Did they do this on purpose?

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alethea88
alethea88 Posts: 112 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, this is the situation... I went to my aunt's house warming party and I was determine to keep my diet. The amount of food I take is equal to my daily lunch portion. So when my cousin saw my plate, she said I should eat more. I explain to her that I am on my diet but she said I can make an exception on that day. And then my other cousin said its okay to break my diet once in a while (but I break my diet too often during last week party so I dont want to break my diet now). My sis kind of support them by saying I should eat more to keep the big eater tradition in the family???? I am not comfortable in this kind of situation. Do they do it on purpose? what would you say to them if you were in my situation?
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Replies

  • CatAMcC
    CatAMcC Posts: 166 Member
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    Just stick to your guns and say you have made this choice and commit to it. Usually its those closest to us are the worst supporters but one your amazing health shows that will keep them quiet.

    Just say no thanks and put emphasis on them why its a big deal how and what you eat. Will soon shut them up,
  • shadus
    shadus Posts: 424 Member
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    Well it depends, if your bmi is 19 and they're telling you that... yes perhaps you should take their advice. If you have an above normal bmi then perhaps it's pretty bad advice. Sometimes people are jealous and subconsciously trying to hinder your progress other times they're being genuinely honest and helpful... without a lot more details and knowing what you're eating, etc... it's really hard to say.
  • carolyn0613
    carolyn0613 Posts: 162 Member
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    If they feel it's right to comment on how much you eat, you should do the same!

    Say to them:
    'if you eat that amount of food, you put on 3 lbs in a week'
    'You should eat less, you are eating too much'
    etc.

    See how they like it when the tables are turned.

    Ha, I would love to do that but I (and probably you) wont do that because it is not polite...

    Maybe that's the tactic then:
    'Please don't comment on the amount of food I eat. How would you feel if i did the same to you?'

    That might get the message across more politely...
  • athenasurrenders
    athenasurrenders Posts: 278 Member
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    As annoying as these comments are, I think people rarely mean anything by it.

    Food isn't just fuel, no matter what people say. Food is a cultural thing - the sharing of food is about bonding and celebrating, as well as nutrition. Granted, living in a society where food is always plentiful it's not really necessary for us to 'feast' together, but obviously people associate food with pleasure and enjoyment. They're not thinking 'I'll make things really hard!' they're thinking 'food is enjoyable, this is a special occasion, I like this person and want him/her to have fun, so I'll encourage them to eat more'.

    Not to mention a lot of people associate diets with misery and deprivation. They were probably thinking it was a nice thing to give you an excuse to have a day off. And on some level, they might have been trying to show that they like you the way you are - you don't need to be dieting to be ok with them.

    So yes, it's unsupportive but probably just misguided and not mean.
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
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    Not to mention a lot of people associate diets with misery and deprivation. They were probably thinking it was a nice thing to give you an excuse to have a day off. And on some level, they might have been trying to show that they like you the way you are - you don't need to be dieting to be ok with them.

    So yes, it's unsupportive but probably just misguided and not mean.

    This. When people hear that you are on a diet or losing weight, they imagine that you must be suffering and desperately longing for an excuse to eat like a "normal" person. I got comments like this all the time when I first started losing weight, but after keeping the weight off for a year, people have stopped commenting. They've stopped seeing my portion sizes as deprived and started seeing them as just the way I eat.
  • kindasortachewy
    kindasortachewy Posts: 1,084 Member
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    Say, I'm eating to live, not living to eat and its working for me, but thanks!
  • benol1
    benol1 Posts: 867 Member
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    If they feel it's right to comment on how much you eat, you should do the same!

    Say to them:
    'if you eat that amount of food, you put on 3 lbs in a week'
    'You should eat less, you are eating too much'
    etc.

    See how they like it when the tables are turned.

    Ha, I would love to do that but I (and probably you) wont do that because it is not polite...

    Maybe that's the tactic then:
    'Please don't comment on the amount of food I eat. How would you feel if i did the same to you?'

    That might get the message across more politely...

    Perfect!

    Personally, I would probably tell them to go and get to know themselves "in the biblical sense".
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
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    Just say no thank you. If they say it again repeat no. They will give up soon enough. You don't have to explain anything to them. Be your own person. Do what makes you happy.
  • mspoopoo
    mspoopoo Posts: 500 Member
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    I agree with the no thank you with no explanation and just change the subject.

    I have told some pushy people I have a food allergy and they never bother me about it again.
  • Pinkranger626
    Pinkranger626 Posts: 460 Member
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    I don't think they consciously do it on purpose, it's weird for people to see you trying to change your eating habits when they're used to seeing you eat a certain way. My theory is that if they just pigged out, and all the other people around them ate the same then it's ok in their mind, then you come along and make more sensible choices and make them feel gulty for just eating what they know was clearly way more than they should have.

