Tired of the negative energy!

nalia08
nalia08 Posts: 252
edited September 21 in Motivation and Support
I'm and tired and fustrated with the fact that most of the people I know keep telling me I don't need to loose any weight because I look fine! I have lost 9 lbs and have 4 more to go. Do they not understand that is why I look fine. They always question me about it when they see me instead of telling me I look good! Why are they some people so unsupportive? What's wrong with me wanting to feel good about the way I look and how I fit into my clothes?

On top of that my boyfriend family doesn't like when I come over and don't eat the big meals they make! They all eat a spoonful of each item and say they are full! WTH! Yet, they keep trying to get me to eat everything. Will they just stop!!!! Does anyone else have this problem with other people?

Replies

  • raelbee
    raelbee Posts: 219 Member
    Yes :) You have to do this for you, and shut the negative voices out.

    I've been experiencing this with one person in my life...and it drives me crazy. My boss is super thin and fit, yet she keeps expressing concern over my weight loss. It makes me feel very self-conscious and GUILTY about all of the hard work, determination and drive I've put into achieving these results. I hate it. It feels like she's taking something away from how good I now feel about myself. i need to keep telling myself that I'm healthy and finally happy with myself. And I can't let someone else take that away from me.

    Same goes for you! You are doing this for yourself, so the opinion that matters the most should be yours! People are going to have to adjust to the changes in your life - both in the way you look and how you approach food. They aren't the ones that have to live with the way you look and feel.

    Stay strong :)
  • vkpmusic
    vkpmusic Posts: 343 Member
    raelbee: Next time your boss says something say "Don't worry, I'm not aenorexic or anything. I've just discussed it with my dr and I'm following his orders to keep myself healthy for the next 30 years. " People often back off when they think you are under a dr's care, Or, you can tell them the truth: "I am working really hard at getting healthy. It makes me feel like you don't support my accomplishments when you say things like this." It may be that, even though she's thin, she doesn't feel good about herself. It makes her feel good that she is the skinniest. You drop weight and she no longer has that to fall back on.

    Nalia: Just make your plate and tell them you are doing this to live a long and healthy life and it's not that you don't love the food...you just don't want it to kill you later in life.
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
    I'm so there with you girl!! Except for a very brief time in college, I've always been an overweight girl until now. The problem I'm starting to have is jealousy coming from some of my previously very supportive friends. I feel like they have supported me, unless I start to become thinner than them. I've looked introspectively too and there is no change in my personality toward them, so I know it's just pure jealousy. I hate it because amongst all the positive going on in my life finally, I feel like certain support systems are trying to bring me down. My sister in law, who I really like and get along with is starting to get very competitive with me and spiteful, purely because of her own insecurities. I'm just having to get a thicker skin and not let it bring me down because I'm too well on my way to let it tear down my successes. Stay strong girl and good luck!
  • beautyqueen1979
    beautyqueen1979 Posts: 151 Member
    Just don't listen to others.

    There are a few of my friends who have told me I am crazy for trying to lose 60lbs, as there would be nothing left of me....ehhh, there would be 150lbs left of me since I started at 213lbs. I think part of the issue with my old/close friends is that I have been overweight since I was a child and no one (not even me) knows what I would look like at 150lbs. I think it is the fear of the unknown.

    However, the most annoying comments I am getting are from those telling me I am 'fading' or 'wasting' away and they are 'worried'. Come on, I am now at 198lbs - there is no wastage here. And it's not like I am doing this unhealthily, I have lost 15lbs since the end of June - so it's been slow and steady, not due to a couple of weeks of starvation.

    I just wish people could be encouraging with their comments when they notice my weight loss, rather than express concern. As much as this also shows me they care for my health, it's not exactly making me feel good seeing them with a worried/scared expression on their face rather than a smile.

    BUT! I do have a couple of friends who are crazy/super supportive and know how much this means to me and how hard I am working to do this right for the first time. And my awesome MFP friends. I love those guys :)
  • DigitalRain
    DigitalRain Posts: 45
    I sometimes feel you have to consider the REAL reason people say these things.
  • Dawn_2013
    Dawn_2013 Posts: 170
    Surround yourself with people who love you, encourage and support you, and the rest of the time you have to spend with people who try to sabotage you, are jealous, or just plain insensitive you can remember that the true people in your life have your back. :flowerforyou:

    At the end of the day, nobodys opinon counts more than yours, and you are not going back just to shut them up and make them confortable. :noway: In the end they have to accept this is a real change in you, although I assume it is more about them focusing on you rather than addressing things in their own lives they are avoiding changing.

    Here is a quote I LOVE. Enjoy!! :love: http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/


    1545205.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter
  • Aeriel
    Aeriel Posts: 864 Member
    I'm so there with you girl!! Except for a very brief time in college, I've always been an overweight girl until now. The problem I'm starting to have is jealousy coming from some of my previously very supportive friends. I feel like they have supported me, unless I start to become thinner than them. I've looked introspectively too and there is no change in my personality toward them, so I know it's just pure jealousy. I hate it because amongst all the positive going on in my life finally, I feel like certain support systems are trying to bring me down. My sister in law, who I really like and get along with is starting to get very competitive with me and spiteful, purely because of her own insecurities. I'm just having to get a thicker skin and not let it bring me down because I'm too well on my way to let it tear down my successes. Stay strong girl and good luck!

    My sister-in-law has gotten the same way with me. I have been very heavy since I have known her, and gained even more in the last few years. I made a comment last month about how excited I was to finally be making progress, and that I had gotten into size 14 jeans that week. Mentioned that I was hoping to be back in a size 12 by Christmas. She looked at me, and said in a snarky voice, "well if you get into a size 12, I'd better get off my butt and lose some weight". I don't know if she meant it to be hurtful, or just wasn't thinking, but I found it very insulting. As if I wasn't good enough to be thinner than her. Oh well, my revenge will be to look better than her by Christmas time at the family reunion!
  • melodys_attic
    melodys_attic Posts: 114 Member
    Our society is so obsessed with body image and general image in all ways. Think about the things people say. It is always a remark about something to do with how we look on the outside: hair, makeup, clothing; size; weight; pimples; bumps. When people ask "how are you?" they don't really seem to want to know so we always say "fine" whether we are or not. It's all superficial. I do not deny I want to lose weight to look good by glossy magazine standards. I'm as much a victim of our superficial society as anyone. In fact, "looking good" is a huge motivator. But what will keep me at it is knowing that I will be able to walk without my feet screaming about the load, my knees hurting, my hips hurting, my back hurting. It's also to get out of the "pre-diabetic" zone, to stop my blood pressure increasing with every pound, and all that very important stuff. People make remards now about me being heavy. When I lost the weight ten years ago I had a lot of "you're too skinny" comments like "have the cake, you can afford it." This time I know there is no way I can listen to any of it. I also don't talk to alot of people outside this site about what I'm doing. I get a lot of funny looks when I keep passing the potato salad or whatever. i just keep my broken record of "no thank you" and don't offer explanations. If they wanna think I don't like their food, fine! Sorry, but I need to do this to live a good life. The end.
  • socalledauthor
    socalledauthor Posts: 5 Member
    I admit I've struggled with this negativitiy most of my life. I've always been thin (in large part because I worked retail-- walking around for 6+ hrs a day will keep anyone from piling on the pounds!) Time after time, I've been told things like "If you don't eat, we'll invite someone who will" or "You need to put some meat on your bones." Of course, in spite of the comments, for my height and weight, I was dead on where I should have been. Not overweight, and by no means even CLOSE to being underweight. (The irony of these comments is that they always came from people who were intermittently frustrated by their own extra pounds...)

    I had to learn to tune them out and refuse to let myself be bullied into eating more than I wanted to. But I think that most of the comments are guilt on the part of the speaker-- they know they shouldn't have had the extra helping, but they don't like to be reminded of that by someone who wisely turns it down. *shrug*

    It does get lonely sometimes in that I don't feel I can share either accomplishments or frustrations with anyone but Hubby. But it's easier to just quietly reach my goal than deal with the ignorant or insensitive comments.

    I also use those comments as a reminder NOT to say such comments to others. If someone feels like they need to do X for themselves, so long as it's not harmful, then I make it a point to be supportive in ways few are to me. The world needs less people who belittle the desires and accomplishments of others, and more people who are supportive.
  • ArchyJill
    ArchyJill Posts: 548 Member
    I think we've all been there or are there now...or else you will be soon! I think people partly say it as a defense, but also because as humans (i.e. social beings) we are inclined to stay as a group, anyone out of the ordinary is driven away (often for good reasons, like for group safety). Unfortunately, being overweight is the norm and being anywhere close to a healthy weight is odd-man-out. I still have a good 10-15 (depending on the day!) to lose, and to shut folks up I did go to the doctor and got a big thumbs up.
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