Fight with Boyfriend
lee112780
Posts: 419 Member
I have gained about 40 lbs since I have been with my bf, but I gained it in the past yr due to medical conditions. A) I couldnt work out and 
I was very very depressed about my condition and was in the ER a bunch of times. I really didnt care much about losing weight at that point. Anyway, enough with the excuses. John had been supportive since he doesnt get on my case about the weight gain or whatever. But the other day he bought home doritos, candy and full fat popcorn. He KNOWS I am really bad with snacks, I have no control. We have been through this a million times. So today he mentions that I ate all the candy...and I DIDNT. It too keverything I HAD not to eat thet candy. I had a few peices, but he was the one thaat finished it. I think he is a little confused on what support means. I said go buy a small snack if you want one, but I cant be trusted with snacks in the house like that. Anyways, got mad at him over candy thing and dint talk to him for a few hrs. Stupid thing o fight over, but he really needs to step it up too. He does not need to eat that crap either. He goes on and on about how we are gonna do it together but I am the one who cooks the meals, and does the food shopping, he only brings junk home, and brings me out drinkin...how is this helping me?
I was very very depressed about my condition and was in the ER a bunch of times. I really didnt care much about losing weight at that point. Anyway, enough with the excuses. John had been supportive since he doesnt get on my case about the weight gain or whatever. But the other day he bought home doritos, candy and full fat popcorn. He KNOWS I am really bad with snacks, I have no control. We have been through this a million times. So today he mentions that I ate all the candy...and I DIDNT. It too keverything I HAD not to eat thet candy. I had a few peices, but he was the one thaat finished it. I think he is a little confused on what support means. I said go buy a small snack if you want one, but I cant be trusted with snacks in the house like that. Anyways, got mad at him over candy thing and dint talk to him for a few hrs. Stupid thing o fight over, but he really needs to step it up too. He does not need to eat that crap either. He goes on and on about how we are gonna do it together but I am the one who cooks the meals, and does the food shopping, he only brings junk home, and brings me out drinkin...how is this helping me? 0
Replies
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My husband was the same way. He found out his cholesterol was through the roof and he wouldn't be around forever if he kept drinking all the time and eating crap. He had to change. Maybe you need to get your boyfriend into the doctor and find out his health issues. This isn't anything he can do for someone else. It has to be something he does for himself. It's taken me about 5 years to get my husband on track, but now that he finally is, he's insane about it. Try to find a reason to get him to do it for himself. Once he does, he can be there for you too.
Good luck!
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I have rules with my family. I buy a certain small amount of junk for the house (mostly stuff I don't like) and, if they want more, they have to buy it themselves AND they have to consume it off the premises! (Or at least where I don't know about it or see it.)
They aren't 100% on the last one but they keep it down to a level I can tolerate.0 -
actually, a yr ago, he DID have high Cholesterol, he went to the DR recently but has not taken the blood test. I went to the Doc and he said my choloesterol is excellent, that my good chol. is higher than my bad!! I was happy to hear that. I just want him to understand that I really dont have control, and I cant have snacks like that in the house. He can have a little and walk away but I cant at his point. :sad:0
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One word "Shakeology"!0
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Seriously, guys just dont get it! Luckily, my boyfriend hates shopping so that helps with the situation. But he "encourages" me to eat junk food and it makes me so mad. Ive told him over and over again that I need his help to do this.0
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DO NOT make this a guy thing..... I do all the shopping for food and encourage exercise. There is no junk food in the house. Only lean meats, fish, veggies, healthy microwave dinners, nuts, PB, multigrain bread, crackers, and fresh fruit. She is the one that drags me out to go drinking. She gets mad too cause I always am able to stay under my calories. I did solicit sushi last night, but it is not bad for you at least the kind that I get(nothing fried, just fish, veggies, and rice). A little high in the calorie department, but as far as food goes, you can do way worse. I actually got thanked today for the first time :-). She said that she hasnt felt this good in years,if ever, since we started the healthy eating (it's not a diet, it is a lifestyle change) and exercise.0
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I have gained about 40 lbs since I have been with my bf, but I gained it in the past yr due to medical conditions. A) I couldnt work out and I was very very depressed about my condition and was in the ER a bunch of times. I really didnt care much about losing weight at that point. Anyway, enough with the excuses. John had been supportive since he doesnt get on my case about the weight gain or whatever. But the other day he bought home doritos, candy and full fat popcorn. He KNOWS I am really bad with snacks, I have no control. We have been through this a million times. So today he mentions that I ate all the candy...and I DIDNT. It too keverything I HAD not to eat thet candy. I had a few peices, but he was the one thaat finished it. I think he is a little confused on what support means. I said go buy a small snack if you want one, but I cant be trusted with snacks in the house like that. Anyways, got mad at him over candy thing and dint talk to him for a few hrs. Stupid thing o fight over, but he really needs to step it up too. He does not need to eat that crap either. He goes on and on about how we are gonna do it together but I am the one who cooks the meals, and does the food shopping, he only brings junk home, and brings me out drinkin...how is this helping me?
