Need help/motivation. Struggling with everything

Just to let you know, this post will most likely be long winded. There is so much on my mind, so much anxiety/anger/sadness in my head that I don't let out. Let me just start out by saying, my self esteem is non existent at this point. After 3 kids by the age of 25 and the things I've been through emotionally, physicall and financially. I find it hard to stay positive and motivated. I work full time (8-5) I have a 4 year old daughter who just started state pre-k, is very sensitive and stubborn so she can be difficult to manage. A 2 year old who I think is ready for potty training and I should have been started but I am just so TIRED and a 8 month old who loves attention 24/7. My husband has been unemployed for the better part of 2 years since we moved to GA from NY. Although he just got a job which he will be starting soon hopefully, but that will be night shift, so there goes my help when I get home from work.
My husband is also pretty fit and is practically obsessed with working out. While he does help out around the house and is pretty good with the kids (although I wish he would put them on more of a schedule during the day while I'm at work) he seems to pick working out over spending quality time with me when I get home. So he wants us both to work out,....ok..but who's going to give the kids attention, get them ready for bed etc. Can't drop everything to work out! Mind you, I realize this is a bit of a cop out from me, when I get home, i am tired and really just want to relax with the kids, I feel unmotivated when I work out, yet I want to cry every time I look in the mirror and see the blimp that is my body. I really haven't made any friends since moving down here so I don't get hang out time. My husband and I are rarely alone. He has offered to watch the kids while I go work out but I hate being by myself, I don't feel the motivation to go to the gym in my complex or I feel guilty because I've already spent the majority of the day away from my babies, they miss me and I miss them, on the other hand, getting everyone ready for the park and keeping outbursts to a minimum while trying to get a nice jog/walk in is VERY difficult. It takes forever just to pack the bag for the park, kids usually want to go straight to the park instead of walking around the trail or track first, someone gets hungry, someone has a soiled diaper, it's madness.
Financially can't afford a nanny or anything like that. I just get so mad at myself because I know I can do better and I feel like I am being lazy and then I beat myself up. Lately I've been doing better with eating healthy but it is still a constant struggle, I am also a super picky eater(I think it's a texture/smell thing) and like I said by the time I get home, I'm tired, I just want to try to get my kids into their routine so it's hard to think of meal to satisy everyone and be healthy at the same time and won't take forever to make. I am so set in my ways with certain foods I feel like I will never be able to break them. Although my husband is fit he doesn't exactly eat healthy so that doesn't help me when he's throwing multiple meals at me to make me feel better. I don't feel attractive. I feel so upset with myself and the situation I put myself in. I have no steady work out routine, I want to run/jog but it can be physically painful. Sometimes I feel really motivated to work out but there always seems to be some type of obstacle in my way. whether it's real or some excuse I've made up in my head. I am so impatient so it doesn't take much to make me want to give up.
I feel like I don't have anyone to hang out with or even just be encouraging with, any one who understands or is in my situation or similar. Some one who actually cares. I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do all I want to do. I want to play with my kids, I want to teach them new skills, I want them to thrive and be happy and learn something new every day. I want to cuddle with my husband and talk. I want to lose weightand be healthy and active, i want to learn how to cook new things, I have to work and deal with backstabbers and judgemental people all day. I want to watch TV!!!! I am just a a point where every day is a struggle to cope with life. It makes me so sad. My main concern everyday should be finances. I am already freaking out about not being able to save for the kids school. I am trying to put my trust in God, I just feel like I am failing Him, myself and my family.

I am sorry for the scattered thoughts but all of this is apart of why I let myself get to be this big and I was just thinking..ok..let's say I lose all the weight I want to lose. Will that finally make me happy? I am not sure that looking the way I want to look will make me happy, losing weight may not be my only reason for feeling so down, disconnected and inadequate. I am trying not to give up but I need something, I need support. Well there's my sob story, whats yours? lol