80-84 down (depending on the day) work in progress.

I posted the link on my profile, but I might as well post it here too.

EDIT:
Photobucket and I are having a war, so here is a link:
http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae131/Catzwitch/Work In Progress/WorkInProgress.png~original

My story:

When I was laid off in December 2008, I lost all my insurance and - consequently - all my meds, including my thyroid meds and psych meds. Between that and being at home all the time and the subsequent depression, I packed on 80 lbs.

80.

Poor Jose (my BF) told me how beautiful I was no matter what weight I was at, but dang. 80 lbs.

I struggled up and down bits and pieces here, but not anything super successful, and always was at least 40-50 over where I was.

I had every excuse in the world - I worked too much to go work out, I was too tired, I would lose the weight when I got back on my meds, Jose still loves me so what does it matter, my mouth just loves this food too much, I’m already a vegetarian what else do I have to give up, etc etc etc.

This year, I was lucky enough to come across an awesome Groupon for fitness classes and decided, while Jose was away in Cali working on their record, I would work on my diet a bit.

I started low-carb/low-cal Monday - Friday and boot camp 3 nights a week. I was worried because with boot camp, I don't get home until nearly 8 PM, and I have to leave work by 6 (something that never ever used to happen, no matter how early I came in.) I figured as soon as Jose was back from his trip, I'd go back to my old routine because I'd hate to be late and there would be food in the house that was tempting and ( - insert any excuse here - )

But hey, while he was gone, I had the time, so why not try?

I started losing weight, losing inches, but more importantly is what I gained.

I gained strength, I gained confidence, and I gained a knowledge I didn't have before:



I am worth this.



I am worth this time.


I am worth this investment.


I am worth that hour 3 days a week.


I am worth devoting time for me to me.


I am worth this.



I finally made a commitment to myself - not for anyone else, not to anyone else, but for me.


I have always put others before myself; the needs of everyone else came before mine.


But now I have learned.


I am worth it.



I am now down 84 lbs (I round up here on MFP tracker because there's always wiggle on weekends).

Since starting bootcamp, I've lost 32lbs, 8" off my waist and nearly as much off my gut.

I can wear clothes that haven't fit me for almost 5 years.

I wore pants from High School (hello 1994) to work the other day.

Not only that, I am actually MORE fit than I was back when I thought I was "thinner". I looked back at pictures from then and I have more shape because I was "skinny-fat" before. I hadn't worked out since maybe 2000 (when I used to strength train all the time) and I had just been happy with my weight staying where it was at (I've ridden this up down roller coaster before).


Now I am not just satisfied with that, because I am worth more.


I am by no means skinny yet, and still have a ways to go, but I am damn pleased with where I have come to so far .


The purpose of this isn't me bragging, but rather, I just want to share what finally clicked for me. I still struggle at times - I crave a loaf of crusty french bread or ice cream or potato chips on a random Wednesday, but I think of this feeling, and am happy. I do allow myself a "cheat" day on Sundays where I can eat whatever the heck I want, so I figure if I reeeeaaaaallly still want something, it can wait till then. I let myself drink on weekends (sometimes Friday nights, definitely Saturday nights, and wine on Sundays), but avoid it during the week unless it is super special occasion. Even if invited out for lunch or somewhere special during the week, I stick with the low-carb/low-cal if it is a weekday, remembering how awesome it is to slide into those jeans that haven't fit in forever.


It is a commitment, it is a challenge, but it is a new lifestyle for me.


And it’s OK.



Because I am worth it.