365 Days Logging, and I'm a Different Kind of Success

Tomorrow morning, I will have logged in for 365 days in a row. So what, I'm posting my story a day early!

I have always, always been overweight. I can not remember being smaller than a size 16. I cannot remember weighing less than 193. I have a vague memory of being very young (10 or 11 maybe?) and watching the scale creep past 150, and telling myself I'd stop it before it got to 200. Yeah, right, by 7th grade I was over 200 lbs. My highest ever was 265.

I dieted on and off. I've always been a binge eater, and I'm terrible about eating my emotions. When I was 17, the person I thought was my best friend of 16 years completely betrayed me. I had a hard time dealing with the hurt, and just kept eating. Just a few months later, I moved to college and was away from home for the first time. I didn't deal well with the change, and put on about 30 lbs my first semester.

Another friend encouraged me to see the counselor the school offered for free. I went. And then I kept going back. I went weekly for a year. I told her about my eating habits, and she herself had lost 70 lbs, so she understood what it was like. It wasn't a magic fix, but it helped some.

Over the next few years, I continued dieting. I got down to 240, back up to 265, down to 215, back to 240. Last August, I said ENOUGH! I *finally* felt mentally ready to tackle this problem. I got my butt back to MFP, and started calorie counting again.

August 15 last year, I had knee surgery. Five days post-op, I was diagnosed with multiple blood clots in my surgical leg, and put on blood thinners. I had severe limitations on what I could even do in PT, let along actually exercising. There was NO cardio, of any kind, allowed. None.

Then, because of the blood clots, I had to go off my estrogen-based BC which I needed for my lady problems. I then went into 6 months of trying to make things work, only to end up with an IUD when all else failed. For several weeks, I was terribly sick from the IUD insertion and couldn't hardly stand up without puking.

Then, my best friend sold the horse farm I worked at and managed. Here I was, struggling with health problems, knowing I am an emotional eater, and my world turned upside down. Just a few months later, she moved away to SC.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because through Hell and high water, I logged in. Every. Single. Day. I didn't always have my game face on, but I showed up, and that's half the battle. I have been committed, for a YEAR. NEVER in my life has a "diet" lasted this long...what's different? This isn't a diet now.

I now weigh about 192. That's right, the lightest I've ever been. I can fit into a size 14, the smallest I've ever been.

Here's what I can't do:

I can't fit in a size 0.

I can't run a half marathon.

I can't scale walls or do pullups.

I can't say I'm a clean eater (or that I wish to be).

BUT, here's what I CAN do:

The doctor released me to run in December, and I can make it through a 5k. I plan on running my first one Sept 15.

I can squat 165 lbs.

I can deadlift 180 lbs.

I can do full-on man pushups.

I can make better choices.

I can understand that even if I binge today, and tomorrow, and the day after, that it doesn't mean the world has ended, and there will always be a chance to try again.


This last year, I have not once had to reset my ticker. The weight loss has been slow these last few months, almost to the point of plateau, but not quite. I have not lost the 100+ lbs in a year that a lot of people have. But, even with taking frequent maintenance breaks for my mental health, I have never gained back any of the weight I've lost. And that, to me, is a success.

And now because I know you only care about the pictures:

Around 240...I actually don't have any pics of me around 265

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And now:



Size 14!







My new bicep!



And checking out my newly noticed calf muscles: