A guy who can never be seen naked, ever!

RickyN29
RickyN29 Posts: 69 Member
in Motivation and Support
I lost about 100lbs. If you see me, you'd probably think I am your average looking guy.

However, under the clothing, the support shirt, the strategically picked designs and colors, resides the true ugly that is me. My skin.

I've maintained the weight for a couple years but the skin never tightened up. It is BAD....like, every morning I see myself in the mirror it makes me want to cry.

I've been single my whole life...nobody wanted the fat guy. Well, the fat guy never had the confidence at least. Now I am not fat, I am worse; disfigured.

I literally cannot leave the house without my support shirt and the thought of ever taking it off in the presence of another human being is simply not going to happen. This makes it impossible to be close to someone.

I met someone lately. They liked me. Even when I explained my situation, they said they didn't care about it....but seeing would be a whole different reaction....(which never happened) What made it worse was this person was really really hot too so I was even more self conscious. So you could say I was unable to follow through with the relationship. Tragic.

I feel like I need to meet someone who is either blind, or perhaps disfigured even more than me.

I realize a lot of you will want to reply along the lines of, "If someone loves you they won't care......" or something but let's be honest, people do care. It's one thing if they knew right off the bat, but from the outside, I look normal.

Anyone in the same boat? I'd love to hear any and all input.
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Replies

  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    :ohwell: :flowerforyou:
    What are your thoughts on surgery?
  • PunkinSpice79
    PunkinSpice79 Posts: 309 Member
    (((hugs))). Is surgery an option?
  • Alliwan
    Alliwan Posts: 1,245 Member
    check all the options for surgery everyone gave you in the last post you made. Check out burn centers, check into insurance because its painful, sore, rashes, etc. There are options. You worked hard to lose weight, now work a little harder to find a way to get the skin off so you feel better about yourself.
  • FretheMJsmokingcannibal
    FretheMJsmokingcannibal Posts: 314
    That's sucks dude. I think, though, you should take your chances with this person. You fought with all your power to lose this weight and you were successful. Here's another you need to get over. Plus, this is a chance of a life time and you should take it and value it.

    In regards to the extra skin, if it bothers you so much try some weight lifting to build muscle around that area. Do something
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
    First congrats on the weight loss.

    Secondly, easier said than done, but don't project your insecurities onto other people. How do you know what the girls reaction would have been if you didn't follow through with the relationship. It may not have been as big of an issue to her as it is to you, and now you'll never know.

    I guess you've got two options really. If it bothers you that much and it is an option financially, you could look at having surgery to remove the skin. If that isn't an option you'll have to come to terms with it and eventually you're going to have to let someone else see it. It might even be worth talking to a counsellor about it.

    If you're a good person and have plenty of other stuff to offer than you'll find someone who'll accept you just the way you are
  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
    Would it surprise you to know how many girls look at themselves as thoroughly disgusting and are horrified by the thought of someone seeing them without their clothes on, even though others think they look fine?

    It'd be nice if you found someone who didn't care about your appearance at all. Looks fade. She needs to love you for you - fat, thin, young or old and so on.
  • evgenythe2nd
    evgenythe2nd Posts: 36 Member
    just dont gain your weight back like this guy


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=DTlvDMBDIxQ
  • rezn8
    rezn8 Posts: 263 Member
    Be patient, you've done an amazing job. Go get the girl and be proud of who you are and where you are going. The skin is so difficult to get rid of but you can get there. Don't give up.
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
    The only two options physically are surgery or to bulk, whilst on a heavy/progressive lifting program so you can fill the loose skin with muscle.

    It might be an idea to look into self-image counselling as well.
  • TigerBite
    TigerBite Posts: 611 Member
    Lift heavy to build muscle, then get surgery if you still have some excess that bothers you ... :)
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
    Are u willing to get surgery?? I lost over 300 lbs. and had so much skin it was my only option so last September I had a circumferential body lift and had 17 lbs. of skin removed from my torso... I still have loose skin in my inner thighs, chest and upper arms but I am content to live with what I have left and am still hitting the weight room to fill in those areas... I was a 6 hours surgery and I won't lie recovery had its moments but I would do it again in a heart beat..... had to take out a loan but worth every penny.....

    check out my website if you want to: www.gettingfit4life.com

    Best of Luck
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    My current girlfriend never batted an eyelash at me the first time we were together and I was over 300 pounds. I could paint you a picture, but I won't. She's 130 pounds, maybe and has told me nothing but how much she loves me for me and that includes physically. She's never been anything but excited for me and my physical appearance so you may want to quit selling other people short on what they would think of your body.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    You never know whats going on under someone's clothes till they take them off. If someone is interested in getting into the "kit off" stage you can bet they really aren't going to stand you under a bright light & whip out the microscope to point out any defects or flaws.

