Getting back into the groove + skinny boyfriends..
punkischic
Posts: 24 Member
Hi everyone!
Two years ago, I began a serious weight loss journey at the behest of my doctor. In that time, I met someone, fell in love, and so on and so forth. I ended up losing 20 lbs! That being said, when that relationship ended terribly, I plummeted into a depression and gained that weight back and then some.
Unhappy as I was, or am, with my body as it stands, I had never taken the initiative of getting back into the swing of things. It didn't feel worth it, or I was just too lazy to do anything about it so I just accepted my 200 lb body as is.
Three months ago, I met a really lovely guy and we became fast friends. It's safe to say that we fell for each other hard. As time goes on though, I have become insanely conscious of how thin he is. 6'2" at 155 lbs or so. I am 5'0" 1/2 and at 200 lbs (I have not weighed myself in weeks). I had began attempting to eat healthier, be a little more active, before we met but now I feel a bit uncomfortable knowing how much I out weigh him. I have even received a few jokes from my family about how we look like a "10" walking down the street. I know they don't mean harm, but it makes me feel worse that it is so glaringly obvious to everyone else.
He has said he loves me as is, he would if I gained more (goodness I hope I don't), or if I lost the weight. It is sweet, and I adore him for it but he can eat everything and anything and not gain weight. Whole pizzas, plates of pasta, hot wings; thousands of calories and nothing. I struggle to stay around 1200 cals per day. I can't ask him to eat as I do, that might literally starve him since he has a high metabolism but I don't know how to ask him if he could be MORE supportive with my weight loss goals?
It's a long winded post, I am terribly sorry. I look forward to hearing everyone's input, I definitely need the motivation and support.
Two years ago, I began a serious weight loss journey at the behest of my doctor. In that time, I met someone, fell in love, and so on and so forth. I ended up losing 20 lbs! That being said, when that relationship ended terribly, I plummeted into a depression and gained that weight back and then some.
Unhappy as I was, or am, with my body as it stands, I had never taken the initiative of getting back into the swing of things. It didn't feel worth it, or I was just too lazy to do anything about it so I just accepted my 200 lb body as is.
Three months ago, I met a really lovely guy and we became fast friends. It's safe to say that we fell for each other hard. As time goes on though, I have become insanely conscious of how thin he is. 6'2" at 155 lbs or so. I am 5'0" 1/2 and at 200 lbs (I have not weighed myself in weeks). I had began attempting to eat healthier, be a little more active, before we met but now I feel a bit uncomfortable knowing how much I out weigh him. I have even received a few jokes from my family about how we look like a "10" walking down the street. I know they don't mean harm, but it makes me feel worse that it is so glaringly obvious to everyone else.
He has said he loves me as is, he would if I gained more (goodness I hope I don't), or if I lost the weight. It is sweet, and I adore him for it but he can eat everything and anything and not gain weight. Whole pizzas, plates of pasta, hot wings; thousands of calories and nothing. I struggle to stay around 1200 cals per day. I can't ask him to eat as I do, that might literally starve him since he has a high metabolism but I don't know how to ask him if he could be MORE supportive with my weight loss goals?
It's a long winded post, I am terribly sorry. I look forward to hearing everyone's input, I definitely need the motivation and support.
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Replies
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Well, if he loves you, and you REALLY want to get healthy, then tell him. Ask him to support you in your efforts to get healthy. If he wants to support you, he can just make sure to eat healthy around you. But the first thing you need to do is talk to him and let him know what you want to do.0
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I was in the same boat when I met my now husband. I was doing great at the gym losing weight and looking the best I had since high school. I'm 5'7 and was around 175-180. After we started dating I started to take on his eating habits and quit exercising. Basically I got lazy and comfortable. 7 years down the road a 1 year old and I'm not 250. I know my husband loves me no matter what and he can still eat whatever he wants and not gain an our which drives me crazy, but he has a very active job where I have a desk job. I haven't asked him to change his eating habits but when I can control it I do. I've been making healthier dinners and loading up on the veggies for myself and I've just learned to start saying no when he get a bowl of ice cream and asks if I want one or if he goes through the drive-thru and wants a big mac. I bought fruits, veggies and healthier snacks for myself so I don't feel deprived when he's chowing down on some chocolate ice cream! LOL It's hard believe me I've been down this road way to many times but it's starting to finally stick. Just talk to you boyfriend and let him know how you are feeling and you don't expect him to change his ways but to support your change! Good luck to you!0
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In high school I was at my highest weight, and my boyfriends were always stick thin with crazy metabolisms. It is hard, trust me. The thing is, you need to lose weight for YOU. Not because you want to prove that you're good enough to date a skinny guy. Losing weight should be a life-long journey about health, otherwise you will never keep it off.0
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The only thing he can do is be supportive - the rest is on you.
