I don't want to do it for me....Why????

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farmers_daughter
farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok so I have to admit I just browsed through the success stories like I do alot, like alot of people do...except it gets me all flustered.

Many people say you have to do this for yourself... that's how you motivate yourself, if you don't you won't succeed.

Truthfully, the only reason I dream of weightloss is because I want to do it for someone else, to show him that:
1. I can do it
2. He thinks that it's so easy - all he sees are what ppl on here call "skinny fat" chicks, the lucky ones. In real life, it's hard.
3. I want to rub it in his face and tell him I deserve more now that I'm skinny.

Oy - at the expense of not sounding like I'm a love rampid highschool love bird..... I'm going bring this rant to an end.

I've lived my life to please other people, I'm slowly learning to not do that. It's difficult but I'm getting there
I unfortunately give men too much validation over my self worth - hey I'm aware of it....rome wasn't built in a day.

So I guess I'm asking for suggestions, no, I'm not asking for relationship advice, becuase this is completely about me, and how I'm twisting and self sabotaging myself.
Has anyone struggled and succeeded over emotions like this?

Thank you!
«1

Replies

  • ChrisM8971
    ChrisM8971 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    Your reasons for wanting to lose weight sound ok to me but then I don't subscribe to the "do it for yourself" motivation but the "do it for the reason that works for you" motivation.

    Ok my attempt at losing weight is because I want to for me as well as a few other reasons, but I did give up smoking for someone else

    Despite the fact that smoking was killing me I could never get the motivation to do it for myself but when I caught my daughter smoking, albeit she was legally old enough to smoke, we agreed that if I gave up then she would stop too

    All the motivation I needed.

    So what it really boils down to is that, in my opinion, if its a motivation that works for you then use it
  • Rhayahana
    Rhayahana Posts: 57 Member
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    I started my weight loss journey because I got told by my father that I'd never be thin and healthy, and I wanted to prove him wrong.

    Whatever motivation works, as long as you get to your goal.
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
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    I wouldn't say your way of thinking is wrong, but keep this in mind - if he's still not impressed when you lose the weight, are you going to think this was for nothing? Or, are you going to flip him off and realize that your well-being is more important than his opinion? I'm just saying that people don't want to be wrong, and you don't want to base this effort on something that may never happen (i.e. him being impressed).
  • jessready
    jessready Posts: 129 Member
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    I started mine to prove a point to a few people that it could be done. Now I love the feeling of energy, and fitness! So start the journey for what ever reason you will soon learn to love the results
  • husseycd
    husseycd Posts: 814 Member
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    I lose weight for myself because I'm vain. I mean, there's a little part of me that knows I need to exercise to be healthy and live a long and active life. But for the most part, I'm totally in it for the vanity. And I'm okay with that.

    So do it for someone else, but don't let them have too much power over you (like, say you do lose weight and they don't notice as much as you think they should). After all, there are lots of other people in the world to impress, including yourself. :wink:
  • DaniettaF
    DaniettaF Posts: 212 Member
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    I agree, I guess it's always slightly about yourself no matter what you're initial motivations are. Meeting your goals for your listed motivations will undoubtedly will make you feel good.

    My motivations are half and half. One half to fitter than my boyfriend so I can go running with him, but also for myself, I am obsessed with getting rid of my cellulite!!

    No matter your motivations to lose weight, it will beneficial for you health, as long as you're doing it sensibly.
  • kgerm317
    kgerm317 Posts: 191 Member
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    I am with the other replies- Whatever works!! If trying to prove to someone else that you can is what you need to get you started towards your goals, then use it!

    Along the way, you'll start to notice that you stop thinking so much about what they'll think and more about how great you feel.

    Best of luck to you :)
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    Your reasons for wanting to lose weight sound ok to me but then I don't subscribe to the "do it for yourself" motivation but the "do it for the reason that works for you" motivation.

    Ok my attempt at losing weight is because I want to for me as well as a few other reasons, but I did give up smoking for someone else

    Despite the fact that smoking was killing me I could never get the motivation to do it for myself but when I caught my daughter smoking, albeit she was legally old enough to smoke, we agreed that if I gave up then she would stop too

    All the motivation I needed.

    So what it really boils down to is that, in my opinion, if its a motivation that works for you then use it

    That's the good stuff right there...good ****!
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    I've used outside motivation before with success yes.

    Someone making a remark or telling me I can't do it, has always been much more motivating to me than just getting up and "deciding to do it for myself".
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Your goals and motivations can and do change. If this is the reason that is working for you now, great! But don't be surprised if somewhere down the road you realize you are doing it for you. And at that point, there won't be any stopping you.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    I wouldn't say your way of thinking is wrong, but keep this in mind - if he's still not impressed when you lose the weight, are you going to think this was for nothing? Or, are you going to flip him off and realize that your well-being is more important than his opinion? I'm just saying that people don't want to be wrong, and you don't want to base this effort on something that may never happen (i.e. him being impressed).

    This. I've seen people just quit because they lost a lot of weight and people around them refused to notice or compliment them. If you do it because you're expecting someone to react favorably, you might want to look for other reasons.
  • boatsie77
    boatsie77 Posts: 480 Member
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    You will be able to lose the weight with that mindset...but keeping it off will be a lifelong struggle.

