A letter to 120-days-ago-me....

Dear 120-days-ago-me,

So....there you are. March 26th, 2013. Almost 40 years old... and you finally realized you're fat, depressed, miserable, tired and, (judging from the way you feel physically) on the verge of bad health.

I know you are concerned that you may be headed for diabetes....your heart pounds when you eat. You think that you are having symptoms of insulin resistance....in all likelihood, you probably are. You don't want diabetes...too many people you know have it...it's an ugly, degenerative disease. (Remember when you worked in that nursing home many years ago and that diabetic man lost a couple little, black, dead toes in his bed? Yeah....that's the reality of diabetes....you know it all too well!! You do not want to go there!!) The best part about that type of diabetes is.....you choose to get it!! (and conversely, choose NOT to get it!!)

Well....congratulations!!

You made the decision to do something about it!!

I know that you are skeptical that you will REALLY do anything you plan to do to get healthier...I'm here to tell you, you DO! Actually, I am now 120 days into your future....and you are still going strong, FEELING strong, healthy, and not feeling depressed and anxious!

You are shuffling often, you've lost 12 pounds, and mentally you are in a totally different place.

(I know that you are thinking ONLY 12 pounds...in 120 days?!?!
Yes....only 12 pounds...but trust me, you are OK with that because you will feel so much better than you do right now.)

During the next 120 days (and hopefully beyond), you are going to learn a lot about yourself....your strengths....your weaknesses...your motivations....your demons.

Speaking of demons.....

We all have demons to fight....yours are not special or unique...but they are YOURS. Identify them....embrace them....then work DAILY to fight them. They are yours for the rest of your life! Those demons will either be your crutch or your motivation. It is purely your choice! Get to know them...and know them well. Know what makes you powerless against them...and what gives you strength! You will be at war with them until your dying day...get comfortable with going to battle with them...it does get easier and you do get stronger...but they are always nipping at your heels...prepare and plan ahead.

Let's take a little gander at a couple of yours, shall we?

1. YOU. ARE. LAZY!!!! Yes....you are. You didn't get fat and unhappy by moving, getting outside, and never taking short cuts. You are where you are today because you DON'T MOVE (lazy), you CUT CORNERS (lazy), and you AVOID DETAILS AND PLANNING (lazy). You know this to be true...you have struggled on a daily basis to find something to do to keep you from sitting....(sitting makes you anxious...and depressed...and EAT.) MOVE!!!! As often as humanly possible!!! Take the steps, not the elevator...park far away from the store so you have to walk more...stand instead of sit....cut the grass with the push mower, not the riding mower...shovel the driveway instead of using the tractor...clean the house...dance with your kids.....MOVE!! And move at every possible opportunity!! STOP. BEING. LAZY!!!

2. Here's another demon: YOU. MAKE. EXCUSES. Stop it!!!!!!! "I'm hot...I'm cold...it's going to rain...I don't have time...I didn't sleep well...I hurt (somewhere)...I don't have anyone to watch the kids..." BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!!!!! Seriously...knock it off! It doesn't do you any good...it holds you back...it puts limitations on you...and NO ONE is buying them!!!! Quit complaining and start acting!!

3. You are addicted to junk food. You know this. You need to fight against it. Though you do get better at it, 120 days from now you will still be struggling with this addiction. The best thing you will find to combat it is....you guessed it....MOVING and NOT MAKING EXCUSES. You eat this junk when you are being lazy....then, your food choices make you feel sluggish, tired, and depressed.....lazy.

I tell you these things not to berate you or make you feel bad about yourself....you feel bad enough already, I know. I tell you these things because 4 months from now, you will find that you are still going to battle with these demons every....single....day.

These three truths about you are your "default states". These are the states to which you will return when you are not prepared to fight them...when you are stressed....when you are out with friends....when you are celebrating....when you are mad, happy, sad, disappointed....you get my point. 120 days from now, you will still be struggling with these things.....

I tell you these things about yourself so that you may be prepared....so that you may know where you will find yourself if you don't make a conscious effort to go in a different direction.

The good news is.......
in the next 120 days you will learn what works for you to prevent regressing back to where you are today....

Here are some things you will figure out in the next 4 months:

1. You need to shuffle. In 120 days, you will be absolutely convinced that running (shuffling) is capable of curing any ill, be it emotional, mental, or physical. The beauty part is you don't have to be (and you WON'T be yet) really good at it! You just need to do it as hard as you can....and OFTEN! In 120 days, you will be addicted to it.

2. Embrace sweating. No....not just sweating.....embrace the feeling of a rapid heart rate and heavy breathing....heavy breathing that causes your face to distort into ugliness. Do not be afraid of these feelings!! Though these feelings are not, by any means, comfortable...they are necessary to get to the true beauty of hard exercises (like shuffling)...that feeling of natural endorphins...a sense of accomplishment..... clarity....calm....peace...creativity....strength....
Try to sweat every day!! For as long as you can!! I know it feels gross...but it's washable! I promise!!
(PS: Sweating also affords you some extra calories so you can eat more!! You will appreciate that!!)

3. Don't watch the news. I know...you are thinking "What in the world does that have to do with getting healthy?". Well, the less you watch, the more energized and happy you feel!! Anything that directly impacts you or your loved ones you will see on Facebook or hear of in a phone call. Trust me. Turn off the news....

4. Write. Write about your journey. Write your struggles...your little victories...your goals....the food you've eaten....the exercise you've done....write it all down!! You will appreciate that you documented all of these things. Not only could your story help motivate someone you love (or a complete stranger, for that matter!), it will show you that 120 days from now there will be so much improvement it will make your head spin!! This is improvement that you will NOT notice on a day-to-day basis, I promise. You will take each day individually and say "this is not working!!!". However, when you look back and read what your struggles were in previous weeks, you will be so happy to see how far you've come!! Even if no one ever reads your story, to YOU, this is the most important story you need to see. You are in control of how this story turns out....

5. Don't just read amazing stories about others, BE an amazing story to yourself and to those who love you!!

6. Be kind to yourself! I know that your head is filled with negative self-talk right now...believe me when I tell you that will stop...and relatively quickly, thank God! That talk does nothing positive for you....nothing!! It is not motivating, it is self-defeating. How do you combat that? Simple..... MOVE. Moving to the point of sweating, fast heart rate, and heavy breathing will shut those voices right up, I promise!! Eventually, you will be your own coach and motivator. You will not belittle your self anymore. You will shuffle through all of that and will come out feeling victorious and confident. It's a great feeling . I know that right now, shuffling is a place of discomfort and self-doubt. Keep moving anyway.... that place will crumble quickly!

As you prepare for your journey to better health, don't be afraid to rally for support from those around you. You will enjoy writing your story for your friends and family to read....but the biggest benefit you will reap from writing in your blog is the accountability of your choices. You need that. You do well if you know someone is keeping tabs on you....use that to your advantage.

And by the way....don't worry about what others think about your methods. Do what works for you...as long as you move every day towards better health! If you can only battle your demons one barefoot, snails-pace, shuffle at a time...well then let those little piggies go to war for you!!

Best of luck to you!! You will rock!!!

Love,

Today-Karen