If you can't use self control when he's eating pizza and wings, you'll never have the self control when you're by yourself.
It really is that simple.
My now ex boyfriend use to eat late at night and I would say "You're going to regret that!" He would pack on 5lbs in 2 weeks from eating late at night. I, on the other hand, lost 20 something lbs since we had met (in 2 years). I did it my way, he did it his way and never listened - hence why he's an ex
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You and me both sweetie. My husband is 6'2 and 165 pounds. I'm 5' 1.5 and 167 pounds (this is the lowest I've been since we met, I was almost 190 when we met). He can, and usually does, eat anything under the sun. My saving grace is I do the grocery shopping and most of the cooking.
You seem to have a very supportive boyfriend, have you tried to tell him your plans. Maybe you guys can take a walk in the park together, go to the gym, do a work out dvd and cook healthy meals and experiment with new recipes? Maybe set a goal (I told my husband I want to run 5K's, and before he left he would go running with me and he would push me, in a good way) and ask if he can help you. My husband loves going out to eat but I've had to tell him it has to be a once a week thing and no appetizers when we go out. And when we pick a day I get online and check out the menu and calories and plan accordingly.
Have you tried to do like healthy pizza's at home, or even hot wings (you can buy chicken wings cover them in hot sauce and bake them). Maybe make pasta but instead of you having actual pasta use spaghetti squash instead (this is what I do). I try to make his favorite foods but try to do it in a way that won't kill my diet.0 -
I think eating healthier is something that's going to be more on you than on him.
If you guys go out to eat together, choose a place that has healthier options for you, even if that means researching options ahead and getting a salad or a broth-based soup while he's drowning in hot wings or pizza. When you guys cook together, make sure you fill at least half your plate with vegetables, and eat those before you start on a more calorie dense part of the meal. If you eat at his place a ton, try keeping a couple bags of frozen veggies, a thing of salad stuff, and light popcorn over there, so you always have options and never feel like you have to eat what he's having.
You guys can also start doing fun, more active things when you go out; walking in the park together, kayaking, bike riding, stuff like that.
All of my guy friends are built pretty much like he is, and it took a long time for me to realize that I can't eat like them and be healthy, and I can still make positive choices and be part of the group. We all eat together 2 or 3 times a week, but I make sure I'm doing what's right for me, and it has been surprisingly easy.
You can also just tell him, "Please don't offer to share anything, be a Cookie (or Pizza or Pasta) Monster and keep it to yourself. Maybe congratulate me when I have a salad," and that might make it easier.0 -
When my husband and I got married 15 months ago, I was 213 lbs (and I'm 5'7"). He is 6'2" and weighs around 180 lbs. He has always told me that I am beautiful but I felt self-conscious knowing I was heavier than him. Like your boyfriend, my hubby can eat anything and everything. His metabolism is really high so he needs to eat constantly to maintain his weight. I always joke that he can exhale and lose 5 lbs while I can smell someone's breath and gain 5 lbs. Even though my weight bothered ME, it never bothered HIM!! I had to learn to accept and love myself enough to get healthy and stop worrying about being skinny. Since September of last year I have lost 40 lbs, and my hubby is my biggest cheerleader. I started eating less and moving more. When he eats his little treats I may have a bite instead of joining him for a whole serving...or most of the time I decline. I cannot deprive him of the things he enjoys just because I don't have willpower. I decided to take control of what I put in my mouth instead of worrying about what's going in his!
