Am I being mean?

Helenca76
Helenca76 Posts: 125 Member
in Motivation and Support
I love the gym but hubby hates it and needs support to lose his weight which means he wants to cycle. I hate cycling but should go to help motivate him.
My issue is the heat. I know I need to stay hydrated but I never seem to have enough water and end up feeling snappy, crabby and resentful cause I am so thirsty which leads to me dreading going out, so much so, I've made excuses to not go cycling.
This is not helping him and now we're back from our holidays, he wants to start up again.

At the moment, the temperature is between 33°C to 38°C (up to 100°F) and that's in the nights!!
I want to tell him to go by himself but that's not helping him. He has to work in the daytime and I don't. I have energy in the morning so I go to the gym, by the evening, I am tired and not in the mood for a jolly good bike ride!
I feel like I am being mean but then, I haven't had any support to go to the gym, I have had to make the effort and go on my own so feel like he should do the same. I can support him on the food side and make sure he eats well at home.

I suppose I am asking for some advice on how I can help motivate him and not have to sit on the damn bike?? Am sure someone out there has helped their partners without physically being by their sides or you have had your other half give you some great advice?

Replies

  • violetlattice
    violetlattice Posts: 15
    Perhaps you could google 'nighttime cycling groups' in you area? Might seem strange, I know, but people with all different kinds of schedules love to bike on my local cycle path. Another option might be getting him to ask around about bike rides with his colleagues - don't know if they have the same schedule as him, but it's worth a shot. Finally, many gyms are open at night - maybe he could use an exercise bike there? It's usually not too busy when it's late, and when my sister goes she takes her iPod with audio books on it, so she doesn't get too bored. Congrats on your love of the gym and commitment to help you family! :)
  • seliinac
    seliinac Posts: 336 Member
    I understand your point of view as well as your husband's. I do not tolerate that kind of heat either, especially when exercising. However in the past I have asked my husband to go for walks, bike rides, etc. with me to get some exercise and he's been too tired or just hasn't felt like it and I felt dejected.

    At some point it becomes important enough to him to do it by himself.

    Perhaps offer to resume biking with him once the weather cools off but explain it's just too much for you to handle with the heat. I wouldn't mention lack of water because you could bring an extra bottle.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    Get those indoor bike trainers. (The little device to put your back tire on so you can bike inside, stationary, in inclement weather)

    And have you told him how you don't like cycling and that you need support, too?
  • PunkinSpice79
    PunkinSpice79 Posts: 309 Member
    Can you adjust your schedule so that you both go in the morning, before he goes to work?
  • jenrobiwan
    jenrobiwan Posts: 18 Member
    I don't think you're being mean, especially if he won't sacrifice his routine for going to the gym with you. There are a couple options. Take turns. If you're willing to go cycling one time, then have him go to the gym one time with you. If that doesn't work, then this may be something you two may have to agree to disagree on. Go to the gym as you want, have him go cycling as he wants (great idea from PP about finding cycling buddies). Then choose a couple days a week for you guys to do an activity together.

    Exercise should be fun and/or rewarding, not something you dread doing!
  • angelac1296
    angelac1296 Posts: 48 Member
    I understand your point of view as well as your husband's. I do not tolerate that kind of heat either, especially when exercising. However in the past I have asked my husband to go for walks, bike rides, etc. with me to get some exercise and he's been too tired or just hasn't felt like it and I felt dejected.

    At some point it becomes important enough to him to do it by himself.

    Perhaps offer to resume biking with him once the weather cools off but explain it's just too much for you to handle with the heat. I wouldn't mention lack of water because you could bring an extra bottle.

    This.
  • Jers43
    Jers43 Posts: 100
    my wife goes to the gym and I prefer the outdoors. He may want to join a group. I motivate by example I suppose. It is tough to talk up working out. We always remind each other that we never regret working out and you always kinda regret when you skip. Also having some time to focus on yourself can be a bonus (with three daughters this is a selling point for alone time). The thing is if he really enjoys biking he'll do it with or without you. I wish my wife or one of my kids would like to ice skate or play hockey or even watch but they don't...I've even tried to get my eldest to jog with me ... no dice I bought insanity thinking we could do it together I loved it... The Mrs. hated it.. I still finished. She'd try to get me in the gym but i'm not into it. He'll find his groove... you tried I think you are within your rights to not go if you don't want to.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    No way I'd cycle or do any other exercise in that heat. He'll just have to go alone. Maybe you can drive to checkpoints and meet him there for drink breaks? :D
  • TheVeganFrenchie
    TheVeganFrenchie Posts: 61
    It agree with the last answers.

