maintaining = harder than losing? still feel like i'm on a d
orangegalt
Posts: 47
this post is in part to allow me to vent, and in part seeking some sort of helpful advice/better perspective on the situation. so after losing a little over 50 lbs, i was at my goal weight, 125lbs, about two months ago. since then, i've tried a few different approaches to maintaining:
1. eat 1775 calories daily, which mfp recommends for me to maintain. after doing this a few days, i gained weight. this probably relates to HOW i added the extra 575 calories (diet ice cream and other crap), but i just don't have a desire to eat that many calories of "real food." if i'm not enjoying it and not hungry, i might as well not eat it and stick with the 1200. when i was still trying to lose weight, i was never HUNGRY eating 1200 calories daily, i just sometimes missed junk food, so that's the only way i really want to increase my calories now.
2. eat 1200 calories daily. this is unpleasant because i still feel like i'm "on a diet." i feel like i've achieved my goal, and i feel like i should have earned the right to stop obsessing over food. i want to order something at a restaurant without looking up how many calories it is on my phone, i want to just not have to think about it. while i was still losing weight, restricting calories was tolerable because it came with the mental reward of seeing the numbers on the scale drop pretty much daily. now i'm at a point where even if i limit it to 1200 calories a day, i'm still not going to lose much or any weight because i'm already a tiny bit below the exact middle of a healthy BMI for my height. which is fine--i don't actually want to lose more weight, but there is no reward/motivation to limit my calories to 1200. i see other people eating without really thinking about what they're eating, and some of these people are at a healthy weight; this makes me jealous. when do i get to stop worrying about it? my coworkers see me eating my "diet lunch" that i've packed and recording calories, and they say things like "aren't you done losing weight yet? you don't need to lose any more," and "megan, if you lose another pound you're going to disappear!" and i tell them i'm done losing, just trying not to gain it back--but aren't they right? if i'm done, shouldn't i stop counting calories? they all eat lunch in the cafeteria instead of packing canned tuna and fruits and veggies. like them, i'm now "not on a diet," so why can't i eat in the cafeteria too?
3. stop worrying about it. philly is currently having "restaurant weeks," in which places that are usually really expensive offer three course meals for $35. i love going out to eat--enjoying creative food in a pleasant atmosphere, especially if the restaurant is somewhere i've never been--so i wanted to take advantage of this opportunity as much as possible. so i did three different places in the past week, and my last reservation is for tomorrow night. all of these dinners with my boyfriend, who "doesn't eat dessert," so each time i eat two different fabulous, exciting, small but certainly insanely high-calorie desserts. i've gained 5 lbs already. i'll admit that going out to fancy, three-course dinners four times in nine days is not typical (or typically within my budget), but still. i want to go out to eat sometimes. when i go out for meals, i don't try to record the calories. i don't go to chain places--always somewhere unique and local--so there's no way to do it accurately without being a really, really difficult customer. so on the occasion i'm going out, should i just not eat the rest of the day?
so.... everyone that's reached your goal weight, but you're still on mfp: how do you balance maintaining your weight with returning to a "normal" relationship with food? i tend to be an all-or-nothing thinker, so this is probably more difficult for me than for the average person. i just can't seem to reconcile no longer trying to lose weight with still being forced to think about my weight several times a day.
thoughts?
1. eat 1775 calories daily, which mfp recommends for me to maintain. after doing this a few days, i gained weight. this probably relates to HOW i added the extra 575 calories (diet ice cream and other crap), but i just don't have a desire to eat that many calories of "real food." if i'm not enjoying it and not hungry, i might as well not eat it and stick with the 1200. when i was still trying to lose weight, i was never HUNGRY eating 1200 calories daily, i just sometimes missed junk food, so that's the only way i really want to increase my calories now.