    A suggestion for you though, for your own sanity. Try to change your mindset from its a diet, to a lifestyle change. If you frame it as I'm on a diet in your own mind then typically there's an end date subconsciously where when you reach that date you won't have to restrict yourself/eat this way anymore. Make sure that what you're doing is something that is sustainable for the rest of your life and that you don't feel restricted to avoid binges. Diets are temporary, lifestyle changes are for better health and last a lifetime.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    So, this is the situation... I went to my aunt's house warming party and I was determine to keep my diet. The amount of food I take is equal to my daily lunch portion. So when my cousin saw my plate, she said I should eat more. I explain to her that I am on my diet but she said I can make an exception on that day. And then my other cousin said its okay to break my diet once in a while (but I break my diet too often during last week party so I dont want to break my diet now). My sis kind of support them by saying I should eat more to keep the big eater tradition in the family???? I am not comfortable in this kind of situation. Do they do it on purpose? what would you say to them if you were in my situation?
    you know it's very rude for your cousin or sis to comment on your plate. I don't know if they do this on purpose or whatever, it's just rude. (calling someone out on their rudeness is apparently also rude, so your best bet is to ignore it).

    anyway, for future- stop discussing your diet. just don't . if your cousin sees your plate and tells you to eat more, just smile serenely (think "Mona Lisa") and say "thank you!" and then change the subject.

    If they continue to badger you just keep smiling and saying thank you

    Unless you are seriously underweight and they are just looking out for you
  • ShrinkingMuslimah
    ShrinkingMuslimah Posts: 99 Member
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    I would try to avoid using the word "diet" since people associate this work with temporary fad diets which are usually quite restrictive and often don't work, or if they do they often don't work long-term.

    This is a lifestyle, this is not going to end once you reach your goal, and this isn't going to be the last housewarming/family gathering you'll have while eating this way.

    I tend to just say "This is enough food for me, I don't want to get too full" and try to change the subject. That works almost all the time with me, but if they keep pushing and keep pushing I don't believe it would be rude to say "OK that's enough" or "Please don't comment on my eating habits" or even just say "Thank you, but no thank you" and then walk away.

    Anyways, that's just my 2 cents based on my personal experiences, but your family may be very different from my family/friends.
  • Miffylou
    Miffylou Posts: 307 Member
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    I don't tell people I'm on a diet anymore, simply because I don't feel like I'm dieting. It's the way I choose to eat which is living and being healthy. I just stand my ground and say no thanks. If they get pushy then I'll. again just say no thanks I don't feel like it and change the subject. I think it's sad that so many social events revolve around food, when I visit friends and family I go to see them not for what food I'm going to eat.
  • ShrinkingMuslimah
    ShrinkingMuslimah Posts: 99 Member
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    I think it's sad that so many social events revolve around food, when I visit friends and family I go to see them not for what food I'm going to eat.

    :flowerforyou:
    Agreed!
  • debbash68
    debbash68 Posts: 981 Member
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    Isn't it funny that so many people feel free to comment on your food. I find saying if they try to get me to eat things saying, "I'm okay but if you want some more feel free"
    I don't know if this is successful as I am only trying it out
  • PheonixRizing
    PheonixRizing Posts: 131 Member
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    As annoying as these comments are, I think people rarely mean anything by it.

    Food isn't just fuel, no matter what people say. Food is a cultural thing - the sharing of food is about bonding and celebrating, as well as nutrition. Granted, living in a society where food is always plentiful it's not really necessary for us to 'feast' together, but obviously people associate food with pleasure and enjoyment. They're not thinking 'I'll make things really hard!' they're thinking 'food is enjoyable, this is a special occasion, I like this person and want him/her to have fun, so I'll encourage them to eat more'.

    Not to mention a lot of people associate diets with misery and deprivation. They were probably thinking it was a nice thing to give you an excuse to have a day off. And on some level, they might have been trying to show that they like you the way you are - you don't need to be dieting to be ok with them.

    So yes, it's unsupportive but probably just misguided and not mean.

    I agree. It's about your perspective and how you think on it. It doesn't have to be a negative, assume love here. They are your family and they want you to be happy. Just smile and tell them that you made a commitment to yourself and go about your day.
  • lavaughan69
    lavaughan69 Posts: 459 Member
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    I've dieted so many times throughout my life and have had to explain countless times during parties and holidays that I'm dieting and I can't eat this, or I not eating that. I've decided to approach it differently now. I now adjust my calorie intake during the week, or a combination of calorie reduction and exercise so I have a deficit to work with at a party. I don't track, I just enjoy...but not excessively. I just eat a little bit of everything, have a few drinks and no one questions what I'm doing. The summer is the worst, there seems to be something going on every weekend so I don't eat very much during the week, but so far so good, I was down another 2-1/2 pounds and that was after an anniversary dinner and a night out with a friend eating bar food.

    I'm hoping that by approaching things this way I'll create more of a lifestyle than a diet.
  • crazydaisy15
    crazydaisy15 Posts: 47
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    I don't see why you have to explain your food choices to anyone. If something is offered and you say 'no thank you' that should be the end of it. It's true that people who like to give their 2 cents when it's not asked for , would probably not appreciate it is tables were turned. I did turn the tables a bit where I work. One co-worker was going to get a Dairy Queen blizzard treat, and offered to get me one too. I said no thanks, and commented that the calories in one blizzard is almost as much as I as supposed to consume in a day. But then I got her excuses as to why it's OK that she ate one, from 'well, I didn't eat much lunch' and 'I need a treat once in awhile'. I really did not mean to criticize her for getting ice cream, but I probably didn't need to explain beyond a simple 'no thank you' either. She certainly did get defensive though. Lesson learned.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,619 Member
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    Meh, just say you're not that hungry. Problem solved.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • happychic
    happychic Posts: 43 Member
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    I totally agree. My husband is constantly trying to get me to splurge. It's not mean, he's just trying to include me. He also tells me I'm beautiful and don't need to lose weight because he wants me to feel good about myself. He does these things out of love and because he wants me to be happy. Your family may have been reacting out of love.

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