It sounds to me like he just proved to you that you can only rely on yourself to get something done. If he wants to get junk food for him, fine. I would revel in the fact that you are going to be making healthier choices for you. If you don't want to go drinking then tell tell him you don't want to. I am married, but I buy alot of my stuff seperately, because Billy isn't willing to take the plunge yet, and I get what's healthy for me.0 -
Hi, people who love us dearly, can't cope with change. They have been used to having us a certain way for so long, when new changes start to happen it unbalances them for a time, and the usual reaction is to try and get you to become the person they once knew. I joined OA 10 years ago and decided I had to live without certain trigger foods, for me they were chocolate and most sugar. My husband tried his hardest to help support me, but within days/weeks he was back eating the foods in front of me and offering me some. Of course, it gave him mixed signals when I caved in and accepted at times.
What I did was stuck to my guns, tried not to give mixed messages (telling him I'm adstaining and then not abstaining), and lots of communication, communication, communication. I explained to him, certain foods make me feel unwell, make me react in a certain way (usually depression), and I'm doing this to make myself feel better. Its not deprivation its life changing for you, and something thats very important. Keep at it, it does get easier, and once they see positive changes won't want the old you back!!0 -
DO NOT make this a guy thing..... I do all the shopping for food and encourage exercise. There is no junk food in the house. Only lean meats, fish, veggies, healthy microwave dinners, nuts, PB, multigrain bread, crackers, and fresh fruit. She is the one that drags me out to go drinking. She gets mad too cause I always am able to stay under my calories. I did solicit sushi last night, but it is not bad for you at least the kind that I get(nothing fried, just fish, veggies, and rice). A little high in the calorie department, but as far as food goes, you can do way worse. I actually got thanked today for the first time :-). She said that she hasnt felt this good in years,if ever, since we started the healthy eating (it's not a diet, it is a lifestyle change) and exercise.
I wish I could get my husband to eat like that, he loves anything fried and fast food.0 -
It's so hard to get our loved ones to do what we are doing.0
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I have gained about 40 lbs since I have been with my bf, but I gained it in the past yr due to medical conditions. A) I couldnt work out and I was very very depressed about my condition and was in the ER a bunch of times. I really didnt care much about losing weight at that point. Anyway, enough with the excuses. John had been supportive since he doesnt get on my case about the weight gain or whatever. But the other day he bought home doritos, candy and full fat popcorn. He KNOWS I am really bad with snacks, I have no control. We have been through this a million times. So today he mentions that I ate all the candy...and I DIDNT. It too keverything I HAD not to eat thet candy. I had a few peices, but he was the one thaat finished it. I think he is a little confused on what support means. I said go buy a small snack if you want one, but I cant be trusted with snacks in the house like that. Anyways, got mad at him over candy thing and dint talk to him for a few hrs. Stupid thing o fight over, but he really needs to step it up too. He does not need to eat that crap either. He goes on and on about how we are gonna do it together but I am the one who cooks the meals, and does the food shopping, he only brings junk home, and brings me out drinkin...how is this helping me?
It sounds to me like he just proved to you that you can only rely on yourself to get something done. If he wants to get junk food for him, fine. I would revel in the fact that you are going to be making healthier choices for you. If you don't want to go drinking then tell tell him you don't want to. I am married, but I buy alot of my stuff seperately, because Billy isn't willing to take the plunge yet, and I get what's healthy for me.
I agree. you did indulge in some, but you said you were able to resist. that's the important part. as your body changes and adjusts to the healthy food the other stuff will begin to taste bad... and even if it doesn't your ability to do portion control will.
