Family issue

fangmouse
fangmouse Posts: 119
in Motivation and Support
Hi guys.

Lately as I've been trying to lead a healthier lifestyle by eating healthily and exercising, ive gotten a lot of unnecessary commentary by my relatives like, "you seem to be getting bigger, especially at your butt after eating healthily and exercise. Maybe you should stop eating"

I don't know if it is meant to be rude, but I'm really frustrated because I'm currently trying to make a lifestyle change and there's bound to be mistakes here and there. I'm not perfect but I don't ever give up. Their comments really hurt me because it makes me fell like I'm a problem that needs to be fixed. I'm a problem that THEY need to fix. Firstly, not to be mean but they are not even in shape. They don't even exercise??

What's worse is that I have battled with anorexia and depression for the longest time ever and their comments just crush me so badly.

My grandma comments on this the most. When I eat a meal, if I just eat half a portion, she will say, 'why are you eating so little? What's your problem?'

When I eat a slightly bigger portion but still less than the typical amount, she will say, 'wow you're eating so much no wonder you are fat'.

What in the world is that?

When I ignore her comments, she will act like a child and won't even talk to me for ages. Seriously? I don't even know what to do anymore? I have been getting suicidal thoughts and it is all because of my sensitivity to those comments. Help me :(

Edit: thanks guys I really appreciate the comments :') yes I'm 18 this year and I can't move out yet, that's for sure. In my country, people don't usually get to move out until they get married due to the country's space Constraints and clearly I'm not getting married anytime soon. I'm not even done with university yet! But I've been getting such abuse since I was young and it really sucks :'(

Replies

  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    :cry: :frown:
    My grandma comments on this the most. When I eat a meal, if I just eat half a portion, she will say, 'why are you eating so little? What's your problem?'

    When I eat a slightly bigger portion but still less than the typical amount, she will say, 'wow you're eating so much no wonder you are fat'.

    This would confuse me, and imagining it being said to an 18 year old is making me cry.
  • Panda_Rolls
    Panda_Rolls Posts: 101 Member
    So sorry you are having to go through that. I would guess that if you are exercising regularly your butt may in fact have gotten bigger, but in a good way!
    Do you live with your family? Is there any way you can move out? My dad is similarly assy, I found that once I moved out it was a lot easier to deal with. People seem to love to criticize others without taking a good hard look at themselves first.
    Can you talk to a professional about your suicidal thoughts and past eating disorder? It sounds like it's a bit much to handle on your own, especially with your family being so unsupportive. I really hope you get some things worked out.
  • cwaters120
    cwaters120 Posts: 354 Member
    May I say family are some of the rudest I have encountered in my journey? My Grandpa is the worst of them all, commenting on how it doesnt' look like I've been losing, my butt still looks big, whats the point if I'm not losing it faster, and so on and so on. It hurts. No gonna lie. It sucks and its rude- why deny the comments are horrible and make me feel awful? BUT I have come to the conclusion they aren't happy with themselves and are going to try to derail you if they can. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION THAT THIS IS FOR YOU, for YOUR health, and that you are going to do this NO MATTER THE COMMENTS. Once I came to the (very difficult) decision that I needed to do this for me, regardless of the comments, it became easier. If there were comments about how little I was eating or WHAT I was eating, I just said "I'm not too hungry right now". If it came down to the comments on how much I was eating (and those were his favorite - even if it was tossed salad), "I didn't eat breakfast" or "working out built up an appetite" or anything that came to mind. Do they still hurt? Yeah, but not as badly. Can you just ignore them? You can. If your grandma acts like a child, so be it. I know it sounds mean, but if she can't be adult about your wanting to be healthy, she can go pout in a corner. I have ignored my grandpa's comments, he acts pissy for a bit and moves on. Your grandma WILL get over it - and at some point she will stop.

    have you tried talking to them? Letting them know how important this is to you? If its so bad you are having suicidal thoughts, you need to speak with someone - NOT family unless they are supportive. While the whole situation is difficult, its NOT impossible. If you keep with your journey, when you start getting results, I bet MOST (not all- that's too much to ask of some) will evaporate, I bet.

    :flowerforyou:
  • Wilhellmina
    Wilhellmina Posts: 757 Member
    UHHHHH family and dieting *roles eyes*. They say you should share it as much as possible to get support, but I always notice the exact opposite. Luckily for me I got my intolerances and the doctor prescribed me a health food diet, else the nagging would have driven me mad. I really can understand some people fake an allergy, just to get rid of the unsuportive comments, but sad it is. It's just for them to accept and respect your choices in life!
  • andiechick
    andiechick Posts: 916 Member
    I'm not surprised you've had issues with food with comments like that. Are your family overweight? Maybe they are jealous that you're making positive changes to your health.

    Whatever the reason, try not to let their negative comments get to you (easier said than done, I know) but just keep telling yourself that you're making these changes for you so you can lead a long and healthy life and hopefully once they see you're serious with your journey they'll stop being *****y with you xx
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
    Jeolous and nasty old bag!

    are you able to leave home at all???!
  • joe2626
    joe2626 Posts: 123 Member
    I come from a family of active, healthy individuals. My dad goes to the gym twice a day and, for a 60-something-year-old, he's in good shape. My mother is also lean and goes to Zumba and pilates. My brother is a county-level rugby player with six-pack abs. I was the only fat member of the family. I used to get all kinds of rude comments from them throughout my weight-loss. On my rest days from the gym i'd get, "Oh, not going to bother with the gym today? Yeah, why make the effort eh?". Then when I eat at TDEE -20%, my dad says, "Christ...you're eating alot. I can't believe how much food you're eating!" and other similar comments to the ones you've received.

    Although she may choose to act belligerently when you ignore her hurtful comments, it really is the only thing you can do. You aren't undergoing this process for her, it's for you so it's only your thoughts that should matter. It's easy to let her poisonous words demotivate you but I reckon if you create yourself a group of supportive friends on here, log your food and exercise and they'll be all the support-network you need until your Grandma is ready to be supportive herself.

    Best of luck :)

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