you started this crap with me years ago when I was trying to do better for us." lol It's wrong, I know but dang it!!
Ummm it's kinda like you're reaching your own decision anyway, if your love for the man has gone due to ongoing 'stuff' for years, then end what's not fixable. If I read you wrong, then I appologise for if it's fixable and you Both Want it Fixed, then you both need to get some honest discussion happening re your futures.0 -
I think I'm just too calloused. I tried to listen to his needs but he seems to need more and more. It's never good enough. It's taking it's toll on me. I'm getting bitter from the whole situation and spiteful. I'm getting to the point that I'm looking forward to the future so that I can say, "oh, I got just as much as you do and then some. Oh, you need my help now? Ha! Should have thought about that before you started this crap with me years ago when I was trying to do better for us." lol It's wrong, I know but dang it!!
Ummm it's kinda like you're reaching your own decision anyway, if your love for the man has gone due to ongoing 'stuff' for years, then end what's not fixable. If I read you wrong, then I appologise for if it's fixable and you Both Want it Fixed, then you both need to get some honest discussion happening re your futures.
I want it to work. I think it's fixable but his attitude has to change. I think he needs to feel "needed". I have always thought it was more important to feel "wanted" and not "needed". If I need you then I am with you for a difference reason than wanting to be with you. Maybe my thinking is incorrect??0 -
Change is a scary thing for anyone, and your husband is stuck in a cycle of fear. He doesn't want to make the step to get his GED, because he's afraid he'll fail. He probably questions what you'll think of him if he fails something as "simple" as a GED, and whether you'll look at him as fundamentally flawed. Maybe he thinks you'll just wake up one morning, and realize that he's not smart enough for you. Maybe it's something that he's battled since the beginning of your relationship, but he's just growing more insecure about over time. It puts you in a tough position, because if you push him to go for his test, he'll think that you're doing so because you think he's not good enough. If you don't push him, you run the risk of him stagnating and growing resentful of your continued success. He might even find ways to blame you for his lack of personal growth.
I know this is going to sound dorky, but maybe leave little love notes for him every day for a while. Tell him why you're thankful for him, or why you love him so much. It will not only make him feel special, but it will help you reconnect with the feelings that you had for each other at the start of the relationship. Maybe encourage him to try doing the same for you. It might help him to realize that you both love the person as a whole, not individual aspects of their personality or abilities.
Lastly, tell him why it hurts you when he questions your fidelity around other men who he perceives to be more intelligent than him. Explain it without blaming, so try not to open with "you make me..." or anything similar when discussing issues. In other words, be accountable for how you react to him, but don't undermine the influence his words or actions have on your perceptions.
I hope that makes even a little sense. I'm not always good at explaining things that I'm thinking, especially on internet forums!
All the best to you, and I hope you find peace in your relationship very soon.0 -
I agreed that furthering his education MAY help with his insecurities but I think if you encourage (he may see it as pushing) him towards it he may think that you're doing so because YOU don't feel he's good enough without it. No easy answer. My sister has been in similar unequal relationships (and is in another now) and her last husband used to put her down so he'd feel better. It ended very badly. Please don't let him pull you down, too.0
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I've been in a similar situation and I see it a lot on the rez where I'm from. Most of the women I see, tend to cave and allow themselves to be diminished. In my situation though, I just ignored the comments and after trying to let him know that I loved him regardless of what position he held financially, I just closed off to the argument. What hit my button was when he told me that I spend too much time with my family when I should be spending it with him. At the time, I had not seen my family in a year. Then he asked me to marry him and suddeny our future together flashed before my eyes reflecting what it was at that moment and for me, it was bleak. I realized that I didn't love him as much as I thought I did so I turned down his proposal and ended things.
I'm not an emotional person in the sense that I need verbal reasurrance from people to know I'm loved so it's hard for me to deal with emotional people. That being said, I am a talker. My family and I are close my brother and I have only had two big arguments and it was kind of lame because we were like a therapists dream. We just got loud explaining how we felt and why, while accepting each other's feelings and reasons. Nothing bitter or below the belt. We're like that with our mom as well.
