my boyfriends extremely shallow

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amariaxox
amariaxox Posts: 1
in Motivation and Support
I'm writing this post for some peoples opinions. I want some insight on my situation. I been dating this guy for a little over two months. I'm very comfortable with him. He makes me laugh & we moved pretty fast in the short period of time we been dating. We already tell eachother we love eachother & talk about the future.. kids, marriage etc.. there's just one thing that bothers me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him by some comments he makes. Litterly after two weeks of dating he said I would be way prettier with lighter hair & if I did my makeup differently. So since then ive made my hair lighter and I started doing my makeup differently. He makes comments like how he wants his girl to look like a model.I know these are petty comments and might not be a big deal but I want to know if hes like this now is it going to get worse as time goes on.. .I told him hes extremely shallow and I even broke up with him because I don't want to be with someone who is always so focused on looks and materialistic things. But then I felt kind of stupid about breaking up with him over something so petty. He also made a comment today about how I should read th newspaper everyday to learn something new to talk about cause i dont have anything smart to talk about.. because all I do is sit around watch Tv and talk on the phone... and always tell's me to go to the gym because he thinks its sexy when girls are motivated and have goals. All of thee comments make me feel kind of useless and not worthy enough for him. I haven't been working as much, my work has given me less then part time hours. Also I don't have a car at the moment and living back home with my parents cause of financial issues. So I'm not exactly living my life to its full potential, however I'm starting school in September and making changes. I never really had self esteem issues untill recently. But I'm feeling insecure and hes not helping.WWhen I tell him how he makes me feel he says he doesn't know why I'm being so insecure. Are these red flags? Any insight would help. Thanks
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Replies

  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    I'm writing this post for some peoples opinions. I want some insight on my situation. I been dating this guy for a little over two months. I'm very comfortable with him. He makes me laugh & we moved pretty fast in the short period of time we been dating. We already tell eachother we love eachother & talk about the future.. kids, marriage etc.. there's just one thing that bothers me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him by some comments he makes. Litterly after two weeks of dating he said I would be way prettier with lighter hair & if I did my makeup differently. So since then ive made my hair lighter and I started doing my makeup differently. He makes comments like how he wants his girl to look like a model.I know these are petty comments and might not be a big deal but I want to know if hes like this now is it going to get worse as time goes on.. .I told him hes extremely shallow and I even broke up with him because I don't want to be with someone who is always so focused on looks and materialistic things. But then I felt kind of stupid about breaking up with him over something so petty. He also made a comment today about how I should read th newspaper everyday to learn something new to talk about cause i dont have anything smart to talk about.. because all I do is sit around watch Tv and talk on the phone... and always tell's me to go to the gym because he thinks its sexy when girls are motivated and have goals. All of thee comments make me feel kind of useless and not worthy enough for him. I haven't been working as much, my work has given me less then part time hours. Also I don't have a car at the moment and living back home with my parents cause of financial issues. So I'm not exactly living my life to its full potential, however I'm starting school in September and making changes. I never really had self esteem issues untill recently. But I'm feeling insecure and hes not helping.WWhen I tell him how he makes me feel he says he doesn't know why I'm being so insecure. Are these red flags? Any insight would help. Thanks

    tumblr_m3waevQCk01rw17odo1_500.gif
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    You have nothing on your home page...so that will make people question whether or not this is a real account/valid question or someone trolling, trying to get reactions.

    Assuming you are not trolling...

    I mean...Is this a rhetorical question?
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
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    TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL


    Back under the bridge with you.
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
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    I'm writing this post for some peoples opinions. I want some insight on my situation. I been dating this guy for a little over two months. I'm very comfortable with him. He makes me laugh & we moved pretty fast in the short period of time we been dating. We already tell eachother we love eachother & talk about the future.. kids, marriage etc.. there's just one thing that bothers me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him by some comments he makes. Litterly after two weeks of dating he said I would be way prettier with lighter hair & if I did my makeup differently. So since then ive made my hair lighter and I started doing my makeup differently. He makes comments like how he wants his girl to look like a model.I know these are petty comments and might not be a big deal but I want to know if hes like this now is it going to get worse as time goes on.. .I told him hes extremely shallow and I even broke up with him because I don't want to be with someone who is always so focused on looks and materialistic things. But then I felt kind of stupid about breaking up with him over something so petty. He also made a comment today about how I should read th newspaper everyday to learn something new to talk about cause i dont have anything smart to talk about.. because all I do is sit around watch Tv and talk on the phone... and always tell's me to go to the gym because he thinks its sexy when girls are motivated and have goals. All of thee comments make me feel kind of useless and not worthy enough for him. I haven't been working as much, my work has given me less then part time hours. Also I don't have a car at the moment and living back home with my parents cause of financial issues. So I'm not exactly living my life to its full potential, however I'm starting school in September and making changes. I never really had self esteem issues untill recently. But I'm feeling insecure and hes not helping.WWhen I tell him how he makes me feel he says he doesn't know why I'm being so insecure. Are these red flags? Any insight would help. Thanks

    Just in case you are a legitimate person and this is a legitimate question (I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt): This guy is a total jerk. Dump him and never look back. He wants someone he can push around and control, not a partner to love and cherish. You deserve better than that.
  • prdavies1949
    prdavies1949 Posts: 326 Member
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    Troll or schoolgirl!
  • c_tap77
    c_tap77 Posts: 189 Member
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    I'm going to go with trolling...but just in case...

