Politically correct fairy tales :)

There's a competition for best revisionist PC fairy stories in a magazine we get ... here's a few, thought they'd make ya'll giggle :happy:
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Once upon a time there lived a female person known because of her appearance as Caucasian Complexion, who was (rightly or wrongly) judged to be more photogenic than her father's second partner. Following domestic friction, Caucasion Complexion moved from the family home to some sustainable managed woodlands, where she joined a gay eco-commune of seven persons, none of whom was excessively tall. Her stepmother, suffering from low self-esteem, disguised herself as a senior citizen and gave Caucasian Complexion an apple injected with a class A restricted substance. Caucasian Complexion bit into it and became comatose. The members of the commune placed her into a transparent recovery-station. A qualified person ameliorated her condition, subsequently establishing with her a permanent meaningful relationship. The stepmother was given an ASBO and instructed to take anger management classes. If you feel you have been affected by issues raised in this fairy tale, ring the helpline below.

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Three anthropomorphic creatures lived together as a nuclear family - mother, father and non-gender-specific baby. They ate a healthy high fibre diet, rich in oats to reduce cholesterol and always undertook a circulation-boosting walk while their porage reached the appropriate temperature. A juvenile person, who cannot be named for legal reasons, whose hair had only low levels of eumelanin, entered the house without their permission. She tasted each bowl of porage, finding the smallest bowl to her taste. She then sat in each chair, and finally went to sleep in the smallest bed. Then the anthropomorphic creatures returned , the youngest member of the household displayed his developing intelligence by observing that his bowl was empty and there was an unknown person in his bed. The person leapt up and left the house. The creatures decided she was homeless and regretted they could not offer additional assistance.

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An omnivorous, optically challenged wiccan appropriates two pre-pubescent and differently-gendered siblings whose adoptive mother and natural father, themselves victims of a recession, have allegedly relinquished their custodial responsibilities. The siblings, exercising their right to roam, have nonetheless invaded the personal space of the wiccan, and defied national advisory consumption guidelines relating to body-mass index by eating her dwelling house, which is biodegradable but high in fat content. She in turn force-feeds the male child, contrary to the spirit of Regulation Nf 1538/91 of the European commission (June 1991) and employs the female child as a service operative, contrary both to EU Directive 94/33/EC and the Children and Young Person Acts 1993. The children then perform person-slaughter upon the wiccan and do not adequately dispose of the remains. They also appropriate valuables, contrary to The Treasure Act of 1996. After returning to their father's domicile they live happily for an indeterminate subsequent period.