Dealing with the psychological effects of weightloss
podgeford123
Posts: 29
Hi MFP people,
I have been hiding behind my fat it seems for a few years; a good barrier to keep people away and also it was a great excuse not to do so many things. So now the fat is going, I am running out of excuses. Also it feels a bit weird that my sides are "missing" now...I have lost about 10% of my bodyweight in a short time...what must it be like to loose 20, 30% or more...how do people deal with that...the additional attention, and the not having weight as an excuse anymore...
any tips from anyone on how they got used to their new body, and possibly their new life? How did you change along with your body?
I have been hiding behind my fat it seems for a few years; a good barrier to keep people away and also it was a great excuse not to do so many things. So now the fat is going, I am running out of excuses. Also it feels a bit weird that my sides are "missing" now...I have lost about 10% of my bodyweight in a short time...what must it be like to loose 20, 30% or more...how do people deal with that...the additional attention, and the not having weight as an excuse anymore...
any tips from anyone on how they got used to their new body, and possibly their new life? How did you change along with your body?
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Replies
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I have the same fears. I can't imagine myself as half the weight I am right now! Any insight into this would be great.0
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I am a chunky monkey now but yrs ago I lost all the weight. Here was my experience...
When I lost people made a huge deal. People in general treated me better and acted like I was important. Guys I knew gave me much more attention and eye contact which kind of annoyed me ( What, I'm more interesting and important now?!) Women were the WORST. They seemed to be friendlier and respected me more which was stupid. More people wanted to be my friend. While out running errands I got looks and cashiers struck up friendly convos. It was a weird feeling to be looked at. When I was overweight I could totally opt out of any situation. It was like I now was part of the world and I had to be present in every situation whether I wanted to or not. It is a scary/ nice feeling but take time to get used to.
I know that part of it was that I dressed better because I felt better so I can't sit here and bash everyone. But there is truth to this!! Overall I don't think i carried myself much differently. I have always been fairly outgoing. My bro lost 60lbs in one summer and when he went back to school he was flooded with attention by people who never spoke to him. It annoyed him but laughed it off and embraced how good he felt about himself. Unlike me he kept it off. I guess you have to try to be open and enjoy yourself and life. Don't be afraid to be happy and embrace yourself!0 -
ALSO-clothes shopping is weird. I always over guessed my size and felt like I was not looking at my body in the mirror. I would always go for flowy tops instead of fitted because it was ingrained in my head that I couldn't wear a fitted shirt. Or even my face, It was odd looking at seeing cheekbones. Its a foreign feeling but you get used to it over time.0
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I have always used my weight to hide behind. I have never wanted attention or did anything to attract attention if I could help it. Now that I am loosing weight I do have people doing the "OMG you look great how much have you lost" and the "You should meet Jackie she has lost tons of weight and looks amazing". This is hard for me and it is taking a lot to get used to. I have actually left a couple of parties because I felt so uncomfortable with the attention. I try to remind myself that although I am being treated different I am still the same person but people are really happy for me and just want to share in that happiness. As I continue to lose more weight I know it will get harder and harder, mostly because I still see myself as the "fat girl" that never gets the looks. Just remind yourself that you are the same person on the inside, that you have always been this amazing person and try to look past the people that never gave you a second glance before. You know the type of person the are because you knew them before you were this better version of yourself.0
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I'm in a stage of transition myself. I've always hidden behind the fat. I'm a shy person anyway, but being fat buried anything inside me that I felt was valuable. My self-worth, though independent of the fat, was/is connected to it.
As I've slimmed down, I started gaining my confidence back. I'm beginning to be more comfortable in my skin. It's taken me over a year of hard work. Not just with the eating and exercise, but mentally I've had to overcome a lot of baggage. I, too, have noticed that people are friendlier toward me, but then... I've been smiling a whole lot more! Something I hardly ever did when I carried around the weight.
I still want to lose about 25 more pounds, but if I didn't lose another ounce, I'm so much more happier right now than I ever was carrying around all that extra. It is a process. It's a tough process of learning to love self. I'm still in that process, but I'm getting there! So will you.
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I am a chunky monkey now but yrs ago I lost all the weight. Here was my experience...