    "The circumstances of our lives are constantly changing, and if we depend on our external circumstances to give us inner peace, joy and love, we will be prisoners to the situations, people and things that come in and out of our lives. Trying to control our external world is both, exhausting and futile. ~Eckhart Tolle"
  • mommy3457
    mommy3457 Posts: 361 Member
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    I wouldn't say your way of thinking is wrong, but keep this in mind - if he's still not impressed when you lose the weight, are you going to think this was for nothing? Or, are you going to flip him off and realize that your well-being is more important than his opinion? I'm just saying that people don't want to be wrong, and you don't want to base this effort on something that may never happen (i.e. him being impressed).

    Yup! What she said :smile:
  • elaanne
    elaanne Posts: 35
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    That sounds like a good enough reason to start to me! Start with small, manageable goals and see what happens.

    At some point in time, you may wish to take a closer look at your relationship dynamic, and see if he is really who will make you a solid, loving partner in the long haul. But that does not have to be related to making healthier choices now. You may also want to look at your self-esteem at some point, too - people deserve to feel intrinsically good about themselves, regardless of what others may think. But again, that doesn't have to be related to trying to eat a little less, move a little more, drink a little more water, and eat a few more veggies today.
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
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    I just have to figure out what "works" what actually works.

    That's a good start anyways I think. lol

    I do believe that once I start seeing success, albeit a fairly good success, I'll be more motivated to do it for myself.

    And I do know, becuase I just know me. That if I get to that point, and I don't get the attention/reaction (all of the other things said here) There's no bumming me out, because I'll be at my goal, I mean OMG, I'll look good, I'll feel more confident because I'll know that I look good, whether he's just jealous or doesn't want to admit it.
  • NovemberJune
    NovemberJune Posts: 2,525 Member
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    Ok so I have to admit I just browsed through the success stories like I do alot, like alot of people do...except it gets me all flustered.

    Many people say you have to do this for yourself... that's how you motivate yourself, if you don't you won't succeed.

    Truthfully, the only reason I dream of weightloss is because I want to do it for someone else, to show him that:
    1. I can do it
    2. He thinks that it's so easy - all he sees are what ppl on here call "skinny fat" chicks, the lucky ones. In real life, it's hard.
    3. I want to rub it in his face and tell him I deserve more now that I'm skinny.

    Oy - at the expense of not sounding like I'm a love rampid highschool love bird..... I'm going bring this rant to an end.

    I've lived my life to please other people, I'm slowly learning to not do that. It's difficult but I'm getting there
    I unfortunately give men too much validation over my self worth - hey I'm aware of it....rome wasn't built in a day.

    So I guess I'm asking for suggestions, no, I'm not asking for relationship advice, becuase this is completely about me, and how I'm twisting and self sabotaging myself.
    Has anyone struggled and succeeded over emotions like this?

    Thank you!

    #1 I get and I think wanting to show others you can do it can go hand in hand with showing yourself that you can do it, boosting your own self esteem.
    But #2 and #3 I don't really understand what you mean. You want to prove that it's hard? But once you succeed, won't whoever the "he" is still think it was easy? I definitely don't get what you mean by the skinny fat lol.
    #3...YOU think that when you're skinny, you'll deserve more, or you think that when you're skinny, HE'll think you deserve more?
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
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    #3...YOU think that when you're skinny, you'll deserve more, or you think that when you're skinny, HE'll think you deserve more?

    Touche' - I would hope he'll think I do :bigsmile:
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    Options
    I just have to figure out what "works" what actually works.

    That's a good start anyways I think. lol

    I do believe that once I start seeing success, albeit a fairly good success, I'll be more motivated to do it for myself.

    And I do know, becuase I just know me. That if I get to that point, and I don't get the attention/reaction (all of the other things said here) There's no bumming me out, because I'll be at my goal, I mean OMG, I'll look good, I'll feel more confident because I'll know that I look good, whether he's just jealous or doesn't want to admit it.
    It did take me twenty pounds before I stopped fantasizing about having a boyfriend, and instead started fantasizing about how awesome I'll look and feel. Losing weight in a healthy way can make people feel really good, and it's that good feeling that can flip the coin.
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
    Options
    Ok so I have to admit I just browsed through the success stories like I do alot, like alot of people do...except it gets me all flustered.

    Many people say you have to do this for yourself... that's how you motivate yourself, if you don't you won't succeed.

    Truthfully, the only reason I dream of weightloss is because I want to do it for someone else, to show him that:
    1. I can do it
    2. He thinks that it's so easy - all he sees are what ppl on here call "skinny fat" chicks, the lucky ones. In real life, it's hard.
    3. I want to rub it in his face and tell him I deserve more now that I'm skinny.

    Oy - at the expense of not sounding like I'm a love rampid highschool love bird..... I'm going bring this rant to an end.

    I've lived my life to please other people, I'm slowly learning to not do that. It's difficult but I'm getting there
    I unfortunately give men too much validation over my self worth - hey I'm aware of it....rome wasn't built in a day.

    So I guess I'm asking for suggestions, no, I'm not asking for relationship advice, becuase this is completely about me, and how I'm twisting and self sabotaging myself.
    Has anyone struggled and succeeded over emotions like this?

    Thank you!

    I have struggled and succeeded over exactly what you've described. I have overcome the 'people pleaser' side of me. The problem with people pleasing is that no two people are alike so you are constantly changing and adapting to please whomever you are with at the moment.

    I learned to love myself enough that I could establish my own standards and value system instead of always trying to conform to everyone else's. That opened the door for me to do this for myself and no one else. I love that my friends are inspired by me. I love that my husband can't keep his hands off of me. But most of all I love who I have become through this transformation!!

    My encouragement to you is to understand that you have value of your own accord, not because someone else says you do. You have value whether rich or poor, employed or unemployed, fat or skinny. Once you realize that it's much easier to love yourself and take those next steps.

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