    You do not have to make you responsable for him. If HE doesn't go for a bike, well it's his choice. After all, if he really wants to ride, he'll go. He should know that you're not fond of bikes and if it doesn't make you happy, you should'nt do it. Working out isn't easy everyday and if you force yourself to do something you just DON'T LIKE, it could become a real hell for you :-/
    Take care and do what you know is good for you :heart:
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
    No you aren't being mean. My husband rides his bike and walks, and I go to yoga and walk. I don't like riding, and he does not do down-dog. We walk together and do our own thing too. Maybe you guys could find something that you can do together, and still do the things you like on your own. If your husband decides not to ride because you don't go with him, that is his choice. It is not your responsibility to motivate him. Motivation comes from within:-)
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    Thankfully we have kids. My husband won't workout with me (lifting weights) but will run..ocassional... I HATE running, makes. My heart hurt and my lungs. But our boys (teens) will run with him. He seriously only runs down one block and back, though... Less than even around a blck.)
  • oOxXxOo
    oOxXxOo Posts: 75 Member
    Not being mean. Its ok to have your own activities and I wouldnt feel guilty about it at all. He can join a cycling club or go on his own.
  • Bernadette60614
    Bernadette60614 Posts: 707 Member
    Does he have an iPod? I have a friend who is now an accomplished Ironman competitor who started working out (just running a mile the first time) just to listen to his IPod.

    And, how about you walk over to some nice spot to meet him for a decaf iced coffee after he finishes his bike ride.

    Also, how much time do you spend together just hanging out? It may not only be the biking, it may be having that little "date" with you everyday that he's going to miss...so having that special time in some other way.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    that is crazy hot for an evening bike ride.

    you have a few options, especially if he is dead set on going in the evening.

    1) you don't need to go. it's his work out, and thats that.

    2) hydrate hydrate hydrate. you should NOT be waiting to hydrate on the bike. you won't be replenishing your fluids fast enough. yes, bring water (and plenty of it for that heat!!!), but you should be having a lot of water during the day. also, there are a lot of foods that naturally supply the body with water, such as berries and melons. peppers too.

    if not being able to bring enough water with you is an issue, maybe you get a camelbak backpack. they have the bladder that allows for a bit of water. the small ones contain something like 30 ounces of water.

    and maybe you can bring an electrolyte drink with you, like a gatorade or powerade. i buy the powder E.F.S. to mix in with my water (two scoops per 12 ounces). but don't over do it either. like i said, if you don't drink water until you are thirsty, then you are already dehydrated.

    3) figure out a way for him to want to go early in the morning.
  • MexicanOsmosis
    MexicanOsmosis Posts: 382 Member
    I don't think you're being mean, especially if he won't sacrifice his routine for going to the gym with you. There are a couple options. Take turns. If you're willing to go cycling one time, then have him go to the gym one time with you. If that doesn't work, then this may be something you two may have to agree to disagree on. Go to the gym as you want, have him go cycling as he wants (great idea from PP about finding cycling buddies). Then choose a couple days a week for you guys to do an activity together.

    Exercise should be fun and/or rewarding, not something you dread doing!

    Sacrifice his routine? You mean, going to work? OP said she doesn't work so it sounds like she's not willing to sacrifice her routine either.

    THAT SAID, it's not very clear as to whether she works out BEFORE he goes to work or while he's at work, though at this point we're getting into semantics.