When I lost people made a huge deal. People in general treated me better and acted like I was important. Guys I knew gave me much more attention and eye contact which kind of annoyed me ( What, I'm more interesting and important now?!) Women were the WORST. They seemed to be friendlier and respected me more which was stupid. More people wanted to be my friend. While out running errands I got looks and cashiers struck up friendly convos. It was a weird feeling to be looked at. When I was overweight I could totally opt out of any situation. It was like I now was part of the world and I had to be present in every situation whether I wanted to or not. It is a scary/ nice feeling but take time to get used to.
I know that part of it was that I dressed better because I felt better so I can't sit here and bash everyone. But there is truth to this!! Overall I don't think i carried myself much differently. I have always been fairly outgoing. My bro lost 60lbs in one summer and when he went back to school he was flooded with attention by people who never spoke to him. It annoyed him but laughed it off and embraced how good he felt about himself. Unlike me he kept it off. I guess you have to try to be open and enjoy yourself and life. Don't be afraid to be happy and embrace yourself!
Thanks! Good to hear your experience - and also how you and your brother dealt with it. I am getting the same, people want to talk with me more now, which I find annoying for 2 reasons, 1) why now all of a sudden and 2) they are speaking Dutch, which is a totally random language without rules so I still have to master it...anyways, great to hear your story - and good luck with your journey!0 -
I have lost 60 lbs before and so I know what KtAnne is talking about. People do treat you differently. It is very real.
Podgeford, enjoy your new body, but don't try not to get cocky like some do...I can come back on faster than you can imagine! lol Enjoy the attention, be proud of yourself and do things only as you feel comfortable doing them. If you are wanting to keep people away from you, you will probably want to examine in depth the reasons for that and heal your past hurts.
What I am afraid of now, especially if I go for weight loss surgery (which is my goal), is being able to feel bones and veins and things that I never felt before. Just yesterday, I discovered a vein in my hand (I've just lost 43 lbs) and pushed on it and it moved. I was grossed right out! I've also noticed that when laying in bed on my side now, I can feel my knees clacking together because the fat is melting away on them! YUCK! How do skinny people do it? I'm used to having cushioning!! I don't want to not be able to handle things if I DO lose the weight!0 -
I'm actually hoping losing weight will have the opposite effect-
I'm overweight, I was raised by hippies and have a reasonably obvious mental illness, and I'm a ginger.
I can't ever go anywhere and have people ignore me. I feel like if I took up less space and was more "average" sized, people would ignore me more.0 -
I had a thread called "I feel weird" where lots of people said really supportive things to me.
Maybe it would help you to look it up. just type the above quotation marked words into the box you get when you click the search button above.
Hope it helps. :flowerforyou:
As for the pressure to do things your fat was an excuse for. Don't pressure yourself. One thing at a time. Lose the weight first and deal with that. Then start thinking about what you want to do. Naturally if there are things that you feel you must do now like you are raring to go, don't wait..do them. Let the chips fall where they may. It's life. You roll with the punches, takes risks fall down get up and do it all again. Then you reflect on the fun parts.0 -
I have actually left a couple of parties because I felt so uncomfortable with the attention.
I lost weight before and experienced this , it was unexpected and I totally did not know what to do .Unfortunately I was not able to work through it .I had a leg injury and gained all that weight back + 40 lbs.
This time I'm ready for it. I try to do self talk right now that will hopefully prepare me for the looks I hope to get :blushing:
Also , I am married this time and I kknow someone loves me no matter if I'm fat or thin ,so that will help I think.0 -
I totally feel ya on this one! My weight was my barrier against the world...and I pushed people away. It's getting a little easier for me to be a smaller person...but it's a day to day process. I've lost 164 pounds and I have about 80 pounds left to lose. It's really hard to push myself to be a more social person. Right now I'm trying to push myself to join a gym and attend Spinning classes. So far I haven't accomplished that goal...I just don't feel comfortable exercising with other people The thought of it sends me into panic mode. I've been Spinning at home for quite a while, and even though I know I can do it, I still feel like I'll make a fool of myself doing it with other people. The other obstacle, and I don't know if you have experienced this, is that my family and friends are so used to the old me that they're not quite sure how to react to me now. Sometimes I wonder if they'll even like the person I'm trying to be. It's all kind of weird sometimes...lol
All I can say is keep moving forward, Try not to push people away. When someone invites you to do something...do it! Go ahead and get out of your comfort zone. That's the way I'm approaching these psychological issues that pop up more often than not. I know I'll eventually get the nerve up to attend a Spinning class....and there's a better than average chance that I will not die of embarrassment...lol There's probably a better chance that I'll enjoy myself and wonder what the heck I was so worried about!