One final thought, I have really watched (and learned from) how my naturally thin hubby views food and exercise. To him, food is just food. He enjoys it but it doesn't control him. If he's full, he stops eating. If he's hungry, he eats what he wants. He enjoys exercise because it's good for him and doesn't see it as a chore. These are things it's taken me more than 40 years to learn.
Good luck on your journey!!0 -
One of my ex boyfriends was 6'3" (I am 5'3") and we used to weigh about the same, I may well have been heavier at some points! He was very skinny (and struggled to gain weight) I am was fat :laugh: He had no issues about my weight/size at all. If you want to lose weight and get healthy always do it for you, he clearly loves you at this size!0
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Thank you everyone, you have all provided some very good thoughts and insights on how I should handle this. I think part of me is jealous of how he doesn't need to do control what he eats, and I need to just learn to accept that he cannot do this for me. I have to take the initiative and I have to learn what willpower truly is.
But boy, it is tough. Thank you everyone, please feel free to share your insights and similar experiences!0 -
I certainly know that feeling; I'm all kinds of self conscious walking around with a boyfriend who vaguely resembles my personal, mobile light snack. Like everyone else so far he has also been stupidly supportive of my goals (he actually idolizes me a bit for them, claiming to be unendingly impressed and proud of my efforts). I've been lucky that he is as supportive as he is; he cooks dinner for the both of us and always makes sure to ask beforehand what I "can" eat. If my cals/macros are out of whack for the day he always makes sure to compensate for it--he'll make a potato for himself and some green beans for me, or makes sure not to have anything starchy/carby if I'm overloaded. It's not really a matter of "controlling" what he eats as much as making sure there's balance for all parties involved. In that he cares about you he likely won't have a problem helping to accommodate you in your efforts. As in all things, communication is key! That and making sure you plan for yourself~ :flowerforyou:0
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I'm right there with you. My bf has a great metabolism, is taller than me, and yet weights less than I do. I know the feeling of feeling weird in public with the size difference. He has always supported me to be healthier but its hard when he can shovel away a large burger and fries and not think anything about it. Finally something clicked in my head that I need to do this for ME and you should be doing it for YOU. Now I tell him that I would rather cook and stay in instead of eating out. Not only do we save money, but I know exactly what I'm eating (I just have to let him eat more than my little calorie-calculated serving haha). Add me if you would like some support, and good luck, you can do it!0
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I totally get what you are saying. I have only been seriously watching, counting and exercising for about three weeks. I had to explain to him that if food is my addiction. If it were crack, would you actually force it on me? or bring in the house ? DR Oz also said the same thing in a recent episode. I do not want to deprive him of his choices (since he can eat about anything with out guilt or weight gain), so I just plan or look up where we are going to eat, since that is our favorite thing to do on the weekends. I also eat light all day long so I have "saved" the calories for the evening out!0
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I have been going through the same thing. I met a wonderful guy who spoils me like crazy. The only problem is he wines and dines me so much, he's not respecting my weight lose journey, I find it hard to stay committed. When I was single, it was easy to stay focused. There was no going out which caused me to eat and drink. Drinking has always screwed up my diet. I must admit I dont eat as bad as I do drink a little to often. He interrupts my workouts because he's always around. I have decided that it is time to let him know its not space I need 'okay a little", but I need to get back to doing me. So what... my butt has gotten a little thicker and he loves it. With my bigger butt (I love it too) came bigger thighs and little belly fat. I prefer to be thinner with a nice butt that can get my jeans. So we will start together. As for me if he wants to eat with me at home then buy some healthy food such as tilapia, salmon and lean steaks that we can cook instead of eating out all the time. If he dont like brown rice with dinner, he can eat white rice. These little changes I'm sure will help me stay on track. It might help you too. This message may not be for you, but what I think about to keep me motivated is... I cant get comfortable in my new relationship. getting comfortable adds pounds for some. I will continue to get sexier and remain a challenge for any man that enters my life. When pounds come on, then mates are gone. Let's stay focused!!!!0
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My bf is 6'2 and he is sooo scrawnny! He weighs maybe 120, but I don't know how! He eats chocolates and candy and chips and omg, I would gain like a pound just looking at it!
When we got together, I snacked a little with him here and there, but you have to conciously not eat as much snacks even if theyre there infront of you.
