Hubby Trouble

gr8xpectationz
gr8xpectationz Posts: 161 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm trying to have an upbeat, productive day. I'm on-track with my food and exercise, and I'm getting things done.

But honestly, I'm super-tempted to binge right now. Because my husband is in a foul mood and is being jerky. He's having one of those weeks where nothing goes right, and I've tried to be pretty supportive. But after a hissy-fit yesterday he's STILL wallowing in self-pity. I'm not against pity parties, but seriously...two days of being jerky to your wife seems excessive. He's had a tough couple of weeks, but he's terrible-izing everything, including me.

I've worked pretty hard to overcome emotional eating, and to remember that I am not accountable for how other people feel, so I don't have to let myself be quite so impacted by their emotional whims. But today I'm struggling with it.

In the bigger picture, he's unemployed and depressed, and it's hard on us both. But his frustration and anger makes me feel anxious and helpless, and isn't that a perfect storm for ice cream consumption?

Replies

  • SaberEsPoder
    SaberEsPoder Posts: 130 Member
    My boyfriend promised to go hiking with me this morning and then wouldn't get out of bed. I left his lazy *kitten* at home and went on the hike anyways. You could go for a walk to get away from the tension...and the ice cream ;) Maybe treat yourself to a movie out of the house to get away from things?
  • jeanywren
    jeanywren Posts: 72 Member
    Stay strong. You are on the right track and the focus is "not my fault". I used to cave under that kind of pressure but finally not anymore. My SO keeps telling me I am "addicted" to this website and keeps saying it is unnecessary. However, it is what keeps me going and the trend is downward, albeit slowly. So, just keep tracking and trying to stay focused on you. You can be sympathetic without accepting blame or guilt.
  • gr8xpectationz
    gr8xpectationz Posts: 161 Member
    Many thanks to both of you.
  • AndyRogan
    AndyRogan Posts: 195 Member
    My wife has also accused me of obsessing over mfp. My response is, I'm not obsessing, I'm getting serious about wanting to he healthy and lose weight for my daughter.

    When I felt like I needed ice cream, I looked at alternatives, like Ribena lollies, only 25cals each
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    You do not have to accept of being someone else emotional punchbag.

    Do things you like and make you feel good, he want to be miserable.........let him
  • PunkinSpice79
    PunkinSpice79 Posts: 309 Member
    I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's my experience that men's identity is totally wrapped up in their career and the ability to provide. What's that expression about the male ego being fragile? He could be slipping into a depression. Maybe ask him to see someone about it? Other than that, maybe be frank. "I'm sorry you are having such a rough time, but I'm on your team." Try to be patient and compassionate, BUT, don't compromise yourself or put up with meanness. You can set the boundary by just walking away. "I refuse to be around you when you act this way." Then mean it. Leave for a bit, take a walk, see friends, whatever, but follow through.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    When I'm completely stressed out (such as when my house was recently robbed) the first thing I want to do is buy cigarettes and then basically chain smoke a whole pack. Also not healthy. :/

    My point is that stress does not automatically equal ice cream...is there some other behavior that you find soothing and calming?
  • Bridgetthegre
    Bridgetthegre Posts: 85 Member
    Unemployed and depressed is rough on both of you. It's sort of like dieting. You have to just keep chugging along and things will get better.
    Binging on ice cream won't fix anything. Find something else to occupy your mind. Some people (probably not me!!) would go on a house cleaning binge. On the bright side, it burns calories, keeps you busy enough you can't eat, and you end it with a clean house. You could go to the park and take a walk. That gets you out of the house, takes up some time, and burns calories. Or you could head to the library, hang out browsing new books, and come home and veg with it. At any rate, while I understand the feeling, you gotta find a new escape.
  • ladyrider55
    ladyrider55 Posts: 316 Member
    Men have tunnel hearing, so you need to get tunnel hearing aka hear only what you want to hear from your man. Leave the house and go for a walk, take your MP3 with you or tune into the sounds around you, go to a Park and walk around, you'd be surprised how inspirational and uplifting you'll feel afterwards. Focus on "you" because you're changing your life for the better. He's just too negative to be around. As for the ice cream binge....I used to be addicted to ice cream but now I make my own concoction using frozen fruit with a little bit of soymilk added in to make it creamy! I'm sure one can use regular milk also. Frozen banana and 1/2-1 cup other fruits, whirled in the food processor, PB2 and ground flax seed make it so delicious you're not going to look back at regular ice cream again!! :happy:
    Good Luck and stay strong for "you".
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I know what you mean!

    Maybe treat yourself to a manicure or a bubble bath instead of ice cream?
  • thefragile7393
    thefragile7393 Posts: 102 Member
    I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's my experience that men's identity is totally wrapped up in their career and the ability to provide. What's that expression about the male ego being fragile? He could be slipping into a depression. Maybe ask him to see someone about it? Other than that, maybe be frank. "I'm sorry you are having such a rough time, but I'm on your team." Try to be patient and compassionate, BUT, don't compromise yourself or put up with meanness. You can set the boundary by just walking away. "I refuse to be around you when you act this way." Then mean it. Leave for a bit, take a walk, see friends, whatever, but follow through.
    This was me. I had to do this with a perpetually depressed angry person for a number of years. Unfortunately I got sucked into towards the end.....but when I was strong again I was able to start doing the above. Valuing your own good mental and emotional health is vital when these things happen.

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