Good luck....you're doing great! 0 -
I totally feel ya on this one! My weight was my barrier against the world...and I pushed people away. It's getting a little easier for me to be a smaller person...but it's a day to day process. I've lost 164 pounds and I have about 80 pounds left to lose. It's really hard to push myself to be a more social person. Right now I'm trying to push myself to join a gym and attend Spinning classes. So far I haven't accomplished that goal...I just don't feel comfortable exercising with other people The thought of it sends me into panic mode. I've been Spinning at home for quite a while, and even though I know I can do it, I still feel like I'll make a fool of myself doing it with other people. The other obstacle, and I don't know if you have experienced this, is that my family and friends are so used to the old me that they're not quite sure how to react to me now. Sometimes I wonder if they'll even like the person I'm trying to be. It's all kind of weird sometimes...lol
All I can say is keep moving forward, Try not to push people away. When someone invites you to do something...do it! Go ahead and get out of your comfort zone. That's the way I'm approaching these psychological issues that pop up more often than not. I know I'll eventually get the nerve up to attend a Spinning class....and there's a better than average chance that I will not die of embarrassment...lol There's probably a better chance that I'll enjoy myself and wonder what the heck I was so worried about!
Good luck....you're doing great!
Thanks! Wow you have lost a lot of lbs...so I guess you know about change....you are right, I just need to get out of my comfort zone, and see what I want in life...if they means change of, well, anything and everything...so be it. I have been using my flab as a fantastic excuse not to follow my dreams i.e. I'll do that later when I am back in shape; shoot! I am back in shape! ;-) Oh well, my body is thanking me for it all ready, no more sweating and I feel so light going up stairs - so I will focus on that aspect - my body is loving me back for this ;-) success!0 -
I hear you on this one. I had lost 153 pounds by the time I reached goal the first time and almost quit half way through because I couldn't handle the attention. I was BIG all my life, I was invisible to others (you know, no eye contact, etc) and then I started losing weight. The eye contact of strangers really freaked me out! At the time, I had no idea how 'slim' girls acted, how to dress (the choice of clothes are a big difference when going from a 4X to a Medium), I had no idea how to socialize - it was all new to me. So I watched other people and learned from them (sounds weird but it was the only way). I basically reinvented myself.
Experience life - have fun with it - you've earned it. Don't let this hold you back. Just go with the flow, doesn't matter what anybody else thinks (really). Keep moving forward - Out of your comfort zone lil bit by lil bit and pretty soon that zone will be your new comfort zone and you can strive for more.0 -
I don't care what others think....never have. I'm just happier in my own skin. I'm happy that it's not a pain in the *kitten* to do the things I want to do. I can walk easier, sit easier, get up easier, run easier. Proper diet makes me have more energy to do the things I want to do also. I sleep better and think better. My memory is better (some days it still sux haha) I'm just a more relaxed person overall. Just go with the flow. More attention, more opportunities, more chances to decide how you really want to live your life. What's important to you? Priorities. Take it slow and let it sink in. Some things are all about you. Go for everything and enjoy the ride :flowerforyou:0
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No attention here, even though I've lost over 60lbs from my heaviest weight. I think maybe you're preoccupied with a fear. You need to let go of THAT excuse and head forward into the unknown.0
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No attention here, even though I've lost over 60lbs from my heaviest weight. I think maybe you're preoccupied with a fear. You need to let go of THAT excuse and head forward into the unknown.
