my boyfriends extremely shallow
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OP's account is "Deactivated"...0
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I'm writing this post for some peoples opinions. I want some insight on my situation. I been dating this guy for a little over two months. I'm very comfortable with him. He makes me laugh & we moved pretty fast in the short period of time we been dating. We already tell eachother we love eachother & talk about the future.. kids, marriage etc.. there's just one thing that bothers me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him by some comments he makes.
Litterly after two weeks of dating he said I would be way prettier with lighter hair & if I did my makeup differently. So since then ive made my hair lighter and I started doing my makeup differently. He makes comments like how he wants his girl to look like a model.I know these are petty comments and might not be a big deal but I want to know if hes like this now is it going to get worse as time goes on.. .
I told him hes extremely shallow and I even broke up with him because I don't want to be with someone who is always so focused on looks and materialistic things. But then I felt kind of stupid about breaking up with him over something so petty.
He also made a comment today about how I should read th newspaper everyday to learn something new to talk about cause i dont have anything smart to talk about.. because all I do is sit around watch Tv and talk on the phone... and always tell's me to go to the gym because he thinks its sexy when girls are motivated and have goals.
All of thee comments make me feel kind of useless and not worthy enough for him. I haven't been working as much, my work has given me less then part time hours. Also I don't have a car at the moment and living back home with my parents cause of financial issues. So I'm not exactly living my life to its full potential, however I'm starting school in September and making changes. I never really had self esteem issues untill recently.
But I'm feeling insecure and hes not helping.WWhen I tell him how he makes me feel he says he doesn't know why I'm being so insecure. Are these red flags? Any insight would help. Thanks
(for future readers of this thread, I arbitrarily broke that up into more easily read paragraphs.)
FTW0 -
Effing troll, man :grumble:0
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His extremely shallow what? Swimming pool? Bathtub?0
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get rid of him, find a chick,0
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And....
Deactivated0 -
I love this!! The original post sucks, though.0 -
Obvious troll post. OP already deactivated. :yawn:0
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Dump him, seriously. Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? It won't get better, believe me. Especially if you've already broken up with him once and the the behavior didn't change after you got back together. Also, breaking down someone's self-esteem is job one for abusers. The person you're with should think you're great, not see you as a barely tolerable fixer-upper. I mean, why is he with you if you don't look right, have nothing interesting to talk about, etc.?
THIS!!!!
I am speaking from experience. it doesn't get any better. it only gets worse, with the potential that there may be some physical abuse in the future. it starts with the mental abuse at first....the breaking down of your self esteem...the "i think you would look better if you did this"....maybe you should change this....it's really subtle at first...then it progresses to bigger things...hence him telling you that you don't have anything to talk about....slowly breaking down your esteem so you feel like you do not deserve anyone else and he is doing you a favor by being with you. Which is not untrue.
If your situation is the way you say it is....i personally don't think now is a good time to be in a relationship anyway. those are just my thoughts. I hope you know you deserve better. a person that loves you will not tear down your self esteem0 -
If you really want advice and will listen, leave him now.
Been there...done that. Starting off he was very attentive and told me how nice I looked, then came the 'buts'. Ex. You look great but why don't you try wearing something like this. I was self-confident but slowly over time started to doubt my own taste in clothes to the point I couldn't make a decision if I went shopping without him. Yes, he loved to shop. I thought, how nice, a guy that actually will go to the mall with you. If I did go by myself and buy something, it was "Oh, now you know I always know what looks best on you. Why did you get that?" Always said it in a nice soothing way.
Then came the gym. "You have nice legs but let's go work on your calf." If I did 10 reps it was always "Why don't you do 15?" Nothing was ever enough.
Believe me it will get worse to the point you will feel like you are his project. I know at first it seems flattering but it really isn't. He is basically telling you you are nothing without him. Prove him wrong!
Glad to hear you're starting college in September. Hopefully you will meet a lot of nice people who will encourage and support you. Break it off with him now or you'll regret it later.
You're young and have your whole life in front of you. Don't waste a minute of it with someone that makes you feel less about yourself.0 -
Ok, I see it is deactivated but maybe someone else will read some of the replies and get something out of them.0
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Op deactivate but this thread will go another 5+ pages of people who don't bother to read the thread before posting.0
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@_noob_
If you're going to do paragraph breaks for her, why not clean up the spelling and punctuation errors???
