Gastric bypass vs traditional weightloss

SublimelyMe · August 2013

So before I get going here I'd like to point out that I'm neither for or against the gastric bypass, I simple don't feel as though it is for me.

My problem is simple: I'm from a family of bad eaters. By this I mean; my dad doesn't eat a wide variety of foods, my brother has been stuck on a high carb/sugar/fat diet for as long as he's eaten solids (he's 19) my sister weighted 25st by the time she was 18yrs old (now 23) but has now lost half her weight by having the gastric bypass (at age 18) and my mum has had a consistent struggle with her weight and 5yrs ago, at 26st had the gastric bypass and is now 11st.

My dad's lucky in some respects, he eats what he wants and it doesn't show in weight, though I'm sure health wise it takes its toll. My brother is now at 19st and is desperate to lose weight and has been told that his only chances of losing and maintaining are by having the gastric bypass. My mum and sister are like gastric bypass converts, like born again slim people. I am completely, 100% happy that they have lost their weight, what makes me unhappy is that they feel that everyone who is overweight needs to have surgery because traditional weightloss doesn't work. And you know, I hear about it every single day in one form or another. They think that it annoys me because I'm jealous when in fact it annoys me because I can't have sympathy for someone who lacks vits when they don't take their vit tablets!

I had a rather distressing discussion with my family the other day. Despite the fact that I go to the gym at least 5 days a week, workout hard, have no health complaints or aching joints and am able to live an active and healthy life style, they feel that because my bmi is 35 that I should seriously consider having surgery. Now, what I haven't mentioned is that by the time I was 18 I too was obese and 18.5stone but I managed to lose a huge chunk of that to get me where I am now and have managed to keep the bulk of my weight off for 10yrs.

My mum reckons that being overweight causes me to lack confidence and harbour a multitude of feelings of depression and sadness when in fact I feel nothing but happiness to be around body confident people at the gym or those who are at least working towards being more confident in their body. I don't feel fat at the gym. I feel healthy and normal. But when I'm around my family I feel somewhat of a disappointment, grossly overweight and the focus of (negative) attention. They try hard to convince me that I'll be 50yrs old and will have regretted not having the op because I would have spent my whole life watching calories, counting fat and exercising and, you know, for someone of my size it's not easy, especially when you love food.

Guys. I do love food. I love cooking from scratch, finding healthy recipes and eating all sorts of delicious things. Call me a geek or whatever, but I LOVE inputting my food into mfp. It's not a chore. I also LOVE exercising. My family are convinced that I'm denying myself a life of eating when I love food because I have to watch what I eat. I eat EVERYTHING that I want but my secret is that I don't eat it all at once! They still see this as a terrible thing.

My family say I can't face facts. They say I'm wrong. It's hereditary and that the chances of me being a healthy weight are slim. I keep saying, 'I lost 5st, I've kept 4st off for 10yrs, when will you believe that it's gone, when will you congratulate me on losing it my way?' but they're just so dismissive...'oh yeah, well...well done...but...'

I've not lost my focus and I still maintain that I do NOT want surgery. I believe that I was always going to be on the larger side but I've made wrong moves with regards to food in the past, and so has my mum, sister and my brother too. Sadly, at their gbp meetings they uphold that being fat is not their fault, it's hereditary and surgery is needed to fix it. Being overweight is not this black and white!

I have been so supportive of my family and their choices but I feel offended that they cannot accept mine. Also, I can't help but feel that the reps at the gbp meetings are sort of...brainwashing (?) people in to believing that they absolutely, categorically cannot lose weight without losing a piece of their body.

I wish my mum and my sister could see that our minds and attitudes towards food needs to be fixed too.

I feel deflated.

My partner is amazing and very supportive. He never says 'do this' or 'do that' he says, 'whatever you choose to do, with the best of your judgement, I will support you' and you know what, that's what I need.

I think the final straw in all of this was my mum saying to my brother 'oh yeah, well you see, your sister (me) says she loses weight but we never really notice it because she loses it too slowly, if you have the op everyone will see the weight you lose.' I am so angry. This is emotional warfare, no?

Deflated, angry and finding myself less and less supportive of the methods used to convince people to have the op. It's like a pro-gbp meeting. Why not send people to an objective gathering of people where some have had the psychological treatments as well as the surgical ones.

I think I just need to know whether I'm being completely stupid or not, because I am so confused.

MissEStrange22 · August 2013

*mumbles about how upset this post made me*

OK, so first things first, I want to say a MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS and losing all that weight!!! Congratulations on losing it the healthy way, the right way and hardest way.

I know it's hard, because they are your family, but when it comes to weight loss, dieting and getting to where you want to be with it I would say DO NOT listen to a word your family have to say about it.

It is blatant from what you say that the attitudes they have are bringing you down somewhat, and that upsets me because I also see that you a hella determined to be happy and healthy about your weight.

