Spousal Sabotage

jennz81
jennz81 Posts: 194 Member
in Motivation and Support
I only feel that my husband is going halfway with me on this plan. He's more than happy (sometimes) to go to the gym with me, but he always complains and makes me feel bad about keeping track of how many calories I eat. He'll bring home all kinds of high calorie foods, and when I question him he throws a fit. He has guilt-tripped me a couple of times about logging anything, especially the pastan dish he made this morning.

Is he trying to keep me fat? :(

Replies

  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
    It doesn't matter what his motivation is. It's wrong. If he complains about going to the gym, go without him. Log your calories when he's not around. If he puts stuff in front of you and expects you to eat it, or eat more of it than you should, put the unwanted food in the garbage or the disposal and eventually he'll get the message.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    If he complains at the gym then leave him at home, and just because he brings home fattening food doesn't mean you have to eat them. My husband is a junk food junkie, do I indulge sometimes Yes, but only when I can fit it into my calorie budget.
  • thisismeraw
    thisismeraw Posts: 1,264 Member
    Only you can keep yourself fat.

    Sit down with your husband and talk to him about why you want to lose weight, what your goals are, how you plan on achieving them etc. Tell him how his guilt tripping about you logging makes you feel. Make sure you word things properly so he doesn't get angry thinking that he is being attacked. Also, don't talk weight loss and calorie counting all the time. If all you talk about is weight loss, calorie counting, etc that can cause issues as well if it seems like that's all you care about.

    If your husband doesn't want to go to the gym with you, go on your own. You don't need him there with you for you to do your workout. If he brings home high calorie foods, either don't eat them or have a small portion. For tracking, don't track when it's your time to spend together. Track before or after.

    Ultimately, only you can sabotage yourself. If your husband's not on board than do it alone. You don't need him to be on board to be successful.
  • mustang6411
    mustang6411 Posts: 89 Member
    I am sorry you are going thru this with your spouse. Unfortunately no one can answer why, except him. As hard as it may be sit down with him calmly and talk about it. He should listen to your feelings and you need to listen to his about this journey. Ask the tough question why, what is he afraid of. Maybe you getting too skinny and you will leave him.

    I am sorry I can't add more support. This is something the two of you need to talk about and get to the bottom of it. Please let me know if you talked and things are better.
  • marilynx
    marilynx Posts: 128 Member
    Eh, none of us can tell you that for sure. You gotta ask him. When it comes to sensitive marital matters and what he thinks or could be doing it's best to just ask him. What if we give you the wrong advice and you act on it. Then he will get offended and upset, you'll think he's being a jerk, or you'll think he isn't trying to sabotage you and dismiss it, when in reality it's an issue you two really should be discussing.

    If I were you, I'd just ask him. We don't know your husband or his patterns of behavior so we can't even begin to speculate. And even if we could we shouldn't.
  • SpleenThief
    SpleenThief Posts: 293 Member
    When you told him you were struggling and he was making it harder for you, what was his response?
  • mspoopoo
    mspoopoo Posts: 500 Member
    I stopped telling people I was on a diet. Solved the problem

    Bringing fatty food home when he knows you are trying to lose weight is kind of mean. It is like bringing a 6 pack around a recovering alcoholic and drinking it in front of them.

    You can ask him but he might not tell you the truth. He might just say he thought you liked it.

    Anyway, do it for yourself even if you have to do it alone.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Only you can keep yourself fat.

    Sit down with your husband and talk to him about why you want to lose weight, what your goals are, how you plan on achieving them etc. Tell him how his guilt tripping about you logging makes you feel. Make sure you word things properly so he doesn't get angry thinking that he is being attacked. Also, don't talk weight loss and calorie counting all the time. If all you talk about is weight loss, calorie counting, etc that can cause issues as well if it seems like that's all you care about.

    If your husband doesn't want to go to the gym with you, go on your own. You don't need him there with you for you to do your workout. If he brings home high calorie foods, either don't eat them or have a small portion. For tracking, don't track when it's your time to spend together. Track before or after.

    Ultimately, only you can sabotage yourself. If your husband's not on board than do it alone. You don't need him to be on board to be successful.

