Diet turning into obsession

Sunflower93x
Sunflower93x Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
I’m posting this as a last resort because I don’t know what to do. A few years back I went through a difficult time and became an emotional eater. I gained a lot of weight over that period. My highest weight was 160 at 5’4”. I low carb dieted for a while and got down to 120. I gained back 15 pounds and that is how I found MFP. Before MFP, I didn’t count calories. I started out at 1200 calories and after hitting a plateau I upped it to 1400 after reading a lot of posts here on the boards about eating more. After a while that stopped working so I upped it to 1600, but I was never able to lose any weight at that amount so I slowly started dropping my calories again. The problem is that every time I hit another plateau I dropped my calories again to speed up my weight loss.

Right now I’m eating around 1,000 calories a day in order to lose weight. The only exercise I’m consistently doing is a yoga class. The problem is that I’m afraid that I have turned a healthy diet into an obsession. I'm 19, 20 next month, and I'm 5’4” and 112 pounds but I still think I want to get below 105 pounds. My self-confidence is worse than it was when I was heavier! Lately I go back in forth between eating below 1,000 calories a day and binging because I’m hungry and eventually I just can’t take going to bed with my stomach growling. All I think about all day long is food and when I’m going to eat again and what I will eat.

Today I tried to eat below 1,000 calories since yesterday I had a binge day. I have leftover cake in my fridge and I seriously think I just had some sort of panic attack over trying to decide whether or not to eat the cake. I don’t know if I should seek help or not because I’m not anorexic or bulimic but I’m afraid this isn’t healthy anymore!

Replies

  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Just a friendly suggestion, in the future please break your post into paragraphs to make it more readable. Oftentimes I will see a block of text and just move on to another thread because I am too lazy to concentrate.


    The biggest issue I see here is that you have a negative relationship with food and possible body dysmorphia. Before you start on any diet you may want to discuss these issues with a qualified professional and address the underlying issues that you may or may not have. You are correct that the place you are currently at is not healthy and it could easily slip into something more serious if you are not careful.

    Best wishes to you and I hope you find a professional to talk to.
  • eso2012
    eso2012 Posts: 337 Member
    Yes, please seek professional help, even just a couple of sessions. You are on the verge of being bulimic based on your pattern of starve and binge. It is probably not severe yet, and I am VERY happy that you recognize it. Talk to someone, read up. I understand your obsession with "must go below 105" or thinking about food....that, my friend, is an eating disorder mind.

    Take care PLEASE. You are in a great spot to start doing things properly.

    And let's take 1000 up to 1200 at least next week, OK?
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I'd suggest focusing on benchmarks other than weight. You're on the lower end of healthy for your height, so if you're unhappy with your body try focusing on body composition rather than weight loss. Your goal of 105 is considered underweight.

    Weight lifting gave me something to focus on other than the scale and it has also really helped the way my body looks.

    I do think talking to a counselor could be very helpful for you considering the thought patterns you are describing.
  • csheltra26
    csheltra26 Posts: 272 Member
    Agreed - what they said.
  • theoriginaljayne
    theoriginaljayne Posts: 559 Member
    Definitely seek professional help. Do NOT think that you need to have anorexia or bulimia to justify getting help.

    If you're a student, your school may offer free counseling. Your community may also have a free youth services center. Those are good places to start.
  • fineshrine
    fineshrine Posts: 9
    Yes, please seek professional help, even just a couple of sessions. You are on the verge of being bulimic based on your pattern of starve and binge.

    you have no idea what bulimia is. bulimia is when someone eats a large amount (binges) then purges it through vomitting, laxative abuse or over exercising.

    OP is more likely headed towards EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) which is just as if not more dangerous, or anorexia which contrary to popular belief, doesnt mean someone who only eat celery and only once a month. All anorexics binge at some point, its called reactive eating :/

    OP may actually fit the criteria now. I know many anorectic who eat 800-1000 calories a day.

    anyway, an eating disorder is very likely if you do not get help, and an eating disorder is the last thing you want, trust me. I am dealing with being a purging anorexic and i must say -10/10 would not recommend.
  • shadowlydarkness
    shadowlydarkness Posts: 243 Member
    I have had my own struggles with eating disorders, hell I still relapse sometimes, so yes I would agree with those who recommended getting some sort of professional help if you can, or atleast talk to someone about what you are going through. Feel free to message me if you would like.
  • AllyCatXandi
    AllyCatXandi Posts: 329 Member
    Hey there,

    You've done a great job getting yourself to a healthy weight - increasing calories when needed and so on. But I think somewhere along the way you've made it onto a very slippery slope, and it's really something you should deal with now until a whole host of problems come along.

    First of all, take a look at your relationship with food. I'm not going to say anything bad about going low-carb, but if you're in the mindset that you can NEVER have a piece of cake EVER because that food is the DEVIL...step back and rethink things a little. Banning a certain type of food can make some people crave it more - and when they do have it they overindulge and feel very guilty afterwards.

    Secondly, take a look at your relationship with yourself. Why do you need to be in the underweight range? You've mentioned that your self-consciousness has only become worse after losing weight, so do you really think continuing to do so will make things better? The scale isn't going to suddenly grant you self-confidence when you hit the magic number, I promise you that. Hell, I know I'm more critical of myself than I was when I was overweight. You will still be the same person, and struggling with the same underlying issues unless you address them.

    Thirdly, listen to your body. You know you're hungry on 1,000 calories, and you know being hungry will lead you to binge. When I was trying to find maintainance I was having this issue on 1800 and still losing weight. But sometimes you really just need to eat more and realise that the world is not going to end if you do. You need to take responsibility and take care of yourself - no one else can do that. And if professional support is what you need to do that, then that's what you should seek out before the matter spirals further out of control.

    And finally, set some goals for yourself that don't involve your weight. You need balance, flexibility, and strength for yoga. If you give your body what it needs you will become stronger, your ability to concentrate will sharpen, and you will have more energy. These things will help improve other areas of your life - work, education, and so on.

    Best of luck to you :flowerforyou:
  • Sunflower93x
    Sunflower93x Posts: 2
    Thanks to everyone who has given advice. :flowerforyou: I was nervous about posting this and having people being negative or thinking I was troll. I am trying to gain the courage to get help, but I'm still working on it!

    I know I suffer from body issues because the rational side of me says that size 1 isn't fat at all, but then all I can see is the fat on me.

    And to the person who wrote about EDNOS: I had no idea such a thing existed. I googled it and I'm shocked at how similar it is to me. I thought chewing and spitting my food was just a weird habit I had! I found one site that listed about 10 common symptoms, all of which I suffer from. It really put things into perspective for me.
  • theoriginaljayne
    theoriginaljayne Posts: 559 Member
    I am trying to gain the courage to get help, but I'm still working on it!

    There are a couple of eating disorder recovery groups on MFP that you can join in the meantime. They're not a substitute for therapy/medical attention, but they're still useful, supportive, and much less intimidating.
  • aleksandracht
    aleksandracht Posts: 2
    I've been there.. You should talk to your mom/dad/brother/sister or your best friend about it. At first they won't understand, they might even get angry because they'd be afraid. But it's ok, you should try to focus on eating healthy and exercise more. The more you exercise (even if it's just a walk) the better you feel about your body. Try find some inspirational picture of someone's body you admire ( a healthy body) and look at it when you are feeling down. It took me two years to stop relying on crash diets for weight loss after my obsession with dieting/calories/etc... but now I'm happy because I know after such a long time I'm doing something good for my body. You can eat that piece of cake, it won't make you a bad person. Feed your body AND your soul sweetie :).

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