I am not pro or con gastric bypass, in some cases I do think it's great, a second chance at life and a life saving operation. However a part of me thinks they are the easy way out and that people who get it think that they can be slim and still eat what they want. It's like sometimes I think of myself as a slim person who is being fat. We are all slim people who, at some point has chosen/ let ourselves be fat people. So I/we are now on a journey together to be slim people who are pulling ourselves back to being slim.

So I sometimes feel that those people who have used the GB as a easy quick fix are slim people being fat in a slim body. That is not good. I guess that's similar to your dad, he doesn't eat well, but just because he's not overweight, doesnt mean he's healthy. It's like my 9 stone friend who lives off crisps and pizza. =S

At what point do the pre GB people take responsibility for thier own actions, for what they eat and what they do.

You should look at the motivational before and after journeys on this forum. There are people heavier than your brother and yourself who have lost all thier weight through diet and some through diet and exercise.

You and your brother should get yourselves on here actively, support each other, be supported by a world of people doing it your way, the best way, the right way and the hard way.

You are right in everything you say.

Negitivity only makes you feel negative-why would you want to do that to yourself. Just shrug it off and say "i'm doing it my way!"

You can do it. You really can!!!

Much much love!!

Let's kick fats *kitten*!!!

LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD.
MAINTAINING WEIGHT IS HARD.
BEING OVERWEIGHT IS HARD.

CHOOSE YOUR HARD!?

SublimelyMe · August 2013

Amazingly motivational, I really needed this today. Probably more than you could ever know. It's just one of those days where you end up going 'everyone around me is saying this, am I the crazy one?'

I think I just needed a verbal kick up the bum, and you sorted me out. Thank you. So, so much

xxx

ron2e · August 2013

OMG with family like that who needs enemies! I am now anti gastric bypass, having researched when I got to my lowest point/heaviest weight. Quite honestly what I read frightened me off, and I realised it was not the answer, the solution was to eat less and take it easy. I've now done that for just over 6 months and lost 63 lbs so I know it can be done and in the great scheme of things you don't have a huge amount to lose. I was 30 lbs heavier than your brother when I started and I am only 5'6" so what's his problem? People always seem to try to deny responsibility and look for the easiest way out, which is how I think a GB is viewed. I don't believe that's the case though, for as many people as it helps, it creates great problems for others.

Stick to your guns dear, MFP and a decent bunch of friends can provide all the information and support you need to lose weight gradually and safely, don't even consider a GB at your age and weight is is NOT necessary. And haul your poor brother onto MFP. This is not, as has been said many times, a diet, or simply counting calories, this is a lifestyle change which is the only way to maintain a reasonable weight for the rest of your life.

Good luck, stick at it, you WILL succeed!

kenna44cat · August 2013

That is ridiculous. I've heard of people dying from gastric bypass surgery, or continuing to eat the way they always did and rupturing or stretching their stomachs. Even the anesthetic is a risk in any surgery, not to mention a morbidly obese person put under for what amounts to unnecessary reasons. I would go to a psychiatrist or psychologist or weight loss therapist if I refused to take responsibility for my own health like your family does.

This is off the topic, but I don't suppose a change of scene would help? You know, your own place. Your own friends and support group. Your own cooking.

Just thinking out loud.

mssteel90 · August 2013

*mumbles about how upset this post made me*

OK, so first things first, I want to say a MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS and losing all that weight!!! Congratulations on losing it the healthy way, the right way and hardest way.

I know it's hard, because they are your family, but when it comes to weight loss, dieting and getting to where you want to be with it I would say DO NOT listen to a word your family have to say about it.

It is blatant from what you say that the attitudes they have are bringing you down somewhat, and that upsets me because I also see that you a hella determined to be happy and healthy about your weight.

I am not pro or con gastric bypass, in some cases I do think it's great, a second chance at life and a life saving operation. However a part of me thinks they are the easy way out and that people who get it think that they can be slim and still eat what they want. It's like sometimes I think of myself as a slim person who is being fat. We are all slim people who, at some point has chosen/ let ourselves be fat people. So I/we are now on a journey together to be slim people who are pulling ourselves back to being slim.

So I sometimes feel that those people who have used the GB as a easy quick fix are slim people being fat in a slim body. That is not good. I guess that's similar to your dad, he doesn't eat well, but just because he's not overweight, doesnt mean he's healthy. It's like my 9 stone friend who lives off crisps and pizza. =S

At what point do the pre GB people take responsibility for thier own actions, for what they eat and what they do.

You should look at the motivational before and after journeys on this forum. There are people heavier than your brother and yourself who have lost all thier weight through diet and some through diet and exercise.

You and your brother should get yourselves on here actively, support each other, be supported by a world of people doing it your way, the best way, the right way and the hard way.

You are right in everything you say.

Negitivity only makes you feel negative-why would you want to do that to yourself. Just shrug it off and say "i'm doing it my way!"

You can do it. You really can!!!

Much much love!!

Let's kick fats *kitten*!!!

LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD.
MAINTAINING WEIGHT IS HARD.
BEING OVERWEIGHT IS HARD.

