This is going to be hurt, but hopefully will help others...
willywonka
Posts: 743 Member
Dear MFP friends, i have a dirty little secret that i think will help me and others just to go ahead and put it out there, because i know i am not alone.
I've battled my weight for years and have done a nice job at keeping most of the weight off for about 5 years, thanks largely in part to this website and of course changing my lifestyle. I've been up/down and fell off the wagon and vowed never to go back there, but let's be honest- it happens to most everyone. Even the most "perfect" MFP member slips and falls or gets run over from said wagon and that is why I post this. Life happens, triggers happen, eating disorders happen.... it's a slippery slope from being conscious of what you eat and how you exercise to obsessive over how you eat and exercise.
I work out extremely hard, i eat very clean 95% of the time. It's the other 5% that happen when my binges happen and that is a very dark and scary thing. It is something that I thought I had recovered from but apparently have not. The last two days have been absolute, total food fests. Binges and consumption of sweets that almost seem impossible, seriously. I baked and went to the store for things that haven't been in my pantry for months and the ice cream, oh boy was there ice cream! Needless to say I feel horrible, physically and mentally and I look a lot like a stuffed tick. I am very much an emotional eater so in my head I think of what my triggers are, especially this episode, probably brought about by my mom's birthday being tomorrow. She passed away a year ago and I was her caregiver for many years- she was/is my favorite person ever. So, I could use that excuse but in all honesty I just need to be accountable and maybe even less restrictive because that is a sure-fire way to trigger the sugar binges. I hate this feeling, even my baggy clothes are skin tight and my face is like a balloon but i will go and work out today and I will drink my water and I will try to get back on track and just take it one day at a time.
To all my MFP Friends, you continue to motivate and inspire me and if there's anyone here that has issues, feel free to friend me and we can support one another!
I've battled my weight for years and have done a nice job at keeping most of the weight off for about 5 years, thanks largely in part to this website and of course changing my lifestyle. I've been up/down and fell off the wagon and vowed never to go back there, but let's be honest- it happens to most everyone. Even the most "perfect" MFP member slips and falls or gets run over from said wagon and that is why I post this. Life happens, triggers happen, eating disorders happen.... it's a slippery slope from being conscious of what you eat and how you exercise to obsessive over how you eat and exercise.
I work out extremely hard, i eat very clean 95% of the time. It's the other 5% that happen when my binges happen and that is a very dark and scary thing. It is something that I thought I had recovered from but apparently have not. The last two days have been absolute, total food fests. Binges and consumption of sweets that almost seem impossible, seriously. I baked and went to the store for things that haven't been in my pantry for months and the ice cream, oh boy was there ice cream! Needless to say I feel horrible, physically and mentally and I look a lot like a stuffed tick. I am very much an emotional eater so in my head I think of what my triggers are, especially this episode, probably brought about by my mom's birthday being tomorrow. She passed away a year ago and I was her caregiver for many years- she was/is my favorite person ever. So, I could use that excuse but in all honesty I just need to be accountable and maybe even less restrictive because that is a sure-fire way to trigger the sugar binges. I hate this feeling, even my baggy clothes are skin tight and my face is like a balloon but i will go and work out today and I will drink my water and I will try to get back on track and just take it one day at a time.
To all my MFP Friends, you continue to motivate and inspire me and if there's anyone here that has issues, feel free to friend me and we can support one another!
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Replies
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Thank you for posting this. I can absolutely relate to all the things you said. I have been there many times and have found it is best to evaluate WHY it happened, accept it and move on. I am sorry about your mother, that must be very hard. I know the "stuffed tick" feeling is the worst, but the best thing you can do is just push past it. I wish I could say that there will never again be a day where I binge, but I would be lying. Something will happen and I will do it again. The thing that I can be proud of is that I do it much less than I used to and I know longer try to justify my actions. I try to learn from them and move forward. I wish you the best of luck and sent a friend request
it's always helpful to have another supporter and someone who understands what you're going through. 0 -
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, but facing it head-on and posting about it is a really positive step.
From here forward, don't restrict to make up for it. By restricting, you would just be continuing the cycle. As of right now, just pt it behind you and get back to your program as designed.
As an aside, you say you eat clean 95% of the time? Perhaps that's a bit too restrictive and you should relax your rules to be more sustainable in the future. Being a super clean eater is kind of a form of restriction in itself.0 -
I have to say, I read this and all I can think is "those binges are exactly what happens when you spend so much time denying yourself the foods you love in the name of 'eating clean'."
That ice cream that you love, haven't had in a while, and then binged on? Eat it regularly. I eat ice cream almost every night of my life while losing weight. Makes it easier not to binge on it when I know I get more tomorrow.0 -
I have to say, I read this and all I can think is "those binges are exactly what happens when you spend so much time denying yourself the foods you love in the name of 'eating clean'."
