confessions of self sabotage

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Rhiannawright
Rhiannawright Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am a fat person but worse than that I believe I should be fat. It took me a while to figure it out but I finally got it. I truly believe I should be fat.
I will explain. I was raised to be fat by fat people. my mother did the fad diets that never worked and my dad would throw out all the junk food in the house only for it to be replaced a few days later.
As I grow older and I tried to lose weight I was told I would never get 'skinny' not meaning I wouldn't loss weight but that I was never going to be a size 2 or even a 6 because we weren't skinny people, we were fat people. Also when I hit a road block or had a bad day I was told it was ok because at least I had tried.
Last year I hit my highest point of 314 pounds and the on Jan 31, 2013 I had WLS, Over the next few months I lost weight and was exercising, everything was good. Then I jammed my hip into the socket so hard the Doctor though I was in a car accident. I could barely walk for over a month. This just seemed to reaffirm what I 'knew', I am not to be one of the skinny people. as my hip healed family problems started and stress built up. I started to fall back into bad eating habits and was far enough out that I could eat most things.
My surgery has kept me from gaining and as the stress levels came down I was able to loss more weight. I have now lost 54 pounds since my surgery. I am down 2 sizes and over all feel better.
My problem is this. 314 pounds is not except-able but 260 seems to be. I am not the biggest person in my family and not the smallest. people notice I have lost weight and I have something that could be seen as confidence.
in the last month or so I I have been playing this game were I get down to 260 the I start eating crap, gain a few pounds then freak out lose it back down the 260 and start again. I can not get past 260 and I know that it is a mental thing. I need to get past this point but I need some help, or a kick in the pants.
I am hoping that by putting this out here it help me move on. but also if anyone has had this issue how did you get through it and even it you haven't advice is welcome.

Thank you for reading

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  • jewel22887
    jewel22887 Posts: 72
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    Congrats on the weight loss. :) I suggest making a small goal even if it is just a half pound a week. Remember that even if you eat crap as long as you don't eat too much of it you can still lose weight. I have always been a big girl and I understand you it's hard for me to picture myself any smaller and I am so proud of what I have lost, but I still can't see myself being any smaller. I do have wide hips and shoulders so I don't think I can ever be a size 6 but I'm going to try to see if I can't make it to a size 10 and then keep trucking from there until I feel good and my doctor agrees with me :)
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
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    Rhianna, you need to nurture the fire inside you that says you deserve better, that you can be healthy and it is the most important goal in your life. You have to become deaf to people who would lead you to believe change is hopeless. You have to want to change for yourself. The rest of us can cheer you on, sympathize with your trials and tribulations, and share your successes. I hope you'll choose health. It is a daily choice, and sometimes minute by minute. Good luck. You're worth it.
  • italral
    italral Posts: 31 Member
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    Wow, have I been there. I never learned healthy eating habits or proper portion sizes growing up (I'm 31 and this is the first time in my life I've actually counted calories). I've lost massive amounts of weight, never quite reaching my goal weight, I'd get comfortable, then gain it back. I come from "bigger stock" as well. General BMI charts will put me at 125-155lbs for my height to be in a healthy body fat range. Ha! A more accurate measurement based on my LBM is 170-180lbs. That's cool with me. If I were 150, I'd look emaciated.

    Injuries suck, and I've been there too, and I'm sorry to hear about your hip, ouch! Diet is 80% of the weight loss equation. So if you can't workout, focus on your diet. 54 lbs lost is nothing to scoff at, that's amazing, and you should be proud of yourself! It's easy to give up when you plateau and see no results for your hard work. The advice I would give to you is to lose the scale for a month. Eat healthy like you have been, exercise if you can, and take time to focus on how your body feels. The scale lies. Last week I gained 1.6 lbs, but lost .4% BF, that's moving in the right direction.

    Please feel free to add me as a friend. I'm on here everyday, I've got a ways to go, so we can keep each other motivated. You can do it!

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