CHOOSE YOUR HARD!?

YOU my friend, know what time it is! Everything I wanted to say in a more eloquent, supportive way!
And OP: props to you for sticking at doing it your way dispite what seems to me like blatant peer pressure, you are awesome, keep that **** up!

amyjen321 · August 2013

You hear it all the time, that your weight is influenced from 3 main things: your environment, your genes, and how you live.

I strongly believe that. You can't change your genes, but you can effect your environment and what you put into your body. If you surround yourself with positive people and places, people who care about living a healthy lifestyle, and you personally make an effort to improve yourself through diet and exercise, which you are, then you are on a good path.

Your family is neglecting those two changable parts and wanting to blame everything on genetics...which is not exactly appropriate. Sure, genetics play a very big role in how thin you will be, but all things considered, it is a smaller role when you factor in the other two aspects.

Stay strong!

Kilokato · August 2013

First, you sound like a wonderful person. It's obviously hard to learn too much about somebody from one internet post, but you really seem like your head's in the right place. You obviously love your family, but you're just torn because of the way they act/treat you. I know where you're coming from, more than you can imagine. Don't ever lose your attitude - don't forget who you are at this moment, because you're doing everything the right way.

I don't feel fat at the gym. I feel healthy and normal. But when I'm around my family I feel somewhat of a disappointment, grossly overweight and the focus of (negative) attention. They try hard to convince me that I'll be 50yrs old and will have regretted not having the op because I would have spent my whole life watching calories, counting fat and exercising and, you know, for someone of my size it's not easy, especially when you love food.

The next time they try to convince you of that, tell them "perhaps I won't be the one regretting my decision when I'm 50." You know what you want, and you know how to get there the right way. Reading this thread makes me angry towards your family; I realize you don't have that luxury, as they're your loved ones, but it honestly can't hurt to try and make them see the error of their ways. The simple fact that they're trying to make YOU, a obviously passionate and determined individual, feel guilty for doing it the "hard way" shows that they don't have much faith in your ability - maybe they'll shut up once they see some more progress? Use their negative attitude as motivation to make some more progress. If you can get to where you want to be without most of your stomach being surgically removed, maybe THEY will be the ones regretting their decisions. Plus, (and I mean this) the level of satisfaction and reward that you'll get from doing this the RIGHT way will far outweigh whatever you might feel after going through surgery.

Besides, who wants to get cut open, have a body part taken out, recover for months while eating a liquid diet and then never be able to enjoy a real meal again? Sounds like misery to me. MISERY, I tell you. Being able to enjoy a meal of your favorite foods IN MODERATION is an acquired skill that you seem to be well on your way to mastering. Sadly, your mom and sister will never have that opportunity again. Additionally, and I hesitate to say this because they're your loved ones, but WHO KNOWS what kind of long-term effects these gastric bypass surgeries have on people? Nobody, that's who. Gastric bypass has a place in weight loss - there are definitely people who NEED it, and there are people whose lives it change for the better in unthinkable ways - I just don't get the feeling that you're one of them. FIGHT through this and show your family who made the right choice.

I've not lost my focus and I still maintain that I do NOT want surgery. I believe that I was always going to be on the larger side but I've made wrong moves with regards to food in the past, and so has my mum, sister and my brother too.

You already know what you're doing, stick to it.

Sadly, at their gbp meetings they uphold that being fat is not their fault, it's hereditary and surgery is needed to fix it.

People like to tell themselves this because it justifies their decision. However, you're absolutely right, it's not hereditary and surgery is very rarely the right option. The only things about being overweight that are passed from generation to generation are eating habits, portion sizes and attitude towards food. My mother's a very large woman, and I grew up watching her eat three times her maximum daily calorie intake. Just because my Mom is 350lbs doesn't mean I'm genetically destined to be morbidly obese - it just means I learned how and what to eat from my Mom. As soon as I broke those habits and trained myself how to eat PROPERLY, the pounds started FALLING off. My favorite weight loss saying is "Eat to live, don't live to eat." It's the TRUTH. Live by it.

I have been so supportive of my family and their choices but I feel offended that they cannot accept mine.

Honestly, you should feel offended. Again, they're trying to pressure you into it because they're trying to justify their decision. Frankly, I'm sure they're wonderful people, but nothing will piss them off more than watching somebody (YOU) lose the weight you need to lose RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, without weight loss surgery. Trust me, it's not much fun going through a gastric bypass, and they're probably trying to make themselves feel more confident in their decision. If you were to undergo surgery as well, they would feel like they made the right choice.

Also, I can't help but feel that the reps at the gbp meetings are sort of...brainwashing (?) people in to believing that they absolutely, categorically cannot lose weight without losing a piece of their body.

You're absolutely right about this as well. I've been to some of those meetings with my mother. She decided against the surgery, but it sure felt like a cult meeting. Don't get me wrong, some people NEED surgery. My MOTHER needs the surgery - she does NOT have the mental willpower to lose weight on her own. However, you're obviously not one of those people. Anybody who feels so strongly about trying to control their intake and increase their exercise doesn't need GB surgery.

I wish my mum and my sister could see that our minds and attitudes towards food needs to be fixed too.

You're dead on. My cousin (7 years my junior) was 319 lbs when she was 17 years old. I don' t know how much weight she's gained now, but it's significant. Three years ago, she begged/kicked/screamed and pleaded for GB surgery. She got it. She didn't change her attitude, she didn't change her eating habits, she didn't do anything different. She didn't even make it through the liquid diet phase, and actually put herself back in the hospital twice after the surgery. Three years later, she's still the same weight. I'm not kidding - I didn't even think it was possible. GB surgery does nothing unless you're committed to a lifestyle change. It's not a magic wand.

I feel deflated.

Please, don't. You should feel more motivated now than ever before. You're doing it the right way, you have the right attitude, and you know what your goals are. Stand up tall and keep going.

My partner is amazing and very supportive. He never says 'do this' or 'do that' he says, 'whatever you choose to do, with the best of your judgement, I will support you' and you know what, that's what I need.

Sounds like a keeper. Listen to him!

I think the final straw in all of this was my mum saying to my brother 'oh yeah, well you see, your sister (me) says she loses weight but we never really notice it because she loses it too slowly, if you have the op everyone will see the weight you lose.'

In their defense, it's true. It's really tough to see somebody's weight loss when you're with them every day. Next time they say something, show them a picture. You don't NEED everybody to see it - when you're a healthy weight and you're happy with where you're at, they'll know it.

Why not send people to an objective gathering of people where some have had the psychological treatments as well as the surgical ones.

You're posting at one. We're all here and we've all been going through it - most of us for most of our lives.

I think I just need to know whether I'm being completely stupid or not, because I am so confused.

Definitively, you are NOT being stupid. You know you've made the right choice. Don't let them get into your head.
[/quote]

SublimelyMe · August 2013

This is off the topic, but I don't suppose a change of scene would help? You know, your own place. Your own friends and support group. Your own cooking.

Just thinking out loud.

I have a separate living space from them and always cook my own food for me and my partner, because 11 years ago, when I was leaving to start my degree, I decided that I had to take responsibility for what goes into my body so everything - pretty much - is cooked from scratch. That's not to say I don't eat out or get a take away once in a while, but hey, like I said, I really do love food...the good, the bad and probably the ugly too. I've just learned that the latter two aren't on my side all that much so we have a fleeting relationship that is still very satisfactory. My family don't understand that when my partner eats too much ice cream (skinny-eat-anything-guy) that I can quite easily have my scoop or two and say 'no thanks' to the rest of the tub...because I understand that I don't need it, it's not good for my health and they're empty calories. They say 'it's a life time of denial'... I say 'it's a life time of looking after the one body I have and that's no big chore.'

Sometimes I screw up. That's cool. I'm human and totally accept that.

SublimelyMe · August 2013

Besides, who wants to get cut open, have a body part taken out, recover for months while eating a liquid diet and then never be able to enjoy a real meal again? Sounds like misery to me. MISERY, I tell you. Being able to enjoy a meal of your favorite foods IN MODERATION is an acquired skill that you seem to be well on your way to mastering. Sadly, your mom and sister will never have that opportunity again. Additionally, and I hesitate to say this because they're your loved ones, but WHO KNOWS what kind of long-term effects these gastric bypass surgeries have on people? Nobody, that's who. Gastric bypass has a place in weight loss - there are definitely people who NEED it, and there are people whose lives it change for the better in unthinkable ways - I just don't get the feeling that you're one of them. FIGHT through this and show your family who made the right choice.

Exactly that. I keep explaining to them that we don't know the true long term effects of this, we don't know how it affects childbirth and even where it's said that X number of GB patients have given birth to healthy babies, we're not talking about thousands, we're talking about a small number and while the babies are healthy, was there any lasting damage to the mother as a result of the double stress from not absorbing enough nutrients AND the stress of giving birth.

And food. Oh my. How I really do love food. I make a HUGE point of saying this because once upon a time I was shamed into thinking food was the enemy. As a kid I used to hide it so that I could eat on my own without shame, but of course I felt guilty about that too, so it was an endless game of food blame. Food is not my enemy. I've learned to love it and now I make a point of sharing it with friends (and family who will share it with me). I collect recipes from all over the world, I learn from them and the cultures from which they originate and sometimes I adapt them to fit the ratio of nutrients that I want from a meal. It's not a ball ache. It's interesting, informative and fun.

My partner and I have completely opposite bodies, similar tastes, different tolerances but we still manage to share and bonding over food in a good way helps to repair the lack of positive bonding over food that I needed as a kid and young person.

I always tell my family how I feel that bonding over food with my partner is vital to us. I love exercise and he doesn't care for it, I mostly work from home and he works 50+ hours away from home, I drink socially, he rarely drinks, neither of us smoke...so it's a real connection point that allows us to learn, experiment and share. Why would I want to bring that to an end by having an op that would stop me from enjoying my food?

My mum needed the op, and I think my sister did too. They got to a point where they were spiraling out of control with food, life, their weight, health, everything. Life was pretty bleak for them. My brother...he could learn to retrain his needs in time, I've told him this. Me...I don't need someone to restrict my eating when I can do that myself. I keep telling mum that I'm proud of her and my sister for deciding on a life threatening op that would hopefully save their lives. I cannot be proud of them for losing weight because that was just a by-product of the operation itself. It sounds harsh, but I stand by my words.

I think that is how I make the distinction between working hard to lose weight traditionally and making the though decision to reach out and say 'I can't do this alone and I know my life is short, I'm going to risk my life in order to lengthen it'. There's room for pride in both of those things, but the core of the pride is distinctly different.

SublimelyMe · August 2013

First, you sound like a wonderful person. It's obviously hard to learn too much about somebody from one internet post, but you really seem like your head's in the right place. You obviously love your family, but you're just torn because of the way they act/treat you. I know where you're coming from, more than you can imagine. Don't ever lose your attitude - don't forget who you are at this moment, because you're doing everything the right way.

Oh, by the way. Thanks. Truly. Thank you. It means a lot. My heart just feels so much happier and it's because you have completely understood me from my rant. Thank YOU.

healthygreek · August 2013

I've been obese (though not morbidly) and its taken me years to get down to where I'm satisfied. I'm 120-125 now. At my heaviest I heard about the surgery, way back when it was just taking off. Since I felt I had no control over my eating, I wished I could have it. 2 things stopped me. One was I just wasn't fat enough although I considered gaining in order to have. The other thing stopping me was fear of me dying or becoming very ill or incapacitated as I had 3 very young children at the time.
Also I couldn't imagine not being able to eat whatever the h*ll I wanted to eat.
I decided to lose on my own. It happened slowly in stages where I would lose 10 pounds, stay the same for awhile and then lose another ten, etc. till now I am at the weight I want to be.
I'm so happy I didn't do the gbs because I love to eat and sometimes I eat too much and guess what?
It's ok! I still maintain within my 5 pound range.
OP, you are doing the best thing possible for YOU!
Congrats on the loss and keep doing what you're doing!
Don't engage your family in these pointless discussions. Tell them that kind of talk is OFF the table. Walk out of the room if you must!

ezziepug · August 2013

All of the above posters have said everything I want to say, but more eloquently. So do take their advice to heart.

I'll just add that you truly are brave and wonderful and strong. You have done the hard work of losing weight and always with a healthy attitude, dedication (cooking all the time, wow!), and patience. I find your way of doing things very inspiring.

You may need to separate more from your family. The constant undermining is so wrong, and might wear you down so much you stop taking care of yourself. When the criticisms come up, repeat as many times as necessary, "I'm very happy that GBP surgery has worked for you. I've taken a different path that's worked for me." Remove yourself from the conversation or the room if you have to. You don't need to be subjected to this.

I think GBP works for some, and I'm not one to judge or criticize someone else's choice. It sounds like you are the same way. For myself, I prefer your way of doing things, partially because I think the path to emotional growth as well as physical improvement is a journey, and there's a lot to learn when you do it the slower way. But again, that's just my opinion.

Much warmth in your direction!

MissEStrange22 · August 2013

Thanks lovely.

I am so glad everyone has had thier rant on this post and made this lady feel less crazy in herself.:)

Lets bring it in for an emotional MFP hug *opens arms* x

MissEStrange22 · August 2013

First, you sound like a wonderful person. It's obviously hard to learn too much about somebody from one internet post, but you really seem like your head's in the right place. You obviously love your family, but you're just torn because of the way they act/treat you. I know where you're coming from, more than you can imagine. Don't ever lose your attitude - don't forget who you are at this moment, because you're doing everything the right way.

I don't feel fat at the gym. I feel healthy and normal. But when I'm around my family I feel somewhat of a disappointment, grossly overweight and the focus of (negative) attention. They try hard to convince me that I'll be 50yrs old and will have regretted not having the op because I would have spent my whole life watching calories, counting fat and exercising and, you know, for someone of my size it's not easy, especially when you love food.

The next time they try to convince you of that, tell them "perhaps I won't be the one regretting my decision when I'm 50." You know what you want, and you know how to get there the right way. Reading this thread makes me angry towards your family; I realize you don't have that luxury, as they're your loved ones, but it honestly can't hurt to try and make them see the error of their ways. The simple fact that they're trying to make YOU, a obviously passionate and determined individual, feel guilty for doing it the "hard way" shows that they don't have much faith in your ability - maybe they'll shut up once they see some more progress? Use their negative attitude as motivation to make some more progress. If you can get to where you want to be without most of your stomach being surgically removed, maybe THEY will be the ones regretting their decisions. Plus, (and I mean this) the level of satisfaction and reward that you'll get from doing this the RIGHT way will far outweigh whatever you might feel after going through surgery.

