Finding your appetite again after a bad break-up

this_life_is_my_life · August 2013

A little background, so you don't think I am just over reacting to a normal thing of life. I was with my son's dad for three years. He worked offshore so was gone often. When I met him he told me he was single, and throughout the three years, anytime I would question him about this ex girlfriend of his that he has two kids with, he would look me dead in my face and lie. He would make me feel guilty for not trusting him, telling me she was psycho and woulddod anything to keep us apart. We also have a son together, his last and youngest child, so I stuck it out for the sake of my son.

Fast forward three years and I get emails from this "other woman" only to find out, that ME, I have been the other woman this whole time. Supposedly he has proposed to her two months ago, but has still been texting me everyday, telling me he loves me and misses me etc etc. This has been all so very hard for me to process. Someone I have dedicated my life to and sacrificed so much for, has been nothing but a stranger to me. Living two seperate lives..especially for this long, is just not right. Someone in the end was going to get hurt, and it was me & my son. It hurts, because I wish I could just flip a switch and cut off the feelings I have for him and just let go, but for some reason I can't find the strength to.

I have been off & on in tears for the last couple of days, have had ZERO appetite, and am struggling trying to get back into the swing of things. Anytime I go into the kitchen, look in the fridge or pantry, my stomach just turns and I walk away. I usually am not able to eat anything until my stomach actually begins to hurt from hunger pains.
I guess my question would be, how do you make yourself get back into your routine, how do you make yourself press forward when all you want to do is stay in the moment.

hbrittingham · August 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

It may take a little while for you to get back on schedule. For now, just take care of yourself and your son and eat when you can. I am like you, when I am super stressed, I can't eat. Eventually I get back to normal and so will you. But right now you need to grieve. Again, I am so sorry you are going through this.

ldrosophila · August 2013

Hope your looking at your options for child support. Does he want anything to do with his son?

What an a-hole! Sorry you have to go through this.

cosmic8o8 · August 2013

I've been here with the Breakup Diet (we were together for 6yrs) and the first month is the worst. I bought full nutrition shakes and made myself choke at least 3 of those down each day until my emotions stabilized enough to where I could introduce yogurt into the routine. Chewing any kind of food was out of the question. I also drank a lot of vitamin water and did a whole lot of walking with friends to clear my mind. It took me almost 3 months to get back to eating normal. Everyone deals with their emotions and stress differently, so you may get better much quicker. The emotional roller coaster is inevitable, but hopefully you have a good support system to help you through it. You also have your son to think about and that will also provide the strength you need to pull through.

this_life_is_my_life · August 2013

Hope your looking at your options for child support. Does he want anything to do with his son?

What an a-hole! Sorry you have to go through this.

the whole three years he always paid every bill in this home. he kept clothes here, shoes, the cards, the family photos we had done. since this happened he has still sent money, and says he will continue to do so. I allow him to get away with paying what he feels is reasonable at $300 a month, because I guess I just have no backbone when it comes to him. he has always been involved with our son, he just lied to me. i guess he didnt know who he wanted to be with and thought he would just string us both along until he figured it out. he broke up with me twice this year and then a few weeks later decided to take me back each time, even after he proposed to her (i didnt know about it at the time or i never wouldve gotten back with him).

i'm not a vindictive person, i feel as long as he does what he is supposed to do for our son, that's the only obligation he has in this household anymore. i dont want to make things harder than what they already are, because i dont think i would be strong enough to handle it.

snoopytwins · August 2013

It takes time...but here's the good thing. Workout...whatever it is...walking, running, weights, whatever. Get out and do it. It really does help with your emotions, clears your head, and will help with appetite. Take this time to reflect on yourself and your son and do something for you!

this_life_is_my_life · August 2013

I've been here with the Breakup Diet (we were together for 6yrs) and the first month is the worst. I bought full nutrition shakes and made myself choke at least 3 of those down each day until my emotions stabilized enough to where I could introduce yogurt into the routine. Chewing any kind of food was out of the question. I also drank a lot of vitamin water and did a whole lot of walking with friends to clear my mind. It took me almost 3 months to get back to eating normal. Everyone deals with their emotions and stress differently, so you may get better much quicker. The emotional roller coaster is inevitable, but hopefully you have a good support system to help you through it. You also have your son to think about and that will also provide the strength you need to pull through.