The other part she's right on you don't have to go eveywhere with him. I know what its like to want to be with him all the time. my husband is military and works swing shift. So when he's home I see him on the weekends when he's gone, well.. he's gone. So I want to spend all the time I can with him. But that doesn't mean I have to go everywhere with him. I usually skip the going away parties they have for his coworkers. But he goes and I drive so he doesn't have to worry about getting home. You could even use that as an excuse to not drink if you do want to go, that your driving and thus can't drink and stick to water all night, or something.0 -
I guess I am lucky! If you look in my cabinets and freezer you would never guess I was changing eatting habits. There are pop tarts, DS Oreos, sweet gooey granola bars, Klondyke bars, ice cream, Ice Pops, and other assorted not so good stuff! My boyfriend eats the stuff. I am fine with it in the house. If he wants fast food he doesn't bring it home...by his choice. I guess it is a mental thing....I look at it as HIS food, not mine. I don't touch it unless it is to put it in his lunch for work (at his request). Yes he is a skinny one with a high metabolism. Now on the other hand, the fridge is MY stash. It is stuffed with lean meats, vegies and fruits. I KNOW he won't filch mine.0
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I guess I am lucky! If you look in my cabinets and freezer you would never guess I was changing eatting habits. There are pop tarts, DS Oreos, sweet gooey granola bars, Klondyke bars, ice cream, Ice Pops, and other assorted not so good stuff! My boyfriend eats the stuff. I am fine with it in the house. If he wants fast food he doesn't bring it home...by his choice. I guess it is a mental thing....I look at it as HIS food, not mine. I don't touch it unless it is to put it in his lunch for work (at his request). Yes he is a skinny one with a high metabolism. Now on the other hand, the fridge is MY stash. It is stuffed with lean meats, vegies and fruits. I KNOW he won't filch mine.
I'm fine with junk in the house too. I can go ahead and eat all the healthies. I do it for me, and I feel better about myself.0 -
I started a thread on this topic just yesterday, saying I think we shouldn't have to toss out everybody else's junk food so we can have control over ours. If you do the shopping and cook the meals, you have all the control in the world over what goes in your mouth. It may seem daunting, but you CAN control yourself without having to control your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to get on board and do this with you, don't let that keep you from doing it yourself. A couple of things that have helped me are: 1) If there's something you know you have a hard time stopping eating once you start, don't take that first bite; and 2) Keep yourself filled up on healthy foods. It is SO much easier to make bad decisions and lose control if you let yourself get too hungry in the first place. In the long run, if you learn to live with the temptations around you, it will make you that much stronger. It really does get easier. You just have to make the commitment to yourself and stick to it. You're worth it!0
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You know, until a person reaches the point that they are willing and wanting to be healthy, you really can't force them to be. Also, it seems to be human nature to resist change in those we love, because "will they still love me when they are changed?"
He could possibly be a little insecure about the idea of you changing so many things in your life, so try to reassure him about that and give him a break about his eating habits for a while. If you lead with a good example and he sees that you are happy with that and feel better, he'll probably follow pretty soon.
Also remember that no one can force you to eat anything. When you are tempted to eat something bad, think about how you feel after you eat it. The bad emotions, the guilt, the upset stomach, whatever just concentrate on that bad feeling before you ever get the first bite in your mouth.
You're doing a great job! Keep it up!0 -
I guess I am lucky! If you look in my cabinets and freezer you would never guess I was changing eatting habits. There are pop tarts, DS Oreos, sweet gooey granola bars, Klondyke bars, ice cream, Ice Pops, and other assorted not so good stuff! My boyfriend eats the stuff. I am fine with it in the house. If he wants fast food he doesn't bring it home...by his choice. I guess it is a mental thing....I look at it as HIS food, not mine. I don't touch it unless it is to put it in his lunch for work (at his request). Yes he is a skinny one with a high metabolism. Now on the other hand, the fridge is MY stash. It is stuffed with lean meats, vegies and fruits. I KNOW he won't filch mine.
My house looks the same. I do most of the grocery shopping, buying healthy foods (veggies, whole grains, lean meats), but my husband will go out and buy food he wants to snack on or pack in his lunch (sugary granola bars, chips, pop tarts). That's HIS food. The other day he asked if I would get him some pop tarts while I was at the store. I told him, "I don't feel comfortable buying you that crap. Is there something else healthier you can substitute?" I think it actually made him think twice about eating them.
Anyway, my point is, YOU have control about what you choose to fuel your body with. Only YOU can make the decision what to eat. If your boyfriend brings home junk, make sure you have enough tasty healthy snacks to eat so you're not tempted. It's tough to be healthy, takes a lot of hard work and planning, but if you really want it, you'll make the effort.0 -
You know, until a person reaches the point that they are willing and wanting to be healthy, you really can't force them to be. Also, it seems to be human nature to resist change in those we love, because "will they still love me when they are changed?"
