Starting to hate forums..
haleyjester
Posts: 197 Member
Maybe its just me
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Replies
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It might be just you.
I don't understand why people think commenters are rude or unsupportive. Nobody should have to hold your hand and drizzle honey on their comments to get a point across. You ask a question, you get an answer. You mess up and post about it, people are gonna give you real responses. Think about it, if every time you posted OMG I OVERATE AGAIN and all you got was, awww, it's ok, you'll do better next time, what motivation would you have to do better? It'll always be, it's ok, do better next time. We are here to motivate. Babying you is not going to help you.
Is anyone calling you stupid, dumb or whatever? If not don't assume that's what they mean.0 -
It might be just you.
I don't understand why people think commenters are rude or unsupportive. Nobody should have to hold your hand and drizzle honey on their comments to get a point across. You ask a question, you get an answer. You mess up and post about it, people are gonna give you real responses. Think about it, if every time you posted OMG I OVERATE AGAIN and all you got was, awww, it's ok, you'll do better next time, what motivation would you have to do better? It'll always be, it's ok, do better next time. We are here to motivate. Babying you is not going to help you.
Is anyone calling you stupid, dumb or whatever? If not don't assume that's what they mean.
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It's perfectly understandable. The knee jerk response is a favorite exercise in online forums.
I notice that many of my friends only use MFP for logging food and exercise.0 -
So what if someone is calling me stupid? There is a difference between someone giving you their opinions and making you feel small.0
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The replies there were reasonable and informative. I don't see why OP should feel offended. Meh.0 -
The replies there were reasonable and informative. I don't see why OP should feel offended. Meh.
Yep, the replies were right on target.0 -
So what if someone is calling me stupid? There is a difference between someone giving you their opinions and making you feel small.
the person calling you stupid is being a jerk.
but that's just one person. you shouldn't judge the overall group of people by the behavior of one.
the reality is that these forums are free. you don't have to pass a personality test to signup for MFP. there is a cross section of people in here that is just like the cross section in life.
you will find jerks. and egotists. and narcissists. and attention seekers. etc.
but you'll also find helpful people. nice people. patient people. people who are willing to teach you what you don't know. etc.
have a thick skin. don't take insults from strangers personally. if the insults cross the line, report them. however, disagreements aren't insults. take the time to understand the opposing view before assuming you're being insulted.0 -
Maybe its just me
YEP!!! OK, BYE!0 -
The replies there were reasonable and informative. I don't see why OP should feel offended. Meh.
Yep, the replies were right on target.
The thing is I understand that they are reasonable responses. I stated earlier I know there is no miracle drug, I never said this was. I know people close in my life that have taken this and it has helped them when they hit a certain point. All I was asking for is if anyone else had taken it and what they thought of it...Yea, maybe they werent sounding rude or unsupportive in their responses but thats not what my question was. This isnt the only post in the forums that I or someone else has posted that the responders maybe sounded condescending.0 -
So what if someone is calling me stupid? There is a difference between someone giving you their opinions and making you feel small.
There is a difference between someone saying something to make you feel small and you reading something and interpreting it in a way that makes you feel small.0 -
So what if someone is calling me stupid? There is a difference between someone giving you their opinions and making you feel small.
What reason do you have to feel small? You've lost 40 pounds. You're doing great. I'm pretty sure you're just too sensitive. We are all adults. Seriously, I'm pretty sure people don't post answers to questions to make you feel small 99% of the time. Yeah you may have the occasional jerk, but on here it's few and far between. Stop being so sensitive, seriously.0 -
So what if someone is calling me stupid? There is a difference between someone giving you their opinions and making you feel small.
the person calling you stupid is being a jerk.
but that's just one person. you shouldn't judge the overall group of people by the behavior of one.
the reality is that these forums are free. you don't have to pass a personality test to signup for MFP. there is a cross section of people in here that is just like the cross section in life.
you will find jerks. and egotists. and narcissists. and attention seekers. etc.
but you'll also find helpful people. nice people. patient people. people who are willing to teach you what you don't know. etc.
have a thick skin. don't take insults from strangers personally. if the insults cross the line, report them. however, disagreements aren't insults. take the time to understand the opposing view before assuming you're being insulted.
You are absolutely right, and I just dont have a thick skin like that. We are a group of people who dont know anything about eachother except what we post on here, and sometimes it hits a spot. Thats all.0 -
The replies there were reasonable and informative. I don't see why OP should feel offended. Meh.
Yep, the replies were right on target.
The thing is I understand that they are reasonable responses. I stated earlier I know there is no miracle drug, I never said this was. I know people close in my life that have taken this and it has helped them when they hit a certain point. All I was asking for is if anyone else had taken it and what they thought of it...Yea, maybe they werent sounding rude or unsupportive in their responses but thats not what my question was. This isnt the only post in the forums that I or someone else has posted that the responders maybe sounded condescending.
Maybe sounded condescension?
This is the internet. There is no sarcasm button or way to hear inflection or tone like you would talking to someone face to face.
Granted I am sure there are condescending jerks online. They exist in real life to, so that's hardly surprising. But the majority of the tone you take from something posted online from a person you have never met in real life is completely fabricated in your head.0 -
The replies there were reasonable and informative. I don't see why OP should feel offended. Meh.
I agree. No one was rude at all.0 -
Double post, sorry0
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The replies there were reasonable and informative. I don't see why OP should feel offended. Meh.
Yep, the replies were right on target.
Thought so too. Quite mild actually considering the OP....0 -
Some people have no tact or sensitivity. Just move on and do your thing :glasses:0
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I don't think the responses were rude either. The only problem incouldnsee is that people were not answering her question. I mean, she didn't ask what people THIUGHT of thendietbpills, she asked if anyone else was taking them.
If anything you should be complaining about people going off topic. Not about rudeness, cause they weren't rude.0 -
When you start to feel that way, take a break from the forums. It's that way with all forums, not just MFP. MFP is probably one of the nicer forums I've been in, especially considering the diversity of people that visit.0
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I don't think the responses were rude either. The only problem incouldnsee is that people were not answering her question. I mean, she didn't ask what people THIUGHT of thendietbpills, she asked if anyone else was taking them.
If anything you should be complaining about people going off topic. Not about rudeness, cause they weren't rude.
You are absolutely right. Just like someone else said you cant read tone over internet. Its just words, but I feel like either way I probably would have gotten the same responses.
I already have the bottle and I am going to try them, if I need a little extra boost in the day or something thats going to curb my appetite a bit then thats what I will do. If they work for me, awesome. I know me better than anyone so I should have just kept that one to me.0 -
I looked at the topic and the replies were not rude at all. If they made you feel small that's not the commenters fault0
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Sorry you got to feeling bad from that post. I went and took a look and while everyone here is right that the replies weren't very harsh at all just a differing opinion, my thoughts are that you keep saying "feeling small and stupid".
I will not post in that other thread mostly because I never tried that pill and know nothing about it. I did try a different one however in the past that gave me "energy" and had horrible consequences. I think the fact that you reference a big weight loss from a family member raises concern that you will stay the course with it no matter what is told to you so people are trying to get their point across PAST that IRL evidence you are seeing.
I think you should stay the course to your weight loss without the pills. Not just because I had a different experience on a different pill and it sounds similar in it's effects. Also because you will probably feel better about yourself once you get to goal and will feel less worried about feeling "small and stupid". Now imagine on top of that if you are able to say you did it all on your own with no help from pills or anything. Not to your family, no need to start another ruckus, but to yourself. How confident and smart would it make you feel to know that you achieved your goals through your own will power and savvy and that it was ALL YOU? I bet noone could make you feel small then.:flowerforyou:
ETA: If you are feeling that hungry that you think a pill will be necessary to curb your appetite, it might be time to reexamine your calorie goals. There's the MFP app itself, and also google things like TDEE and scooby to give you different ideas on how many cals might be good for a person of your size and age. Maybe it might reveal you can lose weight with more calories and then those pills wouldn't even be necessary because the more cals will curb your appetite as well as giving you the energy those pills are achieving.0 -
So what if someone is calling me stupid? There is a difference between someone giving you their opinions and making you feel small.