2. eat 1200 calories daily. this is unpleasant because i still feel like i'm "on a diet." i feel like i've achieved my goal, and i feel like i should have earned the right to stop obsessing over food. i want to order something at a restaurant without looking up how many calories it is on my phone, i want to just not have to think about it. while i was still losing weight, restricting calories was tolerable because it came with the mental reward of seeing the numbers on the scale drop pretty much daily. now i'm at a point where even if i limit it to 1200 calories a day, i'm still not going to lose much or any weight because i'm already a tiny bit below the exact middle of a healthy BMI for my height. which is fine--i don't actually want to lose more weight, but there is no reward/motivation to limit my calories to 1200. i see other people eating without really thinking about what they're eating, and some of these people are at a healthy weight; this makes me jealous. when do i get to stop worrying about it? my coworkers see me eating my "diet lunch" that i've packed and recording calories, and they say things like "aren't you done losing weight yet? you don't need to lose any more," and "megan, if you lose another pound you're going to disappear!" and i tell them i'm done losing, just trying not to gain it back--but aren't they right? if i'm done, shouldn't i stop counting calories? they all eat lunch in the cafeteria instead of packing canned tuna and fruits and veggies. like them, i'm now "not on a diet," so why can't i eat in the cafeteria too?
3. stop worrying about it. philly is currently having "restaurant weeks," in which places that are usually really expensive offer three course meals for $35. i love going out to eat--enjoying creative food in a pleasant atmosphere, especially if the restaurant is somewhere i've never been--so i wanted to take advantage of this opportunity as much as possible. so i did three different places in the past week, and my last reservation is for tomorrow night. all of these dinners with my boyfriend, who "doesn't eat dessert," so each time i eat two different fabulous, exciting, small but certainly insanely high-calorie desserts. i've gained 5 lbs already. i'll admit that going out to fancy, three-course dinners four times in nine days is not typical (or typically within my budget), but still. i want to go out to eat sometimes. when i go out for meals, i don't try to record the calories. i don't go to chain places--always somewhere unique and local--so there's no way to do it accurately without being a really, really difficult customer. so on the occasion i'm going out, should i just not eat the rest of the day?
so.... everyone that's reached your goal weight, but you're still on mfp: how do you balance maintaining your weight with returning to a "normal" relationship with food? i tend to be an all-or-nothing thinker, so this is probably more difficult for me than for the average person. i just can't seem to reconcile no longer trying to lose weight with still being forced to think about my weight several times a day.
thoughts?
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Replies
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also--it took me almost three weeks to lose that last 5 lbs. i'm very frustrated with the fact that it was possible to gain it back in one week.0
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First off, congrats on the weight loss!
)
Here is my $0.02 for what its worth. I have been maintaining for 5+ years now. Over these last 5 years, I have gone up or down 5 pounds depending on the time of year (holidays) or stress from work, or working out more, etc..
I don't have a "set" amount I always eat or don't eat. I try to aim around 1600 calories, because that is my maintenance for the most part, but that is simply an average. On days I work out, I eat more. On days I don't work out, I eat less. I usually have one weekend night we go out and I eat whatever I want. Then the next day, I do a great workout or simply just eat a little less. It averages itself out.
It will take some time to figure out what your maintenance is and get into a comfortable groove. It isn't a true science. You can use the calculations to get a number, but you'll have to play with that a bit. If you're gaining, drop 100 daily calories and try that for a couple of weeks. I would definitely not weigh yourself more than once a week and see how it goes for a few weeks.0 -
I'm trying to maintain too (though I pigged out over the last week and gained 4.5 lbs) and I think it is just as hard if not harder than dieting. I'm hungry on 1200 or on 1500 now so you're luck if you aren't. I resigned myself to the fact that if I want to stay this weight I'm going to count calories and probably obsess at least a little for the rest of my life. I don't mind eating healthier but I miss my sweets and that's what got me in trouble this past week (bridal/baby shower for my DILs among other body things). I also have another baby shower this Fri. so have to try harder to be good this week though today isn't starting out well. It is frustrating to have to keep counting calories but I know that if I do, it will be worth it. When I was first losing the weight I could leave the ice cream and cookies in the freezer just fine but that is my current battle and sadly probably always will be.
I left my calorie goal on MFP at 1200 but know that my real goal is 1500 a day. This way when I see red I know I need to slow down on calorie intake for the day especially if I haven't eaten supper yet.