He could possibly be a little insecure about the idea of you changing so many things in your life, so try to reassure him about that and give him a break about his eating habits for a while. If you lead with a good example and he sees that you are happy with that and feel better, he'll probably follow pretty soon.
Also remember that no one can force you to eat anything. When you are tempted to eat something bad, think about how you feel after you eat it. The bad emotions, the guilt, the upset stomach, whatever just concentrate on that bad feeling before you ever get the first bite in your mouth.
You're doing a great job! Keep it up!
I agree completely with this statement, Unless he is ready to change you cant make him, just do what is in your power to help change you. He might follow along later, or he might not. You just have to be strong and do what you know is right.
He/She who controls the grocery shopping has the power. If you do all the shopping and dont buy junk then he has to go out of his way to buy junk and eat it. Also you can tell him if he does buy junk, not to eat it in front of you. He should respect this if he knows that you are sincere. If he doesnt respect the fact that you want to change for the better then you need to sit him down and have a nice little talk about mutual respect.
As far as the drinking goes. It is really not that bad for you as long as you dont go do it all the time. If you know that he is gonna want to go out drinking that day. Do some extra exercise to make up for the added calories that you will consume that night. I like to go exercise the morning after. As much as I dont feel like it, I feel alot better after I do.It actually heps get me out of the funk. Just make sure to drink lots of water before you go, and a little excedrin helps if you have the hangover headache.0 -
You know, until a person reaches the point that they are willing and wanting to be healthy, you really can't force them to be. Also, it seems to be human nature to resist change in those we love, because "will they still love me when they are changed?"
He could possibly be a little insecure about the idea of you changing so many things in your life, so try to reassure him about that and give him a break about his eating habits for a while. If you lead with a good example and he sees that you are happy with that and feel better, he'll probably follow pretty soon.
Also remember that no one can force you to eat anything. When you are tempted to eat something bad, think about how you feel after you eat it. The bad emotions, the guilt, the upset stomach, whatever just concentrate on that bad feeling before you ever get the first bite in your mouth.
You're doing a great job! Keep it up!
I agree completely with this statement, Unless he is ready to change you cant make him, just do what is in your power to help change you. He might follow along later, or he might not. You just have to be strong and do what you know is right.
He/She who controls the grocery shopping has the power. If you do all the shopping and dont buy junk then he has to go out of his way to buy junk and eat it. Also you can tell him if he does buy junk, not to eat it in front of you. He should respect this if he knows that you are sincere. If he doesnt respect the fact that you want to change for the better then you need to sit him down and have a nice little talk about mutual respect.
As far as the drinking goes. It is really not that bad for you as long as you dont go do it all the time. If you know that he is gonna want to go out drinking that day. Do some extra exercise to make up for the added calories that you will consume that night. I like to go exercise the morning after. As much as I dont feel like it, I feel alot better after I do.It actually heps get me out of the funk. Just make sure to drink lots of water before you go, and a little excedrin helps if you have the hangover headache.
Agreed! It really boils down to respect. That should be non negotiable. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
1: my husband may eat snacks but he eats them away from the house.
2: my before fat photo is taped to the snack cabinet
3: tell him that you need his help.0 -
I maybe the only one to say this but He is his own person he can eat whatever he wants regardless of what you can't trust yourself not to eat. My house has snacks in it for the kids and my husband but I just don't eat it- My husband is a huge junk food junkie too he doesn't like anything that even seems healthy. This is my choice to eat better and workout not his. He is also very supportive of me. You can be supportive of someone without having to follow in their footsteps.0
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Thanks everyone! We had a long talk about it and reached an agreement. I do the shopping, so most of the time, the junk is not in the house. However, lately he has been coming with me and throwing junk food in the cart when Im not looking ( hm...is this child like or what?!). Anyways, I said it would make things much easier on me if he got small portions of the snack he wants, and finish them, so it's not lingering around. Like today, I bought him a single serving of browniw..I think they are made from Dunkin Heinz.
It tough, I new to this whole thing. I never lived with a guy before and it seems like I am trying to get him to like my food so much, that I am losing track of what is keeping me healthy.
