Failed yet again :(, why can't i stick with it :(

Everyone has setbacks and challenges. You're talking as if you were the only one; you're feeling sorry for yourself' and your cultivating an attitude of hopelessness and irresponsibility. Bad stuff happens because that's life. You don't have "bad luck," and you're not getting "screwed over." It happens to everyone. There are totally together people with surprising messed up life circumstances who don't blame not getting their lives together on girlfriends that cheat and people that die (frankly, no one would have it together if that was the case). You can't stick with it because you choose not to. It's time to grow up and take responsibility for your life and your choices.

You can do this, you just have to convince yourself that you can, make it your focus above all else. Don't look to the past and question the why, just learn from it and don't repeat the pattern. When you stumble over the ruts in life, instead of coping with alcohol to forget, instead pick up an exercise and when your feeling that low go exercise. Such as mine is running. I was totally focused and dropped 73 pounds in a year. I had quite a few stressors and gained 20 back, but now when I am feeling stressed I run which has become my meditation for that amount of time I can clear my head and focus on absolutely noting else but breathing and
Putting one foot in front of the other. Good luck you can do this!!!!

Okay, I'm not an endocrinologist, nor am I an expert, but I am having similar issues as you.

The stresses of life keep reaching up and pulling you back to rely on the things that helped you cope before. The problem is you are using alcohol to help cope.

Alcohol in and of itself is NOT an awful substance, when it's used in moderation. If you drink heavily, more than a few times a week, what you start to see is your liver becomes specialized in burning acetate, the byproduct of ethanol oxidation in the liver. Ethanol is a toxin that must be processed immediately.

Ethanol is metabolized by the body as an energy-providing nutrient, as it metabolizes into acetyl CoA, an intermediate common with glucose and fatty acid metabolism.

During the metabolism of alcohol in the liver, NAD (Nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide) is converted into reduced NAD.

Normally, NAD is used to metabolize fats in the liver, and as such alcohol competes with these fats for the use of NAD. Prolonged exposure to alcohol means that fats accumulate in the liver, leading to the term 'fatty liver'.

Continued consumption (such as in alcoholism) then leads to cell death in the hepatocytes as the fat stores reduce the function of the cell to the point of death. These cells are then replaced with scar tissue, leading to the condition called cirrhosis.

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In english, the more you use alcohol, the more your liver specializes in using ethanol as fuel for your cells, meaning anything you eat while your liver is processing alcohol gets stored. Throughout a normal day, eating a balanced meal of carbs, fats, and proteins would show you a metabolic picture like this:

The carbs are assimilated first, and the simple glucose is sent into the bloodstream where insulin will help shuttle the glucose to everywhere it needs to go in the body. While insulin is elevated in the body, fat processing in the liver ceases. The fatty acids you just ate can't just hang around, they are sent into the bloodstream, where they enter your fat cells, sort of like a frequently used locker.

After the body's supplies of glucose are depleted, the fatty acids that just got stored are removed from your fat cells, and chained with proteins in your liver.. Your liver essentially CREATES glucose for cellular fuel.

If you drink, the duration that your liver is processing ethanol means that by your next meal, all the calories nutrients you ate while drinking haven't been used by your next meal, and you'll see a calorie accumulation.

If you drink constantly, fat deposits will build up in the liver, making it much less efficient. You need your liver to be operating at 100% if you want to see maximum bodyfat loss. The liver is what takes the fatty acids out of your fat cells, if it's not worth a damn then you'll have trouble seeing consistent weight loss.

Alcohol consumption on a large scale also shows hormonal changes, the kinds men do not want to see. If you drink a SIGNIFICANT amount, well over 4 or 5 drinks, you'll see testosterone levels decrease for about a day or two before they return to baseline.

No studies have been conducted on chronic alcohol users to determine if this depressed testosterone production is diminished in people with greater tolerance, and no data exists or is known if long term alcohol use causes a chronic suppression of serum testosterone levels.

All in all, you need to find another way to let out your stress and cope with life. You can't stop drinking cold turkey without seeing physiological and psychological effects, but taper it off, keep your mind on the idea that it's not the best thing, and see how long you can go without consuming alcohol. having a drink on the weekends is fine, but "getting drunk" is JUST like being overweight, and having excessive, 5,000 calorie cheat meals.

You won't get very far in repairing your liver or dropping body fat when you're binging, no matter what you ingest, whether it's food or alcohol.

Is there any way you can find something else to help take your mind off things, ways to healthily cope?

Ugh, I feel for you! Life does get in the way of our plans sometimes, well, a lot of times. If you have insurance, or the funds you may want to see a doctor or psychiatrist. Based on what you said about your addictive past you may have some undiagnosed depression, anxiety disorder or ADD/ADHD that you have been self medicating or may be getting in your way living a normal life and staying disciplined. I won't get into detail here on my own problems but I speak about this from experience:)

Boo hoo hoo. Social services is screwing you over now? Do you even hear yourself? That's a hand out, but they aren't even doing right by you?

FYI: you don't know my background and what struggles I've gone through, or even how empathetic I am to other people's struggles. You don't know what my perspective is. .

Whatever your perspective, you aren't showing much empathy in this thread. I hope your tough background doesn't make you inured to your future clients dilemmas. It's not about how you got over your own struggle.