That ice cream that you love, haven't had in a while, and then binged on? Eat it regularly. I eat ice cream almost every night of my life while losing weight. Makes it easier not to binge on it when I know I get more tomorrow.
^^^THIS. I don't eat ice cream every night, but I eat what I want in moderation so I am not binging on the most fatty burgers, steaks, packs of bacon, scrapple, fast food, etc. (all of which I eat... in moderation!)0 -
I have to say, I read this and all I can think is "those binges are exactly what happens when you spend so much time denying yourself the foods you love in the name of 'eating clean'."
That ice cream that you love, haven't had in a while, and then binged on? Eat it regularly. I eat ice cream almost every night of my life while losing weight. Makes it easier not to binge on it when I know I get more tomorrow.
Agreed..... I will admit in the beginning abstinence was key for me to get away from my trigger foods, but I was also pushing 600 pounds eating 10,000 calories a day so a major change was in order. But I knew this food addiction thing was all in my head so I went to therapy to help learn how to deal with my addiction and over time reintroduced those foods I deemed triggers. Now I have an open relationship with food. I do not demonize any foods as good or bad... As long as I am getting my macros in for the day if I have remaining calories then I will spend them on things I enjoy like ice cream or pop tarts or etc etc... Knowing that I can and will have these foods I like when I want them as long as the fit my caloric intake means I have no deprivations from them and I can enjoy the foods I want in moderation... Best of Luck OP.....0 -
Don't knock yourself when you are down! We have all been through this...too many times !!!0
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I have to say, I read this and all I can think is "those binges are exactly what happens when you spend so much time denying yourself the foods you love in the name of 'eating clean'."
That ice cream that you love, haven't had in a while, and then binged on? Eat it regularly. I eat ice cream almost every night of my life while losing weight. Makes it easier not to binge on it when I know I get more tomorrow.
Agreed..... I will admit in the beginning abstinence was key for me to get away from my trigger foods, but I was also pushing 600 pounds eating 10,000 calories a day so a major change was in order. But I knew this food addiction thing was all in my head so I went to therapy to help learn how to deal with my addiction and over time reintroduced those foods I deemed triggers. Now I have an open relationship with food. I do not demonize any foods as good or bad... As long as I am getting my macros in for the day if I have remaining calories then I will spend them on things I enjoy like ice cream or pop tarts or etc etc... Knowing that I can and will have these foods I like when I want them as long as the fit my caloric intake means I have no deprivations from them and I can enjoy the foods I want in moderation... Best of Luck OP.....
QFT0 -
I am loving the responses and feedback, thank you so much everyone!!!
You guys are totally right, i have been way too restrictive. Put it this way, my weight had hit an all time low about 2 weeks ago, and I know this binge was a result of needing to feed my body. I just didn't need to feed it with so much sugar all at once. Hugs and thank you, this support is awesome- it's the reason I love this website. I can "talk" to you guys about all of this and you understand.0 -
Ice cream is the devil.0
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Ice cream is the devil.
So, ice cream has all the best music???0 -
Extreme stress such as that from painful anniversaries definitely are going to hurt your food plan. I get upset and want to drive to a bakery for a huge, buttery croissant immediately! It sounds like you need to be really kind to yourself during these difficult times and ease up on the food plan. Maybe having a delicious piece of cheesecake guilt free, because it is great and you aren't going to eat the entire cake (especially if you ask your friends over to eat a piece as well!), will help you deal mentally. There is no shame here; you are mentally fit enough to point out your actions and ask for support. I hope you eat more fats, dirty up your food a little, and love what you eat!0
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I am loving the responses and feedback, thank you so much everyone!!!
You guys are totally right, i have been way too restrictive. Put it this way, my weight had hit an all time low about 2 weeks ago, and I know this binge was a result of needing to feed my body. I just didn't need to feed it with so much sugar all at once. Hugs and thank you, this support is awesome- it's the reason I love this website. I can "talk" to you guys about all of this and you understand.
Def don't feel guilty for having the binge. I notice that when I restrict too much, (for me, it's usually when I try to be paleo and cut all grains), a switch will get flipped in my brain at some point and my body is like "YOU WILL FEED ME. NOW!" and at that point, I cannot control my actions. The cry for food is coming from a deep survival mechanism that I can't wrestle with. So the solution is not to feel bad about it, it is to avoid getting to the place where the switch is flipped.
I am a black and white, all or nothing kind of eater. Restricting comes easier than moderation, but with moderation, I don't binge. But since I like to control and restrict, moderation doesn't FEEL as good to me, and so I sometimes avoid it, even though I know it is best. I suspect you are the same way?
I'm actually glad you brought this up bc I think I needed to talk about these issues, too. 0 -
I have to say, I read this and all I can think is "those binges are exactly what happens when you spend so much time denying yourself the foods you love in the name of 'eating clean'."