It will be worth it in the end so just hang in there. No one said it would be easy and it wouldn't mean as much to have lost that much weight if it had been.0 -
I know how you feel - now that I have basically achieved my goal I seem to worry more about what I eat and how much I eat then I did when I was actively trying to lose weight. I'd try to find a happy medium between 1200 - 1775 calories to maintain. You've worked hard to lose the weight, you should occasionally get to indulge. But, at the same time your body has adjusted to less calories so it's hard to find that balance. Best advice I can offer is listen to your body - eat if you are hungry, don't force calories if you aren't. And when you do indulge makeup for it with exercise or eating a little healthier the next day or two - but don't make yourself crazy 0
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i don't know. to be honest, i'm not horribly stressed out about gaining the 5 lbs, because i know i will lose it again. i'm most bothered by the feeling that i am stuck counting calories FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE--or at least as long as i don't want to gain the weight back.
kdiamond, have you been recording your calories in mfp for the last 5 years? doesn't it bother you? as i'm recording calories now, i sometimes have thoughts like "everyone else doesn't have to do this; why should i have to? i'm not trying to lose any more weight." even if you don't limit yourself to an exact number of calories... i don't know, it's the still having to think about it often that bothers me. i want my life to return to normal now that the diet is over. i get the idea of it being an ongoing "lifestyle change" rather than a temporary "diet".... but i don't like a lifestyle in which i have to record everything i eat.0 -
I'm glad you posted this as I'm in a similar spot. I hit my goal weight a month ago and MFP gave me 1530 maintenance calories. Since switching over, I've gained 1.6 pounds in the last 2 weeks. It's not much, but I don't want to start an upward trend. Yesterday, annoyed after seeing a 1.1 pound increase after watching what I eat, and still exercising, I dropped my calories by 100 and am planning on seeing how this goes.
It feels like losing was, mentally, much easier. I knew how to do what I needed to do to see the weight come off. Now that I'm maintaining, I haven't found the right balance of calories and exercise. I'm fine with continuing to count my calories - I think it's an important tool which helps me focus on portion control and eating healthy foods. But I don't want to put in the effort and GAIN weight!
With that being said, I think it's a matter of finding the right balance. Enjoying yourself over a nice 3 course meal is fine occasionally - it just can't be a regular occurance if you want to keep the weight off. I will allow myself one splurge meal 2-4 times a month. My splurges just aren't as big as they used to be, when I was much heavier.
Add me if you like, I could definitely use some friends that are trying to maintain, too!0 -
Although I haven't reached my goal yet, my goal is to NOT have to count calories for the rest of my life. My hope is that the process of losing weight will teach me how to eat properly for a lifetime. I think if you eat 5 or so small meals per day, you know what each meal should look like without measuring. When you sit down for a meal, just think, "ok, when I was losing weight, i would eat 2 eggs and a piece of fruit and a piece of whole grain bread", etc. So, if you are sitting down to a plate of hashbrowns and a stack of pancakes, you know that you are going down the wrong path.0
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bonnie, i both like and dislike the idea of keeping your mfp "goal" at 1200, but knowing that your real goal is around 1500. on the one hand, it helps to trick yourself into thinking that you're done at 1200, but then you really have 300 extra calories that won't hurt you... kind of like setting the alarm early so you can hit the snooze button. however, i tend to feel a twinge of guilt as soon as i see the mfp calorie counter turn red, and that's exactly what i don't want in my life anymore now that i'm done losing weight--food-related guilt. i want to be able to enjoy food without guilt, as it seems everyone else does. ugh. i think i will probably do this for a while and try it out.
i really do miss the emotional reward of measurable weight loss, and it seems impossible to adjust my viewpoint so that simply maintaining--seeing the scale at roughly the same number every morning rather than at a lower number--is emotionally rewarding in the same way. my feeling is that i'm still "working," so i should be "earning" something new. i've considered allowing myself to "earn" new clothes that look amazing on me as a reward for maintaining, but unfortunately i can't afford that as regularly as i'd probably need to do it to replace the reward feeling associated with weight loss.0 -
jamie--i think i have learned what to eat and what not to eat, for the most part. i tend to eat basically the same things most of the time (with the exception of dining out). so while i might need to occasionally look up an item--some healthy foods are surprisingly high-calorie--i could technically stop counting calories and know if i was eating appropriately or not.
i think it's more of a mental/emotional thing. i have a fear that if i stop using mfp, i'll also stop exercising any sort of restraint/good judgement with food, forget about it entirely, and suddenly weigh 180lbs again. and for me, that's not an unreasonable concern. i've done three weeks of p90x really hardcore, skipping all rest days, and then quit working out totally for the next two weeks. saying that i'm afraid to quit mfp would not be an overstatement (i had a nightmare last week about regaining the weight!). the all-or-nothing thinking is probably the underlying issue here, haha.0 -
The fear you talk about is something I feel myself, but I have a history of issues with food/body image and eating disorders. I've been working on these issues and finally seeing them for what they really are - just feelings centred around fear. I can work through them and life is never as bad as what I once feared.