Besides, who wants to get cut open, have a body part taken out, recover for months while eating a liquid diet and then never be able to enjoy a real meal again? Sounds like misery to me. MISERY, I tell you. Being able to enjoy a meal of your favorite foods IN MODERATION is an acquired skill that you seem to be well on your way to mastering. Sadly, your mom and sister will never have that opportunity again. Additionally, and I hesitate to say this because they're your loved ones, but WHO KNOWS what kind of long-term effects these gastric bypass surgeries have on people? Nobody, that's who. Gastric bypass has a place in weight loss - there are definitely people who NEED it, and there are people whose lives it change for the better in unthinkable ways - I just don't get the feeling that you're one of them. FIGHT through this and show your family who made the right choice.

I've not lost my focus and I still maintain that I do NOT want surgery. I believe that I was always going to be on the larger side but I've made wrong moves with regards to food in the past, and so has my mum, sister and my brother too.

You already know what you're doing, stick to it.

Sadly, at their gbp meetings they uphold that being fat is not their fault, it's hereditary and surgery is needed to fix it.

People like to tell themselves this because it justifies their decision. However, you're absolutely right, it's not hereditary and surgery is very rarely the right option. The only things about being overweight that are passed from generation to generation are eating habits, portion sizes and attitude towards food. My mother's a very large woman, and I grew up watching her eat three times her maximum daily calorie intake. Just because my Mom is 350lbs doesn't mean I'm genetically destined to be morbidly obese - it just means I learned how and what to eat from my Mom. As soon as I broke those habits and trained myself how to eat PROPERLY, the pounds started FALLING off. My favorite weight loss saying is "Eat to live, don't live to eat." It's the TRUTH. Live by it.

I have been so supportive of my family and their choices but I feel offended that they cannot accept mine.

Honestly, you should feel offended. Again, they're trying to pressure you into it because they're trying to justify their decision. Frankly, I'm sure they're wonderful people, but nothing will piss them off more than watching somebody (YOU) lose the weight you need to lose RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, without weight loss surgery. Trust me, it's not much fun going through a gastric bypass, and they're probably trying to make themselves feel more confident in their decision. If you were to undergo surgery as well, they would feel like they made the right choice.

Also, I can't help but feel that the reps at the gbp meetings are sort of...brainwashing (?) people in to believing that they absolutely, categorically cannot lose weight without losing a piece of their body.

You're absolutely right about this as well. I've been to some of those meetings with my mother. She decided against the surgery, but it sure felt like a cult meeting. Don't get me wrong, some people NEED surgery. My MOTHER needs the surgery - she does NOT have the mental willpower to lose weight on her own. However, you're obviously not one of those people. Anybody who feels so strongly about trying to control their intake and increase their exercise doesn't need GB surgery.

I wish my mum and my sister could see that our minds and attitudes towards food needs to be fixed too.

You're dead on. My cousin (7 years my junior) was 319 lbs when she was 17 years old. I don' t know how much weight she's gained now, but it's significant. Three years ago, she begged/kicked/screamed and pleaded for GB surgery. She got it. She didn't change her attitude, she didn't change her eating habits, she didn't do anything different. She didn't even make it through the liquid diet phase, and actually put herself back in the hospital twice after the surgery. Three years later, she's still the same weight. I'm not kidding - I didn't even think it was possible. GB surgery does nothing unless you're committed to a lifestyle change. It's not a magic wand.

I feel deflated.

Please, don't. You should feel more motivated now than ever before. You're doing it the right way, you have the right attitude, and you know what your goals are. Stand up tall and keep going.

My partner is amazing and very supportive. He never says 'do this' or 'do that' he says, 'whatever you choose to do, with the best of your judgement, I will support you' and you know what, that's what I need.

Sounds like a keeper. Listen to him!

I think the final straw in all of this was my mum saying to my brother 'oh yeah, well you see, your sister (me) says she loses weight but we never really notice it because she loses it too slowly, if you have the op everyone will see the weight you lose.'

In their defense, it's true. It's really tough to see somebody's weight loss when you're with them every day. Next time they say something, show them a picture. You don't NEED everybody to see it - when you're a healthy weight and you're happy with where you're at, they'll know it.

Why not send people to an objective gathering of people where some have had the psychological treatments as well as the surgical ones.

You're posting at one. We're all here and we've all been going through it - most of us for most of our lives.

I think I just need to know whether I'm being completely stupid or not, because I am so confused.

Definitively, you are NOT being stupid. You know you've made the right choice. Don't let them get into your head.

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*high five* Exactamondo my friend!! x

annwyatt69 · August 2013

*mumbles about how upset this post made me*

OK, so first things first, I want to say a MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS and losing all that weight!!! Congratulations on losing it the healthy way, the right way and hardest way.

I know it's hard, because they are your family, but when it comes to weight loss, dieting and getting to where you want to be with it I would say DO NOT listen to a word your family have to say about it.