As mentioned, I have been hanging onto excuses for a while...but I can see that now and its time to get real
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I've gained and lost over the years, but one thing I've noticed is that when I was at my heaviest, people rarely made eye contact with me. It made it possible to stand in a crowded room and still be by myself. Now, around 45 lb lighter, I have people make and maintain eye contact. It's very difficult to get used to as I'm conditioned to look at the ground or above or next to people's heads from having been ignored for so long. I've noticed that people have started apologising to me when they bump into me now, when in the past they would've just scurried off. It's sad that people are treated this way. I know I'm not the only one.
As a result, when I see overweight people, I make a point to maintain eye contact and make an effort to speak with them. I'm considering it a learning experience and life lesson.
The idea that someone could flirt with me is such a foreign concept to me that it strikes me as odd when it happens (on the rare occasion that I notice. I'm notorious for managing to miss it)
It's still strange to me not to automatically hunt for the largest size of everything when I shop. There was one time when I automatically bought a sweater without trying it on, got home, and realized it was two sies too big. My smaller jeans look ridiculously small when I first grab them.
It is lovely being able to put my feet on the chair I'm sitting on, though. I got used to that quickly0 -
LOVE YOURSELF!
Once I started to do that, all the attention I was getting didn't bother me as much. I was never scared about losing weight and how It was going to change me. The change in my health and the way that I felt about myself out weighs (pun intended) any of that attention. Also, after a while people stop caring. lol
Congrats in your success. Think of this as your second chance in life...what are you going to do with it?0 -
I don't care what others think....never have. I'm just happier in my own skin. I'm happy that it's not a pain in the *kitten* to do the things I want to do. I can walk easier, sit easier, get up easier, run easier. Proper diet makes me have more energy to do the things I want to do also. I sleep better and think better. My memory is better (some days it still sux haha) I'm just a more relaxed person overall. Just go with the flow. More attention, more opportunities, more chances to decide how you really want to live your life. What's important to you? Priorities. Take it slow and let it sink in. Some things are all about you. Go for everything and enjoy the ride :flowerforyou:
Beautiful!!!! Dropping knowledge, watch your toes!0 -
You might want to get a knee pillow, and a sweater. You'll get colder easier too.I have lost 60 lbs before and so I know what KtAnne is talking about. People do treat you differently. It is very real.
Podgeford, enjoy your new body, but don't try not to get cocky like some do...I can come back on faster than you can imagine! lol Enjoy the attention, be proud of yourself and do things only as you feel comfortable doing them. If you are wanting to keep people away from you, you will probably want to examine in depth the reasons for that and heal your past hurts.
What I am afraid of now, especially if I go for weight loss surgery (which is my goal), is being able to feel bones and veins and things that I never felt before. Just yesterday, I discovered a vein in my hand (I've just lost 43 lbs) and pushed on it and it moved. I was grossed right out! I've also noticed that when laying in bed on my side now, I can feel my knees clacking together because the fat is melting away on them! YUCK! How do skinny people do it? I'm used to having cushioning!! I don't want to not be able to handle things if I DO lose the weight!0 -
Bump.... Very interesting stories!0
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I feel your pain. I admit, I am MORE insecure after losing 60 pounds (25% of my original body weight) than I was at 235 (my heaviest). I guess I was stuffing all the bad feelings from my first marriage and my awful ex husband then got divorced and pregnant with my son and just kept stuffing everything down and eating my misery. I finally found the love of my life after years and years of dating men who treated me like crap, and decided I needed to get healthy, even though my weight didn't bier him. Now my constant worry is that even though I'm thinner, I have lots of loose skin and still have a bulging belly from 2 kids on top of losing my boobs and butt. So I feel so much more unattractive. I never dreamed I would feel so insecure after so much weight loss.0
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I'm still a work in progress. I'm a bit more outgoing now than I was when I was heavier. I don't hesitate, i.e. fearing I won't fit, when it comes to booths at restaurants anymore. I've gotten rid of almost all my fat clothes except for 1 pair of jeans and shirt. That was a hard one for me. I wanted to keep them just incase. I'm also not used to the attention from the opposite sex. I have a hard time telling when someone of the opposite sex is flirting with me or they are just being friendly. I always assume they are not flirting with me and just being friendly because sometimes in my mind I still think I am 500 lbs. and I think that there's no way a woman would want to flirt with a big guy like myself.0
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I am a chunky monkey now but yrs ago I lost all the weight. Here was my experience...