I was fearing going away on holiday for two weeks in August. I wouldn't have the computer or phone access to MFP. I had to face that fear headon and tell myself I know what are good choices and bad. I know that if I indulge slightly too much at dinner, then have a lighter breakfast. At times I felt real fear around circumstances, but managed to pass them over as just feelings. I came home from holiday and had lost 2lb. That is more than I've ever lost in a week counting calories!!
I emphathize with you
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kdiamond, have you been recording your calories in mfp for the last 5 years? doesn't it bother you? as i'm recording calories now, i sometimes have thoughts like "everyone else doesn't have to do this; why should i have to? i'm not trying to lose any more weight." even if you don't limit yourself to an exact number of calories... i don't know, it's the still having to think about it often that bothers me. i want my life to return to normal now that the diet is over. i get the idea of it being an ongoing "lifestyle change" rather than a temporary "diet".... but i don't like a lifestyle in which i have to record everything i eat.
No. I record a few days a week just to be sure I am still on track, I've had tendencies to under eat in the past and I like to know I'm sticking to my "life plan" as I call it. I don't mind it, and I don't view it as obsessive...I pretty much know what 1600 calories looks like now from years of learning. You do not have to record everything you eat, but I probably would for a while until you figure out your maintenance and are happy there. 0 -
I know for myself, if I want to lose or even maintain weight, I'm going to have to track calories for the rest of my life. I love food and for most of my life, I've been lucky in that genetics has helped to keep my weight down and that I wasn't 200 pounds when I graduated high school but I know I'm at a point in life where genetics alone isn't going to keep the weight off. I only have about 20 pounds to lose, not as much as most people. Before I joined MFP, I had gone through the Calorie King website a couple of times. Both times, when I tracked, I was okay and losing weight. When I stopped tracking, it was like I would lose all sense of what an appropriate portion was. I LOVE food. I like to tell people that food and I have a passionate love affair. I'm hoping third time's the charm but I know that in order to keep the weight off, it's going to be a life long process for myself because when it comes to food, I have no sense of moderation and I will stop eating either when my stomach feels about ready to explode or there is no more food left, which ever comes first.
So I think it may be that some people have a natural ability to eat in moderation. For the rest of use that don't, whether it's because there are emotional issues or that we're just a bunch of foodies, it is (unfortunately) going to be a life long maintenance activity.0 -
It may be better to add your maintenance calories in incrementally. instead of eating 1200, then immediately 1775, try 1200, 1300 for a week, 1400 for a week etc. so your body gets used to having those cals.0
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I don't see anything about exercising. Are you doing anything at all. It doesn't mean you have to go out and bust your butt, but a good 20-30 min walk 3x a week or something can help in maintaining weight loss. You just have to play around and see what works for you.0
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I agree with you--maintaining is hard. I have been maintaining since May. It wasn't a conscience decision, I just stopped losing. I figured my body was telling me I'm at the lowest weight it wants to go. When I changed my goal to "maintain", MFP told me to add 450 calories. Well, I was maintaining for 3 months at 1280 + exercise calories, so what will happen if I add to that? I am positive I would have gained weight.
Anyway, as a previous poster mentioned, I just keep my goals at the "lose 1 lbs a week" goal. I exercise from 400-500 calories a day and eat those calories. I basically try to eat well when I have a normal-schedule day. But, I eat whatever I want when I go out to dinner--from app to entree to lots of wine to dessert, without a worry. And splurge when I really need it (chocolate, cookies, etc) knowing I'll be back on track the next day. The combo of being good when I can and splurging a few times a week when I want to enjoy myself seems to be working.
I do feel for you and agree 100%, it's annoying to still be dieting. People around me don't understand why I'm so thin but still so conscious of what I eat and exercising just as much. I have just finally realized this is what I'll have to do as time goes on, and as you age your body changes and we have to be able to adjust if we want to stay thin.... it's a choice.
I wish you luck with finding your balance....0 -
WORD; I feel you, big time!!!
I am a dance/pilates teacher, so I work out way more than I want to (and more than my body wants me to, honestly), and I still have a hard time maintaining.
