A helpful or hurtful spouse?
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You could try setting a day, once a month/twice a month/once a week, where it is okay for him to buy you an unhealthy treat or go get an ice cream. If you know ahead of time, you can plan extra exercise or cut calories elsewhere. Other times you can make him special healthy treats or buy low calorie treats for the two of you. Mostly, I think men are sometimes clueless to the cravings women get around certain foods. Sorry men, I did say sometimes.
Good luck and try not to be discouraged!0 -
he's not being hurtful, he's being human. he's not on a diet, so when he goes to the store he's going to buy things he likes. you're his spouse, and he's always shared meals and treats with you in the past, so it would be odd if suddenly he wasn't offering you the things you enjoyed together as recently as a few weeks ago.
don't stop eating food with him cold turkey. just have the treats less and less often so that gradually you'll both understand this new place you're in. having a treat or two with him won't kill your diet and probably will have a beneficial effect on your relationship.0 -
My lovely partner does this too. At first I would chastise him, but seeing his crest fallen face made me feel like a total jerk. Now I try to just say thanks and put it in my treat jar in the hope that I can hold out till I have enough calories to eat it. I don't always succeed, but it's my battle not his. Otherwise, he is unbelievably supportive and is on MFP counting calories with me even though he is super healthy and fit and doesn't need to do this. I'm so appreciative that I have his support in this way, it makes it so much easier! Sounds like other than this one little thing, your hubby is being wonderful - be grateful that he's backing you, and set yourself up a treat jar!
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Give him a list of foods you would like him to buy in place of the candy, etc. If he pouts, oh well. Eventually he might "get it". He might just want to get what he knows you like so try to "re-educate" him? And fix some delicious alternatives with the things on the list if he brings them home.
That's right, because it's totally up to him to change for her whether he wants or needs to change...because support only goes one way. "re-educate" him? Are you serious???? What, exactly, is he doing wrong to be reeducated? He's not the one who is trying to lose weight, and the OP can fit cookies and candy in if she wants. That's why spouses don't like putting up with diets...everything is fine until someone decides that its time to diet and all of the regular food is now, all of the sudden, "evil".
OP, Looking over your diary, you are very inconsistent in logging, and you have plenty of calories per day to work in some cookies and/or candy every single say if you want. Being inconsistent in your logging and tracking of calories and exercise are going to be a reason for failure, not the occasional cookie or candy bar from your husband. Your husband doesn't want to stop eating cookies and candy, and he's buying it to be nice to you, so don't try and make him change. If he sees that you can eat it and be successful he may want to get in better shape and be less likely to buy as much, but making him feel guilty or blaming him or acting as though he is doing something wrong is not the way to handle things.
^This. Everyone else shouldn't have to "walk on egg shells" or conform to you because you decided to make a change.
And seriously people. Unless the guy is force-feeding her the cookies, it is NOT sabotage.0 -
I had a coworker and her husband did this.
Every time she lost a few pounds he would go buy ice cream, cookies, candies, etc. And she would gain it back.
Right before I changed jobs she opened the bag of cookies in front of him and dumped it in the trash. He was upset, but she said she didn't need that crap in the house. It may be time for you to take over the grocery shopping.
I don't know if throwing away the food helped as I didn't keep in touch, but some days you need to put your foot down!0 -
It's sabotage plain and simple.
Mine did this. He would wave food in front of my face going mmmmmm mmmmm. I mean seriously was he about 10 years old?
I have an addiction to certain foods. Waving the bottle of booze in front of an alcoholic is cruel.
The joke ended when I ended up in the hospital for 4 days.
He has never done it again.
I agree with doing the sweep of the house every time he brings it in and it goes in the bin outside.0 -
Give him a list of foods you would like him to buy in place of the candy, etc. If he pouts, oh well. Eventually he might "get it". He might just want to get what he knows you like so try to "re-educate" him? And fix some delicious alternatives with the things on the list if he brings them home.
That's right, because it's totally up to him to change for her whether he wants or needs to change...because support only goes one way. "re-educate" him? Are you serious???? What, exactly, is he doing wrong to be reeducated? He's not the one who is trying to lose weight, and the OP can fit cookies and candy in if she wants. That's why spouses don't like putting up with diets...everything is fine until someone decides that its time to diet and all of the regular food is now, all of the sudden, "evil".
OP, Looking over your diary, you are very inconsistent in logging, and you have plenty of calories per day to work in some cookies and/or candy every single say if you want. Being inconsistent in your logging and tracking of calories and exercise are going to be a reason for failure, not the occasional cookie or candy bar from your husband. Your husband doesn't want to stop eating cookies and candy, and he's buying it to be nice to you, so don't try and make him change. If he sees that you can eat it and be successful he may want to get in better shape and be less likely to buy as much, but making him feel guilty or blaming him or acting as though he is doing something wrong is not the way to handle things.
^This. Everyone else shouldn't have to "walk on egg shells" or conform to you because you decided to make a change.
And seriously people. Unless the guy is force-feeding her the cookies, it is NOT sabotage.
heh this0 -
passive aggressive0
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For the price of a bag of cookies he can get you flowers. Tell him you love flowers and his bringing them to you would make him feel special. My hubby brings me flowers from the grocery store and I make a big deal about how sweet it is and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Of course, getting the flowers makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.0
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I think those of you saying, "He's not force-feeding you the cookies!" are not getting it.
He's her partner and is supposed to care about her, she has explained the situation to him fully, yet he still does it.
No one expects a total stranger to not eat cookies in front of her, but you would think a loving partner would be supportive.
Secondly, why should anyone who is trying to lose weight have to eat cookies and candy to make anyone else feel better?