That ice cream that you love, haven't had in a while, and then binged on? Eat it regularly. I eat ice cream almost every night of my life while losing weight. Makes it easier not to binge on it when I know I get more tomorrow.
I agree with this statement 100%. I have gone from 186 to 156 and have had ice cream nearly every night. I have yo-yoed my since I was in my early teens and it took me nearly 40 years to realize that no food is off limits. When something becomes forbidden, that is when I start to obsess and end up on a binge. It is the quantity that has to be monitored. Also, so sorry about your mom. She must have been a jewel for you to love her so much. My thoughts are with you.0 -
I have to say, I read this and all I can think is "those binges are exactly what happens when you spend so much time denying yourself the foods you love in the name of 'eating clean'."
That ice cream that you love, haven't had in a while, and then binged on? Eat it regularly. I eat ice cream almost every night of my life while losing weight. Makes it easier not to binge on it when I know I get more tomorrow.
Agreed..... I will admit in the beginning abstinence was key for me to get away from my trigger foods, but I was also pushing 600 pounds eating 10,000 calories a day so a major change was in order. But I knew this food addiction thing was all in my head so I went to therapy to help learn how to deal with my addiction and over time reintroduced those foods I deemed triggers. Now I have an open relationship with food. I do not demonize any foods as good or bad... As long as I am getting my macros in for the day if I have remaining calories then I will spend them on things I enjoy like ice cream or pop tarts or etc etc... Knowing that I can and will have these foods I like when I want them as long as the fit my caloric intake means I have no deprivations from them and I can enjoy the foods I want in moderation... Best of Luck OP.....
I love what you said here and I think a lot of people should hold it in high esteem given your weight loss. I know this food addiction thing is 100% in my head, but it's still there, and I'm still in the stage where I don't trust myself with my trigger foods. I know one day I'll be able to maintain a healthy relationship with them, but I know they don't really do me any good so they're staying out of my house and my life for now.
OP, it's really great you're so open about it. Before this year I was in denial about my binging (even though my weight told a very different story) and I never would've even thought I had a problem, let alone post on a forum about it with tons of attractive, in shape people! Now that I have accepted it I am much less self-conscious and ashamed and ready to take care of my problem the right way. They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, and some people may laugh because I'm talking about eating here, but it's true. Talking about it helps a lot and I commend you for being brave enough to do it. 0 -
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, but facing it head-on and posting about it is a really positive step.
From here forward, don't restrict to make up for it. By restricting, you would just be continuing the cycle. As of right now, just pt it behind you and get back to your program as designed.
As an aside, you say you eat clean 95% of the time? Perhaps that's a bit too restrictive and you should relax your rules to be more sustainable in the future. Being a super clean eater is kind of a form of restriction in itself.
Great advice. I shoot for 75-80% "clean" foods (god I hate that term). What I mean to say, "healthy" foods (god I hate that term too). Ummmm...75-80% nutritional food choices? There we go. The rest is beer. Substitute cookies, ice cream, twinkies, whatever as you see fit for that remaining portion. Adherence levels tend to be much higher when you're not killing yourself.0 -
Thank you for sharing. It has helped me tremendously to read all the responses. Seeing you confront what you have been doing the last few days gives me hope for when I am in that place. Confronting the issue is the battle won. All you have to do now is move forward.0
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I know the feeling.... I WANT OREOS
I guess having them in moderation wont kill me??? but they are my trigger0 -
I know the feeling.... I WANT OREOS
I guess having them in moderation wont kill me??? but they are my trigger
go to convenient store and buy the single serving pack of Oreos0 -
next time you want ice cream, buy the little bitty single serving size ice cream and eat it, ben and jerrys has them in most grocery stores0
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Happened to me I went for an all you can eat sushi binge!!! YUMMMM!!
The next day I was back on track and being mindful of what I was eating again.
You fell, get back up and on the wagon. If you need a hand, friend me and I will be happy to help if I can!0 -
I'm sorry you're hurting. *HUGS* Just jump back on the wagon. We all go overboard occasionally.0
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Food addiction is a toughie....we either try to abstain from certain things or try to control our intake of them, but that addiction demon is always there. I don't think its something we will ever be cured of so to speak. I think we will have our in control moments and our out of control moments.
At least you are realizing the problem and can now take corrective action to get your head and emotions back in check. Life can be difficult and we will always have the emotional triggers. Only thing we can do is to plunge through it and eventually reach the other side.
Hang in there...hugz0 -
My moms birthday is also tomorrow and she passed away in 09... she was also my favorite person! I still miss her very much. I'm sure your mom would be proud of you, even with your slip ups, just as I'm sure my mom is proud of me! Hang in there! ((hugs))
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