    Folk can have stretch marks, scars from burns/operations, prosthetics, birth defects, third nipples etc.......... & lets face it time/gravity are a killer.

    Don't waste life freaking over things you can't change.. & if all else fails leave the lighting low & wear a t-shirt over the support shirt if thats what it takes to make YOU feel comfortable.
  • cristynfaye
    cristynfaye Posts: 88 Member
    There are things about my body that I thought people would be disgusted by, and I was hugely embarrassed the first time I was intimate with someone, and after that, whenever I was intimate with a person for the first time. But truly and honestly, people see past all that when they care about you. I know it sounds cliche and stupid, but it's really, really true. People don't say that "someone will see past it when they love you" because they are trying to make you feel better- they say it because it's the truth. If you explained your insecurities to the person you were dating and they were ok with it, then you should take them at their word and trust that they mean it.
  • SymphonyTea
    SymphonyTea Posts: 62
    1st (& foremost) Congratulations!! you dropped 100+ pounds, RIGHT ON!! I think, just like me, you are your worse enemy but if there is someone out there making you feel bad about some loose skin, after what you've accomplished, I hope you've told them to go straight to hell & jotted down the directions for them :noway:

    2nd - I am not giving advice because I don't know anything about plastic surgery (so this is a suggestion) Have you considered it? I know that what's obtained easily is not worth having (blah, blah, blah) but we live primarily in a fairly dense society where most people's 1st impression is based solely on the external stuff, in my opinion...

    3rd - I have mulled over plastic surgery myself but the thought kind of frightens me... Have you considered a personal trainer to teach & assist you with lifting weights? I agree w/ the others who have advised getting into lifting weights.

    Well, that's my 3 cents; please feel free to add me as a friend as I'd like to learn more about your 100+ pound journey & what you're doing to drop the loose skin.

    Peace, Joy & (in a dream world) calorie-free Cupcakes ~T.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    Honestly, the prospect of looking/feeling worse after the weight loss weighs heavily on me. It sucks that you've worked so hard and accomplished what so few do to feel this way now. I checked out a couple of your videos, and I have to say, you're so cute and charming that I can easily see the right woman overlooking a few physical flaws. Most people don't demand perfection from their date/mate/play thing. Good luck overcoming this.
  • anjialexander
    anjialexander Posts: 17
    Aww that's no good :-(
    Loose skin is such a disappointment isn't it. Ive got saggy tummy skin which breaks my heart lol. Despite working really really hard- its there ( stretched beyond repair after third pregnancy.) You don't see it unless I bend over - so I try to wear clothes that are firm around the waist. I tell myself that is I keep working out, keep eating healthy.... eventually it will tighten ..... maybe lol.

    I feel for you- it is difficult to not let your self esteem be rocked by body issues. I just look for people worse off than me and remind myself im darn lucky at the end of it all.
    Don't know what to say to offer support- except there must be thousands of people in the same boat.
  • LeahT84
    LeahT84 Posts: 202 Member
    My current girlfriend never batted an eyelash at me the first time we were together and I was over 300 pounds. I could paint you a picture, but I won't. She's 130 pounds, maybe and has told me nothing but how much she loves me for me and that includes physically. She's never been anything but excited for me and my physical appearance so you may want to quit selling other people short on what they would think of your body.

    ^ THIS!

    I fell in love with a man that is 100+ pounds over weight, and I do not see him as anything other than a wonderful person whom I love being around. You're making your issue other peoples issue, and it really doesn't need to be.
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
    Dude, I understand. I look like a F'N Shar-pei without my shirt on. The difference is that even when I was huge I knew I was a good guy and others thought so too. I never had troubles dating when I was big and now? well my wife might frown on me dating. The thing is not your body it is your image of yourself. you should see a counselor and talk some stuff through. You have done an incredible job losing the weight, now start to believe it when people tell you how awesome you are. Good luck.
  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
    I would see if you can perhaps get surgery, if it is an option. Im.sure you have tried running, and ab/lower ab workouts. It is hard to get skin to "pull back" when its been stretched out. You can might be able to repair marks on your skin by getting vitamin E tabs, breaking them open and rubbing it all over your skin. I know this is NOT what you want to hear, but I have awful stretchmarks. The worst most ppl have seen. They are starting to fade since Ive been losing weight but the deep marks have scarred my skin permanently. My fiance loves me and cares so much more about my health than what my body looks like. But if once I lose all my weight, I have discussed getting a tummy tuck ( my belly sags- has since my first bby; I have 2) I also started looking into solutions for my stretchmarks. I would suggest talking to a doctor, maybe even a dermatologist. They may have other options you can try before surgery. Or maybe insurance would cover surgery ( sometimes drs even "gift" surgery) I wish you the best of luck!
  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
    Dude, I understand. I look like a F'N Shar-pei without my shirt on. The difference is that even when I was huge I knew I was a good guy and others thought so too. I never had troubles dating when I was big and now? well my wife might frown on me dating. The thing is not your body it is your image of yourself. you should see a counselor and talk some stuff through. You have done an incredible job losing the weight, now start to believe it when people tell you how awesome you are. Good luck.