When we moved in together recently, I make the dinners, and I just make myself smaller portions and him larger ones.
I'm glad to say that I am gradually looseing and he is gaining!!
It's all a matter of will power! If you want to lose, say no to the snacks and junk food.0 -
I have a super skinny husband. That guy eats like a mad man and doesn't gain, he's been this way since I've known him when we were 18. We are both 33 now. His brother is thin, as is his father. Is their genetics and their line of work, all manual labor guys who work more than your regular 9-5 days.
I have gotten over the outweighing him hang up. But it makes me sad that he can't pick me up or if he pulls me to sit on him that I worry about making him very uncomfortable.
He has constantly said he doesn't care what size I am either, he will love me regardless. That he just wants me to be happy with myself. He has never made me feel less than beautiful and that is an amazing feat because I struggle with my own perception daily.
You sound like you have an amazing partner who is letting you focus on yourself for you not to please him. I've been in the other kind of relationship too, and it was so hard on me mentally. My husband has been amazing and I love him dearly. We have been together six and a half years, married for four and a half and with two wonderful kids to show for it.0 -
My husband is 6' and weighs 148lbs - he eats lots too!
I eat my own thing for breakfast and lunch, and we eat the same evening meal - but I will have a smaller portion than him. It's not so hard! He does lose weight if we have too many lower calorie dinners though so I try to make sure he eats a cake a day :-)0 -
I'm right there with you. My bf has a great metabolism, is taller than me, and yet weights less than I do. I know the feeling of feeling weird in public with the size difference. He has always supported me to be healthier but its hard when he can shovel away a large burger and fries and not think anything about it. Finally something clicked in my head that I need to do this for ME and you should be doing it for YOU. Now I tell him that I would rather cook and stay in instead of eating out. Not only do we save money, but I know exactly what I'm eating (I just have to let him eat more than my little calorie-calculated serving haha). Add me if you would like some support, and good luck, you can do it!
This ^^^ EXACTLY - except I'm now married to said boyfriend. He's always been smaller than me. He usually eats two servings of everything I cook and he snacks more and snacks on different things. I try to keep healthy things around the house so that I don't feel deprived when he's snacking or have one bite of what he's having instead of a serving.
My husband is very supportive of my efforts which helps a lot! You should tell your boyfriend your goals, ask for support and tell him how he can be supportive.0 -
My husband is 6'1 185ish and I'm 5'2 190ish. My husband can eat anything and everything and never gains weight! he looks great! everyone always asks him what workouts he does and how he maintains a great body.....such B.S.! LOL the guy eats like a pig and hasnt done a pushup in years! He definatley has those good genes. I use to get down about this and sometimes still do! My method has been using smaller plates to serve myself and feed my kids off my plate or only eat half my small plate and feed the rest to hubby since he's always hungry. I found that when we agree to share food he ends up having most of it which helps me portion control.
You also should be honest with this guy, tell him your goals and ask him to be supportive. He can go for walks with you. In the end it is up to you...the next 6 months, 1 year, 2 years are going to pass regardless its up to you what you make of the time.
GL
Add me if you'd like a support buddy 0 -
Just don't get mad at him if you ask him for help and he tries to help, guy-style.0
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You'll lose weight- there's no worry there.
But I think it's pretty awesome that you have someone that loves you.
I'm sure he finds you beautiful and full of character that he hasn't in other women and that's why he's with you.
Don't be a girl. Girls over think things, complicate things by trying to put together scenarios in our pretty heads that aren't really the case.
And if you can't get over that someone really likes you for you- then perhaps you need to focus on yourself instead.0 -
I feel your pain! My boyfriend is 5'10",155 pounds, and naturally fit and athletic without even trying. We live together, and most evenings before bed he'll eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese while watching TV, and he prides himself on how much crappy food he can eat. Naturally, I thought that when I started trying to eat better and exercise, he (not intentionally) would make it very difficult by wanting to eat Taco Bell all the time, but he's actually been really amazing and supportive, and has been super proud of me whenever I've met a goal. At the beginning, though, I had to be really serious about it and turn down a lot of unhealthy options. We both like to cook, and to combat the unhealthy (but delicious) stuff he would make (like pierogies with bacon in heavy cream sauce) I started finding recipes on skinnytaste.com that we can eat together. Every recipe I've tried from there has been delicious, and you can't tell that they're all under 500 calories. I make extra so that he can eat more if he wants to, and he hasn't complained about having to eat "diet food" at all. And he still eats junk food, I just stay as far away from it as possible. Which works out for both of us, lol, more for him!