Personally, I like few cookies and even less candy so those aren't really triggers for me (it's potato chips for me) but I'm not really supposed to be eating a lot of sugar either.
So either the partner isn't clearly understanding the stakes, or is just being selfish. My vote is to make it crystal clear and if it happens again, trash it or tell him that he now eats somewhere else.0 -
I feel your pain. My wife does the shopping and will pretty much get whatever I request. With that being said, she will bring home ice cream, cookies, potato chips. She has a very bad habit of after dinner eating some ice cream, then turns around to get rid of the sugar taste....grabs the bag of chips and will munch some chips. Drive me crazy, and she can't figured why she can't lose weight. She KNOWS why, but doesn't do anything to correct it. She also doesn't mind my going to the gym...well sometimes she does, but she does nothing for herself, and Lord knows I've tried.0
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It's sabotage plain and simple.
Mine did this. He would wave food in front of my face going mmmmmm mmmmm. I mean seriously was he about 10 years old?
I have an addiction to certain foods. Waving the bottle of booze in front of an alcoholic is cruel.
The joke ended when I ended up in the hospital for 4 days.
He has never done it again.
I agree with doing the sweep of the house every time he brings it in and it goes in the bin outside.
OP joined MFP one year ago, lost 5 lbs, doesn't log on a regular basis...let me guess...it's all her husbands fault.
So, this is sending what kind of signal to her husband exactly? That she won't lose any weight and be consistent until he learns to stop buying cookies and candy?
She didn't say he's waving it front of her face...just buying it. Completely different set of circumstances.0 -
You are responsible for what you put in your mouth. You are not responsible for how your husband chooses to feel about what you put in your mouth.0
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screw it. i want to change my original answer from what i said to HE"S SABOTAGING YOU, GRRRRRRRLLLLL. I just want to fit in.
if it's too late for me to get on the SABOTAGE bandwagon, my second choice is HE"S JEALOUS OF YOUR PROGRESS.0 -
I think those of you saying, "He's not force-feeding you the cookies!" are not getting it.
He's her partner and is supposed to care about her, she has explained the situation to him fully, yet he still does it.
No one expects a total stranger to not eat cookies in front of her, but you would think a loving partner would be supportive.
Secondly, why should anyone who is trying to lose weight have to eat cookies and candy to make anyone else feel better?
Personally, I like few cookies and even less candy so those aren't really triggers for me (it's potato chips for me) but I'm not really supposed to be eating a lot of sugar either.
So either the partner isn't clearly understanding the stakes, or is just being selfish. My vote is to make it crystal clear and if it happens again, trash it or tell him that he now eats somewhere else.
I imagine this is how this would go in my house.
'Dear, due to the fact I'm dieting and eat roughly 800 calories less than you we have to remove all the soda, wheat thins, and oreoes from the house. I just can't control myself. Barring that you need to eat in the other room."
Husband: Don't eat them if you can't fit them into your day.
Me: But I'm addicted! Just the very sight of pepsi makes me crave it!
Husband: Ah. I have a solution for both of us.
Me: Magically finds myself outside with a plane ticket back to North Carolina.
Husband: Inside, eating his wheat thins and wondering when I lost my damn mind.0 -
Sabotage is a little dramatic, but it IS really hard to have junky stuff you love in the house when you're trying to change your habits, particularly in the beginning. Fortunately for me, I do all the grocery shopping. Unfortunately for my husband and son, the only junky stuff most of the time is junky stuff I don't like. If I don't buy a giant container of cookies from Costco, then they won't be there at 8:00 in the evening when my resolve has weakened. I'm unlikely to drive all the way to the store to buy some, so I eat fruit or something else that works better for me instead.
I've been working on these habits for about 3 months, so I'm able to relax a wee bit now. I bought a box of Twinkies the other day because my skinny son adores them. 3 months ago I'd have eaten a good portion of the box. They've been in there 3 days now, and I've had ONE. I understand why she doesn't want junk hanging around the house, particularly when you're trying to start doing better.
It's easy to say just don't eat it. But if it were that easy to DO, there wouldn't be nearly as many overweight people.0 -
Husband: Ah. I have a solution for both of us.
Me: Magically finds myself outside with a plane ticket back to North Carolina.
Husband: Inside, eating his wheat thins and wondering when I lost my damn mind.
Your husband would chose Wheat Thins over you? Ugh.0 -
Husband: Ah. I have a solution for both of us.
Me: Magically finds myself outside with a plane ticket back to North Carolina.
Husband: Inside, eating his wheat thins and wondering when I lost my damn mind.
Your husband would chose Wheat Thins over you? Ugh.
Wheat thins over being regulated to a separate room to eat because of my poor impulse control/will power. And I wouldn't blame him for it.0 -
ok so I think husbands cant help it. mine was the same and a few times he suggested sonic fir dinner. I cant eat sonic because it makes me sick and its just to high in calories and fat. even before I started losing weight. I screamed and yelled and threatened to leave him and divorce him if he brought me one more treat or suggested something so stupid again. okay I am diabetic and have to watch what I eat. so his pouting because I didn't want sonic caused me to go way too long without eating. only partially my fault. ok all my fault but whatever. finally sat him down and explained what the doctor said and how and why I was doing what I am doing. he is more understanding but he has his moments. he still insist on all you can eat buffets. ultimately it is me who choses what I eat. I alone am responsible for my choices so I cant hold him responsible. throwing away his treats untouched wasted was also a loud and clear signal I meant business. good luck. :laugh:0
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I dare my husband to try this. Theres one thing he likes better than sweets. sex Kind of hard to get any with a *****y wife.0
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