I think that it's a great idea to talk to him when you're as calm as possible and let him know that you're starting to feel like you're becoming roommates and you want to know if he feels the same way. Find out if he really wants things to be that way because you don't. Tell him that you're not trying to push him or make him feel inadequate and that if you're support is making him feel that way then you'll leave the subject alone but the support is there if he ever wants to tap into it.
I'm sure you have tried but I think it helps best when everyone is calm because then no one is in defensive mode, not saying it will be easy nor am I saying to say such things all in one breath or especially if it's not true. But I think asking him about what he thinks or feels about the situation will gear the conversation to "how are WE going to fix this".
I think that even if we all grow up in very different environments, as adults, we are the choices we make. Both parties are doing something to keep the relationship rocky because "doing nothing" is still something. If you break up it's not going to be because you found someone better or that you are better but because a wall is being built between you. With that being said, if talking with him doesn't help and he doesn't want to join you in seeking professional help, the biggest decision is going to be whether living like this is healthy for your family as a whole. If it's not, then you know what you should do.0 -
Hi Dadams16,
I can understand your hurt and frustration over the situation. I agree with everything that the other posters have said. But I would also like to add that it sounds as if you don't really have enough room in your life for your husband. And he may have been feeling this way for awhile, and him splitting the finances, etc. is the way it has boiled to a head for him.
You said you are calloused and can't meet his needs, he needs too much from you, etc. I think you might be a little overwhelmed. Kids, school, work, and a husband who actually needs his wife, after work activities for your kids, is a lot for one person.
I guess what I am saying is you need to decide if your future has your husband in it. If you decide it does, you might want to slow down your life. It's ok to be motivated and driven, but remember your married, your life is no longer about what you can accomplish or prove to the world. It's about what you and your husband can accomplish as husband and wife.
Because I suspect that even after you finish your classess and obtain your CPA, your life isn't going to slow down much. Being a CPA involves much more responsibility and commitment from you to your employer.
It sounds like your husband doesn't have the skills to cope with a motivated, driven woman and he is reacting the only way he knows how. Which is not the best course of action.
Just my thoughts...... I wish you the best of luck.0 -
Hi Dadams16,
I can understand your hurt and frustration over the situation. I agree with everything that the other posters have said. But I would also like to add that it sounds as if you don't really have enough room in your life for your husband. And he may have been feeling this way for awhile, and him splitting the finances, etc. is the way it has boiled to a head for him.
You said you are calloused and can't meet his needs, he needs too much from you, etc. I think you might be a little overwhelmed. Kids, school, work, and a husband who actually needs his wife, after work activities for your kids, is a lot for one person.
I guess what I am saying is you need to decide if your future has your husband in it. If you decide it does, you might want to slow down your life. It's ok to be motivated and driven, but remember your married, your life is no longer about what you can accomplish or prove to the world. It's about what you and your husband can accomplish as husband and wife.
Because I suspect that even after you finish your classess and obtain your CPA, your life isn't going to slow down much. Being a CPA involves much more responsibility and commitment from you to your employer.
It sounds like your husband doesn't have the skills to cope with a motivated, driven woman and he is reacting the only way he knows how. Which is not the best course of action.
Just my thoughts...... I wish you the best of luck.
As far as my busy schedule. My life will indeed slow down after I'm done with school and have attained my license. I work for a very small CPA firm. We work at a max 50 hours a week during tax season. This goes for my boss too. He's a very good man that understands that family should come first. My husband told me when we first got together that he did not want to interrupt mine and my childrens lives, he just wanted to be a part of it. He knew then the level of athletic ability they had and what would come of that. With that said, my husband does get a lot of my time. Just like when I was a single parent, I begin my homework after everyone has gone to bed. That way I do not use up my time with them on myself. We have date night every Friday and spend a lot of time playing with the kids on the weekends when they have decided to stay home instead of visiting their papa.0
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