How to deal with Debbie Downers

Options
SaveTheDrama
SaveTheDrama Posts: 62
in Motivation and Support
I have been really trying to get fit and I am finally happy with the person I see in the mirror, but there are is one "friend" that seems to have the need to lessen my success. We were both obese and were pretty good friends and we both decided to get healthy. I stuck with my program and my friend did not. Now every time I see her she make comments that are really starting to get on my nerves. She constantly tells me how small my boobs are getting (which she knows bothers me), she tells me I must be starving myself, even if we are out with a group and the other day I stopped in to say hi to her at work and in front of everyone she tells me that she wants to take me to dinner so she feed me. the comments are not made in a playful joking way so it kind of throws me off a little. I never mention my weight around her, I know its a touchy subject, but I feel like the more weight I lose the more of our friendship is lost in the process. I know I can't let this affect my success, but I don't really know how to deal with the situation. Any advice would be appreciated!

Replies

  • Kminor67
    Kminor67 Posts: 900 Member
    Options
    My sister had Lap Band, and the same thing happened to her. She lost friends due to malicious gossip, snide remarks, etc. I say that if she can't respect your decision to stick with the program and she has to make you feel bad to make herself feel better, then she's not really your friend. I would sit her down and have a nice long talk over a salad and tell her how you feel. If she can't respect it, then cut her loose.
  • iamkimmie
    iamkimmie Posts: 8 Member
    Options
    I know it would be really difficult and may not have a desirable outcome, but you should tell her what she's doing. She may or may not know she's doing it. You don't have to be rude when you talk to her about it, but it's prefectly reasonable for you to tell a friend that things they say to you hurt you. If she really is a friend, then she'll recognise that she is hurting you and change the way she talks to you. Otherwise, you'll be acquaintances and you will be better off because you won't have someone who makes you feel bad about getting healthy.

    I know how you feel. There is a person who used to be a very big part of my life that would make sure that no matter how good I started to feel, I knew that there was something "wrong" with me. That, or she tried to sabotage my success by offering me things she knew to be weaknesses. It hurt at first, but I backed off and I'm better for it. It looks like the changes you've made are AMAZING and you deserve to feel good about yourself. Don't let someone else's jealousy get in the way of the pride you've started taking in your body:)
  • nbingham
    nbingham Posts: 102 Member
    Options
    My sister had Lap Band, and the same thing happened to her. She lost friends due to malicious gossip, snide remarks, etc. I say that if she can't respect your decision to stick with the program and she has to make you feel bad to make herself feel better, then she's not really your friend. I would sit her down and have a nice long talk over a salad and tell her how you feel. If she can't respect it, then cut her loose.

    I have to agree with this. Someone who is really your friend would not treat you that way. If after a nice heart to heart she doesn't stop being down on you, let her go.
  • TateFTW
    TateFTW Posts: 658 Member
    Options
    There will always be people who are jealous of success. That's what this is, success. Those of us here who have lost massive amounts of weight have done something millions of people want to do, and something most never will. They starve themselves, then binge, then do fad diets, always looking for the next golden egg, the next secret button to push that will make them happy. When they realize that none of their magical potions work, they get frustrated and angry, believing that no one can ever lose weight unless they starve themselves even more, or have some secret they aren't sharing with anyone else.

    It's funny, isn't it? We track what we eat, and in reality only eat a little less, or even a little MORE then we were, with a few better choices thrown in, and we lose weight.

    Who needs magical potions?!

Categories