It is blatant from what you say that the attitudes they have are bringing you down somewhat, and that upsets me because I also see that you a hella determined to be happy and healthy about your weight.

I am not pro or con gastric bypass, in some cases I do think it's great, a second chance at life and a life saving operation. However a part of me thinks they are the easy way out and that people who get it think that they can be slim and still eat what they want. It's like sometimes I think of myself as a slim person who is being fat. We are all slim people who, at some point has chosen/ let ourselves be fat people. So I/we are now on a journey together to be slim people who are pulling ourselves back to being slim.

So I sometimes feel that those people who have used the GB as a easy quick fix are slim people being fat in a slim body. That is not good. I guess that's similar to your dad, he doesn't eat well, but just because he's not overweight, doesnt mean he's healthy. It's like my 9 stone friend who lives off crisps and pizza. =S

At what point do the pre GB people take responsibility for thier own actions, for what they eat and what they do.

You should look at the motivational before and after journeys on this forum. There are people heavier than your brother and yourself who have lost all thier weight through diet and some through diet and exercise.

You and your brother should get yourselves on here actively, support each other, be supported by a world of people doing it your way, the best way, the right way and the hard way.

You are right in everything you say.

Negitivity only makes you feel negative-why would you want to do that to yourself. Just shrug it off and say "i'm doing it my way!"

You can do it. You really can!!!

Much much love!!

Let's kick fats *kitten*!!!

LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD.
MAINTAINING WEIGHT IS HARD.
BEING OVERWEIGHT IS HARD.

CHOOSE YOUR HARD!?

Wow. First off, OP, congrats on your weight loss and your decision to be healthy, the way that is right for YOU! As a person who has had gbp, I am NOT an advocate for it and think it is NOT the best way to choose to lose weight. The best way for weight loss is decreasing calories and exercise. I also am a firm believer that BMI is not a true picture of a person's health or fitness. I have seen far too many people go into weight loss surgery and never change their eating habits, only to regain some, all or more of the weight than they carried before the surgery. Surgery can only be a tool--and where there are not health issues or extreme reasons for it, the best answer is always to take a look at your lifestyle and began making the changes gradually. Nothing happens overnight, there is no quick fix, there is no magic pill (or surgery!) out there that will make you thin. Only YOU can choose to do that. I chose surgery for health reasons--as a female who is 5'5", my top weight was only 246, but as a type I diabetic on the verge of kidney--who had lost both her mom and sister to the disease--I chose what I did. The surgery has reversed that.
I HATE hearing people push anything on anyone! I don't look at others and say, "Gee...maybe you should consider weight loss surgery." I tell them, and only if they ask, how I changed my life by eating differently, getting rid of processed foods (almost all the time!) and logging every morsel of food that enters through my mouth. I tell them to exercise. No matter what they are able to do! I started off with sitting exercise. I tell them, just get moving. As you lose a couple pounds, you will be able to do more.
For some, surgery may be the answer. But in the end, surgery or no surgery, it all comes down to the same thing. Eat healthy, get moving, sleep well, and live happily. Kudos to anyone who chooses this, regardless of how they do it. And shame to the people who have weight loss surgery and don't change their lifestyle.

lauren3101 · August 2013

I am fairly anti-gastric bypass, basically for the exact reason that you've made apparent in this thread - it doesn't teach you responsibility. Your family will never understand that their weight gain was due to themselves, and they will never learn to have a good relationship with food.

My step-mum has had a gastric bypass recently and is now very happy; she's losing weight, she's finally getting into sizes she hasn't been in since her teens (she's just turned 50) and she's feeling much better - but with the tiny amount of food she actually can eat, she eats kit-kats. She can't even drink the recommend amount of water a day, as it just boats her. Her social life is suffering as she can't go to lunch with friends or out to dinner with her husband. At the moment she's happy, but when she reaches her target weight loss, I think that's a sad way to spend the rest of your life.

You are doing the right thing, IMO. Stick to your guns, and congratulations on not taking the easy way out (in my opinion) and following suit with your family. You must be a strong woman to have to listen to differing opinions on a daily basis and still say no, and you should be proud.

c_tap77 · August 2013

Everyone who has posted so far has made some really great points and has been super supportive (I love this site for that reason)!

I'm not really for or against gastric bypass, but I can see the need for it in certain situations. We've tried to talk my father-in-law into considering the procedure because he's had a hip replacement and can't even walk without being in incredible amounts of pain (which makes it nearly impossible for him to work out). But this is an extreme case and I would say 95 % of the the overweight people I know (MYSELF INCLUDED) are perfectly cabable of making better food choices and adding exercise into their routine.

It's not easy. I haven't been at this very long and there are moments where I really want to give in and get some take-out or skip my workout. And even though I haven't yet, I'm sure I will have bad days where I don't do the things I should. But I think there's a lot to be said for the journey of losing weight and not just the results. I know I'm really looking forward to being able to wear skinny girl clothes and bikinis and all of the things I've never been able to do because I've overweight since I was a teenager. But I think taking the long road to get there is going to make it that much more rewarding and make me that much more motivated to maintain the lifestyle I'm making habitual now so that I don't end up back here.

