Your Story

Not all, but i'd say the majority of us who struggle with weight would consider ourselves "emotional eaters" which essentially meas that we are stuffing down feelings, pain, anger etc. with food to comfort ourselves. While watching the Biggest Loser tonight, I realized that everyone who is battling weight, and who has or is struggling, has their own story. Feel free here to share your story with us. Share why you believe you've gained all the weight, what caused your downward spiral. Did you have a traumatic event in your life? Were you always the "big kid" growing up? What is your story.

I'll start with my story to get the ball rolling & if anyone would like to share their story, please feel free to do so.

Growing up, I was always a skinny kid. I remember my sister always describing me as "the skinny one" of the two of us. I stayed this way right up until I was 22 and became pregnant with my (now 2 year old) twin boys. Roughly 21 weeks into my pregnancy I was put on complete bedrest and was unable to get out of bed unless it was to shower or to use the washroom. By 32 weeks I was hospitalized with uncontrolled hypertension because there was reason to be concerned that I was moments away from suffering cardiac arrest or sudden stroke. My potassium levels were deathly low, my iron was low and my entire body was completely out of whack. I started to retain water to where It got to the point that my knees & legs were so heavy that they had to be lifted by both of my hands & all my might. I didn't recognize my body anymore. During the pregnancy, I gained a total of 90lbs. I delivered my twins at 34w6d by emergency c-section and within the week, I had lost all of the pregnancy weight. I had extreme complications prior, during, and after and fought for my life in the hospital even after my twins had been delivered. I won my battle, I gained control back of my body, lost all of the pregnancy weight, and when things seemed to be turning around for me, I was informed that both of my twins had been diagnosed with a fatal disease for which there is no cure. I was completely devastated to say the very least. I knew that I had to be a good mom, I knew I had to fight the disease for my children who were too weak to fight for themselves and I had to do it now. I put all of my pain and my feelings and my anguish aside and started fighting back from the very start. Over time, I realized that I had started to gain weight and I quickly realized that I had been stuffing my feelings down with comfort foods. Prior to my pregnancy, I was an alcoholic. I gave up the drink when I found out I was pregnant and I never wanted to go back. I decided when my kids were born that although alcohol was always what I had turned to to ease my pain, that I couldn't and wouldn't do that anymore. I was a mother now. My kids needed me more than ever. I turned in one addiction for another. I gave up the alcohol and turned to food. I didn't realize for the longest time what I was doing to myself, or how I was hurting my body. Although my husband and I were informed multiple times that marriages fail due to this disease and the stress and devastation it causes, we recently married and that was a big turning point in my life. As sad as it is, I didn't feel beautiful on my wedding day. I don't like looking at the pictures, I don't like that I was as big as I was for my wedding and I wish I could go back and do it again, but I can't. After seeing my wedding photos, I was angry at myself. I was angry at myself for not losing the weight on time, for not feeling better about myself, and for ruining the one chance I had to feel beautiful. I can't get that back, but I can make sure that on my 10 year renewal, I DO feel like the beautiful bride I wanted to be the first time around. I've been on MFP since August 29th and since that day, I've struggled with my emotions. I've felt more depressed, more distraught, more anguish than I've let myself feel in a very long time. But, for once, I haven't covered up those emotions with food. I've suffered every single day since August 29th. I've suffered with the pain of watching my children suffer. I've suffered with the helplessness of not being able to protect them from this ugly disease. I've suffered with the guilt of giving my children the gene which essentially created this disease in them. I've suffered with the excrutiating pain of watching my children smile back at me so innocently, not having a clue what they will have to suffer through for as long as God allows me to have them here on this earth. All the suffering I've done this week has been worth knowing that I am strong, and I am unbreakable and I will deal with these emotions, and these pains headstrong. I feel like a stronger person today, because I fought back yesterday. I feel like a stronger person today because I looked my food addiction in the face and said "hell no" and cried in pain instead. I've let alcoholism come in and ruin my life. I've let abusive partners come in and ruin my life. I've let this ugly disease take over and essentially ruin my life. But I will NOT, and I repeat will NOT let food ruin my life. I am in control. I am strong. I will fight back .. and I will come out on top.