When I lost people made a huge deal. People in general treated me better and acted like I was important. Guys I knew gave me much more attention and eye contact which kind of annoyed me ( What, I'm more interesting and important now?!) Women were the WORST. They seemed to be friendlier and respected me more which was stupid. More people wanted to be my friend. While out running errands I got looks and cashiers struck up friendly convos. It was a weird feeling to be looked at. When I was overweight I could totally opt out of any situation. It was like I now was part of the world and I had to be present in every situation whether I wanted to or not. It is a scary/ nice feeling but take time to get used to.
I know that part of it was that I dressed better because I felt better so I can't sit here and bash everyone. But there is truth to this!! Overall I don't think i carried myself much differently. I have always been fairly outgoing. My bro lost 60lbs in one summer and when he went back to school he was flooded with attention by people who never spoke to him. It annoyed him but laughed it off and embraced how good he felt about himself. Unlike me he kept it off. I guess you have to try to be open and enjoy yourself and life. Don't be afraid to be happy and embrace yourself!
Thanks! Good to hear your experience - and also how you and your brother dealt with it. I am getting the same, people want to talk with me more now, which I find annoying for 2 reasons, 1) why now all of a sudden and 2) they are speaking Dutch, which is a totally random language without rules so I still have to master it...anyways, great to hear your story - and good luck with your journey!
So I went though some of the same things this gal is talking about. However I want you to think of something else..... when we shed the "fat wall" as I call mine we ourselves become more outgoing and people respond to that. Maybe that cashier at the store pays more attention to you because with your new found confidence you are looking them in the eye rather than just keeping your head down.....
We are putting out different energy and thinking differently about ourselves, so what we are sending out is what we are going to receive! Enjoy your new confidence which includes the ability to connect with people in ways you were not able to in the past.
"The mind is everything; what you think you become" (Buddha)0 -
I have lost 60 lbs before and so I know what KtAnne is talking about. People do treat you differently. It is very real.
Podgeford, enjoy your new body, but don't try not to get cocky like some do...I can come back on faster than you can imagine! lol Enjoy the attention, be proud of yourself and do things only as you feel comfortable doing them. If you are wanting to keep people away from you, you will probably want to examine in depth the reasons for that and heal your past hurts.
What I am afraid of now, especially if I go for weight loss surgery (which is my goal), is being able to feel bones and veins and things that I never felt before. Just yesterday, I discovered a vein in my hand (I've just lost 43 lbs) and pushed on it and it moved. I was grossed right out! I've also noticed that when laying in bed on my side now, I can feel my knees clacking together because the fat is melting away on them! YUCK! How do skinny people do it? I'm used to having cushioning!! I don't want to not be able to handle things if I DO lose the weight!
Try a pillow between your knees while you sleep. But seriously, I hear it is very painful to be very thin. Even sitting in a chair your skin is pinched between bone and the chair. Ewwww. I have never experienced this personally but I heard about it when I watched a show about an anorexic girl.0 -
I am so glad you posted this topic! I'm struggling with this a little, myself. I was told when I started out that there would come a time when my body and my head might not necessarily match, but I blew that off as things that people who aren't in touch with themselves might experience. Me, I'm very self-aware, and I got this...no, really...stop laughing!
Fast forward a year and nearly 110 pounds. Yeah, I'm having issues. It's not so much the new attention, although I've noticed that as well, but I'm a people person, so I don't mind it. It's more adjusting to the idea that I don't take up much space any more. I've always been that larger than life, brash, brassy girl with the big voice. Well, guess what? When you lose weight, even your voice gets smaller. It's been part of my identity for so long to be the big, invincible, funny girl who physically dominates a room. Now that I'm smaller, I've discovered I actually have a very tiny frame, and people have started saying things like "you're so little and cute", and talking to me like a pet. Guys try to protect me. It messes with my head big time. I'm trying to combat it by keeping up with the strength training and making sure I do big, bad-*kitten* kinds of things, but I can't deny the physical shift. It is what it is, but I sure hope it starts feeling a bit more like home soon!