C'mon now....
Nobody has that kind of time. My eyes are still bleeding.0 -
OP: *casts fishing line into water*..... *reels like a mad woman*0
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amariaxox has deactivated their account.0
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I'm writing this post for some peoples opinions. I want some insight on my situation. I been dating this guy for a little over two months. I'm very comfortable with him. He makes me laugh & we moved pretty fast in the short period of time we been dating. We already tell eachother we love eachother & talk about the future.. kids, marriage etc.. there's just one thing that bothers me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him by some comments he makes. Litterly after two weeks of dating he said I would be way prettier with lighter hair & if I did my makeup differently. So since then ive made my hair lighter and I started doing my makeup differently. He makes comments like how he wants his girl to look like a model.I know these are petty comments and might not be a big deal but I want to know if hes like this now is it going to get worse as time goes on.. .I told him hes extremely shallow and I even broke up with him because I don't want to be with someone who is always so focused on looks and materialistic things. But then I felt kind of stupid about breaking up with him over something so petty. He also made a comment today about how I should read th newspaper everyday to learn something new to talk about cause i dont have anything smart to talk about.. because all I do is sit around watch Tv and talk on the phone... and always tell's me to go to the gym because he thinks its sexy when girls are motivated and have goals. All of thee comments make me feel kind of useless and not worthy enough for him. I haven't been working as much, my work has given me less then part time hours. Also I don't have a car at the moment and living back home with my parents cause of financial issues. So I'm not exactly living my life to its full potential, however I'm starting school in September and making changes. I never really had self esteem issues untill recently. But I'm feeling insecure and hes not helping.WWhen I tell him how he makes me feel he says he doesn't know why I'm being so insecure. Are these red flags? Any insight would help. Thanks
OP, you know that phrase "just be yourself"? Well, just be yourself, that is all you have to do. However, your boyfriend appears to be trying to change the very person he fancied enough in the first place to ask you out, the question is, why.
It may appear that the things he is asking are petty, small and not worth making a fuss about, but they are actually not small things at all, he is trying to change you completely, starting with your appearance, how you should act, what you should do and now he is even starting to chip away at your confidence and is criticizing your intelligence, those are not small things, they are large things, he is trying to control you.
He will continue to chip away too, until he has his own little Stepford Wife and then, even that will be wrong as you did not stick up for yourself (in his eyes).
It is entirely up to you what you do, but if you do not want to compromise your very being, you need to make a stand, how you do that, is up to you.
I really hope you manage to sort it out, with or without him, just be careful he doesn't whittle everything away from you, by starting small, you may not realize until it is too late and you no longer have the confidence to make that stand, this is why what he is doing now is not petty, it is far from petty.0 -
Deactivated?
Oh well, it passed some time, whilst I wrote my post.
Going back to filing my nails now.0 -
Men like this, who do things like this are often posessive, jealous and insecure. They put you down to hide their insecurities and try and dampen your fire so you will not leave them and rely on them for everything. It's a method of control and nothing more.
You say you talk of marriage and kids, it's been two months angel, everything seems rosy...but let's be honest, in the space of 8 weeks he's picking faults with you, being petty? Do you want to be told how things should be done all your life? How you should look? act? integrate with others?
Dump him. He's useless, he will always be useless, and he will always be unhappy with attitude, I bet he's no Abercrombie and Fitch model himself. Let him read the newspaper to himself and cuddle himself to sleep at night because that's the only person he'll ever really care about. Himself.
Be like a shark, they don't look back, because they don't have necks.0 -
Put a long post on message board and then deactivate account? Whats the point?0
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Put a long post on message board and then deactivate account? Whats the point?
Dunno.
I put a long reply to the long post, but I am sodded if I am gonna deactivate.
Going back to painting my nails now, because I have filed them.0 -
well you are going to do what you want to do anyways, it really doesnt matter what we suggest.
maybe she deactivated her account because mostly everyone was calling her a troll. i dunno. makes sense.0 -
Any insight would help. Thanks
You need to challenge his love. Get fat. It's the only way to know for sure if he'll stay with you forever.
+1
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Excuse my language but WHAT THE ****?
If this is real, you're better off being alone. This guys sounds possessive and controlling.
It's funny, I actually knew a guy I liked who told me to lose weight. Mind you this guy was over 250 and I was actually at a normal weight and he's telling ME I needed to diet and exercise.0
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