It's like, the idea of even eating makes my stomach turn flips like don't even think about it. The stress is what I think is getting to me. I have been lucky to have one friend who is here that has been by often to check on us. Other than that, I don't have much of a support system, family isn't really something in abundance for me. I think that is also why this is so devestating for me. I have HUGE trusts issues, and I told him that. I dated a guy for a month before him, drove his car, went out to eat, all over town together. Only to find out he was married with an 8 month pregnant WIFE!!
I thought when I told my son's dad this, he would understand. He would promise he would never hurt me. He was everything to me because he was all I had, and now even that turned out to be false. I love my son, and he is an awesome motivation for me to try harder, I just feel bad because all of these emotions I am going through are affecting him too.
I really hope it doesn't take that long to get back on a normal schedule. I mean, could I stand to lose the weight, yeah, thats why I'm on MFP..but this is not the WAY I want to do it.

ldrosophila · August 2013

Hope your looking at your options for child support. Does he want anything to do with his son?

What an a-hole! Sorry you have to go through this.

the whole three years he always paid every bill in this home. he kept clothes here, shoes, the cards, the family photos we had done. since this happened he has still sent money, and says he will continue to do so. I allow him to get away with paying what he feels is reasonable at $300 a month, because I guess I just have no backbone when it comes to him. he has always been involved with our son, he just lied to me. i guess he didnt know who he wanted to be with and thought he would just string us both along until he figured it out. he broke up with me twice this year and then a few weeks later decided to take me back each time, even after he proposed to her (i didnt know about it at the time or i never wouldve gotten back with him).

i'm not a vindictive person, i feel as long as he does what he is supposed to do for our son, that's the only obligation he has in this household anymore. i dont want to make things harder than what they already are, because i dont think i would be strong enough to handle it.

I understand not wanting to be vindictive and its hard especially when it's the early stages of a break up. Just keep in the back of your mind he has a certain monetary obligation to his son, and I'm sure the state of LA would uphold that. If you feel it is reasonable and you can provide for you son then of course accept what he "feels" he can offer (did he have enough money to buy her an engagement ring?). If times get tough and you are struggling just remember he has a certain legal obligation.

Hugs take some time to heal.

rungirl1973 · August 2013

Hope your looking at your options for child support. Does he want anything to do with his son?

What an a-hole! Sorry you have to go through this.

the whole three years he always paid every bill in this home. he kept clothes here, shoes, the cards, the family photos we had done. since this happened he has still sent money, and says he will continue to do so. I allow him to get away with paying what he feels is reasonable at $300 a month, because I guess I just have no backbone when it comes to him. he has always been involved with our son, he just lied to me. i guess he didnt know who he wanted to be with and thought he would just string us both along until he figured it out. he broke up with me twice this year and then a few weeks later decided to take me back each time, even after he proposed to her (i didnt know about it at the time or i never wouldve gotten back with him).

i'm not a vindictive person, i feel as long as he does what he is supposed to do for our son, that's the only obligation he has in this household anymore. i dont want to make things harder than what they already are, because i dont think i would be strong enough to handle it.

I understand not wanting to be vindictive and its hard especially when it's the early stages of a break up. Just keep in the back of your mind he has a certain monetary obligation to his son, and I'm sure the state of LA would uphold that. If you feel it is reasonable and you can provide for you son then of course accept what he "feels" he can offer (did he have enough money to buy her an engagement ring?). If times get tough and you are struggling just remember he has a certain legal obligation.