    Only change yourself for you...not for somebody else. The right person will support you. Whether or not he's the right person is your decision and nobody else's.
  • atlchc8
    atlchc8 Posts: 53 Member
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    RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Leave him- you were warned.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    Dump him, seriously. Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? It won't get better, believe me. Especially if you've already broken up with him once and the the behavior didn't change after you got back together. Also, breaking down someone's self-esteem is job one for abusers. The person you're with should think you're great, not see you as a barely tolerable fixer-upper. I mean, why is he with you if you don't look right, have nothing interesting to talk about, etc.?
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
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    32549376.jpg

    I'm writing this post for some peoples opinions. I want some insight on my situation. I been dating this guy for a little over two months. I'm very comfortable with him. He makes me laugh & we moved pretty fast in the short period of time we been dating. We already tell eachother we love eachother & talk about the future.. kids, marriage etc.. there's just one thing that bothers me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him by some comments he makes.

    Litterly after two weeks of dating he said I would be way prettier with lighter hair & if I did my makeup differently. So since then ive made my hair lighter and I started doing my makeup differently. He makes comments like how he wants his girl to look like a model.I know these are petty comments and might not be a big deal but I want to know if hes like this now is it going to get worse as time goes on.. .

    I told him hes extremely shallow and I even broke up with him because I don't want to be with someone who is always so focused on looks and materialistic things. But then I felt kind of stupid about breaking up with him over something so petty.

    He also made a comment today about how I should read th newspaper everyday to learn something new to talk about cause i dont have anything smart to talk about.. because all I do is sit around watch Tv and talk on the phone... and always tell's me to go to the gym because he thinks its sexy when girls are motivated and have goals.

    All of thee comments make me feel kind of useless and not worthy enough for him. I haven't been working as much, my work has given me less then part time hours. Also I don't have a car at the moment and living back home with my parents cause of financial issues. So I'm not exactly living my life to its full potential, however I'm starting school in September and making changes. I never really had self esteem issues untill recently.

    But I'm feeling insecure and hes not helping.WWhen I tell him how he makes me feel he says he doesn't know why I'm being so insecure. Are these red flags? Any insight would help. Thanks



    (for future readers of this thread, I arbitrarily broke that up into more easily read paragraphs.)
  • julzbennett
    julzbennett Posts: 29 Member
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    not only is your boyfriend shallow, but he is also a control freak, by the sounds of it! Lots of people in this world could benefit from losing a few pounds (I include myself!) but there is NO WAY I would take a guy criticizing my appearance and lifestyle.

    The clue to his true nature is in the statement 'I want my girl to look like a model'...if he REALLY cared about YOU and not himself and his image this statement would read 'I really want to support you with your weight-loss programme, because I know how important it is to you to be healthier - and I want you to be healthier too so that our time together can be more varied and exciting'

    Telling someone how to live their life is a sure sign ~(in my experience) that you are more interested in manipulating rather than working in partnership with the other person....if that's the case then you're better off without him because if you don't love yourself no-one else will be able to, and it sounds like this guy is taking your confidence instead of amplifying it and that to me is a massive warning sign of a control freak who may eventually start to control your life choices in far more serious ways.

    Obviously I don't know the whole picture, but my advice is that if he doesn't like how you are now, and you do...then tell that guy to get lost. If they are changes you WANT to make that's awesome but don't EVER let someone else decide how your life is going to be run.

    Good luck - it's really hard when you have feelings for someone and you have to choose between head and heart x
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    I'm thinking that maybe said boyfriend also monitors her computer usage, or is also on MFP, and so anonymity was required.

    (No, silly, it's not me).

    That said...
    If this is genuine. Run. It's only going to get worse.
    If this is fake... pick something funnier to post.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
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  • caitypants86
    caitypants86 Posts: 278 Member
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    WHy is everyone assuming this person is a troll? I don't understand.

    Anyway, you need to leave him. Now. Runaway as fast as you can. If you already had self-esteem issues before you met him, he's only going to make them worse. He sounds not only shallow, but extremely immature and annoying. Wouldn't be surprised if he has some issues himself. I'm also extremely skeptical of relationships that begin the way that yours did - only being together 2 months and confessing your love, moving in with one another, etc?...something just ain't right there. Break up with him, work on yourself and your self-esteem issues. You'll meet a much better match once you are confident and have yourself together.
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    Any insight would help. Thanks

    You need to challenge his love. Get fat. It's the only way to know for sure if he'll stay with you forever.





















    DungeonTroll-1.jpg
  • KarenisPaleo
    KarenisPaleo Posts: 169 Member
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    @_noob_

    If you're going to do paragraph breaks for her, why not clean up the spelling and punctuation errors???

    C'mon now....
  • keenho
    keenho Posts: 72 Member
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    Assuming Real:

    He is "BN" ... Bad News! He won't change, you won't change him and it will get worse. You need support, not someonw tearing you down. Good Luck!

    Assuming Trolling: Get a life.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Run, run away!
  • tlou5
    tlou5 Posts: 497 Member
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    RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Leave him- you were warned.

    If you are not a troll....THIS
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    @_noob_

    If you're going todto paragraph breaks for her, why not clean up the spelling and punctuation errors???

    C'mon now....

    There aren't enough red pens in existence...

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