Also, establishing healthy habits helps with more than just lowering weight

I've seen changes in my blood pressure, cholesterol, and triglicerides since I've started, and I'm not sure that would have happened if it weren't for the change in food and routine.

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you when your family can't relate to the struggles you're experiencing while trying to lose weight, but keep in mind you can always turn to sites like this or other people in your life for support if your family isn't understanding. You are definitely on the right path. Keep your chin up and use this as motivation to show them that it CAN be done without surgery

Best of luck!!!

Kilokato · August 2013

My partner and I have completely opposite bodies, similar tastes, different tolerances but we still manage to share and bonding over food in a good way helps to repair the lack of positive bonding over food that I needed as a kid and young person.

Many things contribute to winning battles against our weight, but ^ THIS ^ is the key to winning the war.

I'm no psychologist, but I'm personally of the belief that most eating disorders are a result of early childhood learned behavior and negative interactions involving food; truly overcoming these disorders (for good) requires complete reprogramming of your emotions involving food. It's not easy - hell, for most people I don't even think it's possible - but it requires a strong support base and the knowledge to change the things that trigger the disorders.

I said it before and I'll say it again, your partner sounds like a keeper. =P

Having somebody there to just be understanding and help you reprogram will make things infinitely easier.

*high five* Exactamondo my friend!! x

*high five *

Kilokato · August 2013

My step-mum has had a gastric bypass recently and is now very happy; she's losing weight, she's finally getting into sizes she hasn't been in since her teens (she's just turned 50) and she's feeling much better - but with the tiny amount of food she actually can eat, she eats kit-kats. She can't even drink the recommend amount of water a day, as it just boats her. Her social life is suffering as she can't go to lunch with friends or out to dinner with her husband. At the moment she's happy, but when she reaches her target weight loss, I think that's a sad way to spend the rest of your life.

I've seen this too. It's sad.

Sometimes it's necessary for some people, but even when GB surgery is the right choice, it's still a hard life.

nashai01 · August 2013

So this post touched me. Congrats on your dedication and your motivation to lose weight a healthy way. I just say continue doing what you are doing especially if it makes you happy.

SublimelyMe · August 2013

I am so overwhelmed at the support for this post and for my decision to not go with the flow of my family.

Thank you ALL.

This morning I felt so confused and even though I know the deal, it's hard not to feel the pressure sometimes and wonder 'maybe I'm not doing the right thing, maybe I should just follow suit' but you've all helped me reaffirm my passion for losing weight the way that it should always happen and that is the natural way (though I accept this is not always an option).

Thank you all, once again. You've made me so happy.

dawnwest1975 · August 2013

The Gastric Bypass can be a great tool if it is used as such. I am pro-weightloss surgery for people who really need it and who use it as a part of the weightloss regime and not as a easy way. Because people who don't actually do the work and who don't follow the program will eventually gain the weight back. Weightloss surgery is not right for everyone but it was right for me and it was not an easy way out. I lost 100 pounds on my own before I had the surgery and have lost an additional 127 pounds since haing the surgery 9 months ago. I can tell you from experience that I am working a lot harder now, putting in a lot more time at the gym, than I did pre-op. I am using mine as the tool it was desgined to be. I eat right and exercise, this is no easy way out. I still have 80 pounds left to lose and it is going to take a lot more hard work to get that remaining weight off. For me the surgery hasn't changed my life....I have. Do I have issues with head hunger? Absolutely! I am going to counseling for that for help. We all have our own weightloss journey to follow. What is most important is that we choose to follow that works best for each individual. Don't ever let anyone influence you against what you feel is the best path for you to follow.

candylilacs · August 2013

I think, as dawnwest1975 has shown, gastric bypass (or lap band or whatever) can work if it's viewed as part of an overall lifestyle change. My dear friend had the lap band done at 350 and then began researching nutrition, working out and changing her life for the better. (She also had a full-body tuck, too, which was needed a lot, too after a huge weight loss.) She's very happy with it and I can't say that it was a bad decision for her. She's now hovering around 130-135 six years later.

However, I also know of people who basically regained all their weight because they didn't view it as an overall lifestyle change. There's also been research that it also doubles your rate of alcoholism -- personally, I think this is because compulsive overeating was a way (albeit unhealthy) to deal with stress. Without that, they turn to alcohol -- also an unhealthy way to cope --as a way to deal with life's stress.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that whatever you choose, you can't skip past the realization of how you got here/there/this weight and a severe lifestyle change. You have to be emotionally and psychologically ready. You're there already and it's working.

I'd just tell my family that it's great it worked for them, but you've decided to do it differently. Not going through elective surgery is actually a fairly wise decision. Surgery should only be a last-ditch effort -- there's a lot of things that can go wrong, so I'd hope your family could understand that!

Gastric bypass vs traditional weightloss

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