As for anyone that can have junk in the house, I hope I can get to that point one day, but as for now, It makes things much harder than they need to be. This does not mean I am controling him, or I need him to lose weight with me. He can eat whatver he wants when Im not around, not up to me. But, Im not cooking crap, and Im not buying crap either.0 -
and that is the best way to deal with it. no matter what any of us say, we are not in your situation nor do we know you or your relationship with him.
You guys came to an agreement thats great, that shows he is supportive of what you are doing. Sometimes its easy to lose focus of the goal if its not your own (which its not his). Sounds like you have a good line of communication open so good job.
So keep up the good work. You have the drive and the determination, the rest comes with practice.
) 0 -
Thanks everyone!! You help shed some light on the subject 0
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2: my before fat photo is taped to the snack cabinet
LoL
Some discouragement! :laugh:0 -
I guess I am really lucky. I work nights and live in a less than safe area to to much going out in the evenings for shopping. So he typically takes care of the shopping. For us, sunday's are the day that the shopping is done and that morning before I go to bed we set up the list. Basically he has the power to get whatever he wants at the store, but we work it out together. Some things he changed to make our evening meal together healthier but as far as lunch's and snacks go, its mine and his stuff. Over the past several months though, he has really started adapting in my changes to his lunch's and snacks.
Self Control is possibly one the hardest aspects of this entire change. I still stand beside that if there is something you really want, you should have it. You have to learn not to binge and act in moderation of those actions. As a reminder of what I can do, I still have 3 cans of Mt. Dew in the fridge from the day I swore off soda when I started... I know that they are well past expired at this point but to me, I conquered my greatest weakness. You can do just about anything if you put your mind to it. And the soda thing taught me one thing... I was just being lazy because soda was easier, not better.0 -
I guess I am really lucky. I work nights and live in a less than safe area to to much going out in the evenings for shopping. So he typically takes care of the shopping. For us, sunday's are the day that the shopping is done and that morning before I go to bed we set up the list. Basically he has the power to get whatever he wants at the store, but we work it out together. Some things he changed to make our evening meal together healthier but as far as lunch's and snacks go, its mine and his stuff. Over the past several months though, he has really started adapting in my changes to his lunch's and snacks.
Self Control is possibly one the hardest aspects of this entire change. I still stand beside that if there is something you really want, you should have it. You have to learn not to binge and act in moderation of those actions. As a reminder of what I can do, I still have 3 cans of Mt. Dew in the fridge from the day I swore off soda when I started... I know that they are well past expired at this point but to me, I conquered my greatest weakness. You can do just about anything if you put your mind to it. And the soda thing taught me one thing... I was just being lazy because soda was easier, not better.
Yes, You are right! I WANT to be able to have a little bit of a fattening snack, and then be able to put it away. I need to learn motivation. But I have to ease into it I think. How did u do it?0 -
I have a slightly different problem - my husband does the main shopping because he drives and I don't, and he buys all the main groceries, meat, and vegetables for the family. I buy my own supplies for work day lunches - light bread, wafer thin ham, lowfat cheese slices, cherry tomatoes, apples, cereal bars,and low calorie cup-a-soups - and every morning, I find MY bread is in the toaster, my cereal bars have been devoured, the apples have all gone etc:sad:0
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REALLY?! hehe well, atleast he is being healthy. The apples remind me of the time me and bf went food shopping, and we didnt have a lot of money. He was buying a case of beer, and he says " We are really low on cash hun, do you REALLY need those apples?" I yelled at him in front of everyone LOLI have a slightly different problem - my husband does the main shopping because he drives and I don't, and he buys all the main groceries, meat, and vegetables for the family. I buy my own supplies for work day lunches - light bread, wafer thin ham, lowfat cheese slices, cherry tomatoes, apples, cereal bars,and low calorie cup-a-soups - and every morning, I find MY bread is in the toaster, my cereal bars have been devoured, the apples have all gone etc:sad:0 -
I would have yelled too!!!
And I would have probably quoted the nutritional content of the beer compared to the apples just to make my point!:bigsmile:0 -
In my opinion, keeping the junk out of the house is not a good idea if that is what he wants... temptation is everywhere as there are fast food joints on every corner, delivery, gas station candies, etc... learning to maintain your healthy lifestyle with it in your home is realistic unless he is willing to change. I buy junk for my husband and kids but we also model good eating habits for them and now they are starting to chose different snacks sometimes. I have found that I can better avoid those temptations by making it a choice for me and not a flat out restriction. I run the show about what goes in my mouth- food does not control me anymore. I can eat it if I want it- but it isn't worthy of MY taste buds. :laugh:0
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