    In the end, it's not being mean, though perhaps you two should discuss the workout schedule. If you guys can make a schedule where you alternate and join each other in the other's preferred exercise, then great. If you only join each other a couple of times a week, that's great. If you don't join each other at all, then just try to verbally motivate each other and praise each other for going by yourselves, which would also be great. Just because you're not doing the same thing doesn't mean you can't be there for support.
  • mebepiglet123
    mebepiglet123 Posts: 327 Member
    I wa also going to suggest bike trainers...I see someone else also suggested it we have them they are great.. Same workout without the heat especially if you have air conditioning .,, and you will have all the water you want. At your kitchen sink we plonk ourselves on front of tv and pay music videos.... Th way you can ride side by side at own pace... And yak away to each other... Also safer than getting bowled by a car...lol
  • Helenca76
    Helenca76 Posts: 125 Member
    No way I'd cycle or do any other exercise in that heat. He'll just have to go alone. Maybe you can drive to checkpoints and meet him there for drink breaks? :D


    Thats actually a great idea, I can sit in the air con cooled car and give him the support he wants! :flowerforyou:
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
    Supportive does not mean doing something you don't enjoy in the heat! Explain to him your situation and feelings about it and help him find a fellow friend who enjoys cycling in the heat. Or see if he wants to go cycle in the gym where it's cool and there are water fountains.
  • Helenca76
    Helenca76 Posts: 125 Member
    I don't think you're being mean, especially if he won't sacrifice his routine for going to the gym with you. There are a couple options. Take turns. If you're willing to go cycling one time, then have him go to the gym one time with you. If that doesn't work, then this may be something you two may have to agree to disagree on. Go to the gym as you want, have him go cycling as he wants (great idea from PP about finding cycling buddies). Then choose a couple days a week for you guys to do an activity together.

    Exercise should be fun and/or rewarding, not something you dread doing!

    Sacrifice his routine? You mean, going to work? OP said she doesn't work so it sounds like she's not willing to sacrifice her routine either.

    THAT SAID, it's not very clear as to whether she works out BEFORE he goes to work or while he's at work, though at this point we're getting into semantics.

    In the end, it's not being mean, though perhaps you two should discuss the workout schedule. If you guys can make a schedule where you alternate and join each other in the other's preferred exercise, then great. If you only join each other a couple of times a week, that's great. If you don't join each other at all, then just try to verbally motivate each other and praise each other for going by yourselves, which would also be great. Just because you're not doing the same thing doesn't mean you can't be there for support.

    We're both up early with him going to work and me doing the school run. I go to the gym straight after dropping the kids off because its on my home. I understand he doesn't like the gym and he knows I don't like cycling in this heat after my day (just because I don't work, doesn't mean I am not busy) but I have gone with him to show my support and every little helps with my own weight loss, its just not fun in this heat but he just sees it as me not supporting him.

    Have taken on board all the comments and its been very helpful. Think the husband and I need to sort out some workout time together so we both feel we're motivating each other and not neglecting to support each other.

    Thanks everyone :-)
  • Ant_the_old_keith_lemon
    Ant_the_old_keith_lemon Posts: 272 Member
    i find indoor cycling boring unless in a group environment which comes back around the Gym..... If he has preconceptions about his appearance tell him to take a long hard look around and see what sort of people Frequent the place... about 3% Pretty boys the rest are people who are working hard to achieve thier goals....

    As far as being mean i would say no, i love my freedom and prefer to go cycling on my own - i have no problems pushing myself i find speed exilerating and i can play with traffic [like a rabid dog] ;)

    If he misses sessions because you dont feel up to the ride it is indeed him that is being mean!

    As far as motivating him i would not bother he must want to do thi himself.... I am i previously sedentry person and the only thing that helped me was myself.

    Is he on MFP?
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    I love the gym but hubby hates it and needs support to lose his weight which means he wants to cycle. I hate cycling but should go to help motivate him. ... so, I've made excuses to not go cycling.
    This is not helping him and now we're back from our holidays, he wants to start up again.
    Uh, how does your participating in an activity that you hate help him -- is it a tandem bike? Perhaps you could arrange to meet him somewhere - he bikes, you drive. Or perhaps you could find a park that has trails he could ride, while you sit on a bench and read. Encourage him to find a biking group - he should own his own fitness. Being supportive of him in his efforts means that HE makes the effort while you cheer him on.

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