Upset that I was shamed by a *family* member about food

So, I have to tell a bit of a back story. I'm going to be as brief as possible.

This past May, I earned my Master's Degree and had to move back in with my mom in my hometown. Even if I adjuncted a full-time load both Fall and Spring, and picked up 2 summer classes to teach in the summer, I could expect to earn somewhere between $10,000 and $12,000 per year. This is obviously not enough to live on. So in order to adjunct to get the teaching experience I need to be a stronger candidate for a full-time position, I had to accept moving back in with my mom (herself a widow) at the age of 30. Not a pleasant reality.

So, I take Ambien CR, and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night feeling goofy and eat some food late at night. It doesn't happen very often, but the Ambien was not true "Ambien eating" in the sense that I couldn't remember it the next day. I could. And I was still aware that I was making a choice to eat when I woke up at night. It's just that feeling kind of stoned on Ambien makes me think that a little bit of sweets sounds really good at the moment (these are constantly available in the form of PB & J sandwiches and a frequently stored batch of rice crispy treats (etc) [and also not my choice or preference for commonly stocked foods].

The wave of judgment, concern, and questions I get on these questions has been immense. At least half a dozen times the next day, my mom has asked "If [ I ] want [her] to 'stop' me if I'm eating late at night." I know very quickly that this would only cause more problems (such as, this essentially involves guilting me over my food choices late at night). Every time she asked if I wanted her to "provide" this "service," I said it would not be helpful.

So two nights ago, I cave into temptation. She is at the top of the stairs and says, rather sternly, "Dave, your AMBIEN eating! Stop!

At this point, I have to consider for a moment how to express how this statement is *not okay* with me. So I think for a moment, and say, "Mom, I don't want you to be the food police around here."

Her response, "Fine! Eat as much as you like then!" And then she goes to bed.

The next day, I find out that she is mad at me for this exchange. She said I was incredibly rude to her. I reviewed the conversation. It turned out, she felt she was being very delicate about the situation. She didn't recall saying, "Fine, eat as much as you like," but it "sounded like" she might have said that, but didn't recall exactly. I also raised the point that on several occasions, she had asked me during the day if I wanted her to stop me when I ate late at night. I had always told her that doing that would not be helpful at all. Now, all of a sudden, she doesn't remember asking that several times. She only remembers saying it once.

I tell her she essentially shamed me about food and this was not something I wanted. If I wanted to be shamed about my eating habits, I would have tried to join The Biggest Loser. I can see that she is seething with anger with her belief that she was treated rudely last night. I literally only said, "Mom, I do not want you to be the food police around here." And I said it with all the consideration I could muster, which was actually quite considerable. In fact, if she wanted to claim that her tone was delicate, then it's hard to explain how this was her goal with the comment, "Fine! Eat as much as you like!" Consider this was her response after I said one sentence. This was not a lecture or a paragraph response she got. It was one, carefully worded statement that said I didn't appreciate being shamed about eating late at night.

This issue has not been resolved. But I just have to let it go. She has said, in anger, that she will never make any statement again if I am raiding the fridge late at night. In reality, I would be too ashamed to cross the barrier to the kitchen in search of food after bedtime at this point. In fact, I made a little sign last night to hang on my door (after bed) that says, "Do you really want to be shamed about eating again?" The idea is, I'd have to see this sign and take it off to get past the door knob. I'm never going to let her know about the sign, but I think she has very little idea of how her statements were actually perceived. And even, how that perception of her statements was actually quite understandable. I remember asking her the next day to, "consider how I myself might have felt about what she said." Her only concern the next day was how she was treated in my one sentence statement about food police.

This living arrangement is hopefully not going to last past a year or two. But I have to say that I don't appreciate being guilted about food. I've lost a lot of weight, but on occasion I screw up my program. I don't need others to shame me when this happens. My family has struggled to lose weight. I have worked hard, but my work has paid off. To date, I've lost 110 pounds since the beginning of my weightloss journey. My brother and mom struggle and yo-yo over the same 10 pounds when they are 40 pounds overweight. I had more to lose, but I've managed healthy lifestyle changes that are permanent, as opposed to temporary diet restrictions.

I just had to vent, because I've had no one to share this with. I'm still upset about this treatment, but she is clueless. And if I communicated how bothered I was and am, I would probably get a pretty negative response very quickly. . .