There is a difference between someone saying something to make you feel small and you reading something and interpreting it in a way that makes you feel small.
I agree with the above
OP - I just read the post, and I think the "making you feel small" thing comes from you reading a tone of voice into them that wasn't there.
Tone of voice does not carry into the written word. That can cause miscommunication because someone could write something in a direct way, then the one reading it reads while imagining an angry tone, and thinks the person who wrote it was angry with them.... but the person who wrote it may have been in a jolly, smiley mood at the time and just written it in a direct way without any flowery language.
I really don't think anyone posted the advice with the intention of making you feel small. I think it was given with the intention to make you think again about the usefulness of the pills, and also to make you trust your own ability to lose weight without them, i.e. to bolster you up and make you believe in yourself more, rather than to bring you down.0 -
Shake it off Haley.
1) Frequently, tone gets muddled and we don't know each other.
2) Sometimes people have bad days....giving and receiving feedback isn't the always the best idea.
3) It happens, a friend, or more usually a stranger, behaves in a jerkish manner (as perceived by the reader, and maybe most readers).
Let it go. You are doing fantastic. Don't revisit the thread and move on to the good stuff.0 -
I'm not trying to excuse bad behavoir, but don't let other people make you feel small. :flowerforyou:0
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I think people answer the same questions so frequently they forget that each person is "usually" asking the question for the first time. It don't know if you have kids, but it's kind of like dealing with a 5 year old in the Question Stage.
The first time he asks "Do birds have ears?" you may be patient and have an in-depth conversation about it. 20 questions later, you may be a little more abrasive when he asks, "Why does the sun follow us everywhere?"
I can't get behind the people who immediately jump in and claim everyone is being nice and helpful, just not sprinkling sunshine and ponies.
There are condescending *kitten* everywhere, and this forum isn't an exception. Just take what you need and leave the rest, and assume positive intent whenever possible.0 -
Haley I wonder if you might benefit from doing an assertiveness course or something? I remember doing one years ago and the main thing that's stuck with me is that nobody can *make* you feel anything - nobody has the power to get in your head and manipulate your emotions. You have a choice about how you respond. So if I'm rude, you can choose to be hurt, or you can choose to be angry, or you can choose to pity me for not knowing how to behave. You can even choose to just ignore me, because if I'm rude, my opinion is valueless. You can't change my behaviour, you can only change your response to it.
The other thing I remember was learning about crumple buttons - there are things we carry around with us - stuff our parents said to us, an event that happened, whatever, that we get sensitive about, so when someone - entirely unwittingly! - hits that "crumple button" it unleashes all the old feelings from our childhood. So - for example - if you were always being told off for being clumsy as a child, if I now say to you "just watch that vase beside you" - I'm not criticising you or telling you off - but you'll feel as if I am because I've hit your crumple button.
So somehow, it seems to me, you ask things or make comments on the forums, and the responses you're getting are hitting some "small and stupid" crumple button in you - which we others can't possibly know about. I've scoured that other thread, and I can't see ANYTHING that reads like the poster was calling you stupid, or thinking you were stupid. Honestly.
There are some clumsy people, who are more blunt than is quite necessary. There are some just plain rude people who have no patience with others' sensitivities. There are other people who're just so focussed - even obsessive - about what they think is right or important that they don't realise how they're trampling on you in their pursuit of their world view. But there are a whole lot more people here who are kind and supportive, so it would be a shame for you to cut yourself off from them.0 -
Maybe the forums don't like you, either.
Just kidding. Seriously, there are a lot of uninformed people, but there are also intelligent and helpful people on the forums. You have to use your critical thinking skills to distinguish between the two. There are also people who are perfectly smart but spend a lot of time in the Chit-chat, Fun and Games section being silly. I've seen people get very offended in that section because they did not realize that the whole thing was meant as a joke.0
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