I need some advice ya'll
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MeIShouldB
Posts: 578 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok, so I was on facebook lastnight and saw a status update my boyfriend's brother had just made "Much love to my brothers mostly to Big Man can't thank you enough u always see something in me that i don't love u soldier u are my motivation in this world so quiet but ur words carry weight like no other.
Let me explain. Big Man is the youngest brother. He is a sweet person when he wants to be but he has never done anything for anybody. Everybody has always taken care of him and he's unappreciative. I was really offended by this post. How on earth can he say "Mostly Big Man" when my boyfriend has done, and continues to do, soooo much for him. Bailed his behind out of jail, gave him a place to live without charging rent (at which drastically overstayed his welcome) for over a year, he drove him too and from work when his car broke down and was basically waiting it out to see if my boyfriend would give him money for a new one, and as a matter of fact the day before this post he called me looking for my boyfriend b/c he wanted 40 bucks for breaks. You have 2 jobs, but don't have 40 for breaks hmmmm. The only reason he thought it was ok to post that is b/c my boyfriend doesn't have a FB account, so he wouldn't see it. I feel like he should know but I don't know how to go about it without his brother coming back at me.
Let me explain. Big Man is the youngest brother. He is a sweet person when he wants to be but he has never done anything for anybody. Everybody has always taken care of him and he's unappreciative. I was really offended by this post. How on earth can he say "Mostly Big Man" when my boyfriend has done, and continues to do, soooo much for him. Bailed his behind out of jail, gave him a place to live without charging rent (at which drastically overstayed his welcome) for over a year, he drove him too and from work when his car broke down and was basically waiting it out to see if my boyfriend would give him money for a new one, and as a matter of fact the day before this post he called me looking for my boyfriend b/c he wanted 40 bucks for breaks. You have 2 jobs, but don't have 40 for breaks hmmmm. The only reason he thought it was ok to post that is b/c my boyfriend doesn't have a FB account, so he wouldn't see it. I feel like he should know but I don't know how to go about it without his brother coming back at me.
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Stay out of it. You were offended by the post, you feel he should know about it and you are assuming why it was posted in the first place. Stay out of it.0
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Stay out of it. You were offended by the post, you feel he should know about it and you are assuming why it was posted in the first place. Stay out of it.
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It's his brother, his issue.
He probably already knows that his help has gone unappreciated and it's up to him how he deals with it, or if he just lets it slide because it's his brother and we all put up with stuff like that within our own families. Plus there could be a lot going on in his family that you don't know about.
It's okay to be concerned, but unless he brings it up first I'd just leave it alone, even if he can't see the status himself.
*edit: if you REALLY feel like you need to start a conversation about it, start it by asking him how his family's doing. If he brings it up then talk about it, if he doesn't then there's no need to bring it up yourself.0 -
Way to be offended for someone else. I would highly recommend minding your business if something does not concern you. Also, assuming someone's motives and getting upset when you do not understand why someone has said or done something makex you come off as a drama queen.
Hope that helps!
xoxo0 -
Way to be offended for someone else. I would highly recommend minding your business if something does not concern you. Also, assuming someone's motives and getting upset when you do not understand why someone has said or done something makex you come off as a drama queen.
Hope that helps!
xoxo
im mpressed you read it.
i got to "so i was on facebook"
youre so supportive. FR sent!0 -
Stay out of it. You were offended by the post, you feel he should know about it and you are assuming why it was posted in the first place. Stay out of it.
^ ^ ^
It's his brother, his issue.
He probably already knows that his help has gone unappreciated and it's up to him how he deals with it, or if he just lets it slide because it's his brother and we all put up with stuff like that within our own families. Plus there could be a lot going on in his family that you don't know about.
It's okay to be concerned, but unless he brings it up first I'd just leave it alone, even if he can't see the status himself.
*edit: if you REALLY feel like you need to start a conversation about it, start it by asking him how his family's doing. If he brings it up then talk about it, if he doesn't then there's no need to bring it up yourself.
It would be weird for me to ask that, because I'm around them all the time. He wouldn't bring it up because he's unaware of it.0 -
You are confusing your feelings. You are not hurt that your bf isn't getting appreciated. You are resentful that he does so much for others and that could be spent on you. You are looking for a way to get it in his face without having to say straight out, "I resent the things you do for others instead of me".
You can easily just leave your computer on to that facebook page and have it right on that post when he gets home and be in the shower so he can see it. Whether it gets the kind of reaction you want or not is up in the air. Let the chips fall where they may.
If you are looking for a sneaky does not point at YOU way for him to see it. You can create a fake email account and email the link to that page to him from that email address just make sure he can't trace it back to you. Even then YOU are probably the only person in his life who'd be bothered by this. So he'll figure it was you anyways.
