A guy who can never be seen naked, ever!

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  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
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    Dude, I understand. I look like a F'N Shar-pei without my shirt on. The difference is that even when I was huge I knew I was a good guy and others thought so too. I never had troubles dating when I was big and now? well my wife might frown on me dating. The thing is not your body it is your image of yourself. you should see a counselor and talk some stuff through. You have done an incredible job losing the weight, now start to believe it when people tell you how awesome you are. Good luck.

    This is soooooo true!
  • 2essie
    2essie Posts: 2,867 Member
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    GO GET THAT GIRL BACK. She sounds like a treasure. And yes I was shouting. It is important.
  • laurynwithawhy
    laurynwithawhy Posts: 385 Member
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    Please don't forget why you did this. Now that you are healthy you can have a relationship - without worrying about dropping dead of a heart attack or needing your limbs amputated because of diabetes. You can lead a normal life, so please go out and live. I know its hard to put yourself out there. I don't have extra skin, but I have been so overweight that I wanted to cry having to go out in public. I have horrific stretch marks that I used to spend hours putting make-up on to cover up. Then I realized that people didn't care, and I was able to get over it. It takes time, and I know it must be really disheartening, but you can't let having extra skin define who you are. You are probably a great person, and you deserve to be with a great girl. Take a chance!
  • gertudejekyl
    gertudejekyl Posts: 386 Member
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    There should be a special dating group for people with the same problem. That would be great.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    This made me cry. Stop. You only get one life. She likes you for what is inside so stop it now! If you really want to you could wear your shirt in bed. Why not? Tons of women aren't ok with being totally naked either.
  • gpiercebutler
    gpiercebutler Posts: 15 Member
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    GO GET THAT GIRL BACK. She sounds like a treasure. And yes I was shouting. It is important.

    This. This so much!

    I used to date a guy who had massive eczema issues. Not attractive skin wise at all. Did I notice when we were doing stuff? Nope, I just concentrated on the fact that I cared about him.

    Also I have a "mutant" nipple. It's a bit like a twin peak. My fiance thinks it is adorable and completely loves it and me. Never known a guy who was offput by it. Let's be honest once your clothes are on the floor you are a bit busy.
  • RickyN29
    RickyN29 Posts: 69 Member
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    There should be a special dating group for people with the same problem. That would be great.

    This is a brilliant idea actually. More than the loose skin in common, we would have both faced the same challenges of weight loss.
  • RickyN29
    RickyN29 Posts: 69 Member
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    Thank you everyone for the replies. The multitude of "body image counseling" suggestions intrigues me. I paused and thought, "wait what??! Do I have an psychological issue here?!?" that had never crossed my mind.

    Lights down, shirt on....I can roll with that lol.

    As for surgery, yes, I am now investigating this option. I really can't fix it all, but at least the tummy and pelvic area. TMI here, but....yeah.....I'm getting shorted! (pun intended).

    For those of you who mentioned meeting someone who loved you as is.....the thing is...they could see pretty much who you were. If they were okay with a big person, great, but it wasn't a surprise to them when the clothes hit the floor. For me, it would come as a big surprise.

    I even had a girl just hug me once and she said, "what the hell are you wearing underneath?!? Is that a girdle?!?" <----omg wanted to die right there.

    Maybe I should just get a shirt, "I have excess loose skin from weight loss, it ain't pretty under here".....and see if anyone still bites. :-p


    Thank you again everyone for your responses. You certainly got me thinking.
  • eazy_
    eazy_ Posts: 516 Member
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    My current girlfriend never batted an eyelash at me the first time we were together and I was over 300 pounds. I could paint you a picture, but I won't. She's 130 pounds, maybe and has told me nothing but how much she loves me for me and that includes physically. She's never been anything but excited for me and my physical appearance so you may want to quit selling other people short on what they would think of your body.
  • walterm852
    walterm852 Posts: 409 Member
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    I feel for you brother, I wish you all the strength in the world.

    I have had different issues in my life than what you are going thru, acceptance is the key, sometimes we are all our worse critics.

    Love to see you be in a position to get that surgury if you want it, love to see you accept the current situation as a guy who kicked *kitten* to lose that much weight, love to see you be comfortable, its there for you!
  • shanniepk
    shanniepk Posts: 98 Member
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    This is really tough. Sometimes I hate that we are such physical creatures. We are our worst critics for sure and tend to obsess over our own flaws. Maybe think of this as another hurdle in your journey, whether you choose surgery or weight lifting or just learning to be comfortable with it. Sounds like you have some choices to make, but you should feel so accomplished on how far you’ve come. You are a young attractive man and have a whole lot of life ahead of you which undoubtedly will bring more ups and downs. It’s all how you choose to face them:).
  • hxcfrankie
    hxcfrankie Posts: 2
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    I know exactly how you feel. I lost 150 pounds starting from 320 and down to 170. Now I weigh 197 (I put on mass because I was skin and bones at 170) with a current loss of 123 pounds.

    I was also single my entire life. I was always the "fat kid" that no girl wanted. I did in fact gain a lot of confidence after I had lost all the weight. It changed my life and changed me as an individual for the better. Although I was no longer self conscious about my weight, I still felt that way towards my excess skin. I fixed one problem but inevitably developed another. My "man boobs" are deflated. My gut is a pool of skin. I also suffer from loose skin around the pelvic area like you mentioned and I am dealt with the detriments that come with that.

    I am now 21 years old and a month ago I started dating a girl who I've known for quite a while before we started dating. It's very difficult for me to open up to her in regards to my body even though she tells me she doesn't care. I was worried that she would run to her friends and tell them about my situation with my body and I'd feel ridiculed and embarrassed. Fortunately I am starting to feel more comfortable with her and she has been very understanding. She respects my decisions if I am not comfortable in certain situations. We are focusing on building a healthy relationship and as each day goes by I feel myself becoming more and more comfortable. I am sure that one day I won't even think twice about my body around her.

    No piece of advice is going to help cure your insecurities. I know that because I was once on your end where people told me to just "not worry about it." I did want to share my story with you though to show you that it is possible to feel more comfortable in your skin like I do now. Don't give up on yourself.
  • Philllbis
    Philllbis Posts: 801 Member
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    There are a lot of of open minded people here. Damn, women acepting guys that are 300lbs? Where were you a year ago when I was a fattie???? You mean I can still eat cheetos, pizza and cake andstill get the girl?
  • dazzer1975
    dazzer1975 Posts: 104 Member
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    I don't have any advice as such, but your story touched me. I am part way through my own journey (for the 3rd and FINAL time) and with being my heaviest ever and 38 years old I am expecting loose skin and the thought terrifies me.

    I just wanted to show some support and solidarity for you mate, all I can think of saying is that you have done the truly hard part by turning your life around, but i know that doesn't help with what you face now.

    All the best man and take care.

    BTW you deserve every happiness, with loose skin or not, I am sure you will achieve that!
  • laurynwithawhy
    laurynwithawhy Posts: 385 Member
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    There are a lot of of open minded people here. Damn, women acepting guys that are 300lbs? Where were you a year ago when I was a fattie???? You mean I can still eat cheetos, pizza and cake andstill get the girl?

    I would definitely date a guy who was 300 lbs - IF he was actively taking steps to be healthier. I have a friend who is 330 (down from almost 500) and he works out and eats well. I would date him in a heartbeat. Oh and I love cheetos, pizza, and cake, in moderation of course!

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