Your BF sounds like a great guy, and you don't need to change how he eats for you to reach your goals. Just stick to your guns, and once he sees you looking and feeling better, he'll see what a positive change it is making in your life, and hopefully be with you along the way. It does take willpower not to snack off of his plate of fatty food, but weight loss is all about willpower.0 -
Girl, I feel you! My bf is 5'6 + 140 pounds and he's trying to GAIN weight. We've been together a little over 2 1/2 years and in that time I gained 30-40 pounds (tippin the scales at 277 at my highest weight UGH). He's been absolutely supportive since I decided to lose weight.. but old habits die hard! He loves taking me out to eat for some reason lol that's something we used to do a lot (hence the 277). He doesn't like to see me hungry and if I have a craving for somethin he'll make sure I get it. I just have to remind him that I can't eat the way he does :c and instead of spending money at a restaurant we can save and afford to buy more veggies and all that healthy stuff. Plus, there's a park by our house that has an outdoor "weight lifting station" so 4-5 days a week we go there so I can jog and he can pump iron. Your man doesn't have to change his diet but he should be kind enough to tone it down when you're around. Talk to him and remind him what your goals for yourself are and explain some of the things he can do to be a better support system for you! And ask him to exercise with you too! There's no doubt you can do it on your own, but it sounds like you have a guy who cares about you and there is nothin wrong with asking for help. Best of luck 0
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I'm guessing that both of you are pretty young, because I know my hubby pretty much ate like your fella when he was younger. But don't despair! He will probably wake up when he's in his mid-30's and all that greasy food will catch up to him and he'll have a Buddha belly! Then who will be laughing? You! XD0
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I can share from my perspective and hopefully it will be of some use to you.
I'm a tall, skinny guy, and my girlfriend is trying to lose weight. I used to not care much about nutrition or fitness because I basically ate what I wanted and never gained weight. There was never that moment when I looked in the mirror and said, "Man, I'm getting fat. I have to start eating right and go to the gym."
How I started going to the gym was out of support for my girlfriend. She wanted to go and was a little afraid to go by herself. So I agreed to go, and I also knew that it would be a good thing for me to start doing because I hardly got any exercise. At some point, she discovered myfitnesspal and I thought it was cool and wanted to encourage her, so I wanted to try using it too.
Even though our weight and fitness goals are very different, the act of being conscious of what I eat and committing to spending time with her at the gym has been my act of support. And through that, I discovered new interests and goals that I wouldn't have had without her. Now I am adding muscle to my skinny frame. It turns out that getting your calories and nutrition right is very important for trying to do that.
I know I probably won't be able to completely understand her struggle, but having goals of my own and being disciplined toward achieving them has been an encouragement to her.
Open up and share your struggle with him. If he is good, he will listen and do whatever he can to support you.0 -
Use that icky feeling you get when you think about being overweight with a skinny guy, and change it! Make that icky feeling go away by being the skinny girl with the skinny guy. I know it's not that easy, but I've been in your position and it definitely does a number on the old self esteem. Now that I am at a normal weight and in okay shape, I never have to deal with that feeling anymore and it's SO worth it. It will take time to get there, but time will pass anyway! Give it 100% every single day.
Like other posters said, you're going to have to be the one to exercise self control when he's eating pizza/wings etc. He needs the calories haha! We don't want him floating away like a feather, especially since he sounds like a really great guy.
You do you, even if it means eating different meals and working out by yourself or with other friends. Your relationship won't suffer if he's invested in you and truly supports you.
My boyfriend met me at 155lbs. I got as high as 175lbs, and now I'm 140lbs and he's loved me at any and all weight. Sounds like your guy does too, so don't think any less of yourself. I know the feeling is still there, but that's how you are making yourself feel, not how he's making you feel. You can change that. Good luck hun!0
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