Bottom line unless you are ready to man up and tell him to his face "hey it bothers me when you do so much for him but not for me, and lookit, he doesn't even appreciate it", you probably should not do anything, and should probably stop creeping the FB's of HIS friends/relatives if you can't handle the information you get.0 -
Some people think it's ok to help other people out without expecting anything in return. Some people like to do things for others so they can feel resentful afterwards and they do expect something in return. It sounds like your boyfriend fits more into the first category.0
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Stay out of it. You are making a big deal out of something that is really none of your business.0
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Some people think it's ok to help other people out without expecting anything in return. Some people like to do things for others so they can feel resentful afterwards and they do expect something in return. It sounds like your boyfriend fits more into the first category.
Agreed. And also we have NO idea what all these helps the other brother was referring to, or if he was just encouraging him for a tiny little help and helping him come along as responsible in a brotherly way with that FB message. There is so much OP can't possibly know like the dynamics between all these brothers and so it really behooves her to stay out of their business.
I'd totally unfacebook friend him or stop creeping or however you garnered this info.0 -
You are confusing your feelings. You are not hurt that your bf isn't getting appreciated. You are resentful that he does so much for others and that could be spent on you. You are looking for a way to get it in his face without having to say straight out, "I resent the things you do for others instead of me".
WHOA let me stop you right there, because you are being awfully presumptuous. My boyfriend does so much for me. No man, aside from my father, has ever done more for me than he does. I don't know what kind of issues you have with a dude not doing things for you, but don't project them into my life.0 -
Step away from the FB drama.
:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:0 -
You are confusing your feelings. You are not hurt that your bf isn't getting appreciated. You are resentful that he does so much for others and that could be spent on you. You are looking for a way to get it in his face without having to say straight out, "I resent the things you do for others instead of me".
WHOA let me stop you right there, because you are being awfully presumptuous. My boyfriend does so much for me. No man, aside from my father, has ever done more for me than he does. I don't know what kind of issues you have with a dude not doing things for you, but don't project them into my life.
Lol, irony.0 -
Whatever your reasons may be for feeling the way you do, NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OUT OF THIS.
Nothing. At. All.
Leave it alone.
Either you're going to hurt his relationship with his brother, or you're going to hurt his relationship with you. Most likely, it will be door number 2.0 -
It sounded like he was thanking him for emotional support. Maybe they just connect as people differently than with your boyfriend. That doesn't mean he's unappreciative of everything, just that they're more kindred spirits and can relate to each other in a certain way. That's totally normal in familial and other relationships- some people just get each other more or in a deeper way than they do others. It's not a bad thing at all. I'd let him have a moment where it sounds like he really feels positive about something. It seems like those moments may be few and far between.0
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1+1 does not equal 15. Sounds like you are jumping to conclusions and arriving at an answer you want. I would keep quiet until you are able to discretely get some facts about it. In your situation, this will be hard, you will be found out and appear to be sneaking around your boyfriends business - not a good position. Let it go, and tackle the underlying situation anther way based on concrete facts.0
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Way to be offended for someone else. I would highly recommend minding your business if something does not concern you. Also, assuming someone's motives and getting upset when you do not understand why someone has said or done something makex you come off as a drama queen.
Hope that helps!
xoxo
Agree with Whierd on this....there may be circumstances that you're not aware of that lead to the post. Best to leave it alone and let them work it out if needed. Best of luck!
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Rule number 1 in LIFE IN GENERAL-- facebook sucks. Facebook drama sucks even more.. stay out of it.
2nd- im sure your boyfriend understands that hes not appreciated enough and that hes being taken for granted.
De friend this guy- obviously his words are causing you pain for your bf ( which i completely understand so im not going to be mean like some others here) - ofcourse you're gonna take it to heart when you feel someone is disrespecting someone you love ( in this case- disrespecting by not respecting and recognizing i guess)
make your life easier by removing negativity and avoiding drama. Also, encourage your bf not to be a push over for people like this... sometimes good deeds go unnoticed . Relax a bit, and good luck:)0 -
I know you want your BF to be appreciated too ...but think about it another way . What if Bigman is going through something that you and your BF do not know about and the other brother is trying to "give him a boost" you never know ....
I know how you feel ,but like someone else posted , there is nothing to gain here..... so you may need to unfriend him because there is no way that you will stop looking at his FB page now . Right?
Your BF sounds like a good brother BTW ......it's good to help your siblings ...until it's not.....
Amy0 -
You are confusing your feelings. You are not hurt that your bf isn't getting appreciated. You are resentful that he does so much for others and that could be spent on you. You are looking for a way to get it in his face without having to say straight out, "I resent the things you do for others instead of me".
WHOA let me stop you right there, because you are being awfully presumptuous. My boyfriend does so much for me. No man, aside from my father, has ever done more for me than he does. I don't know what kind of issues you have with a dude not doing things for you, but don't project them into my life.
Lol, irony.
:laugh:
Yeah....You might want to take what you just wrote OP and apply it to this situation. The guy didn't imply the only person helping was the little brother. He did thank everybody. Just gave a special shoutout. I think you need to not butt your nose in because if you do, you are going to create unnecessary drama..especially when there probably wasn't anything to get upset about in the first place.0 -
The hell??? We're discussing a single status update on Facebook? I really don't use fb much, but is there some rule that every post must include every feeling about every person that means something to us?
Hold on a minute.....these aren't even your relatives???
*slams door on way out of thread*0
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