**ETA that I still have a little over 80 lbs left to go before I am at goal. I can't imagine how absolutely tiny I'm going to feel when I get there, if I'm already feeling little now!0 -
As sad as it is for me to admit I too hid behind behind my weight for the longest time. I wouldn't go out unless it was for a very very good reason (taking the kids to the dr etc) If I was forced to go out I would try and be as invisible as possible and not do anything that would gather any negative attention. I wouldn't eat if we went to a fair and if we took the kids out to eat we would sit in the car and have a drive through as I couldn't bare people to see the "fatty" eating if we went inside.
Now 90lb lost later I can see how silly it all was. We went to the fair saturday/yesterday and I tried lots of different things and people even mentioned the change in me from previous years. I realise not how much of a hold the weight had on my life. I'm actually living now. I'm not afraid to go out or to be seen. I walk down the street with my head held high, I dont care so much anymore if people look at me or whisper when I go past (I'm still overweight) because I know I'm doing something positive about it and I'm so much healthier than I was. I worried that I'd swap my fear of negative responses for a fear of positive responses but it's nice now when someone tells me how much healthier I look. Just take it day by day and remember that the goal you're heading for is to be healthier and fitter for you
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods0 -
I totally feel you. I put weight on to 'cope' with things I could not cope with. Food was my friend and weight gain was the result of my terrible dependant relationship with food. Both friends and strangers could see the weight gain on my journey. Some could talk to me about it as they were comfortable, some could not as they were uncomfortable with it. It was the same way with taking the weight off. Those that were comfortable with me heavy were not comfortable with my loss. My close friends and family were happy with me making a healthy change, but that did not mean I got a 'pass' on them offering their opinions on how I lost my weight. I did what what was best (a weight loss surgery) and right for me (walking 3-5 miles per day, every day). I was prepared for them, my reactions to them. I was not prepared for what faced me in the mirror. All at once, but at the same, time everyone seemed to notice my weight loss and I noticed my weight loss. I saw myself. I did not recognize me. I had to consciously make a decision to 'like' the new me. I treated myself to a new hair color and glasses (If I am not going to see the old me in the mirror, why shock myself?) So I gave me something new to look at. I also told this new person that she is very brave. Gave myself daily affirmations and goals. I enpowered the new person that was staring me in the mirror. I gave her the power I had given away to food and hiding behind fat in the first place. Weightloss is a journey and a process. I hope a few of my decisions on coping help in some small way. I am still trying to get used to feeling my ribs and hips when I sleep as I had a fluffy cushiony body too! But when you walk 3 to 5 miles a day, ya tend to sleep like a baby, so the thoughts don't linger very long. Much success to you on your journey!0
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I can completely relate with you. As odd as it sounds, it is really difficult to deal with the psychological stresses that come along with weight loss. A few years ago I lost about 100 pounds (in about a 14 month span), and I was so excited at first that I figured out a way of eating and exercising that worked for me, but as time went on I started to feel less comfortable in my body. Sometimes it would seem like the weight loss had happened overnight and I wouldn't recognize the person in the mirror. Other times I would have a bad week and focus only on the flaws and feel discouraged that despite how far I had come, I wasn't where I wanted to be. Another thing that really drove me crazy was how often my body changed. When you lose a lot of weight you lose it from various places, and usually at different times. It's like your body is re-molding itself, and no matter what I felt so awkward because nothing ever fit right. Even though it has been a few years since I lost that significant amount of weight and I have managed to keep it off, I still feel awkward and self-conscious. I also have come to admit that I have a body image complex, and it really developed with the more weight I lost.
At the same time though, I have become much more out-going and sociable. I make friends more easily now, and I don't think anymore that they are going to judge me for the way I look. That is something that gradually happened without me noticing. It's like I finally decided to let out the person that was stuck inside of me for so long. This all happened after I moved out of state though. To a place where no one knew the "fat" me, they just knew me. When I visit back home, I am overly aware that everyone knew me before I lost weight, and the wall goes back up. Where it's nice for people to recognize where you came from and how far you have gone, it's a constant reminder that is usually something I don't want to be reminded of.
It all takes time, and it's all kind of a strange up and down roller coaster, but you will make it through. 0 -
Interesting post. Definitely experienced the feeling of people suddenly seeming more friendly. It's an odd one.0
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