I try to bear these things in mind; so I'm sharing them with you to remind myself of them as well:
-Our bodies gain/lose 5 lbs all the time; (for me within a month, with hormones)
-It's possible that genetics maybe doesn't want us to live permanently at our goal, but feels that our weight should be higher
-Our bodies are smarter than we are; the less you eat, the less they make do upon, and the more we work out, the more effectively our bodies become at doing those exercises (plus, as you weigh less, you expend less energy moving your body around).
I am right there with you, though; I don't mind +5lbs.... except that it's hard not to imagine that it will continue to increase.
And I often feel that the act of dieting makes me feel as though I'm engaging in an addictive act of obsession; that the more I count, the more I feel obsessed about those last 5 pounds.
It's important to me to not care about that small of an increment. But I haven't figured out yet how to maintain and not obsess.
Maybe it's time for me to re-read "French Women Don't Get Fat," and to remind myself about the joys of balancing by days in the week rather than avoiding indulgance, eyeballing portions, and forgetting to count.
Here's hoping for both of us!0 -
So I think it may be that some people have a natural ability to eat in moderation. For the rest of use that don't, whether it's because there are emotional issues or that we're just a bunch of foodies, it is (unfortunately) going to be a life long maintenance activity.
I think this quote hits it right on. I'm halfway to my goal and already prepared to have to count calories for the rest of what I hope will be a long life now that I'm getting my belly fat under control. It's not going to be about the reward of seeing the numbers go down on the scale but the knowledge that it's just something I need to do in order to stay healthy.0 -
I feel your pain. I am in maintenance mode (have been for nearly 2 months now) and do find it harder than losing; a lot because I don't have that feeling of achievement of seeing the pounds come off and getting daily accolades from people who notice. BUT having been overweight and knowing how hard it is to lose the weight, I do NOT mind logging my calories everyday as that keeps me on track. PLUS, I don't look at this as a diet, but for me it was a total lifestyle change. I am eating healthier most of the time and now just stay focused on portion control (as that is what can get so out of whack for me) and treating myself to desserts is truly only an occasional thing, but I never tell myself I can't have something. It is a balance that each of us must find for ourselves and I encourage you to think about what is important to you. As I have said, I don't ever want to have to lose a bundle of weight again. I WANT to maintain where I am (given a 5 lb. flex zone) and will do whatever it takes to do so.0
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Well, from what I've read....there is some good news and bad news.
The good news is: you can do this, you've proven to yourself and everyone that you have the necessary self-control and will to lose 50 pounds. Wow, congrats!!! You can keep it off too!
The bad news: for those of us that have been overweight in the past, we actually need less calories to maintain our body weight than those who were never overweight. Sucks, doesn't it? I'm pretty close to my goal weight and the literature from my weight loss group specifies that I should aim to eat about 1500 net calories to maintain my weight at about 150 pounds. Like you, not terribly excited about this prospect, but at the same time, it's worth it. I add the junk food I enjoy on days when I workout and have lots to work with so that I don't feel deprived.0 -
That's one of the things I worry about the most. I mean, I've still got a long way until I reach my goal weight, but I really don't want to spend the rest of my life obsessing over calories! I know EXACTLY how you feel. Everybody else eating whatever and not having to worry about weight gain. I seriously was contemplating this before ever starting my weight loss "journey." It was a con of weight loss. I asked myself, "Do I really want to be on a diet for the rest of my life?" But, I guess the pros were strong and persistent, because here I am, 73 pounds lighter and determined to keep going.
I'm thinking I might need to go to an actual weight loss/weight maintenance professional and get their advice when the time comes. I don't like eating healthy necessarily. I'm not a healthfood nut, so just sticking to all fresh and clean foods might work, but would absolutely DRIVE ME CRAZY. I want to be able to have a cheeseburger and fries every now and then like everybody else. I can't imagine living the rest of my life logging calories.
When do you ever get time to L-I-V-E when all you think about is calories? That's how it is right now for me because I'm in the process of losing weight. I'm hoping at least I can this all straightened out by the time I maintain. I know I obsess over calories now; I'm constantly thinking of calories and fat grams and weight loss and pounds and measuring foods and whatever else. I'm so damn brainwashed by all this logging! God help me and God help you! Maybe you'll figure this out soon... Then you can tell me all about it. :grumble: I'd bet it is harder to maintain than lose. Good luck to you.0
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