    This is soooooo true!
  • 2essie
    2essie Posts: 2,861 Member
    GO GET THAT GIRL BACK. She sounds like a treasure. And yes I was shouting. It is important.
  • laurynwithawhy
    laurynwithawhy Posts: 385 Member
    Please don't forget why you did this. Now that you are healthy you can have a relationship - without worrying about dropping dead of a heart attack or needing your limbs amputated because of diabetes. You can lead a normal life, so please go out and live. I know its hard to put yourself out there. I don't have extra skin, but I have been so overweight that I wanted to cry having to go out in public. I have horrific stretch marks that I used to spend hours putting make-up on to cover up. Then I realized that people didn't care, and I was able to get over it. It takes time, and I know it must be really disheartening, but you can't let having extra skin define who you are. You are probably a great person, and you deserve to be with a great girl. Take a chance!
  • gertudejekyl
    gertudejekyl Posts: 386 Member
    There should be a special dating group for people with the same problem. That would be great.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    This made me cry. Stop. You only get one life. She likes you for what is inside so stop it now! If you really want to you could wear your shirt in bed. Why not? Tons of women aren't ok with being totally naked either.
  • gpiercebutler
    gpiercebutler Posts: 15 Member
    GO GET THAT GIRL BACK. She sounds like a treasure. And yes I was shouting. It is important.

    This. This so much!

    I used to date a guy who had massive eczema issues. Not attractive skin wise at all. Did I notice when we were doing stuff? Nope, I just concentrated on the fact that I cared about him.

    Also I have a "mutant" nipple. It's a bit like a twin peak. My fiance thinks it is adorable and completely loves it and me. Never known a guy who was offput by it. Let's be honest once your clothes are on the floor you are a bit busy.
  • RickyN29
    RickyN29 Posts: 69 Member
    There should be a special dating group for people with the same problem. That would be great.

    This is a brilliant idea actually. More than the loose skin in common, we would have both faced the same challenges of weight loss.
  • RickyN29
    RickyN29 Posts: 69 Member
    Thank you everyone for the replies. The multitude of "body image counseling" suggestions intrigues me. I paused and thought, "wait what??! Do I have an psychological issue here?!?" that had never crossed my mind.

    Lights down, shirt on....I can roll with that lol.

    As for surgery, yes, I am now investigating this option. I really can't fix it all, but at least the tummy and pelvic area. TMI here, but....yeah.....I'm getting shorted! (pun intended).

    For those of you who mentioned meeting someone who loved you as is.....the thing is...they could see pretty much who you were. If they were okay with a big person, great, but it wasn't a surprise to them when the clothes hit the floor. For me, it would come as a big surprise.

    I even had a girl just hug me once and she said, "what the hell are you wearing underneath?!? Is that a girdle?!?" <----omg wanted to die right there.

    Maybe I should just get a shirt, "I have excess loose skin from weight loss, it ain't pretty under here".....and see if anyone still bites. :-p


    Thank you again everyone for your responses. You certainly got me thinking.
  • eazy_
    eazy_ Posts: 516 Member
    My current girlfriend never batted an eyelash at me the first time we were together and I was over 300 pounds. I could paint you a picture, but I won't. She's 130 pounds, maybe and has told me nothing but how much she loves me for me and that includes physically. She's never been anything but excited for me and my physical appearance so you may want to quit selling other people short on what they would think of your body.
  • walterm852
    walterm852 Posts: 409 Member
    I feel for you brother, I wish you all the strength in the world.

    I have had different issues in my life than what you are going thru, acceptance is the key, sometimes we are all our worse critics.

    Love to see you be in a position to get that surgury if you want it, love to see you accept the current situation as a guy who kicked *kitten* to lose that much weight, love to see you be comfortable, its there for you!

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