    ^^^this but only have that conversation once. if he doesn't get it, then you continue on your journey alone. I don't know if he is trying to sabotage you or not but you can choose to not go along with him if he is
  • NatureChik1985
    NatureChik1985 Posts: 79
    How about you sit down with him and communicate like adults.
  • murdledoe
    murdledoe Posts: 98 Member
    I would go to the gym without him. Maybe there is something he likes to do like walking or riding a bike. As for the food. I keep both on hand. After seeing me eat healthier he is starting to also. If he wants fast food he goes without me. I still buy junk food, but I buy what he likes and get only what I don't like, but I still see him gradually eating more and more of my foods.
  • vida130
    vida130 Posts: 7 Member
    Yes he is trying to keep you fat! My hubby does the same thing! I do the cooking and take all my meals and snacks with me. I get up early and log my meals into myfp before getting my day started. I also found some workouts that I could do at home in case I could not make it to the gym. I know it's hard but please don't police your hubbys eating habits or wokout habits when he's ready he will do it or mayber not!
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    It sounds more like he isn't really into the program and you are showing him up. My suggestion would be to tell him he can do what he wants, but you are going to keep working out and logging.
  • livingfortheone
    livingfortheone Posts: 273 Member
    It's the jealousy factor. He doesn't want you to succeed without him being a part of it, so his design is to make it very hard for you to push forward.
    Ignore it, realize that this guy isn't going to change a thing about himself, but do not let that be a halt to what you have to do for yourself.
    Some people lift themselves up, by putting others down,
    Rise above that!
  • morticia16
    morticia16 Posts: 230 Member
    Way to go as far as spousal support is concerned. Not. Talk to him, set the record straight and keep doing what you want and need to do. If he has a problem, he'll have to handle it like an adult I assume he is. This excludes throwing fits. What does he do anyway when you say he throws a fit? Sounds like a 3 year old... (sorry)
  • kravmark2
    kravmark2 Posts: 158 Member
    I love my spouse more than anything and that is also why she can be my trigger towards eating bad or not bettering myself. The truth is as other people have said already, only you can stop your own progress. Its not her fault or his fault... its about what are you going to do to push yourself over the edge of excuses and keep bettering yourself (myself).

    That is exactly why I think MFP is an amazing tool. It is to build a support network when there isn't a local support network. Work the program and keep logging calories and you'll see results..

    I think I just motivated myself to run..... goodbye.

    Mark.

    feel free to friend me if you'd like motivation
  • sensored44
    sensored44 Posts: 45 Member
    It's the jealousy factor. He doesn't want you to succeed without him being a part of it, so his design is to make it very hard for you to push forward.
    Ignore it, realize that this guy isn't going to change a thing about himself, but do not let that be a halt to what you have to do for yourself.
    Some people lift themselves up, by putting others down,
    Rise above that!

    Yup!
  • Wetterdew
    Wetterdew Posts: 142 Member
    It might be jealousy, or it could be cognitive dissonance because he knows you're being healthy and he isn't. So he reconciles these unpleasant thoughts by treating your diet routine as silly and unnecessary. Just a thought.
  • Michielynn222
    Michielynn222 Posts: 81 Member
    Sit down and talk with him. It could be jelousy (if he is overweight) Or it could be male ego related.
    My boyfriend recently told me he was afraid of me losing weight and becoming 'sexy' and not wanting him anymore.
    Maybe he needs reassurance?
    As long as you aren't forcing your lifestyle on him, he shouldn't be sabatoging you :/
  • MommaShorty
    MommaShorty Posts: 93 Member
    I understand that feeling sometimes I feel like my husband tries to sabotage me because when I try to tell him something positive he ignores me or if I tell him my goals to help keep me accountable he ignores me and when I asked him to help me with a goal chart and asked for suggestions on mini rewards for mini goals he walked out of the room. He doesn't eat the healthy stuff I make but will have me make the fattening foods for him.
    Leave him behind and go to the gym and say no thank you to the foods he picks that are not so healthy.
    Good luck
  • jennz81
    jennz81 Posts: 194 Member
    Thank you guys for letting me vent, I appreciate it immensely - the advice has definitely helped. I've sat him down since then, and we had a good heart to heart about the issue at hand. He has been a little more open, as well as a bit more helpful.
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
    My wife and I are both dieting, both on MVP and both are having success with me losing 68 lbs. in the first three months and her losing over 55 lbs. in a bit longer of a period of time. We follow our own plans separately and they are quite different. I log in everything daily, she doesn't. I can only walk for exercise because of permanent physical disability and walk every day 10 plus miles a day, she only occasionally walks. I always invite her to join me when she is here. Sometimes she goes, other times I go alone. Sometimes she gets angry when I go when she can't. I don't let that concern me, I just go. She has gotten to where when she has something with high calories to eat, she no longer offers it and figures If I wanted it, I would ask.

    I just do what I do and not worry about her and she does the same and it is now working out fine.
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
    Nobody is responsible for you, remember you are the one making the change not him. Why should he change if he is happy. I feel we are only getting one side of this story so with that said. You need to take responsibility for your eatting and if he is physically stopping you then you need counseling. Best of luck to you both.
  • pcastagner
    pcastagner Posts: 1,606 Member
    The most important 120 lbs I lost was my wife. She was often complaining bat me being fat, and often bringing home pie, and asking why I couldn't just control myself. But when I would suggest we take up a sport together, she always found a way out of it.


    Just saying...
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
    The most important 120 lbs I lost was my wife. She was often complaining bat me being fat, and often bringing home pie, and asking why I couldn't just control myself. But when I would suggest we take up a sport together, she always found a way out of it.


    Just saying...

    LOL - I can see your point

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