Hugs take some time to heal.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but your child is entitled to a portion of his income (20% in my state) - not what he "feels" is reasonable. Trust me, that amount will dwindle over time.

My kids' father told me the same song and dance, the "ex" was "psycho", etc.
She has a child that is 3 months older than my oldest. At the time, he said that it wasn't his because he absolutely hadn't been with her. Years later, DNA proved that to be a lie. I wound up marrying the guy for 2.5 years and having 2 kids with him. My kids are 19 and 18 now, and don't even know what their father looks like. Once he realized he couldn't play both sides anymore, he magically didn't want anything to do with my kids, either.

HE is the one with the problem, NOT YOU. It isn't vindictive to ensure that he properly take care of your son. It's his responsibility.

CubanSammich · August 2013

Smoke some weed. Youll be happy, and hungry. followed by sleepy. Isnt that what youre looking for?

this_life_is_my_life · August 2013

Smoke some weed. Youll be happy, and hungry. followed by sleepy. Isnt that what youre looking for?

HA i needed that laugh.

this_life_is_my_life · August 2013

Hope your looking at your options for child support. Does he want anything to do with his son?

What an a-hole! Sorry you have to go through this.

the whole three years he always paid every bill in this home. he kept clothes here, shoes, the cards, the family photos we had done. since this happened he has still sent money, and says he will continue to do so. I allow him to get away with paying what he feels is reasonable at $300 a month, because I guess I just have no backbone when it comes to him. he has always been involved with our son, he just lied to me. i guess he didnt know who he wanted to be with and thought he would just string us both along until he figured it out. he broke up with me twice this year and then a few weeks later decided to take me back each time, even after he proposed to her (i didnt know about it at the time or i never wouldve gotten back with him).

i'm not a vindictive person, i feel as long as he does what he is supposed to do for our son, that's the only obligation he has in this household anymore. i dont want to make things harder than what they already are, because i dont think i would be strong enough to handle it.

I understand not wanting to be vindictive and its hard especially when it's the early stages of a break up. Just keep in the back of your mind he has a certain monetary obligation to his son, and I'm sure the state of LA would uphold that. If you feel it is reasonable and you can provide for you son then of course accept what he "feels" he can offer (did he have enough money to buy her an engagement ring?). If times get tough and you are struggling just remember he has a certain legal obligation.

Hugs take some time to heal.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but your child is entitled to a portion of his income (20% in my state) - not what he "feels" is reasonable. Trust me, that amount will dwindle over time.

My kids' father told me the same song and dance, the "ex" was "psycho", etc.
She has a child that is 3 months older than my oldest. At the time, he said that it wasn't his because he absolutely hadn't been with her. Years later, DNA proved that to be a lie. I wound up marrying the guy for 2.5 years and having 2 kids with him. My kids are 19 and 18 now, and don't even know what their father looks like. Once he realized he couldn't play both sides anymore, he magically didn't want anything to do with my kids, either.

HE is the one with the problem, NOT YOU. It isn't vindictive to ensure that he properly take care of your son. It's his responsibility.

My problem is, I held him on a high standard for so long, I truly thought the world of him. When it all breaks down, I know he is the one with the problem and I know it is only handling my responsibility as a mother to make sure he fulfills his fatherly obligations...i just dont want to fight him anymore because it is only making things harder for me. but i know as time goes on, if he decides to drift away from the agreement we came up with, we will inevitabely end up in court

Caddell · August 2013

I went through a bad break-up in college. It was difficult because I still had to see her every other day because we had a class together. The only thing that helped me eat was that I had to be distracted while eating. Either doing my homework, reading a book, or watching TV. And I know eating while watching TV is a very bad habit, it may be helpful for you for a little while. I ended up losing 15 lbs in about 4 months (and back then I really didn't have that much to lose), but it could